Meg717 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I am not going to go into the intense details of my break up. I did on another forum and I agreed with the advice, I sort of felt like no one knows me or him or our relationship so it would be hard to give accurate advice. I will give the shortened version. We were together 5+ years, we were engaged for 2+ years. 1 year after the engagement there were some issues and he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. I moved out, a week or so after I moved out I went to gather the rest of my stuff. We ended up hanging out and it was a good day. At the end of the day some family drama went down with him and bc of this he felt we should work it out since I stood by his side through it all. So we were broken up for about 2 weeks. Fast forward to now.. the beginning of February there was a fight bc of my jealousy issues and he decided again to break up. We continue to live together for the entire month of February (broken up) and he moved out March 1st. I've spoken to him 3 times since he's moved out (once bc of a major family issue on my part and I just had to talk to him) and his birthday was Friday and I didn't contact him, but after every convo I just analyzed EVERYTHING and it just makes it worse. However, as of today I am feeling really good! It has been the first day I woke up not feeling super depressed. I've accepted that he could have broken up with me bc of "GIGS" but I also know that some people on here feel its just an excuse so I understand that he truly could have fallen out of love with me and just didn't want to be with me. I will say that even before I read the GIGS posts I had a feeling that he was leaving bc he wanted to see what else was out there and with a particular person, however, I know he didn't cheat on me. We started dating when he was 20 and I was 22, so it makes sense that he would think the grass is greener on the other side (a reason for the original break up). I am working on letting go of the "if we get back together" mentality and so far it's ok. I know I will get there one day, it's too early to let go of the hope. I have also accepted that he could already be seeing someone new, we're broken up he can do what he wants. He was never abusive, he was very loving, and very supportive of everything I wanted to do with my life. He wasn't ever judgmental of me. Overall, we had a great relationship and were the best of friends so I can't say my heart does not hurt when I think about him and the plans we had for our future. We had our issues and there was a big issue that neither of us wanted to compromise on that hurt the relationship. I know that I have jealousy issues and insecurities that severely hurt our relationship that I need to work on in order to have a healthy relationship with anyone in the future. Hopefully this "better" feeling I am having lingers for a couple more days or months LOL.
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 what did he do to make you feel jealous? Sounds like he kept doing it.
Author Meg717 Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 In the beginning he cheated, I never really forgave him like I would tell him I did. I should have just broken up with him like I wanted to when he told me what he had done, but I was young, desperately in love and he was begging me not to end it. I think if I stood my ground then we could be in a different place now. And most recently, our constant fight was over his female friends. Over the past 5 years, he has had at least one female that was always contacting him. Since I was a snooper, I knew it wasn't sexual, but it just made me mad that all these girls needed MY fiance. All the lady friends always had some issue, obsessed with a guy, single mom, etc. I just never felt like I was #1. I felt they should find someone else to get advice from or start paying an hourly rate for their therapy sessions. I should note since in one of my posts on another site, someone said "how would he feel if you were doing the same thing?" I can honestly say, it wouldn't bother him, the first couple of years of our relationship I had a best male friend that I spoke to almost every day for 20min or longer and he never felt threatened or thought I'd leave him. I also had a co-worker hitting on me when a group of co-workers would go out for happy hour and he would feel a little jealous but would move on and tell me that he loved when guys hit on me bc he felt lucky that he was the one with me. It was his ego boost.
Philosoraptor Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 The thing is that the trust was broken early on and it becomes up to him to regain that trust. He continued to do things that hurt you because you truly knew what he was capipable of. You did have every right to feel jealous and I think pretty much anyone in your position (even you ex) would feel that way after being cheated on. Never apologize for how you feel. Everyone has the right to their boundaries and you set yours. You acknowledge what you should have done. So learn from this experience and realize that it is very hard to learn to trust someone when they have broken it to that degree. You never learned to forgive and he was unwilling to change his ways to help you learn to be comfortable with him. Lack of communication along with a lack of effort made this relationship fail, and it would have been hard to save even if you had both. I hope you find someone with the same morals as yourself so that you might not have to worry about such an issue in the future. The best advice I can give you is to learn to forgive him (internally) now and forgive yourself for the decisions you've made. This way you will be able to give someone new a fair chance and not let issues from a past relationship roll into a new one.
Author Meg717 Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Thanks for the positive advice! Like I said, I was on another forum and some of the people were sort of mean about how/what I should be feeling. I am very excited to start working on myself. I just want to be a strong and confident person in the next relationship. It's very exhausting being insecure, clingy, weak, and constantly worrying about who he's talking to and what their talking about. It's going to give my brain a break! LOL
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