Dumper during NC

[redrose123]

I was just wondering if anyone had any experience as the dumper and what goes through their mind during NC? I would think if you were used to talking to someone everyday and were best friends it would be hard on the dumper as well? Or maybe I just want to believe that to make myself feel better..

[Kaotic]

I wonder the same exact thing. He was truly my best friend and we talked every day and shared everything. I know for him the break up was two months coming and it wasn't this out of the blue unexpected event like it was for me, but still. After being so close an having so much and planning our future, I wonder if he really managed to just let go of that and forget it all so quickly.

[lostconfidence]

i was the dumper! i droped her like a brick many times i always felt she didt try hard enough in fairness she tried hard i was a prick. i always loved her just to stuborn to show weakness i was the cold guy you could meet then i found out she met another guy a few weeks later was spending every nite with him. of course i went mental she denied it i found out the truth she led me a long al the while she was still sleeping with him. now shes with him and am a shell of my former self. yes she did betray me and played me but maybe i desereved it and i stll think shel be back... but move on its the only way

[gotye]

i felt free

 

bad that I hurt him but , I seriously started hating him at the end because I felt trapped

[Mack05]

I have been a dumper before (a few times). I felt guilty for hurting someone, but I knew I did the right thing. I often wondered how my ex was doing, but reaching out is something I never felt like doing.

 

The key thing is if you want to leave a relationship to do so with the highest respect for the person you are leaving. Treat them how you would like to be treated. You need to be decisive and make it very clear that the relationship is over and that there is no going back..

 

Not breaking contact as a dumper, is even more important then it is for the dumpee. They need to understand the dumpee is grieving and they need to always allow space for the dumpee, to deal with that grief. The Dumpers that break NC are really selfish people in my opinion, just looking for ways to probably relieve their own guilty conscious. I know if my ex (the dumper) ever contacted me again, I would be furious, but would still ignore.

 

From experience (and I have been guilty of this in my last two R's) I think an indecisive ex is a nightmare. Pull and push behaviour. Indecisive ex's are normally the insecure ones who are raging their own inner war with themselves.

 

If you feel a relationship is not working for you, then don't second guess yourself. Listen to your inner voice and trust your judgement.

[mike588]

I have been a dumper before (a few times). I felt guilty for hurting someone, but I knew I did the right thing. I often wondered how my ex was doing, but reaching out is something I never felt like doing.

 

The key thing is if you want to leave a relationship to do so with the highest respect for the person you are leaving. Treat them how you would like to be treated. You need to be decisive and make it very clear that the relationship is over and that there is no going back..

 

Not breaking contact as a dumper, is even more important then it is for the dumpee. They need to understand the dumpee is grieving and they need to always allow space for the dumpee, to deal with that grief. The Dumpers that break NC are really selfish people in my opinion, just looking for ways to probably relieve their own guilty conscious. I know if my ex (the dumper) ever contacted me again, I would be furious, but would still ignore.

 

From experience (and I have been guilty of this in my last two R's) I think an indecisive ex is a nightmare. Pull and push behaviour. Indecisive ex's are normally the insecure ones who are raging their own inner war with themselves.

 

If you feel a relationship is not working for you, then don't second guess yourself. Listen to your inner voice and trust your judgement.

 

I agree.. my ex. dumped me 7 months ago...I went and stayed No Contact.

 

She contacted me several times (email) saying how sorry she was for hurting me...she felt regret and thinks about me EVERY DAY!

 

There was no mention about wanting to try it again so I assume she was just trying to rid herself of her guilt....believe me there was plenty of it..or maybe wanting me to bring it up?

 

I sooo badly wanted to hear from her after the b/u but it set me back...I now wish she would have just left me alone.

 

Yep...selfish.

[redrose123]

I agree but it still makes you feel like you and the relationship meant nothing when the other person can walk away so easily. I struggle with NC on a daily basis and my ex claims it has been hard for him and that he loves me, but if it was hard for him I believe he would have slipped up at least once (as I have a few times) and contacted me in some way. It may set me back but it would be nice to hear that I'm being thought of..

[mike588]

I agree but it still makes you feel like you and the relationship meant nothing when the other person can walk away so easily. I struggle with NC on a daily basis and my ex claims it has been hard for him and that he loves me, but if it was hard for him I believe he would have slipped up at least once (as I have a few times) and contacted me in some way. It may set me back but it would be nice to hear that I'm being thought of..

 

The only thing I got out of her contacting me was that she acknowledged how well I treated her...how good I was to her...that she regrets the hurt she caused me and was truely sorry!!

 

I felt that way too...like damn it don't you even think about me...did I mean anything to you??

 

It was a short lived ego boost but it also stirred up all those emotions again..not only the good times but all the pain too!

 

It bothered me for weeks...like I had to get over her again!

[lilyblue]

The only thing I got out of her contacting me was that she acknowledged how well I treated her...how good I was to her...that she regrets the hurt she caused me and was truely sorry!!

 

I don't think this should be minimized - this is a lot to get out of it. A lot of previously unanswered questions you had can now be laid to rest.

[Philosoraptor]

If you were unhappy and ended the relationship you feel a relief. It does hurt to lose the good parts that this person brought into your life, but they obviously were not enough to outweigh the bad things that were causing issues in the relationship.