reptilelover88 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 This behaviour, from a man in his mid-30s?! Wow. It's unbelievably immature. I had a related situation in December with my ex posting pictures of him cheating on me with other girls on Facebook and then trying to tell me I was overreacting. It hurt at the time but I'm actually glad it happened because it showed his true character loud and clear. I think you should seriously consider breaking up with your boyfriend or giving him some major space to see whether he is bothered enough to fight for the relationship (my ex couldn't give a damn). Good luck.
RiverRunning Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted pictures detailing his cheating on Facebook? Man, some of these people are wildly brazen. Shows how little respect and concern they have for other women. OP definitely needs to bail. That kind of disrespect toward one woman can sometimes prove to be a universal disrespect. I wouldn't be shocked if OP's boyfriend is rude to female wait staff, rude to female family members, or otherwise just shows a generalized lack of empathy or concern for women. I think that also tends to be a common trait among guys who cheat as well as guys who act as deplorably as the OP's boyfriend in this situation. By now, the others are right - these pictures could be on his friends' phones, his computer, all kinds of stuff. It may be best for the OP to just cut and run. Let him know that if she gets word of him passing anything around, she WILL contact the police and press charges. It sucks to have your nudie pics out on display for others, but what more can you do? If she destroys all of his electronics, there's still no saying she's gotten rid of all of the pictures...and likely she'll wind up having to pay for it after a lawsuit. 1
Author LondonBridges Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 He's got to be what - at least in his mid -20s now? It is high time that he grows up. He is mid 30's. I feel just awful. The more I think about this the worse he looks to me.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 You need to make sure he deletes every photo of you that he has, in his phone, on his computer, because his friends will see you and most likely already have. Don't trust him, a lot of guys do this and swear up and down they never would...once you break up though they have no obligation.
Feelsgoodman Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 You guys are ignoring one fairly simple and obvious solution. OP's boyfriend said that he distributed those pictures because his ex cheated on him, right? As crazy as it sounds, perhaps the OP should just restrain from cheating on her boyfriend...
azsinglegal Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 He is mid 30's. I feel just awful. The more I think about this the worse he looks to me. Mine was 37 at the time. Immaturity and anger have no age limits. If you want to end things because of this, that's your call. It sounds like you are looking for a reason to get out though. This can't be the ONLY reason to break up with someone.
Author LondonBridges Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Mine was 37 at the time. Immaturity and anger have no age limits. If you want to end things because of this, that's your call. It sounds like you are looking for a reason to get out though. This can't be the ONLY reason to break up with someone. Why not? This isn't reason enough? No, I've not been looking for a way out. I do love him.
azsinglegal Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Why not? This isn't reason enough? No, I've not been looking for a way out. I do love him. I don't know honestly. What's a deal breaker for you? Is everything else great? Is he good to you? Does he treat you with respect? Does he support you? Is he someone you want to be with? Or is he just a 'boyfriend' that yeah, you love, but he's not really the man you want. I'm not trying to be mean here, but relationships are about compromise and being with someone who has important traits. "Compliment my life, don't complicate it" Everyone has a past. You can't change the past. You can't change his past. Does he regret what he did? or is he "that bitch deserved it?". If he still has anger towards his ex then he's not over her. And from my experience, that means he's not 100% into you. If that's good for you, then stay. If not, then leave. For me, if I found out my ex did this, I'd end it. But I also went thru some heavy stuff with pictures and an ex so for me, it's not worth risking. You're also talking to someone who lost everything in her life because of those pictures, jobs, boyfriends, family, relationships...but I'm still here.
bretthernan Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 (edited) The picture sharing is a sign. It's a sign that shows this: If someone has nude pictures of you from the most intimate times you had together with them and without your knowledge they are prepared to share those pictures with people who are strangers to you then they hold no value in you or your relationship at all. How could they? They are using your most intimate moments as a scorecard, a public trophy to prove their 'manliness' in the world of players. There is no respect or love for you other than what they are getting from it for themselves. You don't count. If you want to stop the flow of images the only way you will is by asking him for a copy of all of them and then after you have that copy telling him that if you ever see or hear of these pictures showing up on any picture sharing website then he'd better be prepared to produce a legally valid, signed 'release' form from you that authorizes him, his friends and the site to distribute them publicly legally. Any site that you find with them on it you can threaten with legal action if they don't take them down. Edited March 27, 2012 by bretthernan missed out something important
RiverRunning Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 The fact that he's found justification to distribute pornographic pictures of an ex are cause for alarm. If the OP breaks up with him, will he invent a story about her cheating to justify passing around those pictures of her? Or will he just say something like, "She was a b for breaking up with me, THEREFORE, I'm really going to show her?" The problem is that he's shown an obvious lack of respect for an ex-girlfriend (I'm not saying he needed to put her up on a pedestal after cheating on him, but at least she isn't continuing to hurt him NOW). It sounds to me like this guy collects photos of his girlfriends just in case they cheese him off, because then he feels he has the trump card on them. That's definitely grounds for dumping. I wouldn't stay with the guy. Who knows when he will turn his wrath on the OP if she missteps? 3
Sanman Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Lord, the responses here have gotten out of hand. Pour coffee on his phone? Take legal action? First off, there is absolutely noway for you to be sure that you will get all your pics from him. You already know that he got the ex's pics back once they were deleted. He could have hidden on his computer, hide copies in his e-mail, etc. You will have to assume that if you break up with him, his friends will see your pics. Consider it a lesson learned and don't give naked pics to boyfriends. As for what it says about him? Who knows. I have some naked pics of some ex-gfs, but have not shown them to anyone. That said, I had an ex-gf that I found out had been sending private emails about our relationship to all of her friends and I found a dating profile of hers that was active months into our relationship. If I had naked pics of her, they probably would have been given to my friends. As it was I had all her passwords for email, ebay, bank accounts, etc and I probably could put her in the broke house if I were a different kind of person. Being betrayed can do funny things to people. We are all just voices over the internet. You are in the best position to decide whether he is a person of poor values or one that simply held a grudge against a person who betrayed him, as we are all fallible.
Author LondonBridges Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 (edited) I really don't know what to do. This clearly is a problem, that much is certain. I genuinely can see how he is trying to portray this as no big deal, just a stupid thing guys do sometimes. I know guys share smut with each other, just THIS is over the top. This is personal and straight f*cked up, not to mention what other aspects of this situation I need to be considering, such as what this says about his character... and that perhaps he still feels a tinge of something for this girl if he's STILL focused on her pictures. I told him that I'm going to feel stupid around his friends and I couldn't quite put my finger on why that was until today: because I represent him as my boyfriend and I am embarrassed about his behavior and how slimy this is. Uggg. I'd like to think that ups and downs can be worked out because he does have plenty of positive qualities, but this speaks volumes about his character. That can't be changed. Edited March 28, 2012 by LondonBridges
CarrieT Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I'd like to think that ups and downs can be worked out because he does have plenty of positive qualities, but this speaks volumes about his character. That can't be changed. Bravo for seeing this and for thinking long and hard about the bigger issue of your situation. I know it isn't easy and I know you will need to take some time to get your emotions around your situation. One advantage you have in your favor is TIME. You don't need to make a decision immediately, but can step back and watch and observe carefully before you make what could be a tremendous life decision. There is no reason you need to decide today - or even tomorrow. But be proud of yourself for having integrity towards a fellow woman whom you know little except what your boyfriend has told you. And for that, I applaud you. 2
make me believe Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I genuinely can see how he is trying to portray this as no big deal, just a stupid thing guys do sometimes. See, this is also extremely problematic for me. If he regretted what he did and admitted it was wrong, I could probably move past it. But he is STILL making excuses! First it was ok because she cheated on him. Now it's ok because it's just a "stupid thing guys do." Look, not all guys do this. They don't. If you want to be with a guy who DOES, then that's your call. But it says so much about his character, and I couldn't deal with that. Also, I wouldn't be so sure that he hasn't already shown his friends pics of you (have you guys ever been in a big fight...??) and I DEFINITELY would not trust him not to do so if/when you guys break up. I think you are really strong and it says a lot about you that you aren't willing to sweep this under the rug. Based on his reaction to the whole incident, his refusal to take responsibility for doing something wrong, and continuously making excuses about it, I think you have a lot to consider. But be proud of yourself for having integrity towards a fellow woman whom you know little except what your boyfriend has told you. And for that, I applaud you. Agreed! 1
udolipixie Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 He says he would never show my pictures - current girlfriends are OUT, that that's a line they don't cross. That's not saying he would never show your pictures. That's saying he would never show his current gfs pictures. If you become an ex you're in. I am really bothered about this. Perhaps it's best suited to think that many men if given the opportunity would do this to a current or ex gf if they felt slighted or wronged so it's best not to let any man have access to raunchy pictures. So rather than feel bothered just restrict it from happening from you and if you feel so inclined it's probably best to make sure you face isn't in the picture. What would you guys do in this situation? You could break up with him. However that doesn't ensure the next guy won't have done the same thing in the past or would do the same to you in the future. It seems to be quite common for men in my country hence why many gals are now not showing their face or identifiable backgrounds. Quite unsure why those gals just don't stop the raunchy picturing I'm guessing they still have some faith/trust/belief their guy won't be like others. I'm pretty intrigued he told you that he did such a thing as that seems to be one of the many things guys tend to keep to themselves as they suspect it may sway a gal's decision about being with him.
Author LondonBridges Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 But be proud of yourself for having integrity towards a fellow woman whom you know little except what your boyfriend has told you. And for that, I applaud you. Thank you.. I hadn't really looked at it like that. It just makes me so sad. It really does... I see that picture and it makes me think about how it was for them when they were together, how she set up the camera to take these pictures just for him, how I'm sure he loved receiving them and yet the only value they now hold is to impress his friends even still... 4 years later. It just makes me feel ill. 1
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