Why is it criminalized for a non-top man to not want an overweight woman?

[somedude81]

Somedude81, I have a suggestion.

 

Just for us here on LoveShack, why don't you completely abandon mention of women who are "below standards," overweight, small breasted, etc.

 

Just focus on the positive. You are interested in a girl you're attracted to. That's fine. I doubt anyone will take exception to it at all. We all want to be with someone we're attracted to.

udolipixie

 

She's just the most recent example. There are more women and men but she is the most vocal to the point of being a troll.

 

In all honesty, she just sounds like a spoiled little girl who is used to everything going her way. I'm sure daddy treated her like a princess and she had the good luck of being pretty and she's been able to use men like toys.

 

Basically this.

It isn't a right, true. But guess what? You nor any of the other women who tell somedude it's all his fault have done anything particularly different or better to "earn" a relationship either. In fact, there are many women far more socially inept (IE, with no sense of humor, or ability for conversation, which SD81 has shown he does have) who have no trouble losing their virginity at 14 and never being single for more than a week after puberty.

But that "far below standards" "overweight" girl probably feels just about as desperate for a man to find her attractive - as you feel desperate for sex.

 

So have some empathy and stop dismissing people like they don't count in your world. It's nasty.

IMO, no women is too below standards for all men. All of the obese girls at my work have BF's or are married. No I didn't ask but I overheard them talking.

And, believe me, many many of us women who post here are well aware of how important sex is to men in general. That doesn't mean that you are entitled to it though. The importance of sex to men really has nothing to do with your situation; it's how you are choosing to stay stuck that has everything to do with it.

It has everything to do with my mood, personality, how I see the world, how angry I am, how depressed I feel, that I'm a loser. Need I go on?

 

That's why I keep saying that getting a GF will fix me. For once I'd like the opportunity to test that theory.

[udolipixie]

Man you are such a bitch, I have no clue how people like you live with themselves.

I'm a bitch because I don't meeks is obligated or has to look for single women that may be interested in SD that fit SD standards?

 

I thought that was more of self-reliancy and owning your own responsibilities with things that have nothing to do with legal rights.

 

Oh dearie how do I live with myself that people aaren't obligated to find me partners that find me attractive.

 

You ever heard of this thing called self reliance and responsibility in matters that aren't legal but personal such as romantic/sexual pursuits?

 

So to you humanity is that people should find partners for others or they're a bitch that you can't imagine how they live with themselves.

 

As for helping someone when they're down?.

Big difference between helping someone because you can & being told you should do this & that especially when the down part is their romantic/sexual life not legal matters.

 

No everything is not a Darwinian competition to me.

More like no one is obligated to find me a partner that's interested in me.

They can but it's not they should.

 

Quite interesting that you go to Darwinian competition when someone states one isn't obligated to find partners for others.

 

Sure, nobody is legally obligated to help somedude. But what if we want to help him, out of human kindness because we see him suffering?

Then you do.

 

To me it's they can not they should.

 

Nowhere did I state, imply, or suggest anything the opposite.

 

His suffering to me is suffering of not getting what you want not legal matters such as human rights, racism, hate discrimination, etc. Hence why I put should if legal matters.

 

All I'm saying is, if you want to help him, which some people have said they do (by assigning therapists for him etc), then this is how you do it: find him a single girl friend of yours and hook him up!

I didn't get that if you want to help him then this is the way.

 

I got Meeks should as if he's obligated.

 

If you have no interest in helping somedude, then don't post here, Udolipixie. Man, you are the worst troll of all.

To me it doesn't seem SD is interested in helping SD.

 

I would think telling him people generally a partner who is want attractive, interesting, fun to be around, has a life they want to be a part of, and want them to be a part of their life so be the best you can be in those areas would be help.

 

Then again it seems helping SD to you is finding women attracted to him and handing them over.

 

It's a forum I can post if I want.

Edited March 29, 2012 by udolipixie

[Mme. Chaucer]

That's why I keep saying that getting a GF will fix me. For once I'd like the opportunity to test that theory.

 

Getting a girl/boyfriend NEVER FIXED ANYBODY.

 

Beieve me, you aren't the first person who thinks this and you won't be the last, but other people don't fix us or fill emptiness or whatever. I know you won't take my word on it. Go ahead and learn the hard way.

 

You will be devastated, because you have not enough to bring to the table at this time. You could be working on it, but you won't.

[somedude81]

If you only have empathy when things are going your way, then you don't really have empathy. Same thing with character, kindness, etc.

Do you really expect people who are angry and hurting to have empathy and compassion?

 

And even then, go look at what I said to ver in the bullying thread.

Because it appears you're lacking many of the essential qualities to attract her, most of which can be cultivated. You can't grow half a foot, no, but you can cultivate many other qualities and traits to improve your ability to attract women.

And I have been cultivating them. I'm not just doing nothing. I just wish I could know if the light at the end of the tunnel is coming soon.

 

A big problem is that I don't even really know what I need to focus on. I know that talk about her way too much, but I felt that I could have had a good relationship with D if she was actually open to dating. If she was single and didn't have her issues, I see no reason why it couldn't have worked.

[AIDsFan1488]

Good point udolipixie, somedude isn't dealing with something serious and incredibly widespread like institutionalized racism or homophobia.

 

Everyone, we do not legally have any obligation to help somedude with his dating life, so whatever you do don't try to make his life a little easier because that makes udoli pixie uncomfortable (I bet the most effort she's ever made to get a date is to open the top button of her shirt to show off more of her cleavage).

 

Now, if tomorrow somedude comes out as a Gay or gets the reverse of michael jacksons skin color disorder, then that's completely different and we will come together as a community to increase his self-esteem by any means necessary. Why? Because Somedude is a white male, and hence not a sacred cow or part of the new Aristocracy of infallibles.

 

 

Citizen, it's the law. I think Udolipixie is a new breed of troll, I'll call this one "the Judge Dredd troll".

[udolipixie]

udolipixie

 

She's just the most recent example. There are more women and men but she is the most vocal to the point of being a troll.

So how am I a troll?

 

Telling you that it's not a pity party and that you situation of not getting what you want is common for many people?

 

In all honesty, she just sounds like a spoiled little girl who is used to everything going her way. I'm sure daddy treated her like a princess and she had the good luck of being pretty and she's been able to use men like toys.

Yet I'm not the one upset that I'm not getting what I want.

 

In all honesty the spoiled little part seems more fitting of you.

 

You seem quite fixated on having your standards but being upset that women may have standards that rule you out.

 

You seem quite hypocritical in that you think your other qualities outweigh her standards that may rule you out so she should overlook them when you won't overlook yours.

[ThaWholigan]

Do you really expect people who are angry and hurting to have empathy and compassion?

 

I don't think being angry will not help you in the long run. Sooner or later something must give. I'm not ripping into you at all, but at some point you have to realize that waiting until you get a GF to relieve you of your anger is not a good idea. In fact, it's backwards.

And I have been cultivating them. I'm not just doing nothing. I just wish I could know if the light at the end of the tunnel is coming soon.

 

OK, I'll sort of take your word for it, but give us a recap of what exactly you've been doing recently so we can better tailor an understanding.

 

A big problem is that I don't even really know what I need to focus on.

 

You won't want to hear this, and it's fairly cliché but it has been working for me so far. The one thing to focus on at the moment.......is being happy. For you, this is going to require a great deal of introspection and mental reprogramming for this to happen. I happen to believe that you can do it, I see the potential in everyone, and I see it in you.

[somedude81]

So how am I a troll?

 

Telling you that it's not a pity party and that you situation of not getting what you want is common for many people?

Because that is what your responses have been leaning towards. It seemed that all you wanted to do was stir up trouble.

In all honesty the spoiled little part seems more fitting of you.

OK how have I been spoiled? Before that consider the fact that I have been given nothing. OK, go.

 

You seem quite fixated on having your standards but being upset that women may have standards that rule you out.

 

You seem quite hypocritical in that you think your other qualities outweigh her standards that may rule you out so she should overlook them when you won't overlook yours.

Has that been the point you were trying to make all along?

 

As I've been saying, I don't believe that I'm that bad that I should instantly be ruled out by the average girl. Yes I'm a little rough around the edges but that's nothing a little time and patience won't fix.

[udolipixie]

Good point udolipixie, somedude isn't dealing with something serious and incredibly widespread like institutionalized racism or homophobia.

He's not he's dealing with not getting what he wants.

 

His issue is that the women that fit his standards aren't attracted to him or saying yes.

 

That's a common issue for many people in the dating.

 

Do tell where did I state, imply, or suggest it made me uncomfortable for others to help him?

 

You're really overreaching with this no legal obligation so don't try to help.

I didn't state you're not legally obligated to help I stated one is not obligated to help others in issues not concerning legal matters (rights, racis, etc) such as romantic/sexual.

 

I stated it's they can not they should.

 

Recall:

 

To me it's they can not they should.

 

Nowhere did I state, imply, or suggest anything the opposite.

 

 

(I bet the most effort she's ever made to get a date is to open the top button of her shirt to show off more of her cleavage).

Nice ASSumptions.

 

Not surprising as you called me a bitch & troll.

 

Then questioned me on compassion, humanity, etc because I think people aren't obligated to find me partners that find me attractive.

 

Citizen, it's the law. I think Udolipixie is a new breed of troll, I'll call this one "the Judge Dredd troll".

I do hope you're a troll.

 

I seriously question your rationality if you're calling troll that people aren't obligated to help you in non legal matters but personal ones such as romantic/sexual aka find you partners.

[somedude81]

udolipixie what do you hope to accomplish by talking to and about me? What is your goal?

[udolipixie]

Because that is what your responses have been leaning towards. It seemed that all you wanted to do was stir up trouble.

By telling you it's not a pity party but a I can't get what I want party?

 

By telling you not getting what you want is a common thing for many people in dating?

 

By telling you that people generally want a partner who is attractive, interesting, fun to be around, has a life they want to be a part of, and want them as a part of their life?

 

Seems more like I told you things you didn't want to hear.

 

OK how have I been spoiled? Before that consider the fact that I have been given nothing. OK, go.

Your hypocritical attitude towards standards.

 

Your seeming fixation on getting what you want handed to you rather than self-improvement and development.

 

To me spoiled doesn't mean you have to get what you want just have to expect it or feel entitled to it.

 

Has that been the point you were trying to make all along?

So you little knowledge of what I've been saying but state my responses were leaning towards trolling and it seemed all I wanted to do was stir up trouble.

 

As I've been saying, I don't believe that I'm that bad that I should instantly be ruled out by the average girl. Yes I'm a little rough around the edges but that's nothing a little time and patience won't fix.

You have standards that rules others out. Gals have standards that rules you out. It's hypocritical to me to feel gals should overlook their standards and be patient or fix it when it's unlikely you'd do the same for gals that were ruled out of your standards.

 

I know what you've been saying as I already responded with:

To me your opinion on your life is irrelevant as it may not be the same opinion as other gals that you want to attract. Such as a person's opinion of their attractivenesses irrelevant as others would be judging it for themselves.

Ex: you can think you're an 8 but if others want an 8 and think you're a 6 your opinion doesn't matter

 

It's whether that opinion affects their confidence, self-worth, self-esteem that matters to me.

[zengirl]

Regardless of what you said, it's still not true. All my friends who have good jobs don't have particularly good social skills, they just know someone who knew someone or their father served in the military with someone and owed him a favor, etc etc. You don't need amazing social skills to have acquaintances that owe you or your old man a favor.

 

Putting more emphasis on likability instead of actual qualifications and results is one of the reasons why America is stuck in such a rut technologically, economically, etc. I don't need someone who can tell a good story to build my radars or cars, I need someone who can build my radar or cars.

 

I would never suggest someone hire a person for a job that required technical skills just because they're likable, nor have I seen this done, really. My hubby works in a highly technical field, as does my stepfather. Both of them have gotten higher and better positions because of their affability and social skills in ADDITION to their training and technical skills. I think that OFTEN happens. Some jobs really truly do require mainly interpersonal skills and little formal training or technical skills (though they may require intelligence or aptitude). It all depends.

 

Personally, what I'd suggest to everyone is DO BOTH. Is there nepotism in the world? Sure, but nowhere NEAR 50%. Nepotism accounts for maybe 5% of employees. The rest of them are not examples of nepotism. Sure, there are quite a few deserving people out of work right now, but they are not deserving if they spend more time feeling sorry for themselves than TRYING.

 

At any rate, I don't think we have any evidence, sadly, for this metaphor that SD has the skills and qualifications to get a GF with the qualities he desires. I do think he could develop himself to get to that point, but I don't think "raging against the unfairness of the world" ever got anyone anywhere.

 

And cut the crap. Being a 30 year old whose never had a girlfriend is hard on the soul and self-esteem by any standards, whether you're male or female. Why are you so hell-bent on saying there's nothing for somedude to feel bad about?

 

Who said there's nothing for SD to feel bad about? I'm just saying that you can choose to take positive action or choose to wallow. Personally, I think there's NEVER a reason to wallow long-term. That doesn't mean I don't think it'd suck to face what he's faced -- but, frankly, I've faced things that suck too, as has almost everyone. Most of us who have happy, good lives actively worked to make them that way!

 

That's why I keep saying that getting a GF will fix me. For once I'd like the opportunity to test that theory.

 

But don't you realize how F-ed up that sounds? MC is right that it has never fixed anyone and the idea is not new. It's just a really sad way to go about things and one that will never bring you success.

 

Do you really expect people who are angry and hurting to have empathy and compassion?

 

Yes. In fact, I basically make a career of teaching children how to do this (well this and read, but honestly the social counseling I do is much more helpful than the literacy training I do---though really my main job is fundraising, advising, and coaching employees so others can do all this training). If a person has empathy and compassion, they can certainly retain it even when in pain. Anyone can be kind when it's easy. Truly kind people are just kind -- at least most of the time.

 

To clarify, I'd say I expect it in general -- not that I expect people never to foul up at it! They will, but when people foul up, they admit they fouled up and don't blame the anger. They may identify and explain and reflect on their anger, but they try to fix it and not repeat the foul-up. You repeatedly say the same angry things, which is where it becomes a problem, because the things you repeatedly say become your beliefs. And with such beliefs, it's hard to be happy. And even if you got some temporary happiness, the beliefs wouldn't necessarily go away.

 

A big problem is that I don't even really know what I need to focus on. I know that talk about her way too much, but I felt that I could have had a good relationship with D if she was actually open to dating. If she was single and didn't have her issues, I see no reason why it couldn't have worked.

 

This attitude is really holding you back. Women have been making up "issues" as reasons why men didn't want to date them for ages, and I guess men do it too. It's a bad idea. It just gets you stuck. You really, really, really need to forget D, stop cyber-stalking her, stop thinking of scenarios in which it would've worked, etc. Cultivating these weird pedestal friendships has to stop. It's no good for you.

 

This is where a social circle would help -- if you develop a full and healthy social circle with REAL friends, you will have people to talk to, keep you in check, opportunities to meet more people, a sense of social normalcy, and not feel the need to develop these fake friendships with twisted intimacy. Yes, a social circle takes time. Honestly, anything that's going to help someone who's unsuccessful at 30 is going to take time. That's life. Take the time and do it right or be in the same place at 40. Your pick.

[udolipixie]

udolipixie what do you hope to accomplish by talking to and about me? What is your goal?

 

• it's a pity party = it's a I can't get what I want party
  
• Your situation isn't some unique befallen misery mainly because you have male genitals because if you were female life would be oh so easy = Not getting what you want is something common to many in dating
  
• I'm not attractive to the opposite sex = I'm not attractive the the members of the opposite sex I want
  
• I can't get a GF/FWB = I can't get a GF/FWB that fits my standards
  
• I can't get a partner = I can't get a partner that fits my standards
  
• There's nothing I can do = I can do the best I can in being attractive, interesting, fun to be around, having a life others want to be apart of, and being a person others want in their lives.
  
• A GF or regular sex will fix my problems = A GF or regular sex will most likely fix my problems temporarily I need to work on my sub-par confidence, self-esteem, and social skills myself rather than have it dependent on others for a more effective or permanent fix
  

 

Do tell what do you hope to accomplish by talking to others and about your problem? What is your goal?

To have someone find a gal that fits your standards who is attracted to you?

To get some set of input codes that will have women as Rubik's cube that turn into a pocket pussy because you did this & that?

To get some advice on how to get women that fit your standards but rule you out because of their standards to give you a chance?

Edited March 29, 2012 by udolipixie

[PlumPrincess]

I'll start off with this.

 

The first thing I get is that a non-overweight girl is considered unobtainable. Why is that?

Because your self-confidence and your social skills are below average. What's so difficult to understand about it? Because overweight girls seem so horribly unattractive to you that you don't believe that your lack in these areas is equally off-putting to women?

 

And then, why should a guy who is lacking in some areas, have to settle for an overweight girl that he may have no attraction to?

You don't have to do anything. Just understand that it might take a long time until an average girl who can get average guys with average social skills and self-confidence is interested in a guy who is doing less well in these areas.

 

Is an overweight woman really the equivalent of a no game guy?

Actually, no. Because an overweight woman can have a great personality and not everybody likes skinny women. But I'm not sure what is so appealing about a no game guy as you call it.

 

I was under the assumption that slim, fit women don't want to date overweight men either.

Well, you're wrong.

 

So why is it wrong when men don't want to?

Because at the same time you seem to believe that women who are not overweight do have to like you despite your shortcomings.

[Meeks7]

Forming a social circle is going to take a lot of time, and something I feel I don't have much of.

 

What are you doing with your time?

 

I know you go to school. Do you work part-time?

 

Even if you work part-time AND go to school, there is still time here and there. Are you just spending it at home alone on the internet?

 

And my girl friend is waiting on a response from you. Through her friend, you CAN be introduced to single activities located around SoCal.

 

Your refusal to meet up suggests you might be dealing with some intimacy issues. It's easy to talk the talk. Not so easy to back it up.

[garycoleman]

It seems like fat girls have a worse attitude than regular girls. They act like they are hotter than ****

[William]

Folks, let's focus more on non-top men and overweight women and less on female dogs and little people under bridges. There's some good content in this thread and I want to keep it here. If things are becoming uncivilized, use the alert button. Thanks.

[somedude81]

Thanks for not locking the thread William. I want to get back to it when I have more time.

 

Though I do ask that the troublemakers be carefully watched.

[Eclypse]

Of course you can choose not to date overweight women. That's your standard and you shouldn't let go of your principles. But of course some of those women may have their own standards and they may exclude you. Also be aware that not all your have rejections have likely been from a physical point of view. I'm sure there were other factors involved. Your quest for a perfect mate may yet last a while, but good luck. Trust me, when it succeeds it will be the greatest feeling in your whole life. But I think you already know that.

 

I do just want to say something about your target age range though. Unfortunately a lot of the girls have quite high standards. Last night I asked my gf (22) if she would have accepted my offer for a date if I was say... 5'2. She just gave me a funny face and said "of course not, that's just weird." I then asked her what if I was around 5'6 (which is 2-3 inches taller than her), and she said she would have to think about it, but probably not. She wants to be protected.

 

Another girl (21) from my university said a flat out "hell no" when I asked her about short guys. She also said a guy hit on her recently, and she would have accepted his advances if he wasn't a virgin (he's 21 also). She said "ewww that's just so weird to still be a virgin at 21, like wtf he must be a loser. I don't want to teach him." I realise you're not a virgin, but I think you get the gist of it. Sadly this shallowness seems quite common. Unfortunately that particular girl is really like that, but she is super hot. The exact kind of girl you like.

 

I'm not sure how older women are, but this may be something to take into consideration.

[Els]

Of course you can choose not to date overweight women. That's your standard and you shouldn't let go of your principles. But of course some of those women may have their own standards and they may exclude you. Also be aware that not all your have rejections have likely been from a physical point of view. I'm sure there were other factors involved. Your quest for a perfect mate may yet last a while, but good luck. Trust me, when it succeeds it will be the greatest feeling in your whole life. But I think you already know that.

 

I do just want to say something about your target age range though. Unfortunately a lot of the girls have quite high standards. Last night I asked my gf (22) if she would have accepted my offer for a date if I was say... 5'2. She just gave me a funny face and said "of course not, that's just weird." I then asked her what if I was around 5'6 (which is 2-3 inches taller than her), and she said she would have to think about it, but probably not. She wants to be protected.

 

Another girl (21) from my university said a flat out "hell no" when I asked her about short guys. She also said a guy hit on her recently, and she would have accepted his advances if he wasn't a virgin (he's 21 also). She said "ewww that's just so weird to still be a virgin at 21, like wtf he must be a loser. I don't want to teach him." I realise you're not a virgin, but I think you get the gist of it. Sadly this shallowness seems quite common. Unfortunately that particular girl is really like that, but she is super hot. The exact kind of girl you like.

 

I'm not sure how older women are, but this may be something to take into consideration.

 

My experience has certainly been that as a general rule, people tend to have more superficial requirements for a bf/gf when they are younger or more inexperienced, or both. SD knows this and is willing to take his chances though, so we can only wish him all the luck.

[Meeks7]

I want to get back to it when I have more time.

 

 

Good. My girl friend Grace is patiently waiting for your response to her new offer.

[snug.bunny]

I'll start off with this.

 

The first thing I get is that a non-overweight girl is considered unobtainable. Why is that?

 

And then, why should a guy who is lacking in some areas, have to settle for an overweight girl that he may have no attraction to?

 

Is an overweight woman really the equivalent of a no game guy?

 

The way I see it, fat people should only be with fat people. The very fact that I'm not overweight, means that I shouldn't have to settle for a woman who is. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the assumption that slim, fit women don't want to date overweight men either.

 

So why is it wrong when men don't want to?

 

It's not wrong.

 

Everyone lacks something, in some form or another. If you're not attracted to a female who is "overweight", then you're just not attracted to her. I'm not attracted to overweight men, that's life. I was in a relationship with someone who wasn't built/buff by any means, he had a little extra weight here and there, but there were other things about him physically that I was attracted to. Unless you refuse to date anyone who isn't a "model", having some preferences is perfectly fine and perfectly natural.

 

It's not so much about what you believe you deserve, it's about what/who you are attracted too and why. Focus more on that versus people telling you what they think you "deserve" and why. Focusing on the latter, isn't going to help you any...