star036 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 (edited) My ex left me and my son 7 months ago for another man she had been seeing behind my back. This man is 37, and a lowlife. She is 24. I had been with her for over 7 yrs, been with her through so many things in her life and even asked her to marry me as I was that certain I wanted the rest of my life with her. She turned me down and left. 7 months on, after the first few months of constant crying and despair, I've now hit a stage of no emotion, good or bad. i feel nothing, almost lifeless. but every now and again i have one day where i will crack and get upset, and it was always her i went to when i get upset, but she has gone. she showed no emotion when leaving, and never really said anything during the 7 months. But last week I got a text out of the blue from her saying she had been looking at pictures of me and her on holiday and they made her smile. She then went on to say she is sorry for everything she has done to me and us as a couple (with a big sad face on the text). My response was to dismiss this and just sed I don't want to talk about it. I try to keep conversation to a minimum. She also text me when I was ill to say she cares about me more than I know and shes always there for me. Does anyone think this is a sign she is regretting what she has done? I'm I doing the right thing by not talking about it, or talking about anything to her apart from our son? I havent looking her in the eye since she left, i cant. Edited March 26, 2012 by star036
leoc1973 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Wow that sounds like a GIGS breakup! Was she seeing this guy behind your back? for how long? Is he really a lowlife? Sounds llike maybe she needed to see what else was out there. It sucks to be the guy on this end of it but lots of women go through it. If you read up on this gigs stuff this is about the month when they start "sniffing" around. Do you want her back?
wilsonx Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 (edited) not yet.... youve got a lot of months to wait I got that same conversation at 6-7 months its now month 10-11 and shes checked in a few more times hasnt come back yet ------- Edited March 26, 2012 by wilsonx
leoc1973 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 No? I thought around month 7 or 8 is when she starts to actually realize she hurt you and puts out the feelers... I guess I gotta go read that thread again. My ex started around month 8 after not hearing anything form her in months. Now its month 10 and she is calling/texting me every day almost. She even started to try to rationalize how she painted me black. LOL her reason was if I loved her enough I would have borrowed the extra couple grand to get her, her dream ring instead of the only really nice one I was going to get her. ROFL!! I don't even know what color the sky is in some of these people's heads.
leoc1973 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Wilson do you by any chance remember the date your ex broke up with you? I wonder if we dumped on the same day? LOL
Author star036 Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 she met him 2 months before we split up. I don't know him, just heard about him, lets just say he seems to work to spend his wage in the pub, and not the type of bloke i'd expect a half decent woman to like. It's just so frustrating, she has ruined everything it can never go back to how it was, never. she is so stupid. A friend said he saw her up town the other night, so she is probably out looking for nicer guys. I just constantly wonder what was so wrong with me. I crave for that bond we had to come back, and just to hold her again. But I know I could never forget the hurt she has caused, and then fact she has slept with some1 behind my back. I can't forgive her, part of me hates her so much, but part of me is still trying to love her.
mike588 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Mine dumped me for her ex. 7 months ago after dating for about a year. I went No Contact never ever expecting to hear from her again. Well last month she contacts me several times saying I'm so sorry and is full of regrets and guilt. Give it more time and don't break N.C.!!
Author star036 Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 It is tough. Part of me feels sorry for her, i just got a feeling shes gonna get hurt and eventhough shes hurt me so bad i still feel protective of her. But then another part of me wants her to hurt asmuch as I did. She showed no emotion when she left me, not a care in the world for what she had done to me. I want her to regret it, to look at me and think what a mistake it was. The second I look into her eyes i just fill with hate, hence why i try not to look at her no more. For a few months now I have had minimal conversation with her, i still have to see her because of our son but dont speak unless spoken to, and even then i dont make conversation. My 3 yr son is also very clingy towards me and doesn't want to go back to his mum when I drop him off, which makes me wonder whether he knows what his mum did to me eventhough I tried to hide it. Just hope all this is starting to hit home with her, i want her to feel the pain i have.
CaliBabe Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I could be wrong, but it sounds like she is trying to relieve her guilt. She's trying to be nice so you will forgive her and she will feel less guilt over being so heartless. By responding and opening up to her again, you are showing her that you forgive her and will make it easier for her. After what shes done to you, do NOT help her relieve her guilt. You do not owe her that.
wilsonx Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I could be wrong, but it sounds like she is trying to relieve her guilt. She's trying to be nice so you will forgive her and she will feel less guilt over being so heartless. By responding and opening up to her again, you are showing her that you forgive her and will make it easier for her. After what shes done to you, do NOT help her relieve her guilt. You do not owe her that. Why not relieve her guilt? Why do people have to be so selfish and resentful? This is one of the biggest faux pas i see with the forum. Why not be human and let go of things? Why not say its ok I understand? Why must people hold on to this type of hurt for the rest of their lives? For me, I dont want to live a life like this, full of resentment, or anger toward things that weren't going to work out anyways or people wanting to go out and try new things.
CaliBabe Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 In the same sense, why do anything? Why go out of your way for her? Just ignore her so feelings don't come back up that could potentionally hurt you. Just move on, let it be, ignore. It's all about you now. You don't have to relieve anyone's anything unless it's beneficial for you. I am a firm believer of NC and I just feel that contacting will end up hurting the guy and possibly get his hopes up. I would hate to see him let down from contact that he thinks is reconciliation if it's not. If she hasn't said I made a mistake, I want to work things out, then he has no idea if she wants to reconcile. It's not exactly clear. It's just my opinion as I stated before, goodness don't get your panties in a bunch wilson, relax.
mike588 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 In the same sense, why do anything? Why go out of your way for her? Just ignore her so feelings don't come back up that could potentionally hurt you. Just move on, let it be, ignore. It's all about you now. You don't have to relieve anyone's anything unless it's beneficial for you. I am a firm believer of NC and I just feel that contacting will end up hurting the guy and possibly get his hopes up. I would hate to see him let down from contact that he thinks is reconciliation if it's not. If she hasn't said I made a mistake, I want to work things out, then he has no idea if she wants to reconcile. It's not exactly clear. It's just my opinion as I stated before, goodness don't get your panties in a bunch wilson, relax. True. When my ex. contacted me she didn't say...I want to reconcile and I didn't know how to take it...her numerous contacts. Maybe she was waiting for me to bring it up? I think ALL of us at one time hold/held on to that teeny tiny bit of hope that they would like to try it again regardless of how well we have ...or haven't moved on. After putting her and the b/u behind me her contacting me brought out that tiny bit of hope.
Chi townD Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 She was looking at pics of the two of you together and realized that you're not a douche rocket that she convinced herself that you were to give herself permission to cheat on you and leave. Guilt set in. She's trying to ease her guilt. Nothing more, nothing less.
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