People come here looking for support....

[Kaotic]

I joined this community because I was looking for support and to talk to people Ina similar situation who would understand what I was feeling and who might be able to share their own insight. I don't understand why some people feel the need to be rude or condascending to others. Everyone came here for support I'm pretty sure. Why judge people for it?! To tell someone to snap out of because they're crazy is really rude. To tell people their relationship wasnt worth it and their heartache isnt justified is really rude. To post videos of Sierra Leone and tell people to get over their petty first world problems is really rude. Everyone suffers in their own way. While I am certainly glad that I do not live in Sierra leone or the Congo or even Bosnia where I was born, doesn't meant that I (and others) do not have the right to feel pain.

That's like going to a funeral of a family of 5 that died in a car crash as showing the grieving friends and family a video of the holocaust and telling them

it's no big deal and to get real because even though an innocent family of 5 died its NOTHING compared to the millions that died during the holocaust.

 

 

 

People need to have compassion for others. Without compassion the world turns Into a very ugly place. For the negative people, I ask you, why are you even on this board? Doyou get your kicks and giggles from belittling others who are in pain?

[Sophie99]

I hear you x It's unfair to suggest that because we are fortunate with our lives that we can't feel pain. Human emotions are just that - HUMAN. Everyone feels them. It's not to say we don't realise that we are lucky.

[esteem-jam]

I totally get you.

Heartbroken- remember the holocaust. Been fired off your job- remember holocaust. Got diabetes- holocaust. Your parents are drunk- holocaust. Got AIDS- man, youre nothing, because holocaust is so holocaust.

[marqueemoon4]

I joined this community because I was looking for support and to talk to people Ina similar situation who would understand what I was feeling and who might be able to share their own insight. I don't understand why some people feel the need to be rude or condascending to others. Everyone came here for support I'm pretty sure. Why judge people for it?! To tell someone to snap out of because they're crazy is really rude. To tell people their relationship wasnt worth it and their heartache isnt justified is really rude. To post videos of Sierra Leone and tell people to get over their petty first world problems is really rude. Everyone suffers in their own way. While I am certainly glad that I do not live in Sierra leone or the Congo or even Bosnia where I was born, doesn't meant that I (and others) do not have the right to feel pain.

That's like going to a funeral of a family of 5 that died in a car crash as showing the grieving friends and family a video of the holocaust and telling them

it's no big deal and to get real because even though an innocent family of 5 died its NOTHING compared to the millions that died during the holocaust.

 

 

 

People need to have compassion for others. Without compassion the world turns Into a very ugly place. For the negative people, I ask you, why are you even on this board? Doyou get your kicks and giggles from belittling others who are in pain?

 

 

I thought the exact same thing when I read that post.. yes.. there are always worse situations but it doesn't lessen the pain.

[Philosoraptor]

While I agree that at times everyone reads what they see, not what was meant; I don't think there are many people here with bad intentions. You have to understand that most here who have not healed are writing from a place of pain at times, and that certainly can come out in their writing. Their place in healing also comes into play and you can read where they are based on what they are suggesting at the moment.

 

I do agree though that sometimes we must look at the world as a whole and realize that what we are going through will pass. It won't pass without pain, but it will pass. And like everyone else, I once felt like I was in the worst pain ever. It's all a matter of perspective and once we are able to take a step back we can examine all of our life and see where we truly are and what we need to do to get to the place we want to be.

 

Just like the one trying to help, the one requesting advice must understand that most people here are grieving and sometimes the advice is not always the best for the situation they are responding to, but the best for themselves at the moment.

[flitzanu]

and one big thing to remember here, is, yes we all know you're upset. we all were, are, or will be, or have been. hearts break every day.

 

the issue is, everyone seems to believe their situation is unique and different, and when someone gives that person the presumed best advice or opinion for what they should do, it's because we all KNOW how these things turn out.

 

"you" as the one hurt, do not want to hear someone say "sorry dude, your ex is banging that new guy in the bed you shared".

 

sucks right? of course it does, and you don't want to think about it.

 

but you know what? it's TRUE.

 

someone could lie to you and tell you that your ex loves you and is coming back and everything matters...but the likelihood of that is razor thin. therefore most of what you hear is how to move on and take care of YOU and to stop worrying about THEM, bc they obviously don't care about YOU.

[Kaotic]

I completely agree that people need to hear honest advice, but I was referring to specific posts that I've read which did not reflect any useful advice. There is a user who was literally going around posting videos of Sierra leone in threads demeaning people for their "first world problems" and that is sad to see.

[Sophie99]

and one big thing to remember here, is, yes we all know you're upset. we all were, are, or will be, or have been. hearts break every day.

 

the issue is, everyone seems to believe their situation is unique and different, and when someone gives that person the presumed best advice or opinion for what they should do, it's because we all KNOW how these things turn out.

 

"you" as the one hurt, do not want to hear someone say "sorry dude, your ex is banging that new guy in the bed you shared".

 

sucks right? of course it does, and you don't want to think about it.

 

but you know what? it's TRUE.

 

someone could lie to you and tell you that your ex loves you and is coming back and everything matters...but the likelihood of that is razor thin. therefore most of what you hear is how to move on and take care of YOU and to stop worrying about THEM, bc they obviously don't care about YOU.

 

I COMPLETELY agree that people need to hear honest advice, but what they don't need to hear is people saying how in essence, they're problems are superficial and what have you.

[flitzanu]

kaotic - hilarious. yes, that's pretty lame advice. i'd pick a better song/video than that.

 

sophie - agreed. i think the whole "my life is worse and my problem is bigger" mentality is pretty dumb anyway. problems and pain are all relative. if i broke my iphone that's gonna suck. but i don't live in a third world country with no running water, so it's not a relative comparison.

[immitable]

and one big thing to remember here, is, yes we all know you're upset. we all were, are, or will be, or have been. hearts break every day.

 

the issue is, everyone seems to believe their situation is unique and different, and when someone gives that person the presumed best advice or opinion for what they should do, it's because we all KNOW how these things turn out.

 

"you" as the one hurt, do not want to hear someone say "sorry dude, your ex is banging that new guy in the bed you shared".

 

sucks right? of course it does, and you don't want to think about it.

 

but you know what? it's TRUE.

 

someone could lie to you and tell you that your ex loves you and is coming back and everything matters...but the likelihood of that is razor thin. therefore most of what you hear is how to move on and take care of YOU and to stop worrying about THEM, bc they obviously don't care about YOU.

 

Yeah flizanu, you could be right but where does that leave us, in a pit of negativity and no hope, pretty much.

 

Don't you believe in positive thinking, if you think positively you attract positive things in life, I truly believe in that.

 

Reconciliations happen every day and it is TRUE.

One of the reasons people don't come back here to report about it, is because they remember this place as a sad pit to wallow in it.

Just to illustrate that look at postings where someone got dumped ove some ex, it happens all the time man.

 

I understand your view as well, yeah reality check, these sad dumped people need to get slapped sensless to get a grip, but it is only human to be like that and to have some ray of hope, why not?

 

Cheers

[Eddie Edirol]

I completely agree that people need to hear honest advice, but I was referring to specific posts that I've read which did not reflect any useful advice.

 

The problem with these boards is that people are looking to be SO sensitive, that they completely ignore good advise and only pay attention to the troll posts and antagonizers. The world IS an ugly place. Its YOUR job to look for the beauty and overlook the ugly according to what you need, not try to change it. Its the same way you work with people, jobs, sports, whatever. If youre coming to an advise forum, you dont look to be offended, you look for ADVISE. Take what you need to be helped, and ignore the rest of the stuff. There is an ignore feature for that.

 

Why do people have such a hard time ignoring stupid posts?

Why do people make such a quest of letting being offended?

If you dont like what you see on TV, change the damn channel!

[Chi townD]

I don't think that people are purposely ill willed toward anyone. Sometimes, you get a story that is simular to what they've experienced and they trigger and have a triggered response. Sometimes, people see that the thread starter is going to do something that WE all know is going to cause more pain for them down the road. So, sometimes tough love is required with a few harsh posts and a 2x4 to the back of their head to wake them up and see things differently so they don't end up hurting themselves worse.

[cflowers32]

I don't think that people are purposely ill willed toward anyone. Sometimes, you get a story that is simular to what they've experienced and they trigger and have a triggered response. Sometimes, people see that the thread starter is going to do something that WE all know is going to cause more pain for them down the road. So, sometimes tough love is required with a few harsh posts and a 2x4 to the back of their head to wake them up and see things differently so they don't end up hurting themselves worse.

 

I agree with most of what you said, however, I know that I am coming here because if I don't, I could end up doing something stupid. Finding this site has been a BLESSING for me!! The fact that there are other people here feeling what I'm feeling helps to, it's nice to not be alone when I feel depressingly alone.

 

If someone doesn't like what they read, and especially if the poster is having a hard time, it's just as easy to click on another thread and let it go.

 

To the OP, I feel ya, I feel some of the comments to me have been harsh, and I don't even bother responding because quite frankly, I'm already struggling, I'm coming here to get some peace from the wreck inside my head and there ARE TONS of other people here who have been so supportive to me already.

 

I support you.

[jennisfora]

ive definitely felt a bitter vibe from some posts, but it is kinda to be expected on a forum around this topic. i agree with the other posts, mostly. we are all hurt, and hurting, and sometimes we want advice, sometimes we need to vent, and sometimes we want encouragement. either way, it is still the internet, and we have to realize that the typed word can be interpreted many ways, and that i don't think anyone means harm.

 

i know i have said things on here that looking back, were harsher than i intended. sometimes we do need tough love, and sometimes we need some gentle reminding that we are still loveable. everyone should just keep in mind we are all strangers here bonding over pain, and we only know what is typed here.

 

we never truly know the full story, only what is provided. so if advice seems to ring false, it maybe bias, it maybe guesswork based on limited information. either way, i think keeping in mind that people here generally mean well should be enough understanding.

[mike588]

and one big thing to remember here, is, yes we all know you're upset. we all were, are, or will be, or have been. hearts break every day.

 

the issue is, everyone seems to believe their situation is unique and different, and when someone gives that person the presumed best advice or opinion for what they should do, it's because we all KNOW how these things turn out.

 

"you" as the one hurt, do not want to hear someone say "sorry dude, your ex is banging that new guy in the bed you shared".

 

sucks right? of course it does, and you don't want to think about it.

 

but you know what? it's TRUE.

 

someone could lie to you and tell you that your ex loves you and is coming back and everything matters...but the likelihood of that is razor thin. therefore most of what you hear is how to move on and take care of YOU and to stop worrying about THEM, bc they obviously don't care about YOU.

 

Most people leave this site once they heal or are just feeling better and no longer need support or to vent.

 

There are some of us on this site who have healed...are almost there and stick around to give advise to others who know what others are going thru.

 

No one means to hurt anyone here who are already hurting but some of us have "been there" experienced what they are going thru and sometimes the advise may seem alittle harsh but it's actually...The Cold Hard Truth.

[Million.to.1]

it doesn't always have to be about a break-up.

 

I asked a question a while back about a sexual issue i was experiencing with my partner..

I was honestly trying to find a way to deal with an issue that I had created. I was forming a pattern I didn't want to continue, being honest and trying to find a simple solution.

 

Instead, the thread turned into a bunch of well established members making me feel like **** about it and no one offering any useful steps to make things right! i ended up getting an infraction for defending myself because I suggested that anyone who believes they have never been lied to about that issue are morons.

 

I'm human, I make mistakes. My intention was not to hurt anyone or lie... but the harsh judgement and tone I received was anything but helpful.

 

Some people are just on a high horse, and don't know how to help. they only know how to lecture.

[mike588]

it doesn't always have to be about a break-up.

 

I asked a question a while back about a sexual issue i was experiencing with my partner..

I was honestly trying to find a way to deal with an issue that I had created. I was forming a pattern I didn't want to continue, being honest and trying to find a simple solution.

 

Instead, the thread turned into a bunch of well established members making me feel like **** about it and no one offering any useful steps to make things right! i ended up getting an infraction for defending myself because I suggested that anyone who believes they have never been lied to about that issue are morons.

 

I'm human, I make mistakes. My intention was not to hurt anyone or lie... but the harsh judgement and tone I received was anything but helpful.

 

Some people are just on a high horse, and don't know how to help. they only know how to lecture.

 

I've had just a few bad experiences here too thankfully just a few though and I know how you feel.

 

Yeah your looking for help...advise and get beatup doing so....like screw him/her and move on....that's not much help and they should remember their pain..anguish when they were shattered.

[gibson]

I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright.

[mike588]

I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright.

 

I can't hold you and wouldn't if your a man but I can tell you with confidence that it will be alright!!!!!!!

[gibson]

I can't hold you and wouldn't if your a man but I can tell you with confidence that it will be alright!!!!!!!

 

I was being sarcastic...

 

It's a tough world out there, buck up campers!

[Lois]

I think it's always best to err on the side of kindness and compassion when giving advice. You never know how fragile someone is and harsh words may do them more harm than good.

[M2155]

 

Don't you believe in positive thinking, if you think positively you attract positive things in life, I truly believe in that.

 

99.99% of the time you win with positive thinking that you will be alright whether they come back or not. That you will do the best you can to make you better so that you attract maybe your ex, maybe someone better

 

Sometimes i need a kind word, other times a kick in the pants is way more effective. Just trust most people are sharing from their perspective and communication styles and ignore the stupid stuff.