RGWT Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 G/f broke up with me in November, we have had many conversations, and it's clear she has no feelings for me. Yet she contacts me from time to time. All Valentines day week, my birthday, and now this week. I changed my number and she sent me a facebook message saying "I've been trying to get a hold of you all week, you changed ur number"? We agreed to be friends somewhere down the road, but not after being NC for a little under a month, that's just not realistic. (broke up in november but weren't NC until early March) Of course somewhere deep down inside of me want's her back, but I know it will never work because she doesn't wan't it to and was clear. She just get's really sad and cries when we talk about not ever being friends. Anyways I feel like I have to be firm for my own mental well being, I'm having difficulties moving on because of this crap and it's not fair to me. I wan't to respond to her facebook message like this, because if I don't I know the message's may continue. Please let me know what you think. "The reason I didn't give you my new number is because I wanted this to be final, and didn't wan't you trying to contact me while starting fresh, especially for the wrong reasons. Now that things have blown over I've been able to think clearly for once, and I just don't see how being friends will ever work. The relationship took a toll on me that I've managed well with my new lifestyle, and after hitting a certain low with a person one can only learn, move forward and not look back. I know we agreed to different terms, but it was out of impulse and now I feel we've grown apart in all aspects. I wan't you to know there are no misleading intentions in this message, and that I have to ask you to stop contacting me from now on. I wish nothing but the best for you and hold no grudges or resentment, we won't ever feel or understand what the other person has had to endure, but everyone is affected differently and it's imperative that I close this chapter in my life forever. I hope you find what you're looking for and that life and love treat you well." John Smith 2
Me...IamMe Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 If that's what you really want, nothing wrong with it. Send it. 1
Author RGWT Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 It's what I need, it's mentally draining and I need to stop focusing on the past or I'll never get over this. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 "The reason I didn't give you my new number is because I wanted this to be final, and that I have to ask you to stop contacting me from now on. I hope you find what you're looking for and that life and love treat you well." John Smith I paraphrased for you. This is all you need. Maybe she has been contacting you for an ego boost, or when her present bf isnt paying her any mind. Either way, you dont show her any emotion. She deserves no extensive explanations about how you feel. She broke it off with you, so don't give her anything. You just cut her off forever, or at least for a couple years. You dont want to give someone anything when they dont want you. After this message, delete her from FB. Do not answer any more of her messages. You may think you want to leave the door open, but women dont move backwards like that. Even in the slim chance that she wants to try again in a couple years, you wont want her because of how much clearer your mind will be. So you might as well torpedo this now. 2
nature Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I like the letter you wrote and think it is absolutely PERFECT. I would send it just as it is. But be warned, closing the door on her like this may send her into a tailspin running back to you. She is not expecting this, and likes having contact with you still so that she doesn't feel alone, feel guilty, or have to deal with the repurcussions of ending things with you. She can date a new guy and have you in the background as a security blanket to stroke her ego and run back to if the new guy doesn't work out. Just warning yoiu. I forsee her not letting this go if you send her a clear message to leave you alone. but I think you should send it. I think it is fantastic. Shows class, maturity and is matter of fact, without being hurtful at all. 3
betterdeal Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I like what Eddie said. Other options: 1. Every time she messages you, call her and ask what does she want. If she gets emotional with you, remind her you're not her boyfriend, tell her you can't help her, say goodbye. 2. Send what you wrote. 3. Block her on Facebook. You two have split up. That means you are not there for one another. If your personalities and circumstances are in the right place at the right time, sometime in the future, you might re-engage with each other. Then again, you might not. You might meet a fabulous new girl and screw that up by having this loose end flapping around in the wind. Imagine she was your employer, who sacked you in a fit of pique, and then kept calling you asking you how to do stuff and could you come in and do some work, for free? What would your response be? Same deal here - a job is a relationship, and so was this. As you have said, your mental well-being is being damaged by these messages. Love yourself, block her in your mind and in the real world if you have to too. Your happiness lies eslewhere. 3
EgoJoe Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 G/f broke up with me in November, we have had many conversations, and it's clear she has no feelings for me. Yet she contacts me from time to time. All Valentines day week, my birthday, and now this week. I changed my number and she sent me a facebook message saying "I've been trying to get a hold of you all week, you changed ur number"? We agreed to be friends somewhere down the road, but not after being NC for a little under a month, that's just not realistic. (broke up in november but weren't NC until early March) Of course somewhere deep down inside of me want's her back, but I know it will never work because she doesn't wan't it to and was clear. She just get's really sad and cries when we talk about not ever being friends. Anyways I feel like I have to be firm for my own mental well being, I'm having difficulties moving on because of this crap and it's not fair to me. I wan't to respond to her facebook message like this, because if I don't I know the message's may continue. Please let me know what you think. "The reason I didn't give you my new number is because I wanted this to be final, and didn't wan't you trying to contact me while starting fresh, especially for the wrong reasons. Now that things have blown over I've been able to think clearly for once, and I just don't see how being friends will ever work. The relationship took a toll on me that I've managed well with my new lifestyle, and after hitting a certain low with a person one can only learn, move forward and not look back. I know we agreed to different terms, but it was out of impulse and now I feel we've grown apart in all aspects. I wan't you to know there are no misleading intentions in this message, and that I have to ask you to stop contacting me from now on. I wish nothing but the best for you and hold no grudges or resentment, we won't ever feel or understand what the other person has had to endure, but everyone is affected differently and it's imperative that I close this chapter in my life forever. I hope you find what you're looking for and that life and love treat you well." John Smith Don't even respond to the dumb selfish bitch. Block her on Facebook. She is ****ing other dudes and crying that you won't be her "friend" and you want to send her a nice letter? Grow a pair. 3
Author RGWT Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 I sen't it like a fool last night, I don't expect a reply or for her to contact me while she's in town next weekend. She has guy friends posting on her facebook the next day to make plans, innocent or not I felt I should de friended her regardless. I've accepted that it's over and will never rekindle, but still think about it constantly. Work and the gym are helping a bit, I've gone on a few dates but realized I wasn't ready. I didn't wan't things to have to end this way or make it seem like I needed her gone, but I can't fathom any other efficient way of getting over this. Could really use some words of wisdom and support right now, dwelling too excessively over here. I'm so nonchalant about my relationship with people that if word got around that I actually blocked her I would feel like such a wimp. Her facebook is private anyways, but yeah part of me does wan't to ctrl - alt- delete her.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Why didn't you block her if you didn't want contact? 1
Author RGWT Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 I was 100% she would not try to contact again, or it would just be 1 frivolous text message, not all week. Plus we shot the **** over the phone 2 weeks ago and sounded indifferent. I know bad move, but that 2 minute convo with her unimpressed sounding voice really motivated me to move on. I just wan't to be certain again she will not contact, without over doing it with blocking her. I mean I asked her to stop contacting me, even tho our agreement a few weeks ago was to be friends down the road, I made one final necessary demand, and I don't think she will be contacting me now. Lot's of pride.
Author RGWT Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 I feel like I just back tracked 2 months, can't deal with this **** all over again.
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Block her already, dude. And move on and find some new chicks. 1
Author RGWT Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 (edited) there was a point I was talking to a few, but I just wasn't ready and was forcing it, these girl could tell I was distant and difficult to make plans with more than a couple of times. Edited March 28, 2012 by RGWT
betterdeal Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 If it upsets you to hear from her, stop listening i.e. block her on Facebook. You'll feel better.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I identify with the OP. I actually moved to get my ex out of my life. We're all human and sex, loneliness, and sentimentality will come for us. But if a relationship can't work and just leads to another painful break up then some times you have to really throw yourself into closing the door forever. For me I bought a co-op in NYC, sold my car and became a Manhattanite and left no forwarding phone message because I human I after a couple of months and no one new, her showing up dripping pussy juice was impossible to resist. I had to disappear, literally. If I could believe she really figured herself out and was really sorry for her nuttiness, one of those times would have led to marriage. But every time it lasted no more than three weeks. I just wanted it over and some new life to begin.
Author RGWT Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 (edited) I lived with my ex in manhattan for a year while we both went to school. We both found internships after, except on my way back to the states I was rejected for non criminal immigration bullsh*it. Long story short I lost everything, and am currently still trapped in my current small city while she goes on and prospers. It's been really hard, staying positive get's really old quickly. I know many others have it worse, so I'm grateful but it doesn't help me recover. Even if I did get back I currently can't support myself there, my dreams have been put on hold for half a year, and I'm working a regular job here pretending like everything is okay. Edited March 28, 2012 by RGWT
Author RGWT Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 I was just about to, and now I'm blocked. What the f*ck! Now I have to involuntarily wait until she unblocks me to block her, this is bullish*t and my body can't take it anymore.
CaliBabe Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 Sorry your going thru this man. I think everyone was forewarning you to block her right away so you could keep your upper hand... Either way, hopefully you won't be getting any more contact from her.
betterdeal Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I was just about to, and now I'm blocked. What the f*ck! Now I have to involuntarily wait until she unblocks me to block her, this is bullish*t and my body can't take it anymore. Stay away from Facebook for a month. I deleted my account and set up a new one several times when I was going through the break up. You'll get to a better place eventually. *fistbump*
AriesBunny Posted March 28, 2012 Posted March 28, 2012 I was just about to, and now I'm blocked. What the f*ck! Now I have to involuntarily wait until she unblocks me to block her, this is bullish*t and my body can't take it anymore. Sorry you are going through this. If she blocks you, then that solves your problem. I have ex's on my FB and we did not block each other. We limited each other's views. Our views could be different than yours, we felt we could be friends and benefit each other. I would suggest you setup your FB account to not display her status changes to be displayed on your wall.
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