sLiPpeTh Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 David Wong | Cracked.com Anyone bother to take a look at who wrote the article? That uh, uh, well I can't say it's male, but it's also apparently not female. Honestly, it kind of looks like 70's sitcom Maude without a wig.
verhrzn Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I admit I feel powerless. I wish I'd been born male. I feel like guys do have it hard in some ways, but my personality and style is a lot more masculine than feminine. Guys may have it harder in some ways, but I'd have a much easier time as a male than a female.
dasein Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I don't feel powerless in interpersonal relations, the contrary actually. I feel powerless in political and cultural life. New raw power beyond measure for all of us technologically makes up for some of that though, and may be just the thing to affect the political and cultural in the end. The internet is at the stage, compared to tv, when all television shows were live, in B&W, and came into homes onto a tiny 12-20" screen, who knows where it will end up in the next couple of decades.
Feelsgoodman Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 All this is irrelevant to me since I'm in a non-traditional marriage. If men want a traditional SAHM, better be prepared to pay the traditional consequences, if your marriage doesn't work out. Unfortunately, it's not as simple as avoiding the marital vows. The common law has proven to be quite adept at dealing with people who want to avoid the legal consequences of a failed marriage. Around here, one year of cohabitation is all it takes for someone to be considered your "common law spouse"
zengirl Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I don't feel powerless often and when I do, it's not been because of my gender. I suppose the only time I worry about feeling powerless, that's related to my gender, is a political issue and usually stems from any of the attacks the religious rights try to make on a woman's right to choose. I don't really think they'll win much and it won't impact my every day life, but it is scary to think some people could see a woman as a human incubator. Then again, some people see all sorts of gross things about all sorts of people. I don't really feel like most men see life that way or seek to disenfranchise me, so it's cool. Mostly when I feel powerless, it's because I'm in a society that doesn't share my political values and I can see many in the world that do but they won't let me join them. *shrugs* C'est la vie. I make do. This is the issue. That male rightists enjoy the comforts of having the built in free domestic labour/sex partner/child minder who gives up her working years to take care of everything and everyone besides herself, then they scream bloody murder when they find they have to pay to support her post divorce. Hello? Woman has no employable skills since she gave up her career years to raise a family and take care of all the man's domestic needs. Well, yeah. I do think a SAHH/D should have the same rights as a SAHW/M and from what I've seen, they basically do, though they don't have the same social acceptance (mostly among men) yet. I really just don't see that as a woman's issue anymore, since couples are free to make ALL kinds of arrangements, from the traditional SAHW to allowing the Dad to stay home to having both parties work to having one person work and the other work PT from home if you have small kids and a huge array of modern possibilities. Anyone who chooses a SAH partner should know they're electing to support that person, both in marriage and for at least some time (few states have lifetime alimony) if the marriage potentially fails. I've never understood why that's a "lady" issue. I suppose because not many men choose to sacrifice their careers and stay home -- but I know some who have.
RiverRunning Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I once heard, "Marriage is for the man and divorce is for the woman." Generally, men get a housekeeper, cook, nanny and paramour all wrapped in one in a marriage (look at the polls - even though more women are working, they're still doing the majority of the errands, housework and childcare. That's one gender role that hasn't yet eroded). The divorce? ALIMONY. CHILD SUPPORT. I never did realize though that some men get so completely screwed in divorce proceedings. I always rolled my eyes at men who complained about having to pay child support (uh, if you only get the kid on the weekends and she's paying for most of the kid's stuff - YOU'RE HIS DAD). But to hear there are some guys paying alimony years later and the ex-wife is putting off getting married just so she can continue to collect alimony...that's unreal. For what it's worth, I would never ask for a dime for myself from an ex-husband. Child support? Definitely. To that extent, I would be paying to take care of my kid too. Maybe I'm too proud but I could never see myself asking for alimony. I've definitely felt powerless. A lot of that has to do with being overweight, though, and generally being treated by men like I'm disgusting or should otherwise be kept locked away somewhere. I feel powerless in the sense that we're still conditioned in the dating realm to believe that men are the choosers and the women are the chosen. I stopped bothering to message people because the men I encountered did not pull any punches in ripping into me. Apparently messages of, "Hi, you seem interesting, could you tell me more about..." should always be returned with, "Sorry, don't think it would work, you look too fat to me, and..." Makes me feel sorry for girls who are REALLY fat. By body fat composition and appearance, most folks would call me 'chubby.' The whole dating set-up is a power play. Even getting engaged and married is a power play: there are women just sitting idly by, growing resentful and angry, because the guy hasn't popped the question yet. And if SHE asks, she may risk offending him or she risks that her family and society will just pummel them with pressure ("He must not be that interested in you if he couldn't get up the balls to propose."). Then there's the issue of who pays for the date? What do you do, what do you say (and this is on both sides of the fence)? Who asks who out? I don't know. I don't get it. SINGLE FOR LIFE. 2
joystickd Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I agree with Woggle. Let's be honest one side thinks the other has it easier. Some on this forum are looking for ways to have more control in their interactions. I don't mean controlling the other person but more of an equal footing with the other person. Honestly one of the things these people can do is stop accepting bad behavior. Another is work on yourself. Do things other than focus on dating. Its amazing that once you get into the groove of doing what you enjoy that positive feeling spreads into your pursuit of companionship. 2
joystickd Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I feel powerless in the sense that we're still conditioned in the dating realm to believe that men are the choosers and the women are the chosen. . That concept of choosing is funny to me. I guess I usually think of pimpin when that comes up. They say the prostitute chooses the pimp. That's why prostitutes that work the street look at sidewalk when a pimp approaches or keep their heads down in the presence of a pimp. Now back to this. I first felt like women chose the men. As I got older I realized we are all choosers waiting to be chosen. Think about we may like someone or be interested in them and say it but its ultimately that persons choice to be with you. So we all in that sense have a feeling of being powerless. The main thing is to focus on being the best person you can be so you can be chosen by many. 1
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