Andy_K Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 But you're doing a whole lot of assuming there! That the person logged in an out at exactly the same times as you, would be far fetched, but simply that they happened to be on at the same time as you, or last logged on close to the same time period? Not so much. There's a decent chance it could happen once or twice in a row. But the chances go down exponentially with each occurence. If you log in at half a dozen random times and see the same person online, the chances of it matching up to coincidence become tiny. It is slightly different if you're always logging in at specific times though - e.g lunch hour and after work - as such behaviour is entirely likely to be routine for them too.
Buck Turgidson Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 There's a decent chance it could happen once or twice in a row. But the chances go down exponentially with each occurence. If you log in at half a dozen random times and see the same person online, the chances of it matching up to coincidence become tiny. Not when you consider that if you don't specifically log out and just leave the page, OKC continues to show you as "logged in" for a pretty long time, I think it could be as long as an hour. And considering the fact that Safari and other browsers "pre-load" frequently visited sites before you even request them, you could show up as online within an hour of simply opening up a new browser tab. So relax and have a fun time dating, because dating is for fun, not for getting yourself all tied up in anxiety knots for absolutely zero reason.
RedRobin Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 If you are looking for a LTR, I'd suggest not doing OLD at all... or do it very sparingly. Most of it seems populated with the perpetual channel/date surfers who seem to have dating as their sole or primary source of socialization. Dating is kind of a hobby for them. Like fishing or knitting is for others. Or, you can do like lots of others do. Use it for random, mostly anonymous hookups while you look for a legitimate relationship IRL. In any case, if he is into multidating, make sure he pays for your date.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Wait, you have gone on zero dates with him and you expect total exclusivity from him? What? IMO men that multi-date love this mentality, because even though you are not expecting exclusivity without going on any dates, you leave that "up in the air" mentality...IT's a wild card for them to sleep with you and backup for whatever reason it is because they could just make you look ridiculous for expecting so much, especially since women are afraid to ask the important questions. You should let men know what you're looking for and you should be persistent about it, because If he's just looking to get laid then he's going consider it too much work/effort and try someone easier...someone less inquisitive and more gullible. I guess most people don't see the holes in their thought process when it comes to these type of men because they don't know how to think like one, but for the most people women make it very easy for these guys to get away with anything. The funny thing is he already answered these questions honestly when he didn't think anyone was looking...that's exactly the time when you want to take a man seriously not when he knows what answer you're looking for...not take it with a grain of salt lol...god this is what I'm talking about, are women trying to be played and naive? I swear sometimes It's just beyond me, It's like you can be pelted in the face with red flags and they'll still ask "Well....do you think I should worry?" To me that's the answer right there, you have it. Otherwise go out on a date and see what lover boy is all about, then when things go "fast" you end up in bed and then he pull out the "too fast, I'm not ready" card, just for the sake of common sense at least try to act a little less surprised and confused than you normally. 1
zengirl Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Why even bother to ask such an awkward question when the answer is probably "yes," since that's what dating IS. You should always assume that your date is not dating you exclusively until you've agreed on exclusivity. Kind of what I'd think. IMO men that multi-date love this mentality, because even though you are not expecting exclusivity without going on any dates, you leave that "up in the air" mentality...IT's a wild card for them to sleep with you and backup for whatever reason it is because they could just make you look ridiculous for expecting so much, especially since women are afraid to ask the important questions. Now this is true as well. Multi-dating and being a commitmentphobe are not the same thing, though. Just express the kind of relationship you're looking for and don't sleep with anyone on early dates if it's contrary to what you hope to build. That's a little trick I like to call "dating." I say, ASK THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS. If dating or talking to someone else casually, even prior to your first date, is a deal-breaker for you, ASK. Seriously. You cannot scare away good people who are compatible with you by asking direct questions.
threebyfate Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 This is a slight extension from another thread, but here goes: HOW DO YOU SPOT A MULTIDATER ONLINE? I recently joined OkCupid, and have a date lined up next week with a super cute guy, who I've been emailing back and forth. We seem to have a lot in common, bla bla bla. In the stupid OKC 'questions', he sounds like a player (doesn't everyone though?), saying he is only interested in sex right now (not true love), and that he would date multiple people at one time, etc. But, his profile says interested in new friends, short & long term dating. I realize most guys on these free dating sites are dating many women at one time, but how do you really know? I guess you don't. Like another poster has brought up, he ALWAYS seems to be online.. SO, other than this lame questionnaire, how do I spot a multi dater? How should I go about this date with self-proclaimed 'multidater' ?This guy's been upfront with you about what he's looking for. If you're unwilling to provide or dislike multidaters, why did you accept a date with him? With guys, believe everything negative they say about themselves and take the positive with a grain of salt. Otherwise, you're going to be one of those crying girls the morning after you've had sex and he hasn't contacted. Move on before you start investing.
Jane2011 Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I'm just surprised to hear that OkCupid provides so many prospects for people that they can multi-date. I was on it for a while and was lucky to find one person I wanted to go on a date with; there was no way I could be talking to five or six guys at once and have dates lined up with all of them around the same time. If OkCupid were that good to me, I'd still be on it...
Emilia Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Not really... if someone is online every time you are, chances are they must be on a LOT of times when you aren't. Otherwise it would be an incredible coincidence to both keep logging in and out at exactly the same time! I think there are peak times in a day when most people log in though
Lobouspo Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 He pretty much answered that on his questionaire didn't he? He isnt deceiving anyone, you know what he is looking for
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I am on OKC and I never even enter correspondence with anyone who has answered ANY of the questions "would be ok with an open relationship" "looking for sex more than love" etc etc. If they say so, you BETTER believe it. Why are you even bothering? OKC is great because it provides you with in depth questions about ethics, sex, lifestyle - so you better use it to your advantage! I go through 100s of match questions if someone I am interested in answered them. Even if he answered them all positively - you should still be cautious.
Author paloma22 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 I am on OKC and I never even enter correspondence with anyone who has answered ANY of the questions "would be ok with an open relationship" "looking for sex more than love" etc etc. If they say so, you BETTER believe it. Why are you even bothering? OKC is great because it provides you with in depth questions about ethics, sex, lifestyle - so you better use it to your advantage! I go through 100s of match questions if someone I am interested in answered them. Even if he answered them all positively - you should still be cautious. Ya, you are right. And its a very valid point. He seems to be the only guy I am somewhat interested in on the site. We have a lot in common and i enjoy our emailing. So, I guess it may be worth still going, but keep in mind that i know going in what he's looking for. I suppose I don't exactly know what I'm looking for either, just to see what happens. I don't think I'm looking for a casual fling, but i suppose that is a natural notion. Anyways, ya, I better believe thats what he's looking for because its written in b & w.
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