Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Don't worry about it. If you were a guy and boasted like that about soccer and then failed, then that might damage your reputation a bit as a "soccer pro", but since you're not a guy I wouldn't sweat it if I were you. I'll bet the last thing on his mind right now is: "Oh my god! She's not as good at Kinect Soccer as she said she was. I guess she's not girlfriend material." See how silly that sounds? If he would really think that, then there would be something wrong with him. Well what he probably thought was either 1) nothing, as he didn't notice me at all or 2) "Wow, this girl is kinda dumb." and then moved on. Either way, leaving either no impression or a "she's dumb" impression is not desirable, thus my anger at myself.
Els Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Well what he probably thought was either 1) nothing, as he didn't notice me at all or 2) "Wow, this girl is kinda dumb." and then moved on. Either way, leaving either no impression or a "she's dumb" impression is not desirable, thus my anger at myself. Don't you think you're jumping the gun here a little, again? Did the guy even say anything to that effect? If you continuously assume that nobody likes you, you'll only fulfil your own prophecy.
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Don't you think you're jumping the gun here a little, again? Did the guy even say anything to that effect? If you continuously assume that nobody likes you, you'll only fulfil your own prophecy. I guess I'm not sure how I'm jumping the gun. I mean... I babbled and made idiot comments. Either the guy didn't notice, or he thinks I'm an idiot (because I acted like an idiot.) I guess I'm failing to see how that's an assumption; it's a perfectly logical conclusion.
Els Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Do you really believe someone would definitely completely dismiss you as a potential just because you made a comment about soccer that shows that you aren't an expert in it?
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Do you really believe someone would definitely completely dismiss you as a potential just because you made a comment about soccer that shows that you aren't an expert in it? Well, less that I was an expert and more that I was obvious-to-the-point-of-stupid. I mean, DUH, the purpose of soccer is to block the ball with your body. Also because I was clumsy. He might not dismiss me as a potential if I had other stuff to make up for being clumsy/dumb. But he's never really spoken to me, and there is nothing in my immediate impression that would make a guy think "Hmm I am attracted to her." I usually lean hard with my personality and intellect, and those both failed me hardcore today...
Els Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Well, less that I was an expert and more that I was obvious-to-the-point-of-stupid. I mean, DUH, the purpose of soccer is to block the ball with your body. Also because I was clumsy. He might not dismiss me as a potential if I had other stuff to make up for being clumsy/dumb. But he's never really spoken to me, and there is nothing in my immediate impression that would make a guy think "Hmm I am attracted to her." I usually lean hard with my personality and intellect, and those both failed me hardcore today... Personality and intellect are not usually things that impress someone after a 5-minute meeting. They -can-, but usually they're the product of weeks, at least days of interaction and conversation. So chill, you'll see him again.
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Personality and intellect are not usually things that impress someone after a 5-minute meeting. They -can-, but usually they're the product of weeks, at least days of interaction and conversation. So chill, you'll see him again. Well I've been seeing him for about a year and a half, and this is the only time he's been close enough to hear me speak. So... pretty sure I blew the only shot. Ah well, I heard he might have a girlfriend anyway. Or... 3) Damn, those are some nice curves and booty. I wonder if she's single. Yeeeeeeeah, no, unless by "curves" you/he means big stomach and flat butt. 1
veggirl Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Let's keep things simple. Just bang the man if you feel that's all you can get. . I agree with this. I actually think you should do it. I don't think it's POSSIBLE for you to feel worse about yourself, tbh, so I guess I don't see the harm in this idea. Maybe something good'll come of it--who knows, maybe you guys will fall in love (there is no way he ACTUALLY told your friends "oh if she was hotter I'd be interested". You made that up!) or maybe you'll be post-coitally hanging out on his couch and his friend will drop in and you and the friend fall in love. Who knows. Just do it. (and I totally agree that you put forth more effort than Somedude!!) 1
spookie Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 U should go for it. It'll be something to do on friday night while all your prettier friends are experiencing fulfilling rs, plus it will reinforce your belief that in the eyea of men, u are worthless. U must be a genius to find exactly what u are looking for: someone who shares ur attitude about out yourself.
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 U should go for it. It'll be something to do on friday night while all your prettier friends are experiencing fulfilling rs, plus it will reinforce your belief that in the eyea of men, u are worthless. U must be a genius to find exactly what u are looking for: someone who shares ur attitude about out yourself. Wasn't that hard to find, seems to be the only type of guy who shows any interest at all. Would sitting at home alone somehow NOT reinforce my idea that I'm worthless to guys?
veggirl Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Also, please drop the soccer comment thing. No need to overanalyze that, it is what it is. It's one of those "oops"--don't ever mention it again--things. If you stress and spaz about it, he will notice and be mega turned off. Let it go. 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Also, please drop the soccer comment thing. No need to overanalyze that, it is what it is. It's one of those "oops"--don't ever mention it again--things. If you stress and spaz about it, he will notice and be mega turned off. Let it go. I was about to post the same thing Verzhn, If I was in your position I would take it. All I would say for you to do is to make sure you do have a handle of your emotions when going into such a situation. However, with the way you currently feel about things now, I don't think this will make it any worse. 1
spookie Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Wasn't that hard to find, seems to be the only type of guy who shows any interest at all. Would sitting at home alone somehow NOT reinforce my idea that I'm worthless to guys? Well personally, I could think of any number of more interesting things to do on a Friday night than banging this guy, but it's your call.
Els Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I don't think this will make it any worse. I think it can, tbh. The guy has already made it clear that she's just a filler. If she does a FWB with him, and he inevitably leaves her for a 'hotter' girl (because that's just the kind of guy that he is), it will just reinforce her negative beliefs about herself. She'll believe that the problem is with her for not being 'hot enough', even though she went into the arrangement with eyes wide open. 1
zengirl Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Two dozen messages over the span of two years?? That's like one message a month. No wonder you are having no success! Online dating is a numbers game. I missed the numbers in her initial post, but this is true. V, I easily messaged that many guys per month when doing OLD, FWIW. Plenty of them did not reply. Numbers matter a lot. I think it can, tbh. The guy has already made it clear that she's just a filler. If she does a FWB with him, and he inevitably leaves her for a 'hotter' girl (because that's just the kind of guy that he is), it will just reinforce her negative beliefs about herself. She'll believe that the problem is with her for not being 'hot enough', even though she went into the arrangement with eyes wide open. Right. That's where I see the issue being.
spookie Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I think it can, tbh. The guy has already made it clear that she's just a filler. If she does a FWB with him, and he inevitably leaves her for a 'hotter' girl (because that's just the kind of guy that he is), it will just reinforce her negative beliefs about herself. She'll believe that the problem is with her for not being 'hot enough', even though she went into the arrangement with eyes wide open. She already knows that, that's the reason she seeks him out. Hell be providing her with more ammunition.
Ariadne Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Wasn't that hard to find, seems to be the only type of guy who shows any interest at all. Would sitting at home alone somehow NOT reinforce my idea that I'm worthless to guys? Go for it v! I think it's great since the guy seems attractive, and you can work on your issues. That is if the offer is still up. Have fun. 2
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 She already knows that, that's the reason she seeks him out. Hell be providing her with more ammunition. I didn't seek him out, he extended the offer to me.
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Update: my friend recently turned single, and was complaining to me how she really needs a rebound to get her over the ex. After starting this thread, I sent my friend the guy's info, and she contacted him through Facebook. They are now meeting up Friday. So, looks like everybody wins. God bless us, one and all.
spookie Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Update: my friend recently turned single, and was complaining to me how she really needs a rebound to get her over the ex. After starting this thread, I sent my friend the guy's info, and she contacted him through Facebook. They are now meeting up Friday. So, looks like everybody wins. God bless us, one and all. I find your friends' sexual practices to be odd, at our age. But, to each his own, I suppose.
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 I find your friends' sexual practices to be odd, at our age. But, to each his own, I suppose. Why odd? She needed a rebound after being brutally dumped, he doesn't want a relationship, and I can't get one. Doesn't seem so bizarre to me.
Ross MwcFan Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 We've discussed FWBs on this board before. The general consensus seems to be that FWBs are always a bad idea, because 1) they rarely lead to relationships 2) they prevent you from having relationships 3) it's difficult to separate out friendship, sex, and love. I've been single for about 2 years now. I've been on OKCupid that entire time, and Match for about 6 months. I've sent over two dozens emails in both sites, and guys either didn't respond, or just messages me perpetually (never wanted to meet, never called me when I offered my phone number, etc.) Guys never message me first. I've also tried single meet-ups, albeit a lot less, and they've been a big goose egg. Which brings me to an acquaintance of a mutual friend. I've known him vaguely for a couple of months, and he has a reputation among his friends as being kind of a player. (He is 29 years old and has only had 1 long term relationship.) Well, his well of hook-ups has recently run dry... I am apparently the only single girl he knows locally, and he's approached me about being in a No Strings Attached arrangement. He emphasized that he is not looking for a relationship, and that this would be a temporary arrangement until he can find someone he "clicks with" better. (AKA, is better looking. He's told mutual friends he might be interested in me if I was hotter, and more "fun.") I'm torn about this. He's not a bad looking guy (cute, not "hot," a little bit of pudge), so an NSA might not be bad. What I really want is a relationship... but it also looks like Friends-With-Benefits is going to be the very closest I can get. If you can't get a relationship, is an FWB an acceptable alternative? Do you accept an FWB, even when it's given out in desperation? Sure, it's better than nothing. I say go for it. I definatley would (as long as it was a girl and not a guy of course, lol).
Els Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Update: my friend recently turned single, and was complaining to me how she really needs a rebound to get her over the ex. After starting this thread, I sent my friend the guy's info, and she contacted him through Facebook. They are now meeting up Friday. So, looks like everybody wins. God bless us, one and all. Sounds good to me. Now go talk to that guy whom you like in your workplace!
Author verhrzn Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Sounds good to me. Now go talk to that guy whom you like in your workplace! Heard he has a girlfriend. And I've sworn off approaching guys... never works out, right? I don't wanna be the Annoying Girl with a crush, on top of being the Ugly and Dumb one. Glad I helped my friend though.
SmileFace Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Wait you referred your friend to a guy for sex? I obviously travel in the wrong circles...then again I live far from most of my friends and make it a habit not to in my social circles.
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