udolipixie Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 No sh*t. I need to get hard for her don't I? I'm stated that to show it's not some pity party of I can't get any gal to be a GF or a FWB which would greatly help me but rather I can't get what I want. I know that. But to actually become that seems impossible. Honestly, I really don't think my life is that bad and I have tons of ideas of what to do and go with a girl. You have tons of ideas whether those ideas are good/bad are up to question. To me your opinion on your life is irrelevant as it may not be the same opinion as other gals that you want to attract. Such as a person's opinion of their attractivenesses irrelevant as others would be judging it for themselves. Ex: you can think you're an 8 but if others want an 8 and think you're a 6 your opinion doesn't matter It's whether that opinion affects their confidence, self-worth, self-esteem that matters to me. I just need somebody (within my standards) to say yes. To me that's most likely the problem. You don't seem to want to do self-improvement or personal development but get handed what you want. You stated you have sub-par confidence, self-esteem, and social skills but your life is not that bad. To others whether your life is not bad wouldn't matter due to the sub-par factors. Attraction wise these would most likely be quite bad to gals so your life quality wouldn't really even matter. Just as most likely how good/bad the lives of gals that don't fit your standards don't matter.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 You don't seem to want to do self-improvement or personal development but get handed what you want. Yup. Stay on here and complain about your lot in life for a few more years, or make something happen. That takes trying and failing, examining yourSELF, being open to learning and changing, and staying the course. If you need help, open up to that and get it. Or, like I said - just stay here and complain.
AIDsFan1488 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 How would you guys feel if you couldn't get a job for the life of you, no matter how many times you applied or how qualified you are? Would "therapy" help, or would simply getting some kind of work, even if it's temporary and by contract, be what you need? Dating is exactly no different than getting a job for a man. Like finding a job, there are a lot of things that hurt you dearly, sometimes unfairly, like having a felony on your record (being a "short man" such as somedude) or being inexperienced. These things can really disenchant someone, but when you finally find that rare but perfect job that will take you despite your felonies and inexperience and you surprise your employer with your amazing work ethic and new ideas, suddenly everything works out. Problem is, a large percentage of people get so frustrated that they just give up and get on welfare, rightfully so, it's hard. And talking about it won't make a damn difference as to whether things work out for you or not. 1
FitChick Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 just stay here and complain. Don't encourage him!
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 ^^^ There is truth in that, but still, it's up to the individual to take whatever action is needed to change his / her lot in life. And sometimes when the person is so demoralized and downtrodden that they are not capable of taking action, that is when talking to someone and working through that paralysis might be of help. Staying stuck in a victim, defeatist mentality and blaming other people, nature, politics, society, astrology, feminism, whatever may become a sort of comfort zone, but it's practically guaranteed to promote the status quo.
SteveC80 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 As i said SD for average and unattratcive dudes its a numbers game because its mostly about PHYSICAL ATTRACTION at first Dont listen to the cliches of having confidence or your life in order etc i know plenty of insecure dudes or dudes who dont have their **** together who do well with women The bottom line is when you approach a women whos physically attracted to you as long as youre not a total creep shell eat up whatever comes out of your mouth and will be interested in giving you a chance Its not a magical formula women are just like men they just want something good looking to them that they can picture getting banged by all that emotional stuff and chemistry comes later on when u really get to know the person after a few dates 2
zengirl Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 How would you guys feel if you couldn't get a job for the life of you, no matter how many times you applied or how qualified you are? Would "therapy" help, or would simply getting some kind of work, even if it's temporary and by contract, be what you need? But the amount of times SD "applies" and how "qualified" he is are exactly what he needs to improve for success to come and what he refuses to work on. The proper analogy would be this: How would you feel if you couldn't get a secure job in the field you wanted, even though you felt you applied every once and awhile and had the appropriate qualifications for it and saw people you consider yourself roughly equal to getting jobs and some jobs remain unfilled, stating you did not meet their qualifications? (Personally, I would feel like upping my qualifications and applying to more jobs!) The only reason therapy (or anything else) is being suggested is to improve SD's qualifications! Dating is exactly no different than getting a job for a man. Like finding a job, there are a lot of things that hurt you dearly, sometimes unfairly, like having a felony on your record (being a "short man" such as somedude) or being inexperienced. Well, except for the fact that SD isn't willing to take just "any job" (in this analogy), and that we'd more likely recommend that with jobs than dates, sure. I follow you. I do not believe being 5'6'' excludes you from as many dating potentials as having a felony excludes you from job potentials, fwiw.
AIDsFan1488 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) ^^^ There is truth in that, but still, it's up to the individual to take whatever action is needed to change his / her lot in life. And sometimes when the person is so demoralized and downtrodden that they are not capable of taking action, that is when talking to someone and working through that paralysis might be of help. Staying stuck in a victim, defeatist mentality and blaming other people, nature, politics, society, astrology, feminism, whatever may become a sort of comfort zone, but it's practically guaranteed to promote the status quo. I don't know, I've been throwing the line out in all directions lately and not getting any bites. I don't feel better or have more rapport with women because of it, if anything, I feel embarrassed, because I'm that guy on campus whose flirting with all the girls and getting rejected every time. You do end up feeling just like somedude and therapy isn't going to help. What will help is sticking to it, until you finally get a bite or putting a band aid on it until you succeed. I think until you walk in the mans shoes you shouldn't dismiss somedudes complaints as "whining" however, he's 30 years old and never had a girlfriend! When did you get your first boyfriend, 15? What did you do that was so much better to deserve that? Nothing, often times it's just a matter of luck. Call it fatalism, but therapy and someone to talk to won't change luck all you can do is keep at it and even that's not even close to a guarantee that it'll work out. Edited March 29, 2012 by AIDsFan1488
udolipixie Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 How would you guys feel if you couldn't get a job for the life of you, no matter how many times you applied or how qualified you are? It's not that he can't get a job it's that he can't get a job he wants. So to me it's more like "How would you guys feel if you couldn't get a job you wanted for the life of you, no matter how many times you applied or how qualified you are?" Dating is exactly no different than getting a job for a man. Like finding a job, there are a lot of things that hurt you dearly, sometimes unfairly, like having a felony on your record (being a "short man" such as somedude) or being inexperienced. These things can really disenchant someone, but when you finally find that rare but perfect job that will take you despite your felonies and inexperience and you surprise your employer with your amazing work ethic and new ideas, suddenly everything works out. This is more similiar to SD81. Wanting a perfect job or job that fits his standards to overlook anything that may rule him out so he can impress them with the things he thinks should outweigh anything that may rule him out. Essentially it's like a fat guy who doesn't like fat gals and wants a thing gal. Then gets upsets that some thin gals don't want a fat guy and wants thin gals to overlook his weight because he's nice, what's inside should matter, etc. Hypocritical to get mad that others have standards when you do yourself. Hypocritical to want others to overlook their standards when you won't yourself.
AD1980 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I don't know, I've been throwing the line out in all directions lately and not getting any bites. I don't feel better or have more rapport with women because of it, if anything, I feel embarrassed, because I'm that guy on campus whose flirting with all the girls and getting rejected every time. You do end up feeling just like somedude and therapy isn't going to help. What will help is sticking to it, until you finally get a bite or putting a band aid on it until you succeed. I think until you walk in the mans shoes you shouldn't dismiss somedudes complaints as "whining" however, he's 30 years old and never had a girlfriend! When did you get your first boyfriend, 15? What did you do that was so much better to deserve that? Nothing, often times it's just a matter of luck. Call it fatalism, but therapy and someone to talk to won't change luck all you can do is keep at it and even that's not even close to a guarantee that it'll work out. Yeah im 31 and never been with a women it really eats at you to not be desired at all by the opposite sex.. Guys like Sd might say some insensitive things but i think its more out of sadness and anger then really being mean.. I know people are trying to help but i feel some people are just not attractive to the opposite sex and no amount of cliches thrown that persons way in what to do with the opppsite sex will magically make them attractive.. 1
Meeks7 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 When I said I need somebody IRL to talk to, I wasn't thinking of a therapist but a friend. Somebody I share trust with and we both can talk about our problems and joys. I want somebody to help me learn how to fish OK SD. I emailed this thread to my girl friend. Here's her response which she's asked me to pass onto you: --- Part of learning HOW to fish is learning which bait to use. In other words, he can achieve what he wants by increasing his confidence. One of his biggest issues right now is he has no support system whatsoever. No one to relate to in real life. If he develops a social group of some sort, he would learn more vital relationship skills that would lead him to being a better boyfriend someday. Right now he's isolated, relying on a message board (which is NOT a substitute for a real support group) and simply complaining. There seems to be no or very little action based on this thread and a few others I've combed through in his post history. Is it possible for him to get a girlfriend next month? Sure. But it's highly unlikely based on what I've read. I agree with you Meeks that he's putting up walls instead of building bridges. First, I was willing to skype with him. He turned that down and said "I need someone to talk to." Then I offered to send him one of my good friends in SoCal, and then he countered that with "I meant someone to talk to as in I can trust" etc. etc. This is classic avoidant behavior of someone who is paralyzed by fear. This guy has no friends from what I understand, and has very little interest in forming male friendships. How can he make a good enough friend he can trust WHEN HE DOESN'T EVEN TRY? It's just another built-in excuse he verbalizes to himself to perpetuate his self-defeating, self-fulfilling prophecy. The thing is, my friend CAN help him join single group activities in SoCal. HELP IS AVAILABLE. The session wouldn't be so much "therapist-patient" as it would be "human-human connection." Something that he sorely needs right now. He just has to make himself a little vulnerable which is the key to changing and developing a healthy real life support group. Now let's wait and see if he's TRULY all talk or not. Will he accept, or will he come up with excuse number 12,529? If he's ready, however, we can set something up for him soon and try to get him the help he needs. It's entirely up to him. --- There you have it, SD. What say you this time?
AD1980 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 As i said SD for average and unattratcive dudes its a numbers game because its mostly about PHYSICAL ATTRACTION at first Dont listen to the cliches of having confidence or your life in order etc i know plenty of insecure dudes or dudes who dont have their **** together who do well with women The bottom line is when you approach a women whos physically attracted to you as long as youre not a total creep shell eat up whatever comes out of your mouth and will be interested in giving you a chance Its not a magical formula women are just like men they just want something good looking to them that they can picture getting banged by all that emotional stuff and chemistry comes later on when u really get to know the person after a few dates I agree..When i brought up beign evnious of my friend who gets tons of women people said i should get tips from him but he isnt a great communicators or a great person really hes just very good looking so women approach and are all over him.. I guess to take tips id have to borrow his face:laugh: 1
AIDsFan1488 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) But the amount of times SD "applies" and how "qualified" he is are exactly what he needs to improve for success to come and what he refuses to work on The proper analogy would be this: How would you feel if you couldn't get a secure job in the field you wanted, even though you felt you applied every once and awhile and had the appropriate qualifications for it and saw people you consider yourself roughly equal to getting jobs and some jobs remain unfilled, stating you did not meet their qualifications? (Personally, I would feel like upping my qualifications and applying to more jobs!) [/Quote] If you want to keep the employment analogy, half the jobs people have out there is because they knew someone on the inside, in other words, it's not fair. There are millions of unqualified people doing jobs qualified people should have instead and this is a great analogy to dating. Life isn't fair, and he has a right to blow some steam off about it here, because while he is "whining", he is really just getting some of the stuff he sees and experiences off his chest. I know an engineer who was laid off 2 years ago, and still can't find a stable long term job, despite taking courses to tune his skills up, applying to everywhere he can (even in states across the country), etc ,etc, but he's an older guy (50's) and a lot of companies don't want to hire old guys because they have to pay them more compared to grads just entering the market. The guys been working at a pizza place since his unemployment ran out, a guy who has the ability to build radars, knows every detail of the computer chip, etc, is now making crappy fast food for Papa Johns. He's been ranting about how much he hates so and so politician, how the system hires the unqualified for unfair reasons, etc, but recently got hired for six months to work at some defense company through his brother who also works there and he's literally skipping and whistling every day. Therapy would've done nothing, results are what build mental and spiritual well-being. Instead of looking for a therapist friend for somedude to talk to, Meeks should instead be looking for single women that may be interested in him. Edited March 29, 2012 by AIDsFan1488
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 he's 30 years old and never had a girlfriend! When did you get your first boyfriend, 15? What did you do that was so much better to deserve that? Well, I don't think that a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever is something that is "deserved." Probably those who are most socially or physically gifted are the ones who have the most ease in that department. Also, having a girlfriend or boyfriend can bring depths of pain that might be equal to those you guys feel. It's not just a magic band-aid. I understand that not having this part of ones life fulfilled would be bad in all kinds of ways and I'm not minimizing that. But it still goes back to the truth that this person well all know on LS as somedude81 is the ONLY one who can change his own life. I'm not telling him he needs to go to therapy. I know he needs to change, a LOT. Once some girl who fits his requirements does decide to give him the chance he so wants, there is a whole new world of potential troubles. I don't think he has any tools to use to handle a relationship with a woman. Talking to someone could help with that. Or not. I don't know; all I do know is that the action needs to start with the person who is unfulfilled, and their lot in life is not somebody's "fault."
udolipixie Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Instead of looking for a therapist friend for somedude to talk to, Meeks should instead be looking for single women that may be interested in him. More like single women that fit his standards that may be interested in him. Though I disagree that Meeks should be doing anything as to me that's SD81's responsibility as it's romantic/sexual life and has nothing to do with legal rights.
TheBigQuestion Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 SD, why exactly is it that you don't trust guys to the point where you can befriend them? A guy, with very few exceptions, needs other male friends in his life. 3
Author somedude81 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 SD, Social coaching can be done therapeutically in conjunction to CBT. It's fairly rare with adults, who generally don't need it (sorry) but it's something many children who go to CBT sessions require. It's not a formalized term, though -- just exactly what it sounds like, training someone (in their thoughts and behaviors) how to act socially. What your therapist started with sounds like a good foundation for that, because, yes, you have to have empathy for people -- in this case, women as a group -- before you can be socially successful. It may be that you and that therapist did not 'click' but, at any rate, if you're at all resistant to therapy, it will provide little value. You have to go in willing to do the work. OK, it really doesn't seem like something I need. As for having empathy towards women, it should be obvious that what I say about women is fueled by jealousy and bitterness. Once I can actually start to feel happy with my life, those feelings will go away. It's hard to give specifics when you don't have the basic structure required to be successful. That may be why you find tips are too broad. You can't afford a personal dating coach and will probably never find someone who is going to "teach" you how to do that without a much wider social circle (even then, it's going to more be learning through observation, not asking someone to teach you). Forming that social circle is the best first-step I can suggest for you. Fixating too much on the end goal and seeing it as transactional is the biggest problem. Forming a social circle is going to take a lot of time, and something I feel I don't have much of. All I really need to do is meet one girl who is single and get her to like me. Why does that seem to be the most difficult thing in the world? How come I can make her a friend but never anything else? I'm stated that to show it's not some pity party of I can't get any gal to be a GF or a FWB which would greatly help me but rather I can't get what I want. If you're just trying to troll me then don't bother. How would you guys feel if you couldn't get a job for the life of you, no matter how many times you applied or how qualified you are? Would "therapy" help, or would simply getting some kind of work, even if it's temporary and by contract, be what you need? Dating is exactly no different than getting a job for a man. Like finding a job, there are a lot of things that hurt you dearly, sometimes unfairly, like having a felony on your record (being a "short man" such as somedude) or being inexperienced. These things can really disenchant someone, but when you finally find that rare but perfect job that will take you despite your felonies and inexperience and you surprise your employer with your amazing work ethic and new ideas, suddenly everything works out. Problem is, a large percentage of people get so frustrated that they just give up and get on welfare, rightfully so, it's hard. And talking about it won't make a damn difference as to whether things work out for you or not. That's a great post. Especially for somebody who signed up today? Are you and old member? One thing I've realized, is that many women have absolutely no idea how important sex is for a man. Men see the ability to have regular sex as a sign of so many different things. It's more than just the basic sex need itself. There was a really good post that explained that through sex a man gets his emotional, physical, companionship, love needs met, I just can't find it. Being an incel does horrible things to a man's psyche. And no hookers and women far below standards do not count.
AIDsFan1488 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Well, I don't think that a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever is something that is "deserved." Probably those who are most socially or physically gifted are the ones who have the most ease in that department. Also, having a girlfriend or boyfriend can bring depths of pain that might be equal to those you guys feel. It's not just a magic band-aid. I understand that not having this part of ones life fulfilled would be bad in all kinds of ways and I'm not minimizing that.[/Quote] Yes, you are. There is no chance in hell you would want to trade places with Somedude, which is why I find it so baffling how women on this board have little to no empathy for him. I repeat, a 30 year old man who has never had a girlfriend. That isn't just your lunch getting cold, that is a huge chunk of the human experience and I can imagine it feels devestating. It isn't a right, true. But guess what? You nor any of the other women who tell somedude it's all his fault have done anything particularly different or better to "earn" a relationship either. In fact, there are many women far more socially inept (IE, with no sense of humor, or ability for conversation, which SD81 has shown he does have) who have no trouble losing their virginity at 14 and never being single for more than a week after puberty. But it still goes back to the truth that this person well all know on LS as somedude81 is the ONLY one who can change his own life. I'm not telling him he needs to go to therapy. I know he needs to change, a LOT. Once some girl who fits his requirements does decide to give him the chance he so wants, there is a whole new world of potential troubles. I don't think he has any tools to use to handle a relationship with a woman. Talking to someone could help with that. Or not. I don't know; all I do know is that the action needs to start with the person who is unfulfilled, and their lot in life is not somebody's "fault." I agree, but I disagree that those are skills you learn second hand. The only way to learn about relationships , is to fall down and get back up. That is another vital thing a lot of you women take for granted. You've all been in relationships your whole lives, you know what to expect, how to deal with such and such, etc. But somedude is a 20 year old 8th grader, in terms of that. Hell , even I am. If somedude finds a girl who likes him and he blows it, he will learn far more from that than he will from the myriads of self-help books or any therapist. But he'll still be better off, he will have had the experience of a woman actually liking for him, which is priceless validation for a mans confidence even if it doesn't work out. From what I gather, it's finding a woman that is actually attracted to him what somdude needs, but for a lot of guys who are not tall, or in model-type body build, or very wealthy, getting your foot in the door is the most difficult task of all. 1
Author somedude81 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 Well, I don't think that a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever is something that is "deserved." Probably those who are most socially or physically gifted are the ones who have the most ease in that department. In other words, lucky. When I was a teenager, I had the good fortune of having bad acne, being shy and nerdy plus had trouble speaking clearly when I was nervous or excited. Not to mention that I stopped growing around 14. Also, having a girlfriend or boyfriend can bring depths of pain that might be equal to those you guys feel. It's not just a magic band-aid. That's like telling somebody that driving a car is very dangerous when they ask what it's like to have one. Once some girl who fits his requirements does decide to give him the chance he so wants, there is a whole new world of potential troubles. I don't think he has any tools to use to handle a relationship with a woman. So what? That's not a reason to not do it. I'll get to experience life as it's mean to be. There will be joys and sorrows. I fully expect my first GF to dump me after not that long, and yes it will suck, but I can take what I learned from that experience and try again. I'm tire of being an outsider trying to learn through observation.
zengirl Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 If you want to keep the employment analogy, half the jobs people have out there is because they knew someone on the inside, in other words, it's not fair. Not necessarily. MOST people who get a job through connections do so by building qualifications and rapport in their professional and personal communities. This is a big part of professional life and as important as any other qualification. Sure, the occasional person who gets a job through a referral is just "CEO Bob's incompetent nephew" but that's a minuscule %. Most of those 50% are networking and understand that as PART of their skills and qualifications. I think it's perfectly fair, as anyone can develop those connections. I'm "nobody" and I have gotten most of my jobs through connections --- connections I developed by being social, professional, and attentive to my community of people around me. Most references are based on ability and character (likability is part of character). If you want social skills to not matter, I suppose it seems unfair, but we all know they do and are part of both professional life and certainly dating! There are millions of unqualified people doing jobs qualified people should have instead and this is a great analogy to dating. Not really. Most of those people who "know someone" also have to be reasonably qualified and competent to get the job, as I said. Life isn't fair, and he has a right to blow some steam off about it here, because while he is "whining", he is really just getting some of the stuff he sees and experiences off his chest. He's seeing the world in a completely warped perspective, as is someone who wants a job but doesn't go out and do everything he/she can to get it but instead waits for a "lucky break" and pouts because the world isn't fair and someone else got ahead easier. First of all, no one ever knows how easy or hard anyone else has it, and second of all, it's irrelevant and fixating on that is a sure way to hinder success.
udolipixie Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 If you're just trying to troll me then don't bother. I'm not trolling. I'm showing that there's a difference between "I can't get women/no women are attracted to me" and "I can't get a woman I want/no women I want are attracted to me" It's not a pity party. It's a I can't get what I want party. That's a common thing for many people in dating. Being an incel does horrible things to a man's psyche. And no hookers and women far below standards do not count. Then by that account not getting what you want in a partner may do horrible things to a person's psyche.
AIDsFan1488 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 More like single women that fit his standards that may be interested in him. Though I disagree that Meeks should be doing anything as to me that's SD81's responsibility as it's romantic/sexual life and has nothing to do with legal rights. Man you are such a bitch, I have no clue how people like you live with themselves. You ever heard of this thing called compassion? Humanity? Helping someone when they're down? Or is everything a Darwinian compettition to you? Better hope you never find yourself at the bottom of the foodchain, and trust me, the ones who start out on top always end up on the bottom, it's the Karmic cycle. Sure, nobody is legally obligated to help somedude. But what if we want to help him, out of human kindness because we see him suffering? Give him some hope? All I'm saying is, if you want to help him, which some people have said they do (by assigning therapists for him etc), then this is how you do it: find him a single girl friend of yours and hook him up! If you have no interest in helping somedude, then don't post here, Udolipixie. Man, you are the worst troll of all.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Somedude81, I have a suggestion. Just for us here on LoveShack, why don't you completely abandon mention of women who are "below standards," overweight, small breasted, etc. Just focus on the positive. You are interested in a girl you're attracted to. That's fine. I doubt anyone will take exception to it at all. We all want to be with someone we're attracted to. But that "far below standards" "overweight" girl probably feels just about as desperate for a man to find her attractive - as you feel desperate for sex. So have some empathy and stop dismissing people like they don't count in your world. It's nasty. And, believe me, many many of us women who post here are well aware of how important sex is to men in general. That doesn't mean that you are entitled to it though. The importance of sex to men really has nothing to do with your situation; it's how you are choosing to stay stuck that has everything to do with it.
zengirl Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 As for having empathy towards women, it should be obvious that what I say about women is fueled by jealousy and bitterness. Once I can actually start to feel happy with my life, those feelings will go away. If you only have empathy when things are going your way, then you don't really have empathy. Same thing with character, kindness, etc. Forming a social circle is going to take a lot of time, and something I feel I don't have much of. A stitch in time saves 9. Seriously. All I really need to do is meet one girl who is single and get her to like me. Why does that seem to be the most difficult thing in the world? How come I can make her a friend but never anything else? Because it appears you're lacking many of the essential qualities to attract her, most of which can be cultivated. You can't grow half a foot, no, but you can cultivate many other qualities and traits to improve your ability to attract women. 1
AIDsFan1488 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Not necessarily. MOST people who get a job through connections do so by building qualifications and rapport in their professional and personal communities. This is a big part of professional life and as important as any other qualification. Sure, the occasional person who gets a job through a referral is just "CEO Bob's incompetent nephew" but that's a minuscule %. Most of those 50% are networking and understand that as PART of their skills and qualifications. I think it's perfectly fair, as anyone can develop those connections. I'm "nobody" and I have gotten most of my jobs through connections --- connections I developed by being social, professional, and attentive to my community of people around me. Most references are based on ability and character (likability is part of character). If you want social skills to not matter, I suppose it seems unfair, but we all know they do and are part of both professional life and certainly dating! [/Quote] Regardless of what you said, it's still not true. All my friends who have good jobs don't have particularly good social skills, they just know someone who knew someone or their father served in the military with someone and owed him a favor, etc etc. You don't need amazing social skills to have acquaintances that owe you or your old man a favor. Putting more emphasis on likability instead of actual qualifications and results is one of the reasons why America is stuck in such a rut technologically, economically, etc. I don't need someone who can tell a good story to build my radars or cars, I need someone who can build my radar or cars. He's seeing the world in a completely warped perspective, as is someone who wants a job but doesn't go out and do everything he/she can to get it but instead waits for a "lucky break" and pouts because the world isn't fair and someone else got ahead easier. First of all, no one ever knows how easy or hard anyone else has it, and second of all, it's irrelevant and fixating on that is a sure way to hinder success. [/Quote] No he's not, I've seen a lot of stuff somedudes talking about and it's not warped. He doesn't seem to wait for women to come to him either. He has said he has gotten close to numerous women, thought they liked him , then asked them out. The only thing he can do now is start cold approaching 100's of women until 1 says yes, which is much harder than it sounds. I'll tell you right now, your self-esteem wouldn't be able to handle 99 rejections. And cut the crap. Being a 30 year old whose never had a girlfriend is hard on the soul and self-esteem by any standards, whether you're male or female. Why are you so hell-bent on saying there's nothing for somedude to feel bad about? 1
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