Looking for the late 20's and up crowd to share their thoughts....

March 27, 2012

My hope is that people late 20’s and older will share their thoughts and experiences. No offense to anyone mid 20’s and below, you just do not have the benefit of the life experience, wisdom, maturity and the perspective that people have in their late 20’s and older.

Off we go…

Many of my friends and I are around the age of 40 (I turned 40 last week). Although I didn’t believe them, I was warned that I would be doing a lot of thinking / reflecting about my life, the good things I have done, the mistakes that I made, the good or bad choices, successes, failures, love, loss, etc.

My friends and I have shared a lot with each, compared notes on a wide variety of things from career, money, bucket lists, love, marriage, dating, things we are proud of, things we regret, kids, relationships things we want to accomplish, etc.

Even though we know ourselves very well, comfortable in our own skin and very pleased with the men that we have become this is whole turning 40 experience for us, is unlike anything we have gone through before. For the first time we looked back on our lives (up to this point we were always looking forward) and evaluated it.

Now I could write a book on the whole turning 40 thing and share a great deal of wisdom on a variety of subjects but I wanted to share with you what my friends and I thought about love, break ups, relationships, etc.

You lose your “innocence” when you lose your “first love”…

It’s extremely rare that “first loves” last forever and if you are here, it’s a safe bet you have gone through this or you are going through losing your “first love” now.

Based on my experiences and those of my friends, losing your “first love” is life altering. This is when we lose our “innocence” when it comes to love, giving our heart and soul to someone (aside from family and friends) without concern and with total and complete trust. It’s not to say that you will never find someone that is not worthy or deserving, I am just saying it’s different and never as easy or natural as it seemed / was with your “first love”. Losing that “first love” is a special and once in a lifetime break up that is in a category all by itself. After this break up, you will never have the “innocence” you once had every again.

You take all those factors above and add that following…

Your heart is truly broken for the first time, it's your first time dealing with someone who once said they loved and would care about you forever (which we all believe) and then realizing that wasn’t the case and them rejecting you, for many it’s the first time you ever experienced the loss of someone you loved, you think it's a love unlike anyone has ever known or experienced, all the "first time" things you experience together, learning for the first time that you are not Cinderella or Prince Charming and love isn’t like what you see in the movies, everything at that age is traumatic and the end of the world, you have no experience with a break up of this magnitude or scale, your lack of life / love / break up experience, mental and emotional immaturity, lack of emotional control, not knowing what to do or what not to do when someone you still love and said they loved you dumps you, etc.

Words cannot describe how difficult, painful, troubling, complex and surreal that experience was. For my friends and I, sure we had some life experience like parents divorcing, some grew up in a “troubled” home, lost grandma or grandpa, etc. All of which was traumatic and painful but we still at that time in our life thought that life, love, our hopes and dreams were within our grasp and in our control regardless of mom and dad not making it or the other little life experiences we went through.

We all had this thought process, attitude it didn’t matter if that some of us had wealthy parents, middle class or grew up on “the other side of the tracks”. It didn’t matter that some of us were dorks, smart, awkward, class clowns or jocks… Once we finally fell in “love” with our "first love", that was it. The infatuation, the “innocence”, those feelings and life on cloud 9 was going to last forever and ever. Not only were we sure of it so were our “first loves” too.

We were young, innocent, naïve and we didn’t think there was a chance in hell that “life” and “love” was about to punch us (or our “first loves” for some of my friends that dumped their “first loves”) right in face.

If you lost or in the process of losing your “first love” I don’t have to tell you about the heartache, pain, rejection, misery and the horror of what it is like to loss someone you love. What makes it even worse, until you go through losing your “first love”, you have absolutely no idea, clue and whatever you imagined about how hard and painful it was going to be, you were not even close to what you felt and experienced.

We aren’t done with losing our “first loves” just yet. It gets a lot worse before it gets better…

As you can expect, most (I’d be willing to bet all) end up making all classic mistakes. We end up losing our dignity, pride and making a total fool of ourselves as we try for months (years for many) by begging, pleading, crying, sending letters, calling, etc. to “prove our love”, convince our “first loves” that they should be with us, that they are making a horrible mistake and just need to see the light and chasing and trying to win someone back who no longer wants / “loves” us.

I’m sure for most of you no matter your age, you have never forgotten your “first love” and probably never will. You can easily recall the memories of how you felt, how innocent and sweet that “love” was that the two of you shared for a “season” (even if they turned out to be jerks later in the relationship). If you were dumped, your memories don’t stop with just the good ones, you also have the memories of the sure torture, anguish and living hell you went through for months (or years for many) coming to terms and accepting that you and your “first love” were over for good. You also can recall (although you don’t want to admit) all the crazy and dumb things you said and did to try and get them back.

So my friends and I have concluded (and even my “first love” agrees) that when we look back on love, dating, relationships, marriage, etc. There is “you” before and during your “first love” and there is a “you” that is forever changed and “love” is A LOT more complicated after you lose your “first love”.

If you lost your “first love”, you are not ruined, a failure, you are not defective, broken, bad, settling or missing out. We have or will love again (many of you will do so many times), experience that joys of a relationship and sharing your life with someone who cares about and loves you. This “love” will be a much deeper and mature love. Your “first love” isn’t any better really, it’s just in a “different” category or at least it is for me and my friends.

Now I was fortunate and my “first love” and I was lucky. She was an amazing girl so our relationship was never dysfunctional or toxic. The break up sucked, it took some time to recover from it. We both eventually moved on and are much better for having gone through all of that together. We both learned a lot about ourselves, love, relationships, dating, the opposite sex, what to do, what not to do, etc.

In fact, we are still friends over 20+ years later and catch up from time to time. It’s funny when we think back to all the crazy and stupid things we thought and did back then. We both think and feel that a big part of who we are, what we became, etc. is in large part to our time together and being each other’s “first loves”. Being that it's over 20+ years ago, the only feelings either of us share is respect, admiration and gratitude for one another so like many of you know, you do get over it and think of them and that "time" from a whole different point of view than you did then.

Now I have never been married but my friends who are (or were) said the same kind of “innocence” you have with your “first love” is very similar to your views, expectation, hopes, etc. when it comes to the person you marry and marriage itself. My friends who we unfortunate and went through a good (if there is such a thing) or bad divorce said afterwards, you lose your “innocence” towards marriage like you do with love, dating and relationships after losing your “first love”.

So I was curious what other people late 20’s and above thought about what my friends and I talked / thought about concerning dating, relationships, love, “first loves”, marriage, losing your “innocence”, etc.

Did love become more complex / complicated after your “first love”? Do you think you are better off losing your “first love” to go through that experience like I feel I did? Do you think your “first love” made you a better “lover” or did it impact you in a negative way? Did your “first love” experience become your “love map” going forward? Is the same sort of “innocence” you have with a “first love” apply to your marriage (first marriage if remarried or former marriage if you are divorce)?

Thanks for sharing!

March 27, 2012

interesting post. I just turned 21 so I am on the "younger side" but I just recently lost my first true love 4months back. I am still trying to figure out how to cope with this loss, but I am hopeful that everything will work out and I will move on and find love again (whether its with my ex or someone knew). I am interested in seeing what others have to post with this

March 27, 2012

I don't think my first love forever changed me. Life has been a continuous slow process of growing and becoming who I am, and my first love was part of that process, as was every relationship I have had.

The older I get, the more I believe that people just make life harder than it needs to be. All the crap that people worry about doesn't really matter.

What matters is being true to yourself, letting all the people who don't bring joy into your life fall away, and keeping all the people who DO bring joy into your life close.

JOY. That's the purpose of life. To live this moment in time with JOY. Not to worry about the past or worry about what other people might do. Just be happy.

If thinking about a first love makes you happy, go for it. If getting back to a place where you are innocent and vulnerable would make you happy, be that way. It doesn't have to be complex.

March 27, 2012

I agree we tend to over complicate things.

I also believe it's possible to become wiser and not lose your innocence. When you truly love some unconditionally, and not have selfish needs, it's easier to do this. You can decide to take up a positive attitude about these life changing moments and apply their lessons in a constructive way that will only clarify your goals and your self.

Maybe I'm overly optimistic, maybe I'm overly forgiving, but I do feel people suffer needlessly and they can find within themselves the strength to move forward in life and find true peace and happiness. With the help of those around them who love them unconditionally, all the better.

The first love issue is tricky. Mine took a good two years to get over, and I still beat myselfup about it from time to time, but I just remind myself that I was young (12) and she was older (14) and obviously more mature then me. I'm thankful she ended it when she did, even considering it was such a short amount of time and she didn't even get to know me.

We all "grow up" at different rates. I would not assume someone less then late 20s to not have the experience and wisdom as someone older. Old people can be horribly inexperienced and unwise, and I've known young children who really understand and practice unconditional love heaps better then their great grand parents. It's not, IMO, so much because these old people have lost their innocence, it's more so because they've held on to all this horribly negative baggage that has buried their true selves.

March 27, 2012

i just found my maturity in the last few weeks..i thought i was always in control i got it ripped clean outa me. am 28 and regret half the **** i done in life now. the next girl i meet will get the propper respect she deserves..am 28

March 27, 2012

With each new relationship, I feel that I will never get to have the same wide-eyed curiousity and feeling of exhilaration that I felt from sharing a personal first with another person. Maybe a loss of 'innocence' began with the ending of the first relationship but I don't think that it's an on/off switch but more like a gradual erosion over time - at least for me.

I think that at one extreme, one's heart can harden and we can build walls around ourselves because it seems that to open oneself to love, one must also be vulnerable. After being disappointed, it takes a lot to pick oneself up and just get right back in there. But you know, many people just keep doing exactly that, no matter how much or how many times they get hurt. You just have to figure out what works for you and what will make you happy.

March 27, 2012

I am 27 and it's hard for me to answer this, mainly bc I'm not sure who do I consider my first love. I feel like I've dealt with heartbreak throughout my life, but the hardest one to deal with is the one happening now. SO is he my first love because he is the one I was with the longest (5+years) and it became the most serious (we were engaged) or is it the first time I felt the pain of heartbreak? I'd like to think that this recent breakup is going to teach me the most about myself and how to be healthy in a relationship.

March 27, 2012

I consider the women I dated from 17 - 22 to my "first love".

I suppose I could pick a girl I dated briefly between the ages of 14 - 17 but to me, those are not even in the same league as my true real "first love".

So if you ask me, your recent Ex is your "first love".

March 27, 2012

I'm 26, and this post is right on the money in my case.

I don't know about innocence, but I carried a faith for my first love. Having faith, to me, is knowing/being doubtless of an outcome when evidence is absent or non-existent. I can't see myself ever having faith in a relationship again.

Now, I hope for the best. Hope is like optimism. You want things to turn out a certain way, but you don't know that they will. That does seem the more mature approach to love.

Good post .

March 27, 2012

I'm not your 'target audience' for responding, but figured I would anyway. I'm 19 and my 1st love dumped me back in November of 2011 after an 11 month relationship. I really do feel it changed me. We had the stereotypical 'we aren't just dating, we are best friends too' dynamic going. She didn't have many friends when we started dating. But we broke up 2x each time when she merged with a bigger group (first coworkers from overnight camp, second time new college friends at a different school then me you can read about it here). It took me a long time to forgive myself and forgive her for the way we broke up. While I will most likely never talk to her again, I have internally 'forgiven' her. I never wanted to hold her back with my own problems. We are both young and still have a lot to learn. I wish her nothing but the best. I'm taking it easy and dating around now. I've come to realize how I really can do 'whatever I want' right now, so I am.

March 27, 2012

My first love happened to me when I was 17. I dated a few guys prior, but none of them were able to give me the "Butterfly Effect" like this guy did. I was young and naive. It was the hardest love I have ever experienced, and to this day at age 31, I have never felt those strong of feelings again. It was a wonderful 3 years with this guy, met some amazing friends through that experience. I have so many wonderful memories from that relationship. When we broke up I thought the World was going to end, there was no way I could go on in life without him. Little did I know, I repaired. I became stronger. Then GIGS hit. And, what a time that was in my life. I don't think this first love ever changed anything for me. Just left wonderful memories, and the worst pain I had felt from a break up. Of course, I have felt that pain again, and it has been a very similar pain, but I have that reminder of what it felt like in the past, and that I can overcome the pains of a break up. I will continue moving forward in life. I will continue to take chances on dating.

March 28, 2012

I am 37, btw.

My very first love (I was his too) and first heartbreak have been re-connecting over the last 2 months, 20+ yrs later. He broke up with me, he busted my heart to pieces. He has made it clear in the last 2 months that he would like to rekindle the flame so to speak and will do whatever it takes to mend my heart. I am currently going thru a heartbreak over another man (funny though, the pain is nowhere near the very first heartbreak pain, maybe it's tolerance over the years). I have made it clear that I cannot have a romantic relationship at this time but he keeps trying.

I personally do not "love" my first love anymore, but I do still have a soft spot in my heart for him. Also, I tread very lightly on others' feelings. Time will tell if I will give him another chance,

Bottom line, I am the same core person now as at 16....but with more "baggage" aka much more knowledge and understanding of people and their emotions including my own.

That said, I think life experiences mould you as you allow them to and your first love is quite the experience. The first love may have an impression, but that impression will change over time as your perspective does.

March 28, 2012

Wow, how appropriate to see this post on the eve of my 28th birthday:cool:

I believe I found my first love when I was about 16-17, but I dont think either of us were mature enough to really experience the full scope of a relationship (i.e. we both had our parents to fall back on, lack of life expereience, etc.)...so I actually am going to say that my 'first' love per se didnt negatively change or jade me. I think we were just too young to go through the highs and lows of a mature relationship.

That being said, I fairly recently lost what I will consider, if not my first, my strongest and deepest love. That is the one that altered my mindset. I was dropped on my head without warning and it stunned me - like you said, it destroyed my confidence, made me feel inadequate and unable to trust. I think the difference was that I had enough life experience at that point to realistically feel like I would live with this girl, marry her, and live happily ever after. In my first love relationship, I think I was too young to really comprehend sharing a life with someone. Most of us at 16 or 17 dont have any real problems. In my most recent relationship, we supported each other though bad times, it wasnt all rainbows and sunshine like in my teen years. Bills needed paid, illnesses occur, etc. I believe these are the things that truely bond us to one another - the comfort another can provide us (and us them) and the sharing of burden.

Sure, the first one hurt, but this latest one was much deeper to my core. It made me examine myself and examine my life in so many ways. It made me question all people's character, values and goodness. How could this person that became so close to me simply up and leave?

Couple that with moving into my later 20's, I think there is the element of realizing you are aging. Moving from your teens through your early twenties is an exciting maturation, but I think we all know what happens when you start edging closer to the big 3-0... My recent ex had a lot of baggage and issues, but I was willing to love her as she was. I think the biggest change now is that I feel the need to be safer and not take that chance...find someone who may not be as exciting and stunning, but someone whose character may match someone who is less likely to cut and run. I dunno, I guess time will tell how it plays out.

Sorry for the novel, but this post really hit home tonight. Hope this helps others as it helped me.

Edited March 28, 2012 by Pens55

March 28, 2012

Wow, how appropriate to see this post on the eve of my 28th birthday:cool:

I believe I found my first love when I was about 16-17, but I dont think either of us were mature enough to really experience the full scope of a relationship (i.e. we both had our parents to fall back on, lack of life expereience, etc.)...so I actually am going to say that my 'first' love per se didnt negatively change or jade me. I think we were just too young to go through the highs and lows of a mature relationship.

That being said, I fairly recently lost what I will consider, if not my first, my strongest and deepest love. That is the one that altered my mindset. I was dropped on my head without warning and it stunned me - like you said, it destroyed my confidence, made me feel inadequate and unable to trust. I think the difference was that I had enough life experience at that point to realistically feel like I would live with this girl, marry her, and live happily ever after. In my first love relationship, I think I was too young to really comprehend sharing a life with someone. Most of us at 16 or 17 dont have any real problems. In my most recent relationship, we supported each other though bad times, it wasnt all rainbows and sunshine like in my teen years. Bills needed paid, illnesses occur, etc. I believe these are the things that truely bond us to one another - the comfort another can provide us (and us them) and the sharing of burden.

Sure, the first one hurt, but this latest one was much deeper to my core. It made me examine myself and examine my life in so many ways. It made me question all people's character, values and goodness. How could this person that became so close to me simply up and leave?

Couple that with moving into my later 20's, I think there is the element of realizing you are aging. Moving from your teens through your early twenties is an exciting maturation, but I think we all know what happens when you start edging closer to the big 3-0... My recent ex had a lot of baggage and issues, but I was willing to love her as she was. I think the biggest change now is that I feel the need to be safer and not take that chance...find someone who may not be as exciting and stunning, but someone whose character may match someone who is less likely to cut and run. I dunno, I guess time will tell how it plays out.

Sorry for the novel, but this post really hit home tonight. Hope this helps others as it helped me.

Hehe, I edged to the big 3-0 awhile ago. Yes, you come to accept others for who they are and love them for who they are. Sometimes, they can't do the same and they cut and run. It hurts bad.

Nothing personal, but "safety" to me means "settling". At this point in my life I dont want safety, I want the real deal. Love is a risk, but I think it has it's rewards We can suffer plenty of heartbreaks to get to the one that lasts.

The heart is resilient.

March 28, 2012

Yep sweetheart, I was being deceptive to myself by using the word "safe"...I knew it, just couldnt admit it.

Even before the sledgehammer-to-my-ego breakup, I havent had much self confidence for a while....I know, its a huge problem, but its so hard to fix. I cant really imagine anyone worthwhile being interested in me.

Having a fathers side that is completely bald and a cousin my age completely bald, the reality tends to set in around this age LOL...Im still good so far, but it aint what it used to be. I've been hitting the gym very hard too - I would never call myself overweight, but we tend to get 'soft' as we age. Im feeling a bit better with the changes I've been making over the past month, but its still like "damn I wish I had x,y or z like I did when I was 22." I know I have a lot going for me, but the ol' brain isnt processing that at the moment.

March 28, 2012

Yep sweetheart, I was being deceptive to myself by using the word "safe"...I knew it, just couldnt admit it.

Even before the sledgehammer-to-my-ego breakup, I havent had much self confidence for a while....I know, its a huge problem, but its so hard to fix. I cant really imagine anyone worthwhile being interested in me.

Having a fathers side that is completely bald and a cousin my age completely bald, the reality tends to set in around this age LOL...Im still good so far, but it aint what it used to be. I've been hitting the gym very hard too - I would never call myself overweight, but we tend to get 'soft' as we age. Im feeling a bit better with the changes I've been making over the past month, but its still like "damn I wish I had x,y or z like I did when I was 22." I know I have a lot going for me, but the ol' brain isnt processing that at the moment.

No worries You may not be 22 now, but believe me, really genuine people will see your true value and appreciate it. It's not your hair (both my last 2 exs were balding) it's not your body type/fat ratio, etc, it's you that they really want to know.

When you accept you for who you are and how you look, women will come in droves! Nothing better than a man who accepts his supposed "faults". Those "faults" are what makes us who we are.

March 28, 2012

"Having a fathers side that is completely bald and a cousin my age completely bald, the reality tends to set in around this age LOL"

Off topic for a sec - personally -Pens55 I think bald men are extremely attractive - That is my "type" I look for - so dont sell yourself short there

Ok back on topic - I am 38 and cant say too much about a "first love" other than I do remember the pain of being rejected. But I know that my 17yr marriage crumbled - made me very jaded - I dont believe in happily ever after anymore. I dont believe that people are meant to be together forever. I think after every relationship my heart is hardened just a bit. This last break-up (not my divorce) has hit me hard & I cant imagine right now opening myself up anytime soon for another hurt like this one. But I have learned a lot about myself and what to look for in any future realtionship should there so be one. So yes with age comes wisdom - part of me wishes I could go back to the innocence of the first love

March 28, 2012

This last break-up (not my divorce) has hit me hard & I cant imagine right now opening myself up anytime soon for another hurt like this one.

As a man, I have always been amazed at a woman's ability to forget all about the pain of childbirth and actually look forward to birthing another kiddo. It's like they get childbirth amnesia over time. I tend to think we have the same kind of amnesia with regards to the pain of breakups, but it does take time.

I have had three difficult breakups. After all three, my initial reaction was "I ain't gonna get involved that deep again with anyone". After the first two, I DID get that involved again. And I suspect I will once again, with sufficient time to heal from this last one.

And I hope the amnesia is strong enough to fully invest for the right woman!

March 28, 2012

Thanks sweetheart and blindsided! Ive decided that if/when the hair looks bad, its all coming off. But for now, I think its mostly in my head - I used to have ridiculously thick hair growing up, so my starting point may be skewing my perspective.

But anyways, yes, I feel once a women gets to know me, they will see a great guy (not concieted, Im just very genuine, caring, etc.). Its just getting past that initial meeting phase that I struggle with. But ya know what, when it happens, it happens.

March 29, 2012

I am 29 and I had my first love at 14.

I was young and stupid, believed in true love forever and actually thought, for a brief while, that we were gonna be happy ever after, just like in the fairytales!

Reality was not as kind. He was 18 and a player. After a few weeks dating he decided to go back to his 16yo exgf, who he'd broken up with to be with me.

I was devastated, but life went on. A couple of months later things heated up again between us and we kinda got back together. He broke up with the other girl again, but after another couple of weeks we kinda broke up again and he got back together with her. For some reason though, I couldn't accept losing him, which then turned into us maintaining our relationship, while he was officially dating the other girl. So I became the OW.

And that lasted for about 6 months. We were generally happy and OMG I was head over heels in love with him. But after those 6 months I was tired of sharing, told him it was her or me and, with no surprise, he chose her.

I wasn't devastated then. I don't think I even cried. I just carried on being a teenage girl. But it left me jaded. It broke my trust and ability to love someone without holding back. That was a toxic relationship and those tend to leave a mark, even when you're only 14 (or specially when you're only 14).

And also, I don't think I got proper closure, as we didn't officially break up we just stopped talking for a while (it was the summer holidays) and assumed things were done. So he'll always be the one that got away. Even if I think now he's probably the most uninteresting person ever (he didn't really evolve or grow since high school...).

Anyway, the point is, yes, the loss of my first love left me... broken. I don't believe in happy ever after anymore. I still have trouble trusting men and I hold back for fear of being hurt.

I hope though, that that will change once I meet the RIGHT person. Who know?

March 29, 2012

I'm 33. but my recent ex just turned 40, or had about a week before he dumped me. i know that had a lot to do with it.

the funny thing is, my first love, kinda wanted me to 'visit.' after i was dumped by my recent ex. it was very tempting, as i hadnt seen him in years.

Back in the day when i was 16, it was long distance, we were kids, and wrote letters. but he ditched me over and over, and i kept taking him back. and then finally, i moved on. although it took a long time, i saw him years down the road in 2005. and he was mean, and i still cared. but, now he wants me to come visit, and seems interested. but, i just dont feel the same. lol. for so long i wished to get that reaction, now he is like will you please, come visit, and i am the one going meh.

March 29, 2012

I'm 28, and had my "first love" ten years ago. We dated just out of highschool, and into our college years. The break up ended very ugly and I stayed single for years afterward. I had a huge fear of getting hurt. I dated in that span but my insecurities caused me to find flaws in women and bail out at the first sign of trouble. Then there would be girls that I would become completely infatuated with, idolize and ultimately avoid because I didn't feel like I was good enough. Saying all that, I feel that I learned SO MUCH MORE while I was single. I over analyzed the crap out of the relationship and saw some serious flaws that should have been addressed. One thing I took away from that failed relationship was how vital communication, trust, and vulnerability is. I was young though and our relationship was more sexual than anything. I was "comfortable" with this girl. I never saw a future with her. I never even looked.

Fast forward to the woman that brought me here. I always said to myself that i would be completely open with the next woman i got involved with. It was still a difficult task since I was so guarded. I started off as friends with my ex and she saw right through my wall. I think this is what really encouraged me to take it to the next level with her. Not only did we get along really well, but she got along with me when I was "being myself".

This makes me believe that she is my first true love. I found my someone that I completely gelled with. This girl was a person I could see myself spending the rest of my life with, and I only dated her for a few months. I like many others found that someone who understood me on a completely different level and thought I had found "the one". However post break-up, you begin to realize that people can be someone that they're not.

To say that love becomes more complex would be an understatement, but I believe that just comes with age. As we get older, we tend to carry more baggage. Take my ex for example. I don't know how much stock I put into this excuse anymore, but she has a child. Her and I hit it off really well, but she said she felt guilty for not giving her son a complete family and that she would do it for him and reconciled with the father. A lot has come to light after this BU, but I can truly say that in spite of all the bad, I still love her. How you can still love someone that you didnt exactly spend too much time with, and whom showed you little respect in the end is beyond me.

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Looking for the late 20's and up crowd to share their thoughts....

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