livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 This guy i've been dating for 2 months. Everything was going great, but with me I can't get into something and trust someone right off. They have to earn my trust, and when people are constantly in my ear about things I start to question them, which I shouldnt do. But that happened to me. He is in a fraternity and one of his brothers was telling me what other people thought of him, and he seems too good to be true so I knew something had to be off. Basically, He was intoxicated one night and told me that he loved me, and even the next morning when he was sober he told me drunken words are sober thoughts and that he meant it. This past week things have been rough because of this whole trust issue and he has been super busy with 2 jobs and school that I haven't seen him much, more or less Heard from him. We used to text soo much during the day, and now its a rare case that he will text me first. When I get upset with him because I text him something like, "Imiss you" and I dont get a response, he gets upset with me and always claims his phone wasn't by him. Last night I called him to figure things out and he ended up hearing what other people were saying about him and got superrr pissed. I drove over to his place and we talked and He just really seems stressed out with so much, But I think he should be able to make time/text me during the day just one text would be nice. Is that odd of me or is it normal? When I saw him I told him how upset i've been with this whole thing and He agreed that the week had been awful, he even started crying in front of me. He mentioned about how he didnt want to lose me, how he wanted me and him to be together and such. My problem is not hearing from him, how can I know that he cares if I don't even hear from him during the day? Or even so if I text him saying im thinking of him and I dont get a response until I get upset about it? Are all guys like this or am I thinking too much into it?
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 He was about to ask me out too until things got weird. Now he says we have to work on things.
oldguy Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Did you tell him you love him, do you, or are you simply enchanted with the idea that he loves you? He works 2 jobs, goes the to school, it in a fraternity & has this girl who is stocking him 24/7. Why are you insecure?
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 I didn't say it, because he told me over text and I told him that that was something to tell someone in person. But I told him that when he was drunk.
oldguy Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 So the answer is; No. You didn't answer my other question; do you love him?
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 I think its too soon to say Love. I like him a whole bunch, yes. But I would not quite say I love him. Yes I have thought about it, but it has not been confirmed.
oldguy Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 (edited) So that is a no also, good. They guy said he loves you, the drunk one doesn't count, but he repeated it when he was sober & you didn't reciprocate. Which is excellent since you don't but can you see why he is feeling a little awkward now? Edited March 28, 2012 by oldguy
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Yes, But I have literally texted him every day telling him that I care about him and hope we can hang out, and then he just doesn't text back. What do I do? Just let it be and let him come to me? Or try one last time?
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 I do completely understand how he can feel awkward though.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 You're making things out to be worse tha. They really are and expecting too much from him after only two months. I was where you are and have decidedto take a step backand letting things flow rather than force an issue. My guy also works two jobs including an hr commute everyday. Even though he has his phone with him at all times, he's too busy to anser right away. But he ge gets back to me when he can. If he loves you he probably meant it however since you feel you feel its too early to reciprocate do not ask too much of him. Also it takes a lot for a guy tol cry in front of a girl he likes. That actually says something.
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 You're making things out to be worse tha. They really are and expecting too much from him after only two months. I was where you are and have decidedto take a step backand letting things flow rather than force an issue. My guy also works two jobs including an hr commute everyday. Even though he has his phone with him at all times, he's too busy to anser right away. But he ge gets back to me when he can. If he loves you he probably meant it however since you feel you feel its too early to reciprocate do not ask too much of him. Also it takes a lot for a guy tol cry in front of a girl he likes. That actually says something. Appreciate it. I'm definitely going to back off and let him come to me, do my own thing and if he wants to he can talk to me. I know it does take a lot for a guy to cry infront of a girl, the only other guy that has cried infront of me was my exboyfriend. Thanks for your input!!!
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 If I was your boyfriend, I would cry too! Haha I get it now! Gotta calm it down a whole bunch.
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Will do. I think I finallyyy realized that last night.
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 The fact that you didn't reciprocate is most likely the biggest turn-off to him. Plus, the fact that his friends are saying bad things about you is a turn-off. In addition 2 jobs, school, and the fact that you desperately demand his attention while deliberately distant toward him is a turn-off. I see this relationship breaking up soon.
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 The fact that you didn't reciprocate is most likely the biggest turn-off to him. Plus, the fact that his friends are saying bad things about you is a turn-off. In addition 2 jobs, school, and the fact that you desperately demand his attention while deliberately distant toward him is a turn-off. I see this relationship breaking up soon. Woah woah. His friends are saying bad things about HIM.
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Typical attention whore leading a guy on....nothing to see here folks! Farrrrrr from leading him on. I have told him that it was something I had definitely thought about, (the whole love thing)
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Are they saying bad things about him for dating you? Or are they trashing him, in general? If it's the latter then they are not his friends.
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Are they saying bad things about him for dating you? Or are they trashing him, in general? If it's the latter then they are not his friends. He was trash talking him as a person, not for dating me.
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 So it was just one guy? I thought it was friends. Not one friend.
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 So it was just one guy? I thought it was friends. Not one friend. Its two that were saying things for me to question the guy i'm dating. One was trash talking him as a person, the other was trying to get me to sketch out. (I was later told that he is a bad person to go to about advice.)
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 And of course I think, oh okay these are his friends they should know. Clearly, I was wrong.
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 My advice: the relationship needs to end and the guy needs new friends. I wouldn't be surprised of those "friends" of his were trash-talking him to make you question yourself for dating him. Many college dudes think demeaning other men will make women like them more. Plus, you need to be aware of the fact that his 2 jobs are a bigger priority than you.
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 My advice: the relationship needs to end and the guy needs new friends. I wouldn't be surprised of those "friends" of his were trash-talking him to make you question yourself for dating him. Many college dudes think demeaning other men will make women like them more. Plus, you need to be aware of the fact that his 2 jobs are a bigger priority than you. I understand where you're coming from. But neither him nor I are ready to stop dating, just work on some things. So working on somethings means I calm down, which i'm going to do. if it doesn't happen then I will end things.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I understand where you're coming from. But neither him nor I are ready to stop dating, just work on some things. So working on somethings means I calm down, which i'm going to do. if it doesn't happen then I will end things. Please don't blow hot and cold with this guy he sounds genuine despite his horrible friends. The only thing you need to do is be patient and supportive. I know that,s asking a lot of you but you have to understand these are the terms that comes with dating a workaholic. Also learn to pick your battles wisely. If he's unresponsive with texts does that automatically mean he doesn't care? Or are you just demanding a little too much attention from him? If you can live without him for so long what are a few texts? Know that you guys are dating and trrying to make things even if it's not at the pace you want to dictate it in.
Author livelife Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Please don't blow hot and cold with this guy he sounds genuine despite his horrible friends. The only thing you need to do is be patient and supportive. I know that,s asking a lot of you but you have to understand these are the terms that comes with dating a workaholic. Also learn to pick your battles wisely. If he's unresponsive with texts does that automatically mean he doesn't care? Or are you just demanding a little too much attention from him? If you can live without him for so long what are a few texts? Know that you guys are dating and trrying to make things even if it's not at the pace you want to dictate it in. Thank you for the respectful response. I agree, I have been demanding a little too much attention, and can easily live my life without seeing him often or hearing from him. I'm just going to let him come to me from now on. This has really been a eye opener. Thank you! Do you think its too late to save it or do you think by me calming down I can save the relationship?
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