Lionblue92 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 For those of you unfamiliar with my previous story... its about a break up on NYE. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/311724-new-years-eve-let-down My ex and I who were together for 8 months, have been broken up for about 3 months and finally had the talk. After countless times (2 months of broken up stage) of communication between us, mostly initiated from his end, I finally wrote him an email telling him how I felt when we broke up and everything. We are working/living in the area of each other this summer so it had to come out at some point. Surprisingly, he called me up and wasn't rude...finally apologized and we had about an hour and a half talk to discuss our issues. And he actually told me that at the point, he was getting a little tired of the relationship and that it came down to us having different personalities, and quirks that the other didn't like..blah blah. He also said that he was truly sorry that he hurt me to the point that I was crying and had he known it meant that much to me he would have done things differently. But he said he didn't understand why that was enough to give up the whole relationship and wished I'd told him how I felt. But i explained to him that at that point he wouldn't have listened and would of just gotten mad and it was the last straw for me. I think we learned a little more about each other and he said he gained more respect for me after me telling him how I felt and said it really hit him. He also said that in the times that we have talked since we've been broken up, its hard for him not to flirt and completely talk to me without seeing us in a relationship as how we were. I agreed, but we both could easily talk to each other knowing were not in one. Anyway, towards the end of the conversation we established that were "talking" because we still share feelings/care for one another and because were both going to be working together for a whole summer so its pretty likely. But he doesn't want to just jump and get back together and neither do I so were seeing where things can go. We go to separate colleges in different states. We had a conversation about him possibly paying for me to ride to his college and stay for a few days because he lives in Chicago and we wanted to spend some time together there before being in Ohio for 3 months. The thought of it sounds nice, and exciting. But i'm worried it may not be a good idea because we aren't in a relationship yet and it will be our first time even seeing each other in months let alone sharing the same bed for three nights. So that's what my question is about? Any advice or warnings? Different perspectives? Also can anyone tell me a proper way of handling things now that we've established that were talking? Because before we were just kind of flirtatious and I noticed that the communication was happening regularly...but we didn't admit to still sharing feelings or say we were talking I think we just kind of both knew. Thanks
Jane2011 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 So you broke up because of personality differences? He thought you guys had them, but you didn't? Who broke up with whom?
Author Lionblue92 Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 No he was just saying that he felt like we had different personalities and quirks that we didnt like about each other which caused problems... Long story short, I broke up with him because he sold me out the day before new years eve by spending it with his friends instead....the actual story/details are in the NYE thread though
Author Lionblue92 Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 So all this time, in his mind, I just broke up with him because he didn't spend a holiday with me. He hadn't looked any deeper into the situation, as I thought he did before I wrote him the email about how I really felt.
Author Lionblue92 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 So...can anyone help? I'm also a little worried he may think he doesn't have to put in as much effort because he already has me (i.e. us talking)..our last talk on the phone was on monday night and we haven't communicated a whole lot since. Like we just exchanged a few texts that i initiated.
Author Lionblue92 Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 I made the decision that I'm going to be visiting him in the next two weeks in Chicago. Any opinions or advice on if this is a good idea or should I wait it out until were working the summer together?
veggirl Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I read your OP about NYE. Facts: Your BF lied to you, blatantly and without a care and then blamed HIS LIE on YOU ("I had to lie to you!" You are in a LDR and your BF is not interested in spending precious time with you when he can (ex: NYE!) Why do you want to be with him? He is a jerk. He doesn't care about you and he is a liar! You look very weak going back to him, tbh. You should not have initiated the contact (with the heartfelt email). If he REALLY wanted you back, he would have been contacting you and apologizing and pouring out HIS heart. After 8 mos he "didn't know" that it was important to you to spend NYE together? Even though you TOLD him it was? He is full of CRAPPY excuses, gf, and you are just accepting them Now you are the only initiating all the contact. Why? Why doesn't he want to do that? What happens if you stop? Quit texting him. I bet it takes a couple days to hear from him. Because he just doesn't care. I'm sorry but he should be calling you and contacting you if he wants you. You can intiate as well, but not every time. So stop and see what happens. I just don't think this guy cares about you the way you do about him. You are going to get hurt, you should not be going on this trip and you shouldn't be maybe kinda together. He hasn't even asked you to be his gf again. Cause he doesn't want that..... 2
Author Lionblue92 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 I read your OP about NYE. Facts: Your BF lied to you, blatantly and without a care and then blamed HIS LIE on YOU ("I had to lie to you!" You are in a LDR and your BF is not interested in spending precious time with you when he can (ex: NYE!) Why do you want to be with him? He is a jerk. He doesn't care about you and he is a liar! You look very weak going back to him, tbh. You should not have initiated the contact (with the heartfelt email). If he REALLY wanted you back, he would have been contacting you and apologizing and pouring out HIS heart. After 8 mos he "didn't know" that it was important to you to spend NYE together? Even though you TOLD him it was? He is full of CRAPPY excuses, gf, and you are just accepting them Now you are the only initiating all the contact. Why? Why doesn't he want to do that? What happens if you stop? Quit texting him. I bet it takes a couple days to hear from him. Because he just doesn't care. I'm sorry but he should be calling you and contacting you if he wants you. You can intiate as well, but not every time. So stop and see what happens. I just don't think this guy cares about you the way you do about him. You are going to get hurt, you should not be going on this trip and you shouldn't be maybe kinda together. He hasn't even asked you to be his gf again. Cause he doesn't want that..... No...the email that I sent him wasn't me being the first person to initiate contact. After our break up it has always been him who initiated any contact whether it was IM/phone/or text. It was never me. And he did so in hopes that we could get back together at some point. And amidst all of the contact he never really apologized for what he did so I finally sent the email after we got off the phone and it wasn't just a heartfelt one. I told him how I felt and explained everything I didn't like and wasn't going to stand for. Theres what i said minus a few things: "You were and still are always so worried about not wanting me to have control in your life, instead of just being happy that I loved and committed to you. But for some reason, you think you can always count on me. You haven’t learned anything from our break up or relationship. But I did. I learned how you always making it seem like I was trying to get in between you and your friends…please. I know I deserve more than committing to someone who’s too concerned about everybody else that I am only an afterthought. But we were in a committed relationship in COLLEGE. And to care about something as dumb as that is such a high school mentality. I don’t need you, because on that night when I was crying on New Year’s Eve because I didn’t understand how my boyfriend of 8 months could sell me out in a heartbeat to be with his friends, I learned about you. I could NEVER forget that. I won’t depend on you, so don’t worry about it. We were Long Distance...a time to cherish each other’s company turned into a break up cause of a stupid, careless decision. You had no regard for me. And my feelings were the last thing on your mind. We’ve talked numerous times since and you could never even say “I’m sorry.” When you’re in a good relationship, couple’s value each other by knowing how to keep their friends while still taking care of their woman/man..Balance. You took me for granted then and you still do now even after months of being apart. But you can’t be in a relationship and just chill without putting in work all the way through with ANYBODY who respects them self the way a woman should. If you’re immature about what I have to say you’ll probably read this message and still won’t get it, won’t accept it and get mad. But it is without a doubt the truth and it needed to be said awhile ago, especially now that we will be working together." And he called and we talked about everything for hours. Since then I am not the one to initiate contact all the time, we both initiate. And why do you expect us to just hop right back into a relationship after the talk? I wouldnt want to because it doesnt make sense which is why we are talking. And in my opinion we are still at college and getting back together while we are long distance isn't what we want. And as I said we JUST established that we are working things out again.
Author Lionblue92 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 And since I wrote that last thread, he has been initiating contact more so.
Finallyfoundlove Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I say don't get involved with him... Instead hold yourself on the higher ground and just maintain a friendship...your young and have a lot of time ahead of you. don't let this guy bring you down and ruin any of your heart anymore than he has already. I had a guy I dated three months bail on two big events. I was very upset. He and I had insane chemistry so I let the first event slide. Second time it happened I cut off all communication. He respects me now and we do run in the same circle of people. He just wasn't ready for a committment...now he calls/texts still and it's been six months...we are friends and that's good. Friendships last a lifetime , dating my ruin that chance.
Author Lionblue92 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 That's going to take some thought because I don't know how i'm going to work/live under him for three months and not want to work things out. But summer hasn't started, so, Maybe I should lay off awhile by making no initiation of contact and let him do it all. And see how that goes
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