desertsessions Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I know the title in my header is simple, you say sorry and you never repeat any of the mistakes you made before. My situation is a bit different. I just want to know how to do something sincere, when all you've ever done is say you're sorry then fall back into old habits. Pretty much i want to send some stuff back, and say sorry for my immaturity that I always had, and lying about something. I've run the sorrys into the ground, and that's why we just decided to ignore each other. I was at a pretty low point in my life when we were together. depressed all the time, insecure, never felt good enough. this brought on a lot of problems with me just being a real jerk half the time, and telling small lies that helped me feel better about myself, but in the end just made me feel worse. we broke up, and for a year after that i just dug myself deeper, blaming everyone else for the way my life was...her breaking up with me just brought anger towards her so i told her to eff off when she asked for some stuff back. In the last year, I've since brought myself a long way to recovery, I stopped feeling sorry for myself, got some crappy job, while i looked high and low for something better. Found something better, I'm content with my job now. I'm even looking to progress farther than this one now, with going back to school when I have enough. Doing all this myself, and saying enough was enough has brought the happy full of life side of my i lost touch with years ago. I find myself being the positivity in my group of friends, the insecurity of feeling worthless has past, and I'm happy to see what tomorrow brings. to best honest, from breaking free of this destructive lifestyle i lived. it comes natural that i feel absolutely terrible for being such a selfish prick to my ex...she always said things would get better if i put my heart into it. I feel terrible she was good to me, and i was an unsupportive brat...I lied to her, was mean, and a terrible boyfriend. She's long since blocked me, hates my guts. I honestly don't expect her to ever forgive my actions....but...i want to make what i still can right. even if she still hates my guts after, that's fine with me...i just have this urge to do right now a days, and to someone i feel i wronged so much...i feel i have to send her stuff to her, and give her some money i probably should have paid her back. How would i write something to tell her that her stuff is on the way? I'm bad at writing stuff and since everything i've ever written her before always had some undertone of ulterior motive. how do i make this sincere...how do i say "sorry" for lying, and being a jerk...do i say i've since turned my life around and have sent her stuff. say i didn't have my head on strait before.....the thing is, i never realized how depressed and messed up i really was until i came out of it...I know 100% the way i was with her was because of this stuff. It's just hard to let people know that, without coming off as oh...more ulterior motive. Someone help me out with writing something?
Author desertsessions Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 send that mate it sounds sincere to me I'm hesitant to even say "I apologize" or "I'm sorry" cause she's heard that so much in the past. I don't want this to be just "another one of those". How can i be sincere without actually saying I'm sorry or i apologize...it has me stumped.
Mack05 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 (edited) The best way to say 'sorry' is to leave her be. I know how you feel mate. I really do. I have made mistakes too and it hurts me enormously that I can't ever put things right. I spent so much time in my last relationship showing VERY immature behaviour. I suffer from insecurities and low self esteem and these traits really effect relationships in such a negative way. I often wonder if I showed my ex the best me, showed her constant love, compassion, empathy and understanding. A mature way of communicating, maybe I might have seen the best of her. Maybe our relationship could have blossomed. Alot of 'what if's'. Instead we had so many silly avoidable fights. I spent too much time focusing on the negative(s). Being too afraid to trust. I hate the fact my ex never saw the 'real' me. I have so much love to give, but I am slowly beginning to understand I need to give myself some of that love before looking to shower someone else with my affection. Like your ex, my ex hates me too. Can't change that now, but I can change how I behave in future. I made the silly mistake of posting on this site angry. Over Analyzing (probably wrongly) her and her previous actions within the relationship. Anything to avoid truly bringing things inwards. It's easier to 'blame' as a method of coping and I was doing that. Not easy knowing the right thing to do, when you have a broken heart. I am making progress and I am very proud of myself right now, but real lasting progress takes time and I need to regulary remind myself of that fact. I commend you for making changes to yourself and growing as a person. That takes maturity and courage. But contacting your ex...That is just a way of alleviating your own guilt. You have no idea where your ex is in her recovery. Contacting her could easily upset her. She doesn't deserve that mate. The best thing you can do is honor her memory. Don't make the same mistakes, if you are lucky to find love again. Continue your great progress. Wish your ex well (in your head) but let her live her life. Give her the chance to find happiness, the happiness you couldn't provide her. Contacting her now could well stir up negative emotions within her. If your truly sorry. If you truly love and respect her, then leave her be. The next time you say 'sorry' to a girl make sure she hardly ever hears those words, so that when you say 'sorry' she knows in her heart you truly mean it.. Edited March 26, 2012 by Mack05 1
Author desertsessions Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 The best way to say 'sorry' is to leave her be. I know how you feel mate. I really do. I have made mistakes too and it hurts me enormously that I can't ever put things right. I spent so much time in my last relationship showing VERY immature behaviour. I suffer from insecurities and low self esteem and these traits really effect relationships in such a negative way. I often wonder if I showed my ex the best me, showed her constant love, compassion, empathy and understanding. A mature way of communicating, maybe I might have seen the best of her. Maybe our relationship could have blossomed. Alot of 'what if's'. Instead we had so many silly avoidable fights. I spent too much time focusing on the negative(s). Being too afraid to trust. I hate the fact my ex never saw the 'real' me. I have so much love to give, but I am slowly beginning to understand I need to give myself some of that love before looking to shower someone else with my affection. Like your ex, my ex hates me too. Can't change that now, but I can change how I behave in future. I made the silly mistake of posting on this site angry. Over Analyzing (probably wrongly) her and her previous actions. Anything to avoid truly bringing things inwards. It's easier to blame as a method of coping and I was doing that. Not easy knowing the right thing to do when you have a broken heart. I am making progress and I am very proud of myself right now, but real lasting progress takes time and I need to regulary remind myself of that fact. I commend you for making changes to yourself and growing as a person. That takes maturity and courage. But contacting your ex...That is just a way of alleviating your own guilt. You have no idea where your ex is in her recovery. Contacting her could easily upset her. She doesn't deserve that mate. The best thing you can do is honor her memory. Don't make the same mistakes, if you are lucky to find love again. Continue your great progress. Wish your ex well (in your head) but let her live her life. Give her the chance to find happiness, the happiness you couldn't provide her. Contacting her now could well stir up negative emotions within her. If your truly sorry. If you truly love and respect her, then leave her be. The next time you say 'sorry' to a girl make sure she hardly ever hears those words, so that when you say 'sorry' she knows in her heart you truly mean it.. Well i'm not planning on keeping an ongoing conversation with her, i actually am going to message her regardless. it's been a year, she did ask for her stuff back and i was a jerk to ignore her. I think if anything she'll appreciate getting her stuff. I was wrong to deny her of that, just cause i was angry at her for false reasons. It also pains me to know she never knew the real me...just this broken down me. She even loved me when i was in that state...makes me sad, to know we probably would have been perfect if i had been in the mind state i am now. As i said though, i am going to send her stuff to her regardless. She deserves it back. Plus, I don't expect anything from it, and i know she's long over it, as am i. I do need to man up for how i acted though.
nature Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Send her the stuff, with a handwritten letter saying exactly what you have said here. Believe me, no matter where she is in her recovery, she will appreciate an acknowledgement and apology for how you treated her. Say it exactly as you said here. Tell her you don't expect her to believe you because you constantly gave her false promises before and never followed thru, etc. Tell her you realize now that its so true that you cannot love another person until you love yourself. Just be straight up honest as you have been here. Whether she believes you or not, it will be appreciated. She deserves an apology and I commend you for doing some soul searching and seeing this in yourself. I think she will commend you too. Don't expect a response from her, but send it. 1
Author desertsessions Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 yeah ^ that seems like the most logical thing to me:D
Author desertsessions Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 How does this sound, I've written this out. This may seem out of left-field, but I handled things like an utter jerk when you asked for your shoes last year. I’ve sent a package in the mail with your shoes, it should arrive in 3-4 business days. The package also contains a money order, which will cover what I should have helped you with. I treated you very unfairly with not being 100% honest, and being a brat. You were good to me, and you didn't deserve that crap. I don’t expect you to believe me, or care for that matter, but I know this is the proper thing to do. take care,
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