budley12 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I pass my ex on campus a few times a week and it is one of the most awkward feelings to deal with. I want to say hi and ask how things have been (been NC for 7weeks now), however I feel angry and betrayed and I ignore him and pretend not to see him. If he wasnt dating the person he said "he would never date" and didnt break up with me to be with this new person I would be able to stay civil. I am just wondering how you guys deal with seeing an ex multiple times a week and knowing that they dont want to be with you and have found someone else. I miss my ex so much and am getting close to breaking NC to attempt to be civil and maybe become friends again. Yet I am still in love so I dont think I am ready yet... why are first loves so hard to deal with? -it has been months after the break up and I still seem caught in this grieving phase.
january2011 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 You grit your teeth, focus on facts and just get yourself through each day as best you can. Start small. Focus on getting through the next minute. The next hour, the next day, next week, etc. Find an outlet for your feelings, e.g., venting to friends or on here. Focus on productive distractions, e.g., school, family, friends, extracurricular activities. Unfortunately, there is no fast forward button, especially when you can't cut off contact completely. You just have to live through the pain and then over time, it gets better. 1
Author budley12 Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 but how do I act towards my ex when I pass him? As of now I just ignore him completely and pretend he doesnt exist. I want to talk to him so badly, but the main reason would to hope for a spark again. How do I reignite a spark when your ex is dating someone new, and you completely ignore him to protect yourself from reopening wounds. Do I try to make small talk and say "hi", or do I continue ignoring him and maybe next semester try and reignite something?
darkmoon Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 (edited) yes but move on too and see how he likes u enjoying life, all dressed up, i think in wanting to ignite a spark by saying hello in passing u have a good idea but too much hello-ing with no signs of liveliness, or being taken out by or friends with other men, could come across as a little needy to some - let him worry about u out and about and bring out your scintillating self so that he sees u as one he regretted dropping Edited March 27, 2012 by darkmoon 2
nature Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 but how do I act towards my ex when I pass him? As of now I just ignore him completely and pretend he doesnt exist. I want to talk to him so badly, but the main reason would to hope for a spark again I hate to say it, but there is NOTHING you can do to get that spark happening again while he is in the honeymoon period of a rebound relationship. Ignoring him is your best course of action. Look happy, walk proudly, hold your head high, and don't let him see you hurting. Let him go thru this. Let him do this. Do not approach him. Do not try to be civil. Ignore him. He dumped you for someone else. Ignore him as you have been doing. Try to avoid him. Walk a different path if you need to. Right now his mind is preoccupied on the new girl, as much as it hurts. But one day, that honeymoon period will fade, and he will step down off his high horse, reality will hit him, and suddenly he'll start to think about you and wonder where you are and what you are up to. If you try to be civil and friendly right now it will only seem like desperation to him, even if you are just trying to act like a friend. Have pride and class and avoid him. 2
darkmoon Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 (edited) nature is right - but be of good cheer - because he fancied u before now let's see how he likes u single and out there - u might meet a genuinely better guy Edited March 27, 2012 by darkmoon 1
bretthernan Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 The only reason you feel so bad is because you think that if you stop and talk he may fall in love with you again. The problem is not everyone actually even knows what that is or really does fall in love with you when you fall in love with them. Some people just can't as they aren't mentally or emotionally equipped for that type of sharing. They do a good job of mimicking but it's all for their own benefit. Stay away from them! If he started going out with someone that he promised you he wasn't dumping you for then he isn't worth going after as your feelings don't matter to him and he's insensitive. I think he's one of those who love only themselves and if that's the case you're better off without him. More than likely he's found someone who's equally as emotionally crippled as himself to go out with now and he will discover over time that that person isn't going to give him the same kind of affection that you did and that relationship will end because he remembers your type of loving. However by that time you're going to have gone past him so many times that you'll be used to not being with him and then you'll have to seriously consider if that's the kind of person you want give your love to. As you go past him think at him: 'You can't have me.' 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Here is how I would do it. My ex was terribly mentally abusive, and verbally abusive after his fake charm wore off. It was an awful end to a toxic relationship. I am one to hold grudges==it is my nature and I can't help it as much as I would like. If the hurt was intentional, I cut that person off forever. And rightly so. In my case if I ran into my ex, I would be in the best of moods, all smiles, "hey; it's nice to see you again!!"--no reason why I should look terrible in his eyes. Let your last encounter make a good impression; he will be baffled, but can't help but think of you in a good light. 1
Recommended Posts