Nextlane Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 (edited) I recently got into contact with a shy girl who I used to work with about 2 years ago. She was perfect in terms of looks, intelligence and personality (I used to dream about her as well, even though I was in a relationship). She also used to open up to me whilst I was working (sometimes face to face, but mostly confident via email), laugh at my jokes and randomly comes up to me. The dilemma is that she has a bf of 5 years who I believe is incompatible with her - as she always seems upset on some days, also some of the things she says about how he treats her is purely immature and disrespectful. Anyways, I recently came out of a 4 year relationship about a month ago. She has been liking my facebook comments, putting random comments on newly posted pictures and also texting to ask me common sense questions with a lot of smilies. I asked her to coffee recently and she accepted. I really like her a lot, just someone that has qualities for the type of women that I could probably spend my life with and is a rare catch compared to typical mainstream women. I feel like myself around her and I have never held on to contact with a girl before apart from her. How should I go about this? Should I risk it all at the end once we get comfortable, tell her how I feel and give her time for her heart to decide what's right for her? My rule would be at least 4 months break too before coming into this relationship. End of the day, I'd rather her be happy even if it means being without me. Edited March 27, 2012 by Nextlane
wowme20100 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Ask her if she wants to go for a walk and try to hold her hand.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Make a move. When you have coffee with her you can say that you need to tell her something--"I love you" is too abrupt and self serving--you can preface it with "I don't know how to say it but I think I love you or am in love with you". That's nothing to run away from. If it's an uncomfortable setting then ask if you can see her somewhere better to discuss it. Just face it. As I read it neither of you are married and in happy relationships. You may just the rescuer she needs--that doesn't mean she'll be with you forever, but it might get her to free from acquiescing to a tyrant and you can find out along the way if she really will love you.
Author Nextlane Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Ask her if she wants to go for a walk and try to hold her hand. That would be too extreme lol. You may just the rescuer she needs--that doesn't mean she'll be with you forever, but it might get her to free from acquiescing to a tyrant and you can find out along the way if she really will love you. We haven't seen each other for like 2 years since I went on to do other things with my life. But we keep in contact every now and again via text or social media. I'll probably say something leaning towards "like".
Author Nextlane Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 (edited) Just an update. We ended up having dinner and I confessed my feelings towards her. She was asking if I was being serious as she never thought I saw her in that way. She didn't say anything about 'I only see you as a friend', also said she liked me as well and advised if she didn't have a boyfriend she would say yes straight away. End of the day, I just wanted to make sure she was happy and don't intend to jeopardise their relationship (have no idea about the current status). I've always felt a strong connection that I'm supposed to look over her throughout my lifetime whether it be a close friend or partner. Ever since the confession, she is still maintaining contact with me via text and social portals (Facebook, Email) on a daily basis even though I've been very busy getting my life sorted. I really don't know what to do now, I don't want to be 'the other guy' if I continue to pursue this girl in the future through meet ups. I will hangout with her as friends in the coming weeks and look out for her. Can these 'fate' type relationships work? Edited April 6, 2012 by Nextlane
rickys Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Things are going in your direction. Let them go... Don't interrupt for sometime. When you start believing that she has same feelings that you have then tell her about your feelings, unless it would be harmful for your friendship.
Author Nextlane Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) Things are going in your direction. Let them go... Don't interrupt for sometime. When you start believing that she has same feelings that you have then tell her about your feelings, unless it would be harmful for your friendship. I have already confessed to her my feelings and I'm certain she may feel the same way. I'm thinking of waiting this out though as I'm quite patient. End of the day it's her choice. I just feel so bad as an individual trying to steal another man's woman, but I'm going about it in a mature manner though (not getting physcial and keeping distant). I'm aiming for the long haul with this girl so I'd hate to give her a sense its not a big deal to date other guys. Edited April 7, 2012 by Nextlane
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