poisongirl Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I've been with my bf for about 10 months, we're both in our mid-20's and really happy together. He had been single for years before he met me due to an evil ex gf, due to this hes been very hesitant with his feelings. I told him I loved him 6 months into it and I am yet to hear it back...I do know he does though. I've been really patient with him cause I love him and understand where he's coming from etc. Surprisingly, even despite his hesitancy he has spoken about marriage a lot. He's told me we will get married someday and I really do think he is the one. Fast forward to the problem, he's planning on moving overseas in about 6 months time. He's asked me to move with him (and I have agreed, I'll be moving after I've finished my degree, I'm currently a student but only have 3 months left). My parents recently split up and the whole family has gone their separate ways, I was living with my dad buts hes moving. I could stay with my mum but I'd rather not...I asked my bf if I could stay with him (I'm at his place a lot anyway) and he told me hes not keen. He claims hes seen many relationships ruined after moving in together and he likes what we have. This would have been ok with me...he's clearly not ready...however, he wants me to move countries with him?? I'm not sure what to do or how to approach this, I don't want to push him into it. I don't push him with anything. I really need advice, should I leave the issue alone or should I bring it up again? I would have thought us living together prior to moving to another country would have been a good relatively safe trial run? I basically live with him already so I don't really see what the big deal is? Opinions/ advice would be great!
Ursa Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I find this a little confusing, as I suppose I assumed you were planning to live together in the other country. Are you following him to another country, and finding your own separate accomodation once you're there? Are you moving to an expensive country, or will you be relatively wealthy there? Do you have any idea what your job prospects will be there?
steve38 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Trying to remember when I was in his position and yeah, I don't think he is sincere in any of this. If I cared for a girl and was serious about her, its a no brainer to have her come stay with me. In fact, I would be excited about it. Sorry for your situation now, but don't sell yourself short, you're not poison..lol.
Author poisongirl Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 He's going over a few months before me to set a place up for us while I sort some things out (ie passport etc), job prospects there are a lot better for what I want to get into so its a win win for me really. It just seems that him not wanting me to stay with him is kinda contradictory?
Ursa Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Okay, so he does NOT want to live with you for a few months now because it might ruin your relationship, but he DOES want to live with you once you're in a foreign country with no friends and family as a backup network? If that's the case, yes, it's extremely contradictory and kind of--weird. Is he usually given to massive logic glitches? If he's not ready to live together at all, that's one thing, but he's sending very mixed signals here while asking for a massive leap of faith on your part. Let me ask you this, what is your plan for if things should fall through with this relationship while you are living abroad? Would you remain in the other country on your own, or would you go back to your country of origin and face the same uncertain housing and job circumstances you are facing now? I think it's important to be understanding and patient with loved ones...however, I would caution you to look at this situation more objectively. There are multiple warning lights flashing. One you have already identified, another is that he remained single for several years due to an 'evil' ex. In truth, most emotionally healthy young people get their hearts broken as part of growing up--they manage to suffer major romantic disappointments without reacting so extremely that they close themselves off for years and still vilify the ex this far down the road. They hurt bad for a while, but then pick themselves up, dust themselves off and start all over again in a much more reasonable timeframe (hopefully a bit wiser than they were before). I don't know the actual backstory there so I could certainly be off-base, but it is something to think about. Move to another country if you consider it all a big adventure, and you have a safety net to return to if you have to come back home. OR, move to another country if that's where YOU really want to be, and you plan to stay there no matter what, and make a life for yourself there. However, I would strongly advise against moving if it's mostly because that's what' he's doing, and you've got all your hopes and dreams pinned on this relationship.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Yeah, he is definately contradicting himself here. You need to ask him what's going on. The whole thing is weird actually, he refuses to say ILY back, but is talking about marriage and wants you to move with him to another country. Sounds a little backwards to me. Are you sure that he wants you to live with him in the other country? Has he actually SAID this? Sit him down and tell him what your feelings are. Basically everything you just told us. Get some straight answers from him, this just doesn't make sense to me.
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