Medeau Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Hello, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. We currently live in his house. Because I make too little money to pay rent (I work for my parent's business, and they withhold money in family paychecks in order to pay non-family paychecks some) I do my part around his house by cleaning catboxes, doing dishes and laundry, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom and making dinner when we have a night together. However, my boyfriend is OCD and has anxiety problems and is easily stressed out about small things. Whenever I clean something, I never clean it "good enough". He always wants to clean after I have cleaned something, scrub it down until it's perfect. Everything in a ziploc bag must be squeezed so there is no air stored in it. The sponge must never be left in the sink. Whenever I put something in the fridge it's always in the "wrong place" and he has to reorganize it. Cabinet doors must never be left open. I would be fine with all this rules, except for the fact that if I forget one (which I am very prone to doing), I get scolded and judged. When I accidentally broke a 99 cent plastic ring that held together measuring spoons, he said that it was due to me being lazy and not as analytical as he was. Yesterday was particularly difficult. Because he had asked, I threw out some frozen yogurt containers that had a bit of yogurt left in the bottom in a grocery bag, which I tied shut and put in the large trash can. While I was at work, I got a text from him that said "while I appreciate you throwing it out, common sense and my prior request dictate emptying the containers before putting them in the trash. It's put me in a foul mood." I then remembered that he had previously emptied a container out before throwing it away, but i had honestly forgot and it was a mistake. It hurts to be talked down to like that, and I feel like a stupid and incompetent person when he tells me how much I mess things up and how I ruin his day. Has anyone else lived with an OCD partner? I love him so much, and I'm willing to follow rules, but I make mistakes and forget like everyone else.
volkl1996 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Leave, now. Leave, now. Did I say Leave? Seriously, he is controlling you and this is not healthy. Get out before the controlling gets worse.
veggirl Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Eww, seriously? Is he clinically diagnosed OCD? If so, what is he doing about it? Is he in therapy? Taking medication? I really don't think this is "OCD"--that term is grossly overused, and it's used to excuse a partners controlling, unattractive behavior. Your BF just sounds like a controlling JERK. His text was ridiculously patronizing. This sounds like a miserable situation.
volkl1996 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Eww, seriously? Is he clinically diagnosed OCD? If so, what is he doing about it? Is he in therapy? Taking medication? I really don't think this is "OCD"--that term is grossly overused, and it's used to excuse a partners controlling, unattractive behavior. Your BF just sounds like a controlling JERK. His text was ridiculously patronizing. This sounds like a miserable situation. +1, she really needs to walk away from this. This can quickly turn from emotional/verbal abuse to physical abuse. You told us you moved in with him because you could not pay rent..well, move out, find a cheaper place, move out now. Sorry to be abrupt though I have seen and heard this story soooo many times and it NEVER has a good ending.
Quiet Storm Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I would just move on. You will never be able to relax around him. Even if you manage to live up to his standards, he will just make more rules. He will find something to criticize you about, because that is just his nature. Even if you tell him how you feel and he manages to keep his criticism to himself, he will still be thinking it. So you will always feel like you are on this never ending quest for his approval, which is no way to live.
Onlyjonley Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Imagine the rest of your life living like that. As others said ... leave.
SJC2008 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Some of the things sound like OCD but badgering you and criticizing you are NOT bold and capitals on purpose OCD. I've done some research on it because I thought I had it at one time. There are variations and the most common is cumpulsions, repeteive things to deal with anxiety/inrusive thoughts. Like non stop hand washing, checking the door locks 100 times, over organizing. Now coming down on you means he doesn't know how to or care for that matter to manage his problem. He is dam lucky to find someone willing to look past that and then wants to bring you into it and act like you are making things worse. Howie mandel has it, he does not shake hands and is a germiphobe but lives his life and has a wife and kid. Leave his ass now!
Els Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 OCD doesn't excuse one for being a jerk. There are plenty of OCD people who try to keep themselves in check (usually by learning to recognize WHEN they are being obsessive), and communicate nicely with a partner about it. However, it seems to me that you may be tying yourself down to this guy because you need him for rent. This doesn't seem to be the smartest situation, especially not with this guy. If you did break up with him where would you go? Have you thought of a plan?
Professor X Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I love him so much Excuse me, but so what? He is abusing you and messing around with your head on a daily basis. Is this good for you? Can you live with this for the rest of your life? Obviously you can't since you came to this forum to seek help. And let me tell you something else, this is who he IS, he WON'T change, he doesn't have the potential nor the will, so don't kid yourself with thoughts like "I know he can be a better person" - that's naive, common and self destructive. Take him for who is REALLY is, not what he could maybe, maybe, maybe be.
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