flyaway Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I am 22 and including my current boyfriend, I have had 3 sex partners. Each of those was a LTR though (1 year or more of dating), so not casual at all. My boyfriend was a virgin before we got together. He knows all about my past and I have been honest, but sometimes I wonder if he feels bad about me having past partners. I think he told me once that he doesn't think about it at all. I am not sure why I think that. I worry. We have been together over a year. I guess that is just regret on my part and I am projecting onto him. I did not regret my past relationships for a long time but now I guess it is really sinking in.
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Ask him one more time if it matters. It only matters if he makes a big deal out of it.
Author flyaway Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 I have asked him I think about 2 months ago, and he said that it doesn't matter now and while he doesn't like the idea of other men having sex with me, he doesn't think about it because WE are together now. I guess I worry that he'll start to want to have more sex with others or want a virgin instead of me. I think part of my anxiety was triggered by a visit of a couple friends we have (they are a couple). The guy friend got a little drunk and proclaimed that he would NEVER be a non-virgin because that's "disgusting". The girl said "ewwww I would be so ashamed if I had any previous partners before him." My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage in the far future and are moving in together very soon. Our relationship is great, very few fights, great times together. I worry about losing him from time to time.
Tayla Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Ask him one more time if it matters. It only matters if he makes a big deal out of it. Wooahhhh....Hopefully you are not implying that things ONLY MATTER if he says it does??? Yes its absolutely necessary to examine ones values and re-access if they are worthy of keeping or moderately updating thru small changes..... The OP is healthy...normal and definitely worthy of being regarded...whatever her past relations were. I wish her the best in standing tall in the face of an endearing one questioning her "expereinces".
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Yep. That's exactly what I'm saying, Tayla. I think part of my anxiety was triggered by a visit of a couple friends we have (they are a couple). The guy friend got a little drunk and proclaimed that he would NEVER be a non-virgin because that's "disgusting". The girl said "ewwww I would be so ashamed if I had any previous partners before him.". Screw what these idiots think. Stop letting fools give you anxiety.
make me believe Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I have asked him I think about 2 months ago, and he said that it doesn't matter now and while he doesn't like the idea of other men having sex with me, he doesn't think about it because WE are together now. This is a normal, healthy attitude for him to have. Good for him! This is how MOST people feel about their partners' past sexual experience. I don't relish the idea of my husband having sex with other girls, but it doesn't bother me because his experiences made him who he is today, and plus he's only having sex with ME now. I think part of my anxiety was triggered by a visit of a couple friends we have (they are a couple). The guy friend got a little drunk and proclaimed that he would NEVER be a non-virgin because that's "disgusting". The girl said "ewwww I would be so ashamed if I had any previous partners before him." Ugh! Your friends are idiots! First of all, that guy sounds like a complete loser and his statement is totally offensive. Also, he's going to limit his dating pool severely if non-virgins are "disgusting" (I'm guessing he doesn't have the same opinion of non-virgin guys :rolleyes:) And as for his girlfriends response.... well, she is probably a regular insecure college girl, so I wouldn't really expect her to say anything else when her bf says something so stupid. A secure, more mature girl would tell him off for being such an ass, but this chick is probably very concerned with being "perfect" for her bf and blah blah. Anyway, their attitudes are NOT normal, and NOT common. I've never met somebody in their early 20s who thinks non-virgins are "disgusting," unless maybe it was a super religious guy or something. So you don't need to worry about what other people think just because your friends are morons. Honestly your boyfriend sounds like a great guy. Stop worrying about your past, and STOP bringing it up! Just enjoy what you have with him and be thankful you're not dating a total douche like your friend up there.
samsungxoxo Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I think part of my anxiety was triggered by a visit of a couple friends we have (they are a couple). The guy friend got a little drunk and proclaimed that he would NEVER be a non-virgin because that's "disgusting". The girl said "ewwww I would be so ashamed if I had any previous partners before him." My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage in the far future and are moving in together very soon. Our relationship is great, very few fights, great times together. I worry about losing him from time to time.If he's ok being with you that's all that matters. As for the guy friend I'm suprised your bf hasn't ditch him by now. I bet that guy friend of his is not even a virgin himself. That's what I would call typical hypocritical men with double standards. If someone is going to demand something, at least be what you're looking for also. It would be understanding if a virgin has demanding a virgin.
RiverRunning Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Stop asking him if he's okay with it before you inadvertently start to breed some insecurity. If you're always around someone who's nervous about something, it can rub off on you. And that may well be the very thing that makes him start wondering if he's missing out by not sleeping with other women. I think it would do you well to have one last conversation about it - including if he has any desires to sleep with other women, etc. - and then table it permanently. You're very lucky to have a partner who's okay with your past.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I am 22 and including my current boyfriend, I have had 3 sex partners. Each of those was a LTR though (1 year or more of dating), so not casual at all. My boyfriend was a virgin before we got together. He knows all about my past and I have been honest, but sometimes I wonder if he feels bad about me having past partners. I think he told me once that he doesn't think about it at all. I am not sure why I think that. I worry. We have been together over a year. I guess that is just regret on my part and I am projecting onto him. I did not regret my past relationships for a long time but now I guess it is really sinking in. Just stop it. You'll drive yourself crazy. It is highly unlikely that your boyfriend ponders the issue at all. Besides, even IF a significant number of past sexual partners was noteworthy... yours isn't "significant", AND guys are certainly known/willing to make such 'sacrifices' for a woman they desire. 1
Author flyaway Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 You're right guys. I guess I'm just being stupid. I'm going to do my best to move on from this issue. Yeah those friends are kinda stupid. They are fun to be around but sometimes say stupid things with a little alcohol. Neither of them are religious at all. I guess they are just very judgemental people at times. My boyfriend is a great guy and I'm very lucky. I guess that is why I worry about losing him. but wouldn't it suck if all my worry about losing him is what made me actually lose him? That would hurt so much. I dunno, I guess I just worry from time to time cause it seems like while girls are more accepting of a crazy past, guys freak out if a woman has any past partners. I do not have a crazy past and haven't partied or anything, only did stuff with men that I loved and was with. The one detail I did give to my bf was that the other 2 guys I was with had ejac issues (not their fault or anything) and I was worried at the time about pregnancy so I never let them ejac inside of me and they never did, not even in a CONDOM. My bf was as pleased as punch to be the first for that. So at least I could give him that.
Chi townD Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Wow girl, you need to chill out. You one of the lucky ones. You're thinking that he's too good to be true and you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Just be happy. And give ol' boy some good toe curling monkey sex for being a good guy. They're a rare breed. I should know! I'm one of them! Sorry ladies, I'm off the market...
Author flyaway Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 lol, will do. he gets alot already too.
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