Meeks7 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 My girl friend told me yesterday what attracts her to a guy besides his confidence and drive in life is how humble and teachable he is. By teachable he doesn't mean a slave or a puppy being trained... but just someone who keeps an open mind, can see other from other people's perspective, and is willing to make compromises when appropriate. She said nothing turns her off like a guy who think he knows it all, or refuses to see from over viewpoints. She used to date VERY stubborn guys who were full of pride. She said that's the biggest turn-off. A guy who is willing to ask for help or direction is actually a turn-on, she said. I found that to be interesting. She said the main reason she likes guys who are humble and teachable is that these people are usually well-balanced and are reliable, and these are the kinds of people who continually grow. People who can positively take constructive feedback and use it to better themselves as a result. I thought it was a golden nugget shared by a beautiful woman who knows a thing or two about successful relationships. (She's getting married this November.) Some food for thought.... 5
zengirl Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 My girl friend told me yesterday what attracts her to a guy besides his confidence and drive in life is how humble and teachable he is. By teachable he doesn't mean a slave or a puppy being trained... but just someone who keeps an open mind, can see other from other people's perspective, and is willing to make compromises when appropriate. "Teachable" seems the wrong word for this, but I agree. I'd say by that definition hubby is teachable, and change the gender pro-nouns and it fits me as well. You have to be willing to learn from each other, empathize, and problem-solve together. Totally.
pteromom Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 There has to be a balance. You have to keep your confidence, but also have an open mind and be willing to learn about the person you are with. Being a know-it-all in a relationship is toxic, because it sets the tone that your partner is not an individual person with their own opinions and likes/dislikes. But going too far the other way is toxic too. If you are TOO focused on what the other person thinks/wants to the point where you become a "wuss" or a doormat, she will lose sexual attraction to you. Balance is the key. As with a lot of things! 2
Andy_K Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 As the saying goes, "Follow those who seek the truth, but run from those who claim to have found it" 4
Author Meeks7 Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 There has to be a balance. You have to keep your confidence, but also have an open mind and be willing to learn about the person you are with. Being a know-it-all in a relationship is toxic, because it sets the tone that your partner is not an individual person with their own opinions and likes/dislikes. But going too far the other way is toxic too. If you are TOO focused on what the other person thinks/wants to the point where you become a "wuss" or a doormat, she will lose sexual attraction to you. Balance is the key. As with a lot of things! Yes, she also talked about this. Sorry that I didn't further clarify it in my original post. Extreme either way is not good. Right in the middle. Just like Goldilocks, lol!
Feelin Frisky Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Both parties should expect to accommodate the uniqueness of each other--especially in the sex department. I really hate it when a chick tells me "now you're in for it, I give the greatest head" then proceeds to gnaw me like pitbull on a pig's ear. I'm not willing to compromise on politics or religion however. It's taken me too much work to become the vessel of clarity on things that I am to be wishy washy or patronizing about stuff I know to be nonsense.
denise_xo Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I agree with the sentiment but not the choice of words. I think of it as a desire to constantly learn and evolve.
carhill Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 'How open to new insight, perspective and experience are you?' I would say my marriage taught me a lot 1
pteromom Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I'm not willing to compromise on politics or religion however. It's taken me too much work to become the vessel of clarity on things that I am to be wishy washy or patronizing about stuff I know to be nonsense. It's not about COMPROMISE. It's about valuing the opinion of the person you are with. It's ok to say "This is what I believe" as long as you don't add "and you are an idiot if you don't agree with me".
Feelin Frisky Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 It's not about COMPROMISE. It's about valuing the opinion of the person you are with. It's ok to say "This is what I believe" as long as you don't add "and you are an idiot if you don't agree with me". Thank you but I didn't need the help. I make it a point to find out before hand if we are politically and religiously mismatched). I can tolerate a little religiosity but listening to Rush Limbaugh and either agreeing with him or not knowing how much of hate-monger and liar he is is a deal breaker.
carhill Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 That's a great point and one I often see examples of here on LS, particularly the use of ridiculous, stupid and similar verbiage to describe another poster's opinion/experience/perspective. Here it's merely a violation of the community guidelines. Out in the real world, it's a sign of something more elemental. A canary of sorts. Valuing the opinion of the person you're with, even if in disagreement. I like that 2
Professor X Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 My girl friend told me yesterday what attracts her to a guy besides his confidence and drive in life is how humble and teachable he is. By teachable he doesn't mean a slave or a puppy being trained... but just someone who keeps an open mind, can see other from other people's perspective, and is willing to make compromises when appropriate. She said nothing turns her off like a guy who think he knows it all, or refuses to see from over viewpoints. She used to date VERY stubborn guys who were full of pride. She said that's the biggest turn-off. A guy who is willing to ask for help or direction is actually a turn-on, she said. I found that to be interesting. She said the main reason she likes guys who are humble and teachable is that these people are usually well-balanced and are reliable, and these are the kinds of people who continually grow. People who can positively take constructive feedback and use it to better themselves as a result. I thought it was a golden nugget shared by a beautiful woman who knows a thing or two about successful relationships. (She's getting married this November.) Some food for thought.... With all due respect, your friend's tip is only good for your friend. 1
EasyHeart Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 "Teachable" seems the wrong word for this It sounds like the OP is just describing being secure or confident, which I suppose had something to do with being "teachable". But I'd just call it "confidence".
Author Meeks7 Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 With all due respect, your friend's tip is only good for your friend. Just curious why you say so? I've chatted to a bunch of girl friends on chat today, telling them about what she said. All of them agree that a guy who is willing to evolve and grow is sexy. Sorry, maybe teachable was the word word to use. Just a guy who is open... but they also said of course if they expect it from the guy then they have to be "teachable" as well. It's give and take. I don't understand how my friend's advice would only apply to her? Seems to me it applies to all successful relationships. There is a selfless give and take... an ebb and flow... seeing things from your partner's shoes... Would love to hear your thoughts.
fishtaco Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Just curious why you say so? I've chatted to a bunch of girl friends on chat today, telling them about what she said. All of them agree that a guy who is willing to evolve and grow is sexy. Sorry, maybe teachable was the word word to use. Just a guy who is open... but they also said of course if they expect it from the guy then they have to be "teachable" as well. It's give and take. I don't understand how my friend's advice would only apply to her? Seems to me it applies to all successful relationships. There is a selfless give and take... an ebb and flow... seeing things from your partner's shoes... Would love to hear your thoughts. The type of men women say they like and the type of men they date are very often not the same. Explanation is simple. When women verbalize their list, it's the logical part of their brain that is talking. When they decide which man is attractive, it's the emotional side that makes the decision. Men do it too. A lot of the times, people, not just women, will say if I were in this situation, I'd do xyz. Then the situation happens, and they do something completely different. That's just life. Dating is part of life, and isn't any different. Also, even if a woman practices what she preaches, she still only knows herself and maybe her circle of close friends. The world is much larger than a woman and her friends. In fact, even amongst close friends there could be a wide range of behaviors.
Professor X Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Just curious why you say so? I've chatted to a bunch of girl friends on chat today, telling them about what she said. All of them agree that a guy who is willing to evolve and grow is sexy. Sorry, maybe teachable was the word word to use. Just a guy who is open... but they also said of course if they expect it from the guy then they have to be "teachable" as well. It's give and take. I don't understand how my friend's advice would only apply to her? Seems to me it applies to all successful relationships. There is a selfless give and take... an ebb and flow... seeing things from your partner's shoes... Would love to hear your thoughts. As fishtaco said, what a woman wants and what she chases are very often 2 different things. The best example I can give you is from my RL: I knew a girl, who told me time and again how she doesn't wanna date this guy for x,y,z, reasons - all made a lot of sense (he was pushy, needy, controlling, etc). He looked good. She dates him. Life isn't that simple I'm afraid, unless you got some strong physical attributes (you're tall, or got pretty face, perfect body, or all of them).
EmpoweredWoman Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Why do only men have to be teachable? The concept of a woman whose my age trying to teach me how to behave is completely absurd to me. This is just a microcosm of the propaganda to reverse the roles of nature. It's woman who should be submissive to man, not vice a versa. Just ask Chris Brown.
Woggle Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Why do only men have to be teachable? The concept of a woman whose my age trying to teach me how to behave is completely absurd to me. This is just a microcosm of the propaganda to reverse the roles of nature. It's woman who should be submissive to man, not vice a versa. Just ask Chris Brown. What does this even mean and why are you using Chris Brown as an example?
EmpoweredWoman Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 What does this even mean and why are you using Chris Brown as an example? The OP is implying that a man who "comprimises" (a really open ended term) with women is an extremely attractive trait. Meanwhile, all of us who think of the men that we know personally that are the most attractive to women, on a scale of 1 -10 how much do they comprimise? I can't speak for you, but me personally, I know about 3-4 guys who can have any women they want, and they don't even comprimise about what's for dinner. They take command, and the women , regardless of preconceptions they have like the "girl friend" of the OP, follow their lead. It's just the way it goes. I have to agree with the general sentiment expressed however, that it's really about how you look that attracts women and how much they make you "comprimise" , everything else is a footnote. 1
Author Meeks7 Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 As fishtaco said, what a woman wants and what she chases are very often 2 different things. The best example I can give you is from my RL: I knew a girl, who told me time and again how she doesn't wanna date this guy for x,y,z, reasons - all made a lot of sense (he was pushy, needy, controlling, etc). He looked good. She dates him. Well, for the girl friend I was telling you about, I know her BF (to be husband come November) and he has a spine, but he is open and not closed off. It's the balance act already touched upon earlier in this thread. Yes, some women don't follow through with what their logic tells them to. But my girl friend HAS. Why do only men have to be teachable? Who said only men? Like I said (though not in my original post), my gal pals understand if they expect it from their men, they know they have to be teachable themselves. And I think "teachable" has a bad connotation. It's not about "I know more than you so follow my way" it's about the individual humbling him OR herself, saying "You know what, I need to ask for some help on such and such" and be willing to step a little out of their comfort zone to grow. That takes humility and grace. Both are good traits to have, whether you are a man or woman.
Professor X Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Yes, some women don't follow through with what their logic tells them to. But my girl friend HAS. And that is why I said her tip is only good for her. Also, I'd argue it's not some, but most, especially young ones, under 30 (as a quick browse here will prove). P.S. I haven't addressed the balance between attributes or if it's good or bad, just said, that her tip of what is attractive in a man, is good only for her (cause attractiveness is subjective - especially when it comes to the personality). Aaaaaand, I don't agree much with "who knows a thing or two about successful relationships. (She's getting married this November)". As we know, divorce rate sits around the 50%, so marriage, by no means, equate success in RS.
Author Meeks7 Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Professor, I guess we'll just agree to disagree. Blindly or not, I have a lot more optimism that there are many more women out there like my girl friend. Of course there are some "bad apples" but that goes for both genders. I'll keep my optimism. I also feel if I would EVER bet $$ on a couple staying married for life, it would be her and her to-be-husband. They really, really love each other. Not the gooey kind of love, but the kind where they put each other's needs first and it's very stable, very consistent. Nothing's ever a lock, but I'd take my chances. And I'd say they're more successful from a "relationship stand point" than a lot of the people constantly whining here on LoveShack, lol. I'd rather listen to them, who I know well, than to many folks here who I don't know too well... and what I do know I wouldn't trust, haha.
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 My girl friend told me yesterday what attracts her to a guy besides his confidence and drive in life is how humble and teachable he is. By teachable he doesn't mean a slave or a puppy being trained... but just someone who keeps an open mind, can see other from other people's perspective, and is willing to make compromises when appropriate. She said nothing turns her off like a guy who think he knows it all, or refuses to see from over viewpoints. She used to date VERY stubborn guys who were full of pride. She said that's the biggest turn-off. A guy who is willing to ask for help or direction is actually a turn-on, she said. I found that to be interesting. She said the main reason she likes guys who are humble and teachable is that these people are usually well-balanced and are reliable, and these are the kinds of people who continually grow. People who can positively take constructive feedback and use it to better themselves as a result. I thought it was a golden nugget shared by a beautiful woman who knows a thing or two about successful relationships. (She's getting married this November.) Some food for thought.... In John Gottman's book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" he says that one of the main indicators of a succesful marriage is the extent to which a man accepts to be influenced by his wife. A lot of guys are so insecure that taking the wishes of their partner into account makes them feel like they are castrated. I know from experience that a relationship with such a guy is doomed. Everything becomes a battle. I am not bossy but I like to feel that my partner hears what I say and sometimes can accept that I want something in a particular way. And I am willing to offer the same of course. 2
Professor X Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Of course there are some "bad apples" but that goes for both genders. And where have I said that it goes just for a specific gender? You wanna listen to your friend? Go a head, but don't be surprised when it doesn't yield results, life I'm afraid, isn't as simple.
casanovadude81 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I am skilled in the art of making love. If a woman wants to school me though I am at her full attention.
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