make me believe Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Glad I helped my friend though. Really? Cause you seem pretty bitter about it. But I'm glad you didn't become FWB with this guy because spookie is right, you would have just been using him for more ammunition. Then you'd have another guy you could use as "proof" that you're ugly, unlovable, fat, etc. Blah.
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I didn't seek him out, he extended the offer to me. How did this guy even bring up his "offer" to you in a way that didn't cause you to reject him outright? Update: my friend recently turned single, and was complaining to me how she really needs a rebound to get her over the ex. After starting this thread, I sent my friend the guy's info, and she contacted him through Facebook. They are now meeting up Friday. So, looks like everybody wins. God bless us, one and all. We doin.. big pimpin, we spendin G's Check em out now Big pimpin, on B.L.A.D.'s Seriously? It's that easy for some guys to get laid? What the hell.
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Really? Cause you seem pretty bitter about it. But I'm glad you didn't become FWB with this guy because spookie is right, you would have just been using him for more ammunition. Then you'd have another guy you could use as "proof" that you're ugly, unlovable, fat, etc. Blah. I am both bitter and glad. 60/40, 40/60, depending on the moment. And yep, instead of using him as proof, I'll just use sitting alone on a Friday night, never getting hit on, being ignored online, insulted in real life and getting friend-zoned constantly as proof that I'm ugly, unlovable, fat, etc. How did this guy even bring up his "offer" to you in a way that didn't cause you to reject him outright? Like I said, he just approached me and said he's not interested in a relationship, he knows I'm single, am I interested in NSA. Some of the other stuff-like him not being that attracted to me, but being hard up for options-was supplied by our mutual friends. Seriously? It's that easy for some guys to get laid? What the hell. Yes. It's called "having friends who have female friends" and "asking a girl out," the two things posters constantly tell you to do. (Make friends, ask girls out.) 2
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Like I said, he just approached me and said he's not interested in a relationship, he knows I'm single, am I interested in NSA. Some of the other stuff-like him not being that attracted to me, but being hard up for options-was supplied by our mutual friends. "Hey Vertical Horizon, I know you're single and I'm single too. Want to have a fling?" Was it something like that? Yes. It's called "having friends who have female friends" and "asking a girl out," the two things posters constantly tell you to do. (Make friends, ask girls out.) I have had many female friends over the years and I was never introduced or referred to somebody else. There have also been a few times where I asked them if they had any single friends and nothing ever came out of it. Hell, I've actually had female friends tell me to stay away from their friends
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 "Hey Vertical Horizon, I know you're single and I'm single too. Want to have a fling?" Was it something like that? No, probably a good deal less polite than that. I don't remember how exactly, he just slipped it into a conversation while we were chatting. Why, taking notes? I have had many female friends over the years and I was never introduced or referred to somebody else. There have also been a few times where I asked them if they had any single friends and nothing ever came out of it. Hell, I've actually had female friends tell me to stay away from their friends Because you don't see them as your friends, but as potential-girlfriends. You've already explained in detail that you aren't friends with a girl unless you find her attractive ("should I be friends with fat girls? haha!") and that you try to FriendZone-Jump your way into dating. You need to make friends with girls as actual human beings and not as objects to your needs and desires. They will then be much more likely to see you as, ya know, a friend, and help you out. You don't see female friends warning you to stay away from their friends as kind of a red flag that some behavior of yours was off?? 1
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 No, probably a good deal less polite than that. I don't remember how exactly, he just slipped it into a conversation while we were chatting. Why, taking notes? Maybe. As I've said before, I have no idea how to bring up sex with girls I talk to. And I figure, that since I never talk about sex, it's why I never get to have any. Whenever I talk to a girl, no matter how close we are, it never gets to something that I wouldn't say to a buddy. Because you don't see them as your friends, but as potential-girlfriends. You've already explained in detail that you aren't friends with a girl unless you find her attractive ("should I be friends with fat girls? haha!") and that you try to FriendZone-Jump your way into dating. You need to make friends with girls as actual human beings and not as objects to your needs and desires. They will then be much more likely to see you as, ya know, a friend, and help you out. Hold on there. I didn't actually see all my female friends as potential girlfriends. And quite a few girls that I was interested in, had no idea at the time. There is no reason why they couldn't have introduced me to their friends. Even when they knew I was looking, they never brought it up. You don't see female friends warning you to stay away from their friends as kind of a red flag that some behavior of yours was off??It was very puzzling to me. The most recent time it happened was with a girl that was in the same Japanese class as D and I. We knew each other for a year and I frequently talked to her, joked with and teased etc. I wasn't into her as anything more than a friend as I was focused on D, I don't think she knew about my crush. One day we were alone and had some real time to talk and she started talking about her sorority. I asked in a half-joking way if any of her sisters were single and right away it was, "stay away from my sisters." I don't remember if I asked her why but it definitely hurt. I had no idea why she said that.
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Maybe. As I've said before, I have no idea how to bring up sex with girls I talk to. And I figure, that since I never talk about sex, it's why I never get to have any. Whenever I talk to a girl, no matter how close we are, it never gets to something that I wouldn't say to a buddy. Hold on there. I didn't actually see all my female friends as potential girlfriends. And quite a few girls that I was interested in, had no idea at the time. There is no reason why they couldn't have introduced me to their friends. Even when they knew I was looking, they never brought it up. It was very puzzling to me. The most recent time it happened was with a girl that was in the same Japanese class as D and I. We knew each other for a year and I frequently talked to her, joked with and teased etc. I wasn't into her as anything more than a friend as I was focused on D, I don't think she knew about my crush. One day we were alone and had some real time to talk and she started talking about her sorority. I asked in a half-joking way if any of her sisters were single and right away it was, "stay away from my sisters." I don't remember if I asked her why but it definitely hurt. I had no idea why she said that. Girls always know. The vast, vast majority of girls can tell when a guy is interested. I guarantee your friends knew you were interested in them. You seem to have a very disjointed idea of how you think you present yourself to the world, and how you actually DO present yourself. You're convinced you're hiding all of these things... your crushes, your insecurities, your desperation... but you're not. Go ask out more girls, and go get some friends. Female friends you do not want to sleep with (and not because you're interested in someone else, but because you are interested in a girl as a human being you can be friends with), and male friends. It's the same thing we tell you every time. There are no big tips, no big answers. Go do it. That's all there is to it. Seriously, I'd kill to have such easy advice. So stop posting here and go do it.
Dust Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 No, probably a good deal less polite than that. I don't remember how exactly, he just slipped it into a conversation while we were chatting. Why, taking notes? Good advice to Somdude about seeing girls as human beings. You deserve more then a less than polite FWB. It's an inult to you. One day we were alone and had some real time to talk and she started talking about her sorority. I asked in a half-joking way if any of her sisters were single and right away it was, "stay away from my sisters." I don't remember if I asked her why but it definitely hurt. I had no idea why she said that. Why would you do you like her. You should have been making a move on her. Also Verhzon loser friend didn't ask to be set up with her friend, he propositioned her and then she told her friend who was turned on by that idea. You're always so afraid of getting a bad reputation... but really there is no such thing. Girls have to deal with a much more real threat of bad reputation.
jobaba Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Seriously? It's that easy for some guys to get laid? What the hell. Yes. Very easy. The top guys have women chasing them the same way you chase women.
jobaba Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Girls always know. The vast, vast majority of girls can tell when a guy is interested. I guarantee your friends knew you were interested in them. You seem to have a very disjointed idea of how you think you present yourself to the world, and how you actually DO present yourself. You're convinced you're hiding all of these things... your crushes, your insecurities, your desperation... but you're not. Bingo. Jobaba: Wow. I'm really starting to like her. I think she likes me too. I'm getting major signals. She's such a cool gal. I need to make a move. Should I? Woman: Oh no. Jobaba's becoming into me. I can tell. What the h@ll am I going to do to get out of this one? F@ck, he knows where I live too.
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 You're such an optimist. I prefer "realist." Unless you're saying I should present myself as being the opposite of what I actually am? Skinny and with a big butt, when I have a big stomach and a flat butt? Yes. Very easy. The top guys have women chasing them the same way you chase women. This guy is NOT the "top" of guys. He's not a bad guy-funny, somewhat dorky. Not muscular, average height and weight with a slight gut. Bounces around to different jobs, makes a decent wage. I've seen pictures of Somedude. If we're going strictly off appearance, Somedude would probably win. But he won't.... because this guy asks girls out and is straight forward and confidence with his desires, and SD is not. That is the only difference.
jobaba Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 This guy is NOT the "top" of guys. He's not a bad guy-funny, somewhat dorky. Not muscular, average height and weight with a slight gut. Bounces around to different jobs, makes a decent wage. . No, I didn't say he was. I just said it's very easy for the best looking guys to get girls.
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 No, I didn't say he was. I just said it's very easy for the best looking guys to get girls. .... Well no freaking duh. And it's very easy for the best looking girls to get guys. What in the world is your point? Mine was: this guy is NOT among the "best looking guys," and yet he can get one night stands and FWBs pretty easily. What does that tell you?
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Girls always know. The vast, vast majority of girls can tell when a guy is interested. I guarantee your friends knew you were interested in them. You seem to have a very disjointed idea of how you think you present yourself to the world, and how you actually DO present yourself. You're convinced you're hiding all of these things... your crushes, your insecurities, your desperation... but you're not. You'd be surprised how many girls were shocked when I told them I was interested. That's after inviting them to do stuff with me that I considered dates. Need I remind you about the PM's? Go ask out more girls, and go get some friends. Female friends you do not want to sleep with (and not because you're interested in someone else, but because you are interested in a girl as a human being you can be friends with), Does not compute. OK, I'm joking. I've had female friends that I've had zero interest in for the first several months that we hung out. Then things changed.
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I've seen pictures of Somedude. If we're going strictly off appearance, Somedude would probably win. But he won't.... because this guy asks girls out and is straight forward and confidence with his desires, and SD is not. That is the only difference. Can we get back to the straight forward thing. That's what I'm most interested in.
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Hold your horses there. Didn't SD at least once offer you to be his girlfriend? I believe it was YOU who didn't take the bait on that V. Hey if you want him to be more direct and forthcoming I can make it happen for you...if he wants to. Do you want to SD? This could be a great opportunity, don't waste that if that's something you're both hoping for. Ooo gee golly, I get to be his practice girlfriend til he finds someone better who actually fits his standards? He'll really date me because he thinks I would get to boost up his ego? Sign me up! </sarcasm> I've done the "date the desperate guy" thing before, and it's never turned out well.
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 That's not really appropriate to talk about in an open forum. One thing I'll say, V and I are thousands of miles apart. That would make things very difficult.
Author verhrzn Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 That's not fair to him, you're jumping to conclusions here. He's not your exes. You can't judge him based on their faults. I'm not judging him based on just my exes. (Though wouldn't it be fair to say if you've consistently dated a personality "type" and had bad experiences each time, you should probably stay away from that type?) I am judging SD almost entirely on the comments he has made about women on this board. He's mentioned his idealized girl several times (young, skinny, long hair, big boobs), none of which I fit. Heck, I don't even fit his "I'd settle for her" standards (cute, not fat.) He's also stated several times that he'd love to have a "practice" girlfriend who would boost his confidence up so he could go for other women. His hypocritical attitude towards standards... that he's allowed to have them, but women shouldn't (regarding height, income, etc)... which several female posters have pointed out, is a major turn-off. If a guy said those same things to me in real life, wouldn't you be advising me to run? This is also the ironic thing about SD... he doesn't realize how much his attitude shoots himself in the foot. He thinks that just because he isn't expressing these thoughts directly TO a girl, she can't see them. So he continues to convince himself that his attitude isn't the problem, while running off girls who would potentially see the good in him (or could at least empathize.) 2
ThaWholigan Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Honestly, Somedude gets a bad rep sometimes because people read a little TOO much into what he says. 1
somedude81 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 A simple, "I'm not interested in SD" would have been enough. You didn't have to make a mufti-paragraph post on why I'm such a bad guy. Frankly, I should report your post as it violates the community guidelines. We expect that all community participants interact in a manner conducive to free-flowing, collaborative participation from all visitors, fostering an environment free of harassment, character attacks, and other forms of individual and group berating.
Author verhrzn Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 A simple, "I'm not interested in SD" would have been enough. You didn't have to make a mufti-paragraph post on why I'm such a bad guy. Frankly, I should report your post as it violates the community guidelines. We expect that all community participants interact in a manner conducive to free-flowing, collaborative participation from all visitors, fostering an environment free of harassment, character attacks, and other forms of individual and group berating. I'll do ya one better, I'll report myself. But at least now posters can stop pushing you at me, just because you're desperate and I'm unattractive. It's been really getting to me how people think we should date, even though you've put down me down (or at least put my body type and attractiveness level down), just because no one else will take me. 1
somedude81 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Never post about me again. Don't make any posts that address something I say. Hell, put me on ignore. I will do the same for you.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 V, I vote take SD up on his offer to attend that comic event coming up -- go as FRIENDS, and if it goes somewhere, great. If not, fine - you took a vacation and went to a fun event. I hear what you're saying about his attitude, but you have a less-than-rosy attitude, too, girlfriend. And in spite of all the work I do to improve it, I do, too, so I know what it's about. I see nothing wrong with FWB, but if the guy has said insulting things about you, it's a horrible idea. Don't disrespect yourself like that. I myself had my first FWB last year, because though I can find men who want to date me, I am having a very hard time finding a man who wants to date me and who I also want to date. They all have big issues that I know will impede a lasting relationship. But it's freaking lonely and sometimes feels impossible to spend all this time and effort working on your damn self with no hugs, cuddles, or any of that good stuff to help give you a lift and keep you going. But I think that even for FWB, you can find better than a guy who has said mean things about you. 1
Million.to.1 Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 *Sigh* I was just sad that I'm looking to go my entire life without ever having any romantic contact again. guess it's inevitable then. While you keep saying this over and over to yourself, then it is. I just had another brief period with a FWB i've had for 16 years. Even though it "served a purpose", it's kinda left me feeling empty. Truth is that I was feeling the way you were... that i'll be alone forever. Then this opportunity arose again and even though i had no expectations and kept myself pretty guarded, it has still kinda reinforced a negative belief pattern. i know that i will meet someone else and I want that. I want the best for myself and so I have to actively seek it and not settle for wasting time with someone who's not really interested i me. You will get more out of telling him "thanks, but no thanks." Give yourself some credit.
Author verhrzn Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 I've never, ever, thought about you two in that way. You have a very negative thought pattern V. You are sabotaging yourself from finding happiness by thinking in the worst possible scenario all the time. You said you're a realist. I challenge that, because a realist has a balanced perspective, while your perspective is tilted way too much into the negative for it to be balanced. You need to address that somehow, because it's holding you back. Big time. Then why else push us together? A lot of posters have said something along the lines of "hey you're both desperate, just date each other and problem solved!" I fail to see how resisting that is "sabotaging" anything good. I still ask why my perspective is negative, instead of realistic.
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