starla33 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I think it's such a huge waste of time as sometimes guys will make a plan over email and we agree on something...then they will randomly call me for no reason (maybe to check I'm actually a female)? I'm very much not into speaking to people on the phone that I don't know as I really can't tell chemistry from the phone.
jerbear Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Words and ASCII art in emails only go so far. The inflection in ones voice can be great in detecting chemistry. It is better to confirm over the phone.
Author starla33 Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Words and ASCII art in emails only go so far. The inflection in ones voice can be great in detecting chemistry. It is better to confirm over the phone. I just meet up and see what happens.
jerbear Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I just meet up and see what happens. For some guys, the voice helps in building familiarity. Just because I know what you look like, does not mean I know what you sound like. If you like meeting up, I suggest meetups instead of online dating.
Author starla33 Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 For some guys, the voice helps in building familiarity. Just because I know what you look like, does not mean I know what you sound like. If you like meeting up, I suggest meetups instead of online dating. Huh? I have been doing online dating for years and not talking on the phone with most of the guys. never had an issue
NotForTheDough Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Well I'm certainly not an expert in relationships but I had my share of online dating experience. I'm a guy btw I agree with starla33, despite having had a light text conversation before meeting in person it's really awkward to talk to someone on the phone before really knowing them personally. I tried it twice, both complete failures, even though I would consider myself smalltalk expert The best way to do online dating after having the initial text exchange (which shouldnt be too long) is meeting in a public "safe" place. From there you have all options. However starla, you have to keep in mind the people are different. So if you plan to meet with an interesting guy you should respect that they are "randomly" calling to "check" if you are female. As mentioned above it's a HUGE deal even for "socially competent" people to call someone "random" So, knowing the awkwardness of these calls it's your turn to a)reduce the tension b)be warm and friendly c)keep the call as short as possible d)just meet (IF you like the guy) 1
jerbear Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Huh? I have been doing online dating for years and not talking on the phone with most of the guys. never had an issue If it works for you then ok. In my case, I prefer to talk on the phone before an online date. You just bought back memories. I didn't talk on the phone first for a few of my dates/ex's. They were early to mid twenties. To be honest, I really liked them. Only one I didn't like after talking on the phone.
Jane2011 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I agree. I prefer to do some emailing, then when it gets down to date time, one very short phone conversation beforehand (like a day or two before). Texting can happen after that, since we now have each other's #s. The last online dating guy I dealt with kept wanting to talk to me on the phone for long stretches of time. I eventually just stopped talking to him because I was bothered that he was guilt-tripping me for not talking to him on the phone for long enough. But it was also because he was too tall and I wasn't crazy about the various small things I was learning about him.
Leigh 87 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I love talking on the phone. I am a phone person, so I always chat on the phone to the dudes I meet online; including my current b/f, whome I talked to before meeting online. It was really great to go from feeling something special about him online, to then confirming that there was something good about him over the phone. I think it helps break the ice, if you already have built some familiarity. Talking, and being able to be fluid and normal, your usual self, over the phone, will make meeting easier, in my experience. It works for me, but every one has different methods:)
oaks Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I think about half the time I'll talk with her on the phone before the first date. I haven't noticed any difference in the success rate (eg getting a second date) when we talk vs when we don't talk before the first date. There have been some women who I've talked to on the phone before agreeing to meet and then, based on the call, lost all interest.
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I think it's such a huge waste of time as sometimes guys will make a plan over email and we agree on something...then they will randomly call me for no reason (maybe to check I'm actually a female)? I'm very much not into speaking to people on the phone that I don't know as I really can't tell chemistry from the phone. I am of the same opinion: no talking on the phone before we meet. It happened a couple of times to me that although we had already had fixed a date for a first meeting, the guy called me and the call basically turned into an application interview. And I was not hired! as the guy canceled the first meeting after the call. I refuse to be judged on a telephone call, and I don't want to give personal info on the phone to someone I have never seen. In the online dating world, they are actually guys who want to select on the basis of a phone call. Guess they are afraid to have too many first dates. If a guy proposed that my answer is "No". If you wanna get to know me, meet me. It does not have to be long, it can be going for a coffee. But I won't have someone reject me on the basis of a phone call.
Andy_K Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Huh? I have been doing online dating for years and not talking on the phone with most of the guys. never had an issue Same for me. Been online dating whenever I'm single for years now, but I barely ever have a phone conversation before meeting a girl. I'm just not that into phonecalls, a few texts to confirm the date is enough till you meet.
oaks Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 In the online dating world, they are actually guys who want to select on the basis of a phone call. Guess they are afraid to have too many first dates. And girls, too. There are also people who won't meet without having a phone call (even if the 'agree to meet' stuff was already done by email).
Arkaeology Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I call once on the day of the date to confirm that she would still be able to make it. I also call at least 10 minutes before the date if I have the slightest clue that I may be 1 minute late. Other than those two reasons, no reason to talk before meeting. Besides, you want to have a lot of things to talk about on the date.
FitChick Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I would never agree to meet someone without speaking to them on the phone preferably more than once. You get a better sense of who they are. One man was quite witty and humorous in his emails but on the phone he hesitated, had no sense of humor and was boring. Like two completely different people.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I used to hsve a problem giving out my number to people because of security reasons but nowadays I don't mind giving it output after a significant exchange of emails and texts. The guy I'm seeing now started off with calling me right off the bat but looking back it was simply because he wasn't the type to want to waste his time and play games. Even now he's very consistent with phone calls and texts. I would reserve phone calls for date confirmations and light chatting until u guys actually met in person and dated a bit.
CarrieT Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I once corresponded with a man (a fire fighter chief!) for about six weeks. I was really into him based on our writings. We were getting to the point of talking about meeting up when we exchanged phone numbers and I heard his voice... His voice was so high and squeeky and such a HUGE turn-off. It really blew my expectations of this powerful firefighter and this female-sounding voice and I'm glad I didn't meet him in person... With my current BF, we wrote to each other for about a week before talking on the phone for another week and then our first date. That was six months ago and I couldn't be happier...
Jane2011 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I once corresponded with a man (a fire fighter chief!) for about six weeks. I was really into him based on our writings. We were getting to the point of talking about meeting up when we exchanged phone numbers and I heard his voice... His voice was so high and squeeky and such a HUGE turn-off. It really blew my expectations of this powerful firefighter and this female-sounding voice and I'm glad I didn't meet him in person... With my current BF, we wrote to each other for about a week before talking on the phone for another week and then our first date. That was six months ago and I couldn't be happier... I talked to this guy online for about a week and a half who I was very excited about. He struck me as strong, masculine. When I talked to him on the phone, he sounded like a 17 year old. It was very strange. A friend told me that the guy probably *was* 17. But I couldn't be sure because his talk about his background and his experiences was pretty convincing, didn't seem made up. In any case, I opted not to meet him.
volkl1996 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 The quick answer, no. I try to learn as much as I can about the person over the online dating email system. Usualy 5-10 mail exchanges over 1-2 weeks is enough time for me. I do not phone, text or any of that. I have before and learned it's just not for me. I can also set up false hope.
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