sweetheart5381 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I guess the question is, at what point do you see that person for who they really are? I have very mixed feelings at the moment. I am not the sort of person interested in blame, I want the truth. Where does the truth lie, in my perception of his behaviours prior to, during and after relationship or in his perception of mine... or is it somewhere in between? I have had some contact with the ex - we were NC for several weeks but have since shared some dialogue. This has caused conflict inside for me. It has me wondering if I either see him through "rose-coloured glasses" or "painted black". There is no logic in love... guess that's why it's blind
january2011 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Sometimes that point is reached when the dumper does something very bad and effectively throws the dumpee under the bus. The shock to the system is enough for the dumpee to remove his/her rose-tinted glasses. But that's just one possibility. The event that will give you your eureka moment may be completely different.
flitzanu Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I guess the question is, at what point do you see that person for who they really are? I have very mixed feelings at the moment. I am not the sort of person interested in blame, I want the truth. Where does the truth lie, in my perception of his behaviours prior to, during and after relationship or in his perception of mine... or is it somewhere in between? I have had some contact with the ex - we were NC for several weeks but have since shared some dialogue. This has caused conflict inside for me. It has me wondering if I either see him through "rose-coloured glasses" or "painted black". There is no logic in love... guess that's why it's blind while we are in love and happy, we never attribute human actions to them. once they leave us, we start believing they must be a monster. but all along, they were still just human, and you chose not to remember that they are as infallible as everyone else. the only logic in love is that love is selfish. "if i love you, i don't want you to go" and "i don't love you, so i'm leaving". there is no "i love you, don't go" and "oh ok you love me but i don't love you so i'll stay" (of course love + love = awesome, but irrelevant to the above) 1
OptimisticChiq Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 the only logic in love is that love is selfish. "if i love you, i don't want you to go" and "i don't love you, so i'm leaving". there is no "i love you, don't go" and "oh ok you love me but i don't love you so i'll stay" (of course love + love = awesome, but irrelevant to the above) "oh ok you love me but i don't love you so i'll stay" kind of happened to me a long time ago. with the 1st guy I dated. he didn't really "stay", he kept me as a friend and strung me along because i was so vulnerable. I learned from that. I used to put that guy into a pedestal (I called him Italian demi-god would you believe!) without listening to what everyone was telling me. - I saw him realistically 3 years later after it happened and when I dated a new guy. I learned my lesson from there. For the second guy I got involved with, I saw him more realistically BEFORE the relationship as we knew each other as friends for a while, and also had a longer "getting to know"/"testing the guy's mettle" stage than the 1st guy. Though we aren't together anymore, I can say that pretty much helped in establishing a good relationship.. and understand why we didn't work out. I still love the second guy though despite his imperfections. 1
Author sweetheart5381 Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 The ex and I have continued to communicate, it has been difficult at times and harsh words have been spoken in the last few weeks. Surprisingly, we are still communicating even after these heated exchanges. It seems to be a slow road where pride has to take a backseat to the best interests of the relationship, whether it is as friends or as lovers. We are finally seeing each other for who we really are and appear to accept one another's faults to some extent (since we are both still reaching out to one another). We are both Scorpios too - it seems to be true that when 2 Scorpios get together it is seriously intense! Two very passionate people together can make for quite the roller-coaster ride of emotion.
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