Why is it criminalized for a non-top man to not want an overweight woman?

[somedude81]

I'll start off with this.

 

How many average guys strive for the unattainable girl instead of just going for the plain average girl? I mean, Somedude recently posted how below average he is in some important areas like social skills and self-confidence, but yet, he still thinks an overweight girl is way below his self-worth and he can do much better.

The first thing I get is that a non-overweight girl is considered unobtainable. Why is that?

 

And then, why should a guy who is lacking in some areas, have to settle for an overweight girl that he may have no attraction to?

 

Is an overweight woman really the equivalent of a no game guy?

 

The way I see it, fat people should only be with fat people. The very fact that I'm not overweight, means that I shouldn't have to settle for a woman who is. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the assumption that slim, fit women don't want to date overweight men either.

 

So why is it wrong when men don't want to?

[Star Gazer]

Criminalized? Really? Who said that?

[somedude81]

Criminalized? Really? Who said that?

Catchy thread title.

 

Eh, I couldn't think of a better word to describe what happens.

[Star Gazer]

To answer your question:

 

A man who's dateworthiness ranks at a 5 should stick with a woman who's dateworthiness also ranks at a 5.

 

Any number of factors or combination thereof can make someone a 5 (or a 2 or a 10), including being a loser or being physically unattractive.

 

So if you're low on the dateworthiness scale, you shouldn't expect to be dating someone who's high on the dateworthiness scale.

[udolipixie]

I would hardly apply criminalized to a non-top guy not wanting an overweight woman as it seems more often applied to gals who don't want short or below average height guys or guys who make less than them.

 

The first thing I get is that a non-overweight girl is considered unobtainable. Why is that?

I highly doubt this is the thing you get.

 

I think the thing you get is that not only are you hypocritical but seem to have quite high standards for a guy in his 30s, low experience with women, and sub-par confidence, self-esteem, and social skills.

 

And then, why should a guy who is lacking in some areas, have to settle for an overweight girl that he may have no attraction to?

Probably the same reason why so many guys think a gal who fits his standards should overlook any standards of hers that rule him out because he's nice, kind, etc. When he wouldn't do the same for a gal who didn't fit his standards.

 

Is an overweight woman really the equivalent of a no game guy?

Depends on who you ask. Yes for some & no for some.

 

To me its yes for an aging no game guy with sub-par confidence, self-esteem, and social skills who has shown lack of determination in pursuing what he wants.

 

The way I see it, fat people should only be with fat people.

Then do you also think hot gals should only be with hot guys.

 

The very fact that I'm not overweight, means that I shouldn't have to settle for a woman who is.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the assumption that slim, fit women don't want to date overweight men either.

Yet quite often they're expected to and encouraged to.

 

As well as insulted and degraded for declining to.

 

It's the whole give him a chance, don't be superficial, etc.

 

Always amusing how no one questions the fat guy's superificality for pursuign a slim fit gal. Even if the fat guy is asking how to get a hot fit gal the answer tends to be if she's not shallow...few responses on why is he expecting her to overlook something he wouldn't.

 

So why is it wrong when men don't want to?

Depends on who you ask.

 

Though I don't think it's men I think it's you.

[USMCHokie]

You rate what you offer...and as Star says, it's a combination of factors, none of which is absolutely determinative...so sure, in one instance, the overweight woman could be "equivalent" to the no-game guy...or an uneducated woman could be "equivalent" to the overweight guy...etc...

 

It's not as absolute as you make it out to be...

 

If you don't want an overweight woman, then don't approach them. What's the big f'in deal...?

[JesseJames]

I don't see why the overweight don't stick to their own body types. If you're a lazy fat ass, wouldn't you tend to attract other lazy fat asses?

 

The whole lazy fat ass thing should not be talked about because it isn't going to stop until every lazy fat ass in the country has tried everything in the world besides losing their lazy fat asses. Those poor skydiving instructors I tell you.... some big ole whore strapped to the front of them like so many pudding pops and cupcakes.

 

Lazy fat asses shouldn't be part of any conversation other than weight loss and dieting. To include the lazy fat ass in any other conversation is laughable. The second you hear BBW or anything fat related.... just send them a link and continue on with the real discussion.

[january2011]

Stick to your guns and decide your own dating preferences. To echo USMCHokie, if you don't want to date an overweight woman, then don't do it.

 

Other people might have the opinion that you're being short-sighted, unrealistic and limiting your dating pool but that's just their opinion. You are welcome to take it or leave it.

[udolipixie]

I don't see why the overweight don't stick to their own body types. If you're a lazy fat ass, wouldn't you tend to attract other lazy fat asses?

So do you also think ugly/average guys should stick to ugly/average gals as in if you're an ugly/average guy wouldn't you tend to attract other ugly/average gals.

 

Or is this some singular only to "lazy fat asses"?

[somedude81]

To answer your question:

 

A man who's dateworthiness ranks at a 5 should stick with a woman who's dateworthiness also ranks at a 5.

 

Any number of factors or combination thereof can make someone a 5 (or a 2 or a 10), including being a loser or being physically unattractive.

 

So if you're low on the dateworthiness scale, you shouldn't expect to be dating someone who's high on the dateworthiness scale.

Perhaps a dateworthiness scale should be drawn up for both men and women. It would have to take in physical attractiveness and societal markers as well. For a woman, her body/attractiveness would be weighted higher than her confidence & social skills and vice versa for a man.

 

I highly doubt this is the thing you get.

Uh, that is the conclusion I made from reading that part of her post. You can't exactly tell me that it's not how I understood it.

 

I think the thing you get is that not only are you hypocritical but seem to have quite high standards for a guy in his 30s, low experience with women, and sub-par confidence, self-esteem, and social skills.

Can you tell me why, not wanting an overweight woman equals high standards?

To me its yes for an aging no game guy with sub-par confidence, self-esteem, and social skills who has shown lack of determination in pursuing what he wants.

I love how you describe me as aging at 30. Spoken like a true child.

Then do you also think hot gals should only be with hot guys.

Yes I do.

 

If it wasn't apparent, I fully believe in the concept of physical leagues. Beautiful with the beautiful, average with average, fat with fat.

Yet quite often they're expected to and encouraged to.

 

As well as insulted and degraded for declining to.

 

It's the whole give him a chance, don't be superficial, etc.

 

Always amusing how no one questions the fat guy's superificality for pursuign a slim fit gal. Even if the fat guy is asking how to get a hot fit gal the answer tends to be if she's not shallow...few responses on why is he expecting her to overlook something he wouldn't.

That actually happens? Women are degraded and insulted for not wanting to date a fat guy? That's garbage.

 

IMO, when a man lets himself get fat, he loses the option to date non-fat women. Put down the fork and hit the gym.

Though I don't think it's men I think it's you.

So it's only wrong when I don't want to do it? You're funny

You rate what you offer...and as Star says, it's a combination of factors, none of which is absolutely determinative...so sure, in one instance, the overweight woman could be "equivalent" to the no-game guy...or an uneducated woman could be "equivalent" to the overweight guy...etc...

 

It's not as absolute as you make it out to be...

If you don't want an overweight woman, then don't approach them. What's the big f'in deal...?

Because a number of women here are saying that I should.

Edited March 28, 2012 by somedude81

[Star Gazer]

Perhaps a dateworthiness scale should be drawn up for both men and women. It would have to take in physical attractiveness and societal markers as well. For a woman, her body/attractiveness would be weighted higher than her confidence & social skills and vice versa for a man.

 

There is no scale or rubric that is universal.

 

Attractiveness

Professional Success

Affability

Intelligence

Sense of Humor

Athleticism

Shared Interests

Morals

Etc., etc., etc.

 

All of these factors, and more, are considered when determining whether someone is a "catch." The absence of one or more may be made up for by one or more, depending on the people involved.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm an overweight woman and I don't think you should approach any of us.

 

Guess it all works out.

[somedude81]

That's a good list Gazer. Many of them I didn't even consider.

 

I guess the fact that I had to look up 'Affability' means that I don't score too highly on Intelligence, but me being able to joke about it means I'm good on Sense of Humor

[USMCHokie]

Perhaps a dateworthiness scale should be drawn up for both men and women. It would have to take in physical attractiveness and societal markers as well. For a woman, her body/attractiveness would be weighted higher than her confidence & social skills and vice versa for a man.

 

The dateworthiness scale is solely up to each individual as to how they value certain characteristics and traits. You clearly weight physical attributes higher than confidence and social skills in women. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. To each their own.

[Star Gazer]

That's a good list Gazer. Many of them I didn't even consider.

 

I guess the fact that I had to look up 'Affability' means that I don't score too highly on Intelligence, but me being able to joke about it means I'm good on Sense of Humor

 

Ha! Yes, it does.

 

More factors folks may or may not consider:

Sex drive/good in bed

Family man/woman

Integrity (goes with morals)

Faith (or not)

Ambition

Self-awareness

Artistic

Politics

 

Like I said, it goes on and on.

 

One woman might "forgive" a bald head in exchange for a wicked sense of humor.

 

One man might "excuse" a tummy pooch in exchange for some amazing sack skills.

 

Everyone has their own list of "must haves" and "would be nices," the latter of which are more negotiable than the former.

 

But if you're average all around, don't expect to date Kate Middleton or her male counterpart.

 

That said, you also shouldn't have to "settle" for someone YOU personally are not attracted to. We are all entitled our preferences.

[udolipixie]

Uh, that is the conclusion I made from reading that part of her post. You can't exactly tell me that it's not how I understood it.

I wasn't I'm telling you that's how you understood something

 

I was telling you I highly doubt this is what you get as in this is the statements that are made to you.

 

Can you tell me why, not wanting an overweight woman equals high standards?

I didn't state not wanting an overweight woman equals high standards.

 

Do tell where did I state just not wanting an overweight woman equals high standards? Reread:

I think the thing you get is that not only are you hypocritical but seem to have quite high standards for a guy in his 30s, low experience with women, and sub-par confidence, self-esteem, and social skills.

 

I was going off your intake of yourself aging, low experience, and sub-par in confidence, self-esteem, and social skills comparing it your standards of what you want (age, breast size, weight, attractiveness) seem to be high to me.

 

I love how you describe me as aging at 30. Spoken like a true child.

It's a good thing you love the description as you seem to desire gals my age and that's one of the plesant ways many gals describe older people.

 

How is it speaking like a true child to state you're aging? Are you not aging? Are you not older than what society considers young?

 

That actually happens? Women are degraded and insulted for not wanting to date a fat guy? That's garbage.

Garbage in which way:

sucks that stuff like that happens.

you're making stuff up as things like that never happens

 

So it's only wrong when I don't want to do it? You're funny

No more like I don't think the statements you're getting is saying it's wrong when men do it.

 

I think the statements aren't about males in gender just about one particular male- you. As well as being more complex than not wanting overweight women.

[somedude81]

That's another good list of items. And Hokie brought up that for me physical attributes are weighted higher than other aspects.

 

Would I be fine with a girl with a nice body who has no integrity, ambition and sucks in bed? Is she 'better' than an overweight woman who checks-off everything else? Of course, I want a thin woman who has many good traits, but a woman like that is very high quality and in great demand. For a man like me, sacrifices have to be made.

 

This thread has turned out to be more thought provoking than I anticipated.

[ascendotum]

To answer your question:

 

A man who's dateworthiness ranks at a 5 should stick with a woman who's dateworthiness also ranks at a 5.

 

Any number of factors or combination thereof can make someone a 5 (or a 2 or a 10), including being a loser or being physically unattractive.

 

So if you're low on the dateworthiness scale, you shouldn't expect to be dating someone who's high on the dateworthiness scale.

 

Yep, this is why SD ^.

There aren't too many things that drop a woman down in the date worthiness scale (diff from potential life partner), beyond looks, and even then its more physique than facial that will drop her desirability (imo when living in country where >50% population is overweight, being in shape for a woman above a certain age actually raises her rankings)

 

Things like being shy, a bit nerdy & awkward, boring or no hobbies, crappy dress style, not being ambitious or adventurous, not keeping fit & active, not having a fulfilling love live, not having good earning potential, not having an exciting social life, being shorter than avg, will drop a guy lower in the date worthiness scale, whereas it would harm a woman to much less extent. Women will judge you on these things (as well as your looks) whereas to you and many guys they couldn't really care less if the girl had these issues. They just want to be attracted to her.

 

Look I can relate. When I was skinny when I was setup by female friends with a woman, it was generally with an overweight woman. For me it was WTF, I don't have many things on my check off list or dealbreaker list, but physical compatibility was no.1, but for them it was a case of, well you have been single over a year, she's been single over a year = match off.

 

I understand why that comment pissed you off, because of the assumption, not wanting an overweight girl = you want a hot girl, which is rubbish imo, but don’t take all the comments on LS here personally, just keep doing your best to make it different in your day to day life.

Edited March 28, 2012 by ascendotum

[somedude81]

I wasn't I'm telling you that's how you understood something

 

I was telling you I highly doubt this is what you get as in this is the statements that are made to you.

 

 

I didn't state not wanting an overweight woman equals high standards.

 

Do tell where did I state just not wanting an overweight woman equals high standards?

Pixie, I'm finding it to be a pretty common occurrence where I'm not able to fully understand you because of how you speak. It almost seems like there is a communication barrier. Are you a native English speaker? If not, I fully understand.

 

Reread:

I think the thing you get is that not only are you hypocritical but seem to have quite high standards for a guy in his 30s, low experience with women, and sub-par confidence, self-esteem, and social skills.

 

I was going off your intake of yourself aging, low experience, and sub-par in confidence, self-esteem, and social skills comparing it your standards of what you want (age, breast size, weight, attractiveness) seem to be high to me.

 

As I have stated many times, my basic standard is wanting an average woman. Also in my experience, the average woman under 40 is not overweight. I don't believe wanting that is a sign of high standards.

 

 

It's a good thing you love the description as you seem to desire gals my age and that's one of the plesant ways many gals describe older people.

 

How is it speaking like a true child to state you're aging? Are you not aging? Are you not older than what society considers young?

It's a very immature thought to believe that somebody 30 years old is "aging." And by aging, I'm assuming you mean old as we are all aging. I remember being 15 and thinking that somebody who is 30 is old.

 

As for what the other girls your age think, I'm just glad that nobody can accurately guess my age.

 

Garbage in which way:

sucks that stuff like that happens.

you're making stuff up as things like that never happens

That it sucks that it happens.

[somedude81]

One woman might "forgive" a bald head in exchange for a wicked sense of humor.

 

One man might "excuse" a tummy pooch in exchange for some amazing sack skills.

 

Everyone has their own list of "must haves" and "would be nices," the latter of which are more negotiable than the former.

 

But if you're average all around, don't expect to date Kate Middleton or her male counterpart.

You mean the that guy that's called His Royal Highness, Duke of Cambridge, Earl of Strathearn, Baron Carrickfergus, Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter?

 

It took me a few reads to realize what you meant. Clever girl.

[Star Gazer]

You mean the that guy that's called His Royal Highness, Duke of Cambridge, Earl of Strathearn, Baron Carrickfergus, Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter?

 

It took me a few reads to realize what you meant. Clever girl.

 

Actually, no.

 

I meant the male equivalent of Kate. I don't think he's all that attractive. She is though (IMO, anyway).

 

Now, Prince HARRY on the other hand...

 

[somedude81]

Actually, no.

 

I meant the male equivalent of Kate. I don't think he's all that attractive. She is though (IMO, anyway).

 

Now, Prince HARRY on the other hand...

 

LOL, I thought you were hinting, if you're an average person, don't expect to date the future king of England. Though I still think it's a good moral so I'll stick with that

[Star Gazer]

LOL, I thought you were hinting, if you're an average person, don't expect to date the future king of England. Though I still think it's a good moral so I'll stick with that

 

Ha!

 

Thing is, Kate was an average person is certain ways, wasn't she? And fabulous in others.

 

And the future King of England is average in his own ways, isn't he? And fabulous in others.

 

On par...

[udolipixie]

Pixie, I'm finding it to be a pretty common occurrence where I'm not able to fully understand you because of how you speak. It almost seems like there is a communication barrier. Are you a native English speaker? If not, I fully understand.

I'm a native English speaker.

 

I think the issue is you're projecting onto me. Quite often you pull out that i'm telling you who you can or can't have, telling you who to settle for, etc.

 

I've often asked me to show where I stated, implied, or suggested whatever notion you got and have consistently & constantly failed to do so.

 

Perhaps try reading without the mindset that i'm out to dash your hopes and criminalize your standards?

 

As I have stated many times, my basic standard is wanting an average woman. Also in my experience, the average woman under 40 is not overweight. I don't believe wanting that is a sign of high standards.

If you're in America the average women is overweight.

 

So you no longer have any hair, breast size, body shape preferences?

It's now just vagina, under 40, and not overweight. As for attractiveness average on a scale of 1-10 a 5 to you?

 

While your standards may be average you're a below average height guy with less experience than average and sub-par confidence, self-esteem, and social skills so to me you're not really an average guy asking for an average gal.

 

It's a very immature thought to believe that somebody 30 years old is "aging."

It's not immature to me.

 

Though I can see how many would say that.

 

People tend to be sensitive about their age and it may hurt to be labeled aging and hurtful things tend to be called immature.

 

And by aging, I'm assuming you mean old as we are all aging. I remember being 15 and thinking that somebody who is 30 is old.

That as well as with the exception of sudden illnesses, murder, and life incidents closer to death.

 

As for what the other girls your age think, I'm just glad that nobody can accurately guess my age.

They don't have to guess your age to find it out. Unless you plan on neer revealing it?

Edited March 28, 2012 by udolipixie

[Teknoe]

They don't have to guess your age to find it out. Unless you plan on neer revealing it?

 

 

Right. I don't know why he even says it. It seems he tends to go for girls in their early 20s because they are "more innocent" and usually don't have the "life experience" of girls in their late 20s/early 30s.

 

I find it damaging though that he's banking on girls not being able to tell how old he is off the bat.

 

He has said the same things in the past with "they won't know I have no friends because I won't tell them." Yeah but the closer they get to you, the more they will know about you. If they never get close, you'll never have a shot at becoming their BF.

 

Kind of a catch-22.... which is why we always tell SD81 to improve on other aspects of his life. Then he wouldn't have to be so insecure.