Foreverstrong Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I can't believe I am saying this but I am 19 with no friends but my boyfriend, and that itself is a rocky relationship at the moment. I used to have friends... after graduation last June my 2nd last friend just cut me out of her life. And then after Christmas it was my last friends turn because she wasn't interested in having friends when she was writing a novel. I have a social anxiety disorder which makes it extremely difficult to make new friends, let a lone have a conversation with people. I recently went through a really tough fight with my boyfriend and tried messaging my old friends but they all ignored my pleas. Since I am 19 I was still young enough to turn to Kids Help Phone for some support and kind of some "girl talk" I really want to have a couple of friends but everything seems so difficult. I can't seem to carry a conversation with any of the women in my college classes and they all have established friendships now... Does anyone know any websites that are good for being able to actually talk to people and be able to make friendships, even if they are online only?
AriesBunny Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 What is your disorder and have you considered therapy?
brokenTom Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I also suffer from social anxiety and understand the frustrations with making and maintaining friends. What I did years ago was join a meetup group near me that dealt with similar issues. I met a bunch of other people who were surprising worse off then me... and I thought I was bad! I did form a close relationship there, but it also helped give me perspective and taught me some good techniques on how to battle the bad thoughts (we all went through a cognitive therapy course together) Earlier in my life I used to have pen pals, and that was a great way to share my feelings without feeling the pressures of socializing face-to-face. I'm actually currently considering doing this again because my closest friend is practically unavailable right now and I'm sorta desperate myself. It's rough, but hang in there you are DEFINITELY NOT alone with your feelings. There are plenty of warm people around the world and also nearby that would be happy as a clam to have you as a friend and be able to talk freely about all kinds of stuff.
brokenTom Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Oh, and I did the penpal thing nearly ten years ago, I think through penpalworld.com, or something like that... I had great luck but I'd not recommend that now because there are probably a lot of stalkers on there. Be careful, if you choose to do that maybe get a P.O. box instead of using your home address.
Author Foreverstrong Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Having a social anxiety disorder means that I feel an intense anxiety when put in certain social situations. I have a hard time looking people in the eye, asking for the time or even just saying hi. I am constantly terrified of being embarrassed by saying something... I have never had a lot of friends but every friend I have had has turned on me at some point so that really doesn't help either. I have considered counselling but I cannot afford it, there are no group sessions in my small town, I tried online support groups but they were either filled with people just talking about stupid things or there were conflicts that scared me and I left them. I once tried a website called inter pals but I found it turned into something like more of a dating website rather than a pen pal website. I just don't know how much longer I can go without an actual friend to vent to and talk with. My boyfriend and I are attempting to make things better and it is just going to put stress on our relationship if my whole like is rotating around his company.
Dust Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Hello friend! You're going to be "A" O.K. Heres a big hug and a present just for you. The present is my friendship. We are now best forum buddies you and I. So whats up best forum buddy ol pal?
JesseJames Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 hmmmmm Live chat? I used FICS and ISC for games and live chat. Thank you for making me aware of this disorder. I think my Fed Ex driver might have something like this. She ignored us while hand-delivering a simple package somehow, kept talking to and petting a cat, waited until we went back inside to stop molesting our cat on a game farm in the middle of a corn field, and she then said she may steal the cat if she could loud enough for me to hear it in the damned garage. She was forties, bright red hair, tattoos on her hands and stuff.... I was like.... where's my.... ah there's my .380. Uh oh I just ranted. Well I'm out in the countryside to rid myself of crazy people ya know? Out here, they only want to act even crazier. Time to engineer a killing breed of emu. Go away people, go away!
ponsettia Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I'm socially awkward, can't speak to other people etc. I don't have any friends where I live, they all moved away when the Recession started! I still talk to them online though. I don't know who any of my neighbours are and you hardly ever see anyone around here, but I go into town every day even if it's just to buy a newspaper, and usually someone will speak! I'm not as bad as I used to be, I can now strike up conversations with people in line at the bank or whatever. It's very hard work to 'train' yourself to speak to other people, but you start off by nodding, then progress to "hello", then "isn't the weather lovely/awful". Could you maybe take up a hobby that involves going out and meeting people? I joined a gym and started off talking to the staff, then to other gym members and am still on speaking terms with them. You can do it, it might take a while, but it is possible to get yourself out there and meet people. Good luck!
NotKelly Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 I don't get how people with social anxiety can even HAVE boyfriends or girlfriends in the first place. That makes no sense. Obviously, you were able to socialize well enough to attract a boyfriend...
brokenTom Posted March 31, 2012 Posted March 31, 2012 I don't get how people with social anxiety can even HAVE boyfriends or girlfriends in the first place. That makes no sense. Obviously, you were able to socialize well enough to attract a boyfriend... People are attracted to each other for many different reasons and some of us can look past social skills and see the real person. Some people are even attracted to shyness. It is true, however, that it is more difficult for shy folks, but many times all it takes is one person to help them overcome that and open up. With two people with relatively equal amounts of anxiety, knowing they can relate can create a bond. There are many ways it makes sense and works, and the proof can be seen in many long lasting couples/marriages where one or both partners have some type of social anxiety.
CopingGal Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 You can be socially anxious and still have a boyfriend. I had boyfriends, but I can be socially anxious as well. Some people can do one on one with certain types of people. After that, it gets hard.
CopingGal Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I can't believe I am saying this but I am 19 with no friends but my boyfriend, and that itself is a rocky relationship at the moment. I used to have friends... after graduation last June my 2nd last friend just cut me out of her life. And then after Christmas it was my last friends turn because she wasn't interested in having friends when she was writing a novel. I have a social anxiety disorder which makes it extremely difficult to make new friends, let a lone have a conversation with people. I recently went through a really tough fight with my boyfriend and tried messaging my old friends but they all ignored my pleas. Since I am 19 I was still young enough to turn to Kids Help Phone for some support and kind of some "girl talk" I really want to have a couple of friends but everything seems so difficult. I can't seem to carry a conversation with any of the women in my college classes and they all have established friendships now... Does anyone know any websites that are good for being able to actually talk to people and be able to make friendships, even if they are online only? You can PM me. We can start a friendship. But you have to remember, just because you want to be friends with a person, doesn't mean it will work out. There's personalities, interests, and many other factors. But that is with any relationship, even on line. You can pm me dear.
CopingGal Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I don't get how people with social anxiety can even HAVE boyfriends or girlfriends in the first place. That makes no sense. Obviously, you were able to socialize well enough to attract a boyfriend... It does make sense. I have some social anxiety but I have had boyfriends. With social anxiety you have anxiety across different situations with many different people, but not with every single person on earth.
Professor X Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 It does make sense. I have some social anxiety but I have had boyfriends. With social anxiety you have anxiety across different situations with many different people, but not with every single person on earth. 1. She can't PM anyone. 2. She isn't active here anymore as you can see. 3. Were you diagnosed by a professional as one who suffers from social anxiety? Or did you self diagnose?
brokenTom Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 3. Were you diagnosed by a professional Why is a professional needed to tell you how you feel?
shorty7 Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 While I don't think I suffer from anything as severe as the OP says, I have a hard time connecting with people and making close friends as well. I found it easier to be part of an online community first, getting to know a person from the inside out. Take LS for an example. Here, you've obviously got your "star" personalities or top posters who frequent here and have established views and opinions that stand out strongly and may have connecting/common views with you. I think those people might agree with me that there are users on this board out there that they can identify with or even be friends with if given the chance, just based on the quality of the posts that come from the other person behind the monitor. If there's chemistry in interests and/or beliefs, there is a chance for friendship regardless of where you are in the world. I guess I'm weird in that sense; I just seem to connect with people with what they write on an anonymous internet forum more than I do with guessing or wondering what the hell people are thinking on the back of their blank, fake smiles. For whatever reason, not having the physical appearance deterring from the conversation seems to help me acquaint myself better.
brokenTom Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I guess I'm weird in that sense; I don't think you are weird at all for having that attitude. Like you said, it can be a better way of getting to know someone. They say body language makes up most of how we communicate, but with someone who suffers from anxiety it can give off the WRONG impression, and in this case it's better to avoid that especially at first. A person is more then the fears and insecurities they might project to the outside world. Everyone has an inner voice, some of us have an easier time then others expressing that, and nothing is weird about approaching that in whatever way is most comfortable to you. Artists do it by creating art, poets by creating poetry, comics by using humour, etc... we don't all need to do it by attending a party and putting out a nice slick first-impression.
Professor X Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Why is a professional needed to tell you how you feel? Cause social anxiety disorder has a medical definition, and as such comes with specific symptoms, behaviors, treatment ways, etc, and has nothing to do with purely how you feel. That's like saying I suffer from narcissistic personality disorder cause I love myself - that's being super presumptuous. So please, there's a reason why doctors study for many years.
brokenTom Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 So please, there's a reason why doctors study for many years.Yeah, to take your money! The poster you responded to did not mention having the "disorder", only that she suffers from some of it's attributes... I realize it's kind of a fuzzy line here, but social anxiety is often self-evident, like depression. If you are seeking medical attention for the chronic & debilitating form of any psychiatric disorder, then yeah, I agree you should consult a professional for a more proper diagnoses.
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