staringspace Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 My ex and I were involved with each other for nearly 4 years and a month ago we broke it off completely, due to a lot of reasons - he was really hurting me, he never made the effort, and the trigger was that I saw some picture of him and this other girl getting 'cosy'. After all this time of NC and now I'm back from uni (he's due to be getting back to our hometown soon) I'm feeling a little awful about it all. I made the stupid decision to have a quick glance at his facebook profile today, and that exact same girl from the picture (he knows I've never been fond of her, as we know her from home) has been getting quite pally with him, tagging him and her in places on their own and the likes. I'm so angry that it's being brandished over facebook (the first one of this I saw was a week after we broke it off) and so hurt that after all we've been through, he could just move on like this (after saying he "wouldn't be keen seeing me with anyone else", and that he cared and wanted to be friends). I don't know what's going on, granted - but if anything does happen with her, I most definitely won't want any contact with him. We said we'd try and be friends, and I'd find it hard not to have him in my life - he was there supporting me when my mum died, and I just can't stand him being in that memory now, when we've broken up. He was so good back then - but two months after (at uni) he cheated on me, and he never helped me regain my trust in him at all. My mind is all over the place about whether I want him as a friend, or not at all - but having similar friendship circles at home would make it hard to avoid each other. Sorry if this reads awfully - to summarize, I do want him in my life as a friend if I can handle it, but right now I feel like he's throwing everything we had down the drain, as if it was nothing. I'm finding it hard to move on as it is with the massive changes I've been going through, and I'm just so scared that he could hurt me more, even when I'm not in a relationship with him.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 If you can't handle seeing his Facebook , then you can't handle being friends. No reason to be friends while you are still hurting, and seeing his fb page with him and this girl will keep hurting you.
bretthernan Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 No you can't be friends. He's broken his end of the deal. He's already betrayed your friendship by saying he's not going to find someone else so quick. That hurts because it shows a lack of love and concern for your well-being and his lack of honesty. The previous incident where he cheated on you is a sure sign that he doesn't truly care about the feelings of the other person. You aren't obliged to trust him as a friend at all and you shouldn't let him hurt you any more now. Try not to worry about the choices your ex is making. If you need to keep track of what he's doing in his love life then do it because it will help you to get closure. The problem with relationships is we tend to make them mentally exist as though they will continue for the rest of our lives so when they end it's like someone has died. Let yourself grieve but always remember that it really is over. It's never easy and it's never fun and the pain never goes away but you do start to get used to it. It's easy to wallow in the pain because at the end that's all you have left of the relationship and you wanted it to work but don't let yourself keep the pain alive because that's all there is that's left. Realize each day that the sad fact is that it didn't work out because that person wasn't the right one for you and it's over now. You might think that he was the right one for you and remember all the ways he pleased you but he just seemed like he was the one and you're not wrong to have loved him like he actually was. A basket full of puppies is adorable and they all look like they'd be great to keep but in reality there's only just one in there that's meant for you that you're going to keep. You have to live your life for you as number one and put him aside as number 347. One day you will find your special 'puppy'. Right now the most important person for you is you. 1
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