somedude81 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 If you have no confidence in yourself, how can you have confidence in others? What does any of that have to do with being able to love somebody?
Author Oxy Moronovich Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 I think a distinction should be drawn, in matters of 'no confidence', between life in general and romantic and intimate relations. As LS exemplifies, there are plenty of people with successful lives and associations who struggle with romantic and intimate relationships. They don't lack confidence generally but perhaps lack in one specific area. It's a focused vulnerability. Does that make them 'worse' people than those who are slaves to their id? Sounds like another compatibility matter. I look at it differently. A person who is successful in their business life but fails in their intimate life is what I call successful in theory but unsuccessful in practice. If a guy living in a bungalow with his family is happier than a guy living in a classy apartment lonely, isn't he better off? What does any of that have to do with being able to love somebody? I'd say this: people with no confidence don't merely lack confidence in themselves; they lack confidence in their overall lives. That means these people are unhappy. If you're unhappy in your life, you feel the love from friends and family isn't enough to make you happy. Thus, it's difficult to love someone if their love doesn't bring you happiness. 1
carhill Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 So, you do not count loving friendships and associations and the confidence leading to, within and because of them real confidence? Really. OK. Go with that then.
somedude81 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I'd say this: people with no confidence don't merely lack confidence in themselves; they lack confidence in their overall lives. That means these people are unhappy. If you're unhappy in your life, you feel the love from friends and family isn't enough to make you happy. Thus, it's difficult to love someone if their love doesn't bring you happiness. Meh, sounds like the sled is slipping down the slope.
Author Oxy Moronovich Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 So, you do not count loving friendships and associations and the confidence leading to, within and because of them real confidence? Really. OK. Go with that then. Meh, sounds like the sled is slipping down the slope. I'm gonna be 100% honest here: I don't understand what either of you two mean by in your separate quotes.
somedude81 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 (edited) Heh, OK. I'm talking about the slippery slope which is an informal logical fallacy. --------- The heart of the slippery slope fallacy lies in abusing the intuitively appreciable transitivity of implication, claiming that A leads to B, B leads to C, C leads to D and so on, until one finally claims that A leads to Z --------- I'll just say this, I don't like myself very much, but I can have very strong feelings for somebody. I may or may not have been in love with my most recent crush, but the feelings weren't mutual, I'm going to say that it wasn't love, just because. Edited March 26, 2012 by somedude81
carhill Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I'm gonna be 100% honest here: I don't understand what either of you two mean by in your separate quotes. Stage fright would be an example of a situational deficiency in confidence. A normally confident person who has healthy relations becomes mortified at the thought of getting in front of an audience of people. They could be thought of as and feel attractive to/by their peers but that lonely microphone in a big room full of strangers evaporates all their positive energy and confidence. That 'big room full of strangers' could easily be one lady or man whom they find attractive and 'feel' something for. Is it logical or rational? Maybe not. Emotions and psychology often are not. Unlike what Somedude81 apparently says about himself, I liked myself a lot at his age, had great friendships and associations and was successful in business but still had a weak place, a 'stage fright', with regard to romantic relations, likely the result of a long string of repeated rejections. On the surface, and generally every day, life was good but that one area, whenever it reared its head, was a weak spot. A vulnerability. I can laugh now thinking back to my incredulity at the local gals blowing by me to get at the potheads and smooth-talking losers, along with the movers and shakers of the community, thinking wtf. I just had not yet learned how the world worked. Once that was accomplished, wtf turned to gtfo and life got better and I had more confidence in that one area to go along with the rest. I know anecdotes don't go over well on LS but hope that it clarifies things.
wavering_radiant Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 (edited) I really can't stand arrogant people in almost all capacities, but when a girl will constantly fish for compliments and repeatedly complain about how "fat" she is, I get really put off and annoyed. I have no desire to be the one who has to incessantly reassure someone. Edited March 27, 2012 by wavering_radiant
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