luisitojuancho Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 we where doing fine till one day she started working at this pub and then she would not have time with me and one day i was holding her cel because she told me to while looking for shoes to work at the pub and so i was just playing with her phone and i seen a guys name so i ask her after she practiclly ripped the cel away from me i said who have you been talking to so she said its just a friend from the pub so i said ok then why are you acting wierd about it she tells me to not worry becuase the guy is 45 years of age and haves three kids almost her age and that he could be her father, my ex is 20 im 26 years old so i said that it doesnt look good that a man of that age is calling you im we have a relationship he should respect that so she tells me dont worry about it and the passed few weeks went by she hasnt called me the same always comes out late from the pub like 430am and i was very upset because she would never call me when she came out of work till one day i i went by her job and it was closed and then cofronted her she told me that the passed few weeks shes been going out and dancing with the 45year old man how could she do this to me after all we been through i told her he is just playing with you he just wants something and thats it she got mad and said he isnt like that then she broke up with me that same day and i had a promise ring for her told her that even though she left me i still wanted to give it to her GOD knows i didnt want to stay with it plus got so mad that i told her mother that i took her virgenity did it out of anger so i tried to get back tried everything i still love her then one day i stoped and did not call or text for a week the she text me to see how im doing so we talk for mabye 3 min and that was that then i texted her later on at night and told her that my heart still screaams her name and she just blew me off an texted that to move on with my life why would she say that i dont understand she texted me first when i just tried to forget its hard and then the ohter day i told her mom to tell her not to call me or text me because im still in love with her and it hurts and her mom was no help she just took her side and said that my ex said i texted her, i told her she is lieing so just hang up and about 2 days my friend ask me why does your ex still have pics of you on facebook after she left you i said i dont no plus i dont have her on my facebook anymore i got rid of everything so i coundt think about her anymore but im still in love with her its been three weeks sence the breakup i just want an answer from someone with experience in this situations why does she still have my pics on facebook and texted if she doesnot want to have to do anything with me please help me understand anyone.
bretthernan Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 (edited) It's sad to see a young woman hurt the man who loves her because she wants to run wild thinking that's going to make her happy. It's no wonder you're hurting. She still has your pictures on FB because she didn't really mean to break up with you. She had to break it off with you because you were getting too close to her private life and your presence was a threat to her idea of freedom. She's only 20 and that means she has only just recently begun to have some adult levels of freedom in her life. When you saw that man's name in her cell she freaked because you caught her out. She was or was planning an affair with him because it makes her feel powerful to take a husband and father away from his family. To be able to do something like that makes her see herself as alluring and irresistible and that's what young women are taught by all the magazine ads and TV shows that they need to be if they want to consider themselves of any value at all in today's world. She sees herself truly as an adult if she can wield that kind of power. The problem is the 'adult world' is a scary place. You represent to her something like her Mother and Father, a constant, reliable and trustworthy boyfriend who is always going to be there and that's why those pictures are still there. Most 45 year old men don't do the whole FB thing like people in their 20s so it's a sure bet that the older guy isn't going to see those photos and even if he did having them on there might be her way if telling him that she's a 'free spirited adult woman' who can do what she likes and have your picture up there if she wants to (after all, he's still married, isn't he?) When she 'was younger' and you two were together she identified a large part of her personality from her relationship with you so she needs to keep that connection to continue to feel 'complete' and so the FB pictures remind her of that time. When you said you were holding her cell while she looked at shoes the feeling you gave was that she saw you as someone who'd do anything for her. I'll bet she doesn't say 'please' much when she asks you to do something? It's because you'll do anything for her without question, without complaint. I'll bet you hardly ever complained at all about the things you did to please her that she probably hardly even noticed? In this way you're dependable, safe and your presence is constant so you represent a form of security to her. She couldn't have her source of security complaining to her that he didn't think what she was doing was a good idea, could she? As you were to her as reliable as her parents she couldn't let you both continue on with your relationship once you knew she was doing something like having an affair with an older married man because that would mean she would have to admit it was wrong and stop doing it which would mean to give up the secret world she inhabits in her mind where she is this free spirit that does whatever she likes and is a stunningly attractive babe that no man can resist. That's the image she's bought into. Now that she's been forced to break up with you, (which is why I said she didn't mean to break up with you), she is probably a little scared about the (guaranteed to be bad) future of her relationship with this older man and so she keeps up your picture on her FB page to pretend to herself that everything is going to be alright. It isn't by the way. No one messes with a marriage and gets away with it unburnt. I would imagine that in her mind high risk activities that involve living dangerously are also considered very adult things to engage in. That is also why she had to end your relationship. It, like that of her parents and their caring influence over her decisions, was in her mind too 'safe' for her to let guide her 'adult' life. So, the reason why those pictures are there are because maybe she's thinking that she'll come running back to you when things don't work out or she's still attached to you emotionally and wishes she could still have you around even though she has chosen to get involved in certain things that exclude you from being able to have any influence over her life. It sounds like you still care for her a lot. All you can do is wait and see what happens. She will get her fingers burned soon. You might find her seeking you out again but could you ever trust her again? She might also be happy with the choices she has made or too ashamed with herself for throwing you away that she will never come back. It's really sad that she has done this to you. After doing that to you she doesn't deserve you at all. She sounds like she is very immature and is going to get herself into a lot of trouble. Leave her to find out the hard way that you don't mess with other people's marriages. You'll find yourself someone who won't run off on you like that. Edited March 28, 2012 by bretthernan missed out something important 1
Author luisitojuancho Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 thankyou but the man is divorced and someone like that only wants one thing he doesnt care for her she is just going to get hurt more than i ever did and i rather have she leave me to be happy than leave to be misearable because out of everything she meant the world to me you are right even with out a marraige she will get whats coming to her thats logic in life and yes im still in love with her but thats the choice she made and i know we wont be together again because i know in her heart she is ashamed to be with me after what she did not very smart thank you for your words i feel like you hit the nail on the head (immature) 1
Author luisitojuancho Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 thankyou but the man is divorced and someone like that only wants one thing he doesnt care for her she is just going to get hurt more than i ever did and i rather have she leave me to be happy than leave to be misearable because out of everything she meant the world to me you are right even with out a marraige she will get whats coming to her thats logic in life and yes im still in love with her but thats the choice she made and i know we wont be together again because i know in her heart she is ashamed to be with me after what she did not very smart thank you for your words i feel like you hit the nail on the head (immature) but still dont understand the text though
CarrieT Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I'm sorry you are having problems, but a single wall of text with no punctuation or capitalization is impossible to read. You will get more responses if you can edit your post and break up your sentences a little with an occasional comma or period. 1
Chi townD Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Here's the deal. She texted you because she felt guilty for cheating on you (and YES she cheated on you). Women have a weird thing about having someone in the world not liking them, or thinking that they are a bad person. So, she reached out to you to see where your head was at. She would LOVE to have you in the "friend zone", so she wouldn't feel guilty about what she did to you. And to be honest, she probably still has your pics up because she doesn't want to explain the other guy. She wants to keep the other guy secret and not have to explain why she has so many pics of her and her dad. And then explain that he isn't her father. Personally, go NC on her. I mean, completely dark. BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK!!! Because, if she does get serious about his guy, you don't want to see pics of her passionately kissing what people would percieve as her Dad. You don't need to see that. If she contacts you in any way shape or form. IGNORE IT!!! Post here instead. 1
Author luisitojuancho Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 ( my storie is the first one) so its been about 3 weeks that she left me and tommorow we would of had another month so i broke nc and texted her said thax for the special moments u gave me dont think i hate u cause i dont, and and u was more than a girlfriend to me take. then she wrote back quick and said thax but live your life and under the circumstances everybody is judging me take care. then iwrote i dont understand what u mean, then she wrote forget about it im not happy with myself but thats life and u didnt want me to text u any more and ur sister called me and told me the same thing so i let it be move on and take care. and last i wrote ok sorry didnt think u were going to freakout like that but anyways hope u have a nice life take care .and that was that. But the funny thing is i did not feel so sad anymore why is that please someone explain thank you for reading
Chi townD Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 welcome to the roller coaster of emotions...talk to me tomorrow. you might be mad at yourself for breaking NC, or sad that it ended the way that it did. Or angry for putting you through this. It's normal and it's going to happen. Just roll with it. She'll mad at you because the truth of what she was doing came to light. Not your problem. The only person she should be mad at is herself. 1
Author luisitojuancho Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 thanx china u r very direct and im glad she feels like sh@# to tell u the truth and i know that there will be a lot of regret from her part bening a victim is not easy but to be a culprit guilt and regret etc thanx for reading
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