maintainself Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 Ok I just need a little womanly advice. I have been dating this woman for about a year now. She has been practicly living with me for about 4 months now. During the beginning of our dating I found out that she still was seeing he ex for over 10 years but they have been broken up for the last two years when she met me. She tells me all the time she wants to be with me but still wants to be his friend. Every thing has been great for the last two months. But just the other day I found that her ex spent a night at her place (on my own) and she claims that she wanted closure and want to move in with me as soon as possible. She says she wants to move in so I can be assured of her trust. I do love her but she did lie to me. I just need a little advice about this.
Pyrannaste Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 All advice I can think of is making it clear to your gf that she is never going to sleep in the same place as her ex again, expecially at her place or his place, expecially the two of the alone. Unless, of course, you are okay with it. Man, that was really out of line. Have you met the ex yet? If not, meet him as soon as possible. See what your guts tell you. Possibly mention that you didn't like that he slept at her place. See his reaction. It will say a lot.
KellyRT Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 Sounds like she can't quite let go of him. Why is she so anxious to move in with you so quickly? If she can't cut the cord between herself and her ex then take that as a red flag. From what you've described she's keeping her ex along "just in case" while she transitions into a relationship with you. You're out of your mind letting her move in so quickly. Tell her she must get rid of all her excess baggage before she can move in with you. She's playing both you and her ex for her codependency needs. Some people dive out of one relationship into another. If she can't end past relationships she will bring them into yours.
FreeMe Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 If she's just "friends" with him, why does she need closure? That doesn't make sense to me. It seems like she's still got feelings for him. If I were in your situation I wouldn't continue a relationship with someone who had a "friend" like that.
almostthere Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 Wow...that sounds so familiar. i left my ex almost 2 years ago. in that time we have been off again on again. but i will be completely honest with you that i was keeping him around just incase. its very hard to let go sometimes. scary even. when i was in relationships with people he would spend the night by my house every wednesday night. depending on the seriousiness of my relationships i would not sleep with him. BUT i never told him there was anyone else. SO...basically...if i were you...i would ask her if he knows about you two. or if your up to something more drastic try to bump into him. find out where he likes to go and suggest to your gf about going to that place. if she gets skiddish...he doesnt know you exsist. does she answer the phone when he calls when you are around? does she seem candid when she speaks of him? i dont know what to tell you. if you dont have feelings for her or atleast feelings you can quickly overcome...my best advice to you from someone in your gf's position is...run. although ive sorted my stuff out and im now in a wonderful new relationship she seems like shes where i used to be. i dont mean to scare you. and please listen to all the advice offered by others too. you could be the one shes been searching for to let her let go of him. my bf right now was that for me. its a hard place to be where you are right now. but whcich ever way you go set some rules down and stick to them. and good luck to you it will all work out for the best.
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