Rough morning

[Kaotic]

I'm having a rough morning. Been at work for an hour and can hardly stop thinking about him. Mornings are the hardest for me :-( its hard to keep myself preoccupied and to keep my thoughts from wondering at this time every day.

Does anyone else experience that at work? What hurts the most is the lack of the Morning routine that we had together and I catch myself thinking, "oh he's probably wakin up right now" and stuff like that :-/

I think I knew that today was going to be hard since last night. I spent 4 hours reorganizing my bedroom and bathroom and came across so many things that he gave to me, that he reminded me of, that we bought together and even two of his shirts. It was really hard to keep composed when I found one of those shirts....but I kept going and got everything organized and went to bed and I think some of the memories I avoided last night I can't avoid now :-( *sigh*

[casanovadude81]

Let the rest of your day go easy. Try not to think about him.

[Philosoraptor]

It will pass in time. I had issues waking up in the morning after my breakup. It was so hard getting out of bed because I was so used to waking up next to someone. Just challenge yourself to get up and have a task to take care of right away. Make your lunch in the morning instead of at night, leave the dishes for the morning... just something to get you up and give you something to focus on instead of laying in bed and thinking.

[Poovey]

I'm so sorry. I'm currently in the same boat you are. It's hard to stay focused at work, heck, it's hard to stay focused anywhere. I know my Ex well...he's a creature of habit and on one hand it gives me comfort, yet on the other it hurts so bad. I am doing my best to stay preoccupied, but it's like a flood gate opening sometimes. Out of nowhere, whether it be memories or emotions, just come pouring. I know, and I'm sure you do too, that with time things will get better. You mentioned "...but I kept going". You're doing the right thing...so just keep going. Keep yourself preoccupied. Hang in there...it will be alright.

[volkl1996]

I do not know your story though it sounds liek a recent breakup.

 

I sympathize with you. What helped me was reconnecting with family and friends and spending time with them. I kept as busy as I could even if I was just going through the motions. I even joined some local MeetUp groups to make some new friends.

 

I removed everything in the house that would remind me of her..Goodwill loved me last year!

 

And, allow yourself to feel the hurt and the pain, don't totally ignore it. You need to grieve. I encourage you to Google the steps of grieving as you will be going through them. It's almost like a death.

 

Good luck to you!

[Kaotic]

Thanks for te encouraging words everyone!

 

Volkl- it's funny that you should say that it's like a death because it is exactly like that and after our breakup I just kept sobbing and telling my best fried that I feel as if someone died. :-( this isn't my first rodeo, so I know how breakups feel but this time it was completely different and more intense than pain I've ever felt and it was so sudden that it shocked me. I woke up in the morning happy as can be,in love, thinking I was so lucky and had it all and all of a sudden he called it quits. I felt like I had everything I wante at 5:30am that say when I woke up, and by 11am my world apart. I felt as if by best friend and love had just died in a sudden accident or something because it wasn't a breakup well on its way or a situation in which we had ongoing issues. He just broke up with me out of the blue, and that was what hurt the most I think :-/

[volkl1996]

Thanks for te encouraging words everyone!

 

Volkl- it's funny that you should say that it's like a death because it is exactly like that and after our breakup I just kept sobbing and telling my best fried that I feel as if someone died. :-( this isn't my first rodeo, so I know how breakups feel but this time it was completely different and more intense than pain I've ever felt and it was so sudden that it shocked me. I woke up in the morning happy as can be,in love, thinking I was so lucky and had it all and all of a sudden he called it quits. I felt like I had everything I wante at 5:30am that say when I woke up, and by 11am my world apart. I felt as if by best friend and love had just died in a sudden accident or something because it wasn't a breakup well on its way or a situation in which we had ongoing issues. He just broke up with me out of the blue, and that was what hurt the most I think :-/

 

I am sorry to hear your story. And it is like a death.

 

The 5 stages of grief may help you: Relationships Ending: The Five Stages of Grief After a Break Up

 

Just knowing what you are going through helped me. It did not lesson the pain, but it did help.

 

You come across as a strong person so I know you will be fine.

[Kaotic]

I do not know your story though it sounds liek a recent breakup.

 

I sympathize with you. What helped me was reconnecting with family and friends and spending time with them. I kept as busy as I could even if I was just going through the motions. I even joined some local MeetUp groups to make some new friends.

 

I removed everything in the house that would remind me of her..Goodwill loved me last year!

 

And, allow yourself to feel the hurt and the pain, don't totally ignore it. You need to grieve. I encourage you to Google the steps of grieving as you will be going through them. It's almost like a death.

 

Good luck to you!

 

 

Out of curiosity, how long did it take you to donate the stuff? :-( I feel like that point will never come for me. I know it will, logically, but emotionally it seems so impossible. I have a ring that he gave me that I can't ever have off :-( I feel so naked without it. And I have all of these other times that I can't imagine letting go off....I actually wonder a lot if he has everything that I have him or if he got rid of it..... :-(

[volkl1996]

Out of curiosity, how long did it take you to donate the stuff? :-( I feel like that point will never come for me. I know it will, logically, but emotionally it seems so impossible. I have a ring that he gave me that I can't ever have off :-( I feel so naked without it. And I have all of these other times that I can't imagine letting go off....I actually wonder a lot if he has everything that I have him or if he got rid of it..... :-(

 

I moved out, into a hotel for 3 weeks, then with my brother for 2 months, then back into the house as she could not afford to keep it.

 

Over the next 1-3 months back in the house I started either giving stuff to her or giving it to Goodwill. Sometimes it was difficult, though I just did it, and it felt great afterwards. I needed to make the house mine. I even gave her curtains she had made for the house, and knick knacks on tables we bought together, etc. Anything that I thought would cause me to take a step backwards, I removed it from the house.

[Kaotic]

You are strong. :-) I keep wallowing in the "we can still fix it" stage :-/

[jennisfora]

my ex left me suddenly too. it makes it so hard. just saying im there with you. *hugs*

[robkris8079]

mine shut down suddenly. One specific weekend with all the lovey dovey future talks BS right before. I left her two weeks after the BS started. She was done but couldn't actually tell me. I was her rock through all her struggles and hard times for the past 5 years. That is who I am and I was just that even for the end.

[volkl1996]

My ex made it easy for me. She announced she did not love me anymore..we talked it out for a few days, she did not budge, so I moved out. There were zero reconciliation talks after that. Little contact either other than to sign papers or exchange stuff.

 

Divorced now, much happier being alone.

[Kaotic]

Maybe I should share my story too to give you some insight.

 

Basically we dated for 14 months and we talked about the future, kids, what to name them, vacation plans, etc. I was amazed to meet

Someone so on the same page as me. We met while we was in town visiting some mutual friends, although he lived about 500 miles away, so we had a long distance relationship. We visited each other whenever we could and both talked about forever and marriage and made plans for me to move to his city and we even got a puppy together and were looking forward to our doggies being play buddies (same breed of small dog). I stayed here to finish school, otherwise I would have already moved and we checked out all options for me to transfer to a school there but I am so close to being done with school that it really would not have worked.

He was supposed to come visit in march for spring break and had a trip to NYC for work and said he'd plan his trip to see me when he returned from NYC and he talked about this cute bikini he saw to buy me, I bought passes for us to go zip lining, etc. everything seemed great. The only thing that set off any worries for me was that he was acting less affectionate and more distant since January. I asked him several times about that and if he had doubts or if everything was ok and he told me Everytime that nothing was wrong, he loved me, all is fine. On march 1st I was going to talk to him about his trip to see me and I passingly asked him if he noticed that we had not talked as much a usual in the last few weeks and he said that he had and we neede to talk. Basically he said " I think it's over between us" and I was floored. No warning. Nothing. I was a total mess and on the night of march 2nd he texted me and said this would have never happened if I lived there and he would have never left me but the distance was rough and made him grow apart from me. That night we talked on the phone and I asked him why he would just do this so suddenly without tellig me and communicating that something was wrong so we could fix it and he said he's been trying to fix it on his own and been thinking about it since January. He told me stilloved me and breaking up was the last thing he wanted and that he never thought or planned on us ending. He said he wanted to try again, so we got back together on a "break" or whatnot. I think he didn't try again. He just withdrew. He became more and more cold as the week progressed and on march 8th I told him he needed to tell me what his decision is because I couldn't live in limbo forever and he said his feelings just aren't te same as they were and e can't handle the distance and he feels alone and that we're done. I told him that makes no sense because I'm so close to finishing school and was suppose to move there at the beginning of next year and he said that it's better now than later an that things have worried him and he things this is for the best.

I didn't really buy the distance argument because I know him and I knew tere was something else because he has a tendency to latch onto small issues and internalize them and think about them to the point of them becoming big issues. I texted him and that's pretty much what happened. He has concerns about small petty arguments and disagreements we had (we argued in te car over the radio cuz he insulted my fave band, I don't like cooking meat ad he thinks that is selfish of me, those were the two issues he let harping on) and he just didn't say anything to me and let this worry grow in the back of his head. If I was there both him and I know that would have never happened because those are two smal ridiculous things, and he kept saying if I was there living with him it would not have turned into this. We didn't speak for a few days and I did a lot of thinkig and I also mailed him some items that I had bought for his condo (salt and pepper shakers, shower head, picture frame, etc homey stuff because I viewed it as my home) and he texted me when he receive it sayin that I could have just exchanged all that stuff at the store. This opened up a new conversation and I told him what I thought (he should have communicated, this will always be a problem unless he learns to be open and honest an up front with his partners, that I love him And was 100% committed as would have worked on any issue that came up in our relationship and that I was disappointed and thought he acted cowardly and I tried to talk to him on the phone but he didn't answer when I called). The next day he texted me saying he is very busy and has a lot of stuff going on and to deal with and that he didn't BS me and he will call me in about a week or so to answer my questions once and for all. I didn't reply to that text and we have been NC since then. It has been a week and a half and I don't know if he really will call or what.

 

Part of me really can't let go. I thing the circumstances around our break up were crazy. He threw away so much over nothing. I really can't make sense of it. I realize he's been distancing himself and the breakup was easier for him because hed been emotionally shutting down towards me, but we had a great thing going. We were the "dream team" when we worke together and had all te same values and goals and desires and it was just so good! It's rate to find someone that you think you can raise a family with and relate to on so many levels and be so compatible with in all the areas that really matter in a long term relationship. I just don't get it. I don't get how he just emotionally secluded himself and dumped me... :-(

 

Sigh. I keep holding on to hope that he will come to his senses. And something he says just keeps replaying in my mind although I think it's the type of thing that people say just I freaken feel better about why they just did. He said that maybe there is a future for us...maybe 2 months or 5 months down the road well cross paths again. :-( that statement just makes it so hard for me to let go and move on... :-(

 

 

 

Sorry fr how long this was!!!

[volkl1996]

Maybe I should share my story too to give you some insight.

 

Basically we dated for 14 months and we talked about the future, kids, what to name them, vacation plans, etc. I was amazed to meet

Someone so on the same page as me. We met while we was in town visiting some mutual friends, although he lived about 500 miles away, so we had a long distance relationship. We visited each other whenever we could and both talked about forever and marriage and made plans for me to move to his city and we even got a puppy together and were looking forward to our doggies being play buddies (same breed of small dog). I stayed here to finish school, otherwise I would have already moved and we checked out all options for me to transfer to a school there but I am so close to being done with school that it really would not have worked.

He was supposed to come visit in march for spring break and had a trip to NYC for work and said he'd plan his trip to see me when he returned from NYC and he talked about this cute bikini he saw to buy me, I bought passes for us to go zip lining, etc. everything seemed great. The only thing that set off any worries for me was that he was acting less affectionate and more distant since January. I asked him several times about that and if he had doubts or if everything was ok and he told me Everytime that nothing was wrong, he loved me, all is fine. On march 1st I was going to talk to him about his trip to see me and I passingly asked him if he noticed that we had not talked as much a usual in the last few weeks and he said that he had and we neede to talk. Basically he said " I think it's over between us" and I was floored. No warning. Nothing. I was a total mess and on the night of march 2nd he texted me and said this would have never happened if I lived there and he would have never left me but the distance was rough and made him grow apart from me. That night we talked on the phone and I asked him why he would just do this so suddenly without tellig me and communicating that something was wrong so we could fix it and he said he's been trying to fix it on his own and been thinking about it since January. He told me stilloved me and breaking up was the last thing he wanted and that he never thought or planned on us ending. He said he wanted to try again, so we got back together on a "break" or whatnot. I think he didn't try again. He just withdrew. He became more and more cold as the week progressed and on march 8th I told him he needed to tell me what his decision is because I couldn't live in limbo forever and he said his feelings just aren't te same as they were and e can't handle the distance and he feels alone and that we're done. I told him that makes no sense because I'm so close to finishing school and was suppose to move there at the beginning of next year and he said that it's better now than later an that things have worried him and he things this is for the best.

I didn't really buy the distance argument because I know him and I knew tere was something else because he has a tendency to latch onto small issues and internalize them and think about them to the point of them becoming big issues. I texted him and that's pretty much what happened. He has concerns about small petty arguments and disagreements we had (we argued in te car over the radio cuz he insulted my fave band, I don't like cooking meat ad he thinks that is selfish of me, those were the two issues he let harping on) and he just didn't say anything to me and let this worry grow in the back of his head. If I was there both him and I know that would have never happened because those are two smal ridiculous things, and he kept saying if I was there living with him it would not have turned into this. We didn't speak for a few days and I did a lot of thinkig and I also mailed him some items that I had bought for his condo (salt and pepper shakers, shower head, picture frame, etc homey stuff because I viewed it as my home) and he texted me when he receive it sayin that I could have just exchanged all that stuff at the store. This opened up a new conversation and I told him what I thought (he should have communicated, this will always be a problem unless he learns to be open and honest an up front with his partners, that I love him And was 100% committed as would have worked on any issue that came up in our relationship and that I was disappointed and thought he acted cowardly and I tried to talk to him on the phone but he didn't answer when I called). The next day he texted me saying he is very busy and has a lot of stuff going on and to deal with and that he didn't BS me and he will call me in about a week or so to answer my questions once and for all. I didn't reply to that text and we have been NC since then. It has been a week and a half and I don't know if he really will call or what.

 

Part of me really can't let go. I thing the circumstances around our break up were crazy. He threw away so much over nothing. I really can't make sense of it. I realize he's been distancing himself and the breakup was easier for him because hed been emotionally shutting down towards me, but we had a great thing going. We were the "dream team" when we worke together and had all te same values and goals and desires and it was just so good! It's rate to find someone that you think you can raise a family with and relate to on so many levels and be so compatible with in all the areas that really matter in a long term relationship. I just don't get it. I don't get how he just emotionally secluded himself and dumped me... :-(

 

Sigh. I keep holding on to hope that he will come to his senses. And something he says just keeps replaying in my mind although I think it's the type of thing that people say just I freaken feel better about why they just did. He said that maybe there is a future for us...maybe 2 months or 5 months down the road well cross paths again. :-( that statement just makes it so hard for me to let go and move on... :-(

 

 

 

Sorry fr how long this was!!!

 

Again, I am sorry, I can hear and feel your pain and hurt. I read some red flags in your story, though I will keep them to myself as I am not relationship expert.

 

My advice: do not contact him anymore, if you already are. Let go, move on, get busy and find things to distract you. Writing here will help, in the end though you need to do the work on your own, and with the help of close friends and family.

[Kaotic]

Thanks. That is what I've been trying to do. I decided I should go NC a few hours before he sent me that last text message and have stuck with it so far :-( its tempting to reach out to him but that will do no good. I've been trying to stay busy with friends and family and school and I'm getting to stage where I'm replaning everything. I had the next year planned Based on graduating, getting a job there and moving so now I'm at square one.

 

What do you think te red flags were? I'd appreciate insight form a neutral third party.

[CaliBabe]

Kaotic,

That is a really tragic story and I feel your pain. Heartbreak is like having broken ribs, it looks like everything is fine, but every breath hurts.

 

I read many red flags in your post as well.

 

I am praying for a speedy recovery for you, kudos for stick to NC, I am a firm believer.

[Kaotic]

Thanks Cali! What were some of the red flags that you saw? I'd appreciate insight from neutral people if I was missing some obvious signs here. Thanks

[budley12]

He said that maybe there is a future for us...maybe 2 months or 5 months down the road well cross paths again. :-( that statement just makes it so hard for me to let go and move on... :-(

 

My ex said the same thing and wish he didn't. I read that most people say this to try and make the breakup less hard, but in reality it made mine much worse. We were each others firsts so with him saying "maybe down the road" and him saying "if we get back together it would be atleast a year" it makes it impossible for me to let go of my love for him. I am trying to focus on myself and do things for me, but with this hope I doubt I will be able to truly move on anytime soon and stop thinking about him almost constantly. These thoughts stopped for a bit when I heard he was dating someone new but my heart tells me they will never be as happy as we once were, and that there is hope.

[budley12]

I had the next year planned Based on graduating, getting a job there and moving so now I'm at square one.

 

My ex and I also had our "future plan" and I feel im back at square one as well. One thing I am adding to my future plan which wasn't planned before is, I am studying abroad in New Zealand next semester. If you are in college maybe a trip away from everything will be a fresh new start -which I am hoping it will be for me.

[Kaotic]

My ex said the same thing and wish he didn't. I read that most people say this to try and make the breakup less hard, but in reality it made mine much worse. We were each others firsts so with him saying "maybe down the road" and him saying "if we get back together it would be atleast a year" it makes it impossible for me to let go of my love for him. I am trying to focus on myself and do things for me, but with this hope I doubt I will be able to truly move on anytime soon and stop thinking about him almost constantly. These thoughts stopped for a bit when I heard he was dating someone new but my heart tells me they will never be as happy as we once were, and that there is hope.

 

I agree budley, it makes it far worse. It gave me false hope. And so did his change of heart after the first break up. I thought maybe he really wanted to work it out and try. But I think a lot of it is exactly what you said, just a way to try and soften the blow. It really hurts to think about and I feel so betrayed :-( we said a lot of very heavy serious things to each other about kids and marriage and our future and I feel like if he wasn't 100% committed like I was then he should have never made those false promises.

[Kaotic]

My ex and I also had our "future plan" and I feel im back at square one as well. One thing I am adding to my future plan which wasn't planned before is, I am studying abroad in New Zealand next semester. If you are in college maybe a trip away from everything will be a fresh new start -which I am hoping it will be for me.

 

I am applying for an internship with the state legislature for my last semester :-)

I wasn't going to initially when we were together because I wanted to focus on finishing school and finding a job in his city as soon as possible but now I have some wiggle room with what to do.

[budley12]

it seems like our situation was very similar. My ex also had second thoughts about a month into the breakup. He started calling every single night to talk for hours during winter break. He said "he wasnt over me" and "was excited to get back together" As soon as the semester started back up he made no effort to see me or contact me, whereas I was giving it my all. I then come to find out he was spending time with someone else on his RA staff (and now they are dating).

 

My feelings for his are up in the air now. I hate him, yet love him. I want to talk with him to see how his life is, but I want nothing to do with him so I can hopefully heal. He said he wanted to stay friends and didnt want to lose me, but it would be too painful and wouldnt give the opportunity to try and move on. I hope we are able to move on soon :/

[Kaotic]

:-( I remember I read your breakup post and thought it was a lot like mine as well, mainly from te perspective of how we feel

I think we are both having a hard time moving on.

 

It seems so unfair to me :-( the whole situation.

[CaliBabe]

Kaotic,

Please do not get upset with me as I do not intend to hurt you, but I have noticed here with many posts that there always seems to be someone else in the woodworks when they are breaking up with you. Although your ex may not admit it to you to spare your feelings, there usually is someone else they are interested in when they leave. I mean, who wants to be lonely?

 

I know this is painful to hear, but after reading here for so long that is usually what happens and the dumper finds out about it later.

 

This was a red flag that came to mind when reading your post...

 

I am 9 months out of my breakup and I still have rough days... What is happening to you is normal and you can always come here to vent and get support. Most of us have been there and can relate to you. I'm sorry you are going through this, when it's still fresh thats when it hurts the most.