When girls don't say anything back?

[Henri]

Hi! This is my first post & I hope I write this in the right place. Some need to know basics:

1.) I do not have a girlfriend

2.) I am 18 years old

3.) I have never had a "real" girlfriend, just one in 5th grade

4.) I talk to girls pretty often

5.) I have been called cute, handsome & good-looking on numerous occasions.

6.) I get the crush "signs" from girls really often when I'm in school

 

Please keep these in mind when reading the rest of this post So, I'm really certain that this relatively shy blonde (around guys) likes me. She's given me the signs that we've all seen and heard before; eye contact, body posture and movement, standing close to me, laughing with her friends around me, hair twirling etc.

 

So, I'm in this huge class taking my mathematics matriculation exams where there's around 200 students. I leave around 12:30 and the area where you hand in your exam is where this blonde sits. Well, as I'm handing in the exam, I notice that this blonde also comes to hand in her exam, she's standing right next to me. We're both writing the same exams too. So, after signing the papers I move to place my answers to the answer sheet bin, the blonde follows close by to place her answer sheets there too, while I'm still checking that I've got all of the answers (before putting them in the answer sheet bin), the blonde comes near me and places her answers in the bin (I move out of the way a bit, to show her that I'm noticing that she's there next to me), after that she walks off and turns around and looks at me. This could all be coincidence, but she still had 4 hours to finish the math test, but she chose to leave right when I left. That was my assumption that she really did like me.

 

Sorry if I'm dragging on, but I'm just happy. Well a day after the exams, I say hi to her with a wink She replies back with smilies too Well, we talk for a good 30 minutes, we talked about the exams and I asked her if she's got work (she's had work for over a year now, so I assume she's doing work on a day to day basis) and I did make her laugh a couple of times. After that she said, "okay well hey I got to go, bye!"

 

So two days later (today), I notice that she's online on Facebook, so after logging on I wait a good ten minutes before saying Hi to her so I don't seem needy. I wait for a reply for a couple of minutes and then she signs off. Like I said, this is my first start of a "real" relationship, so it kind of freaked me out. Has her friends said something to her? Has she lost interest after 30 minutes after she's been after me for a year? Did it shock her? Who knows, that's why I'm here :|I really want this to work, because she's really hot and we have common interests The thing is, she's not online right now, So I assume she's busy, she went to her friends or she went to work.

 

so...

1.) Should I be worried, freaked out?

2.) Do girls like when men say Hi to them first?

3.) Do girls like when men ask them questions? How frequently?

4.) What should I do next?

5.) IMPORTANT! Did she find it unnecessary to reply if she really did have to go? Is this common with women?

6.) I'm going to ask her out some day, but I don't have her number and school has ended for the both of us, so how the hell am I going to ask her out face to face? I know asking her out on facebook is stupid, but that's the only resource I got.

 

Thank you guys so much in advance, it means a lot if you do reply I'm most likely over-thinking it, like everything else....

[Henri]

Whew, I was just being paranoid We talked for some time just now. Now, does it mean anything when she puts smilies after her texts? For example, I said "Well, I'm going to the sauna now, cya " I'm pretty sure the "wink" does act as a hint, because she replied back "Bye :D"

 

So, since that's settled, how do I go about asking her out? Please read the end of my first post for the info.

[Eddie Edirol]

Get her number first, and CALL her, dont text. STop talking to her on FB. Just ask her to lunch in school, dont ask her "out".

 

This isnt a relationship, this is a flirt. If you call her and talk on the phone for a while, you will find out what she likes to do, and then you can suggest doing that with her. Dont just ask her out without knowing anything about her. Talking to you on the phone will let you know if she really likes you, or is just being friendly.

[Ninjainpajamas]

She's pretty much giving you all the signs from what you're describing that she's interested in you.

 

Here are the signs so that you kinda know:

 

- She's consistently "bumping" into you

- She takes the time to have a conversation with you for 30 mins

- She's laughing at your silly jokes (which they do to appear interested)

- She talks to you consistently however doesn't overdo it

 

Women don't just come out and say "oh hey I'm super interested in you...will you ask me out so you don't have to worry about being rejected?" Instead they give you "hints" that you're supposed to get...yet If you're acting all insecure and lack the confidence then you're going to over-think it and pussy foot around waiting for that one big sign to say she's really interested. But by the time you figure that all out in your brain it's going to be too late, so you need to react, she's giving you chances/opportunities but you're just not taking the hint.

 

(All women ignore the below, this is man talk here!)

 

Now you're only 18 so this is ok to doubt yourself and be apprehensive about it, especially without much experience. But there is a window of time that you have to "make a move" with women, because they will move on to the next guy...women develop crushes like dogs sniff trees. They'll stuff their noses into the tree/plant/grass for a few minutes, they might even take a piss on it...but then they're off and going to the next tree/plant/shred of grass 5ft down the sidewalk doing the same exact thing. So If you don't want to get pissed on (unless you're into that sorta thing), you've got to make a move within that window/period of time that she's interested in you or she's just going to wag her little tale and frolic to the next thing...does that make sense?

 

Depending on how interested she's in you and how far the next tree/plant/grass is down the road then in this time you're taking a chance, a chance that she just doesn't lose her interest, which most will because the confident guy who's really just an incompetent douche bag is going to come in all strong and appear confident will sweep her up while you play spy/detective trying to unravel the case of whether she's interested in you or not. Just so you know as well, most women cannot differentiate between confidence and downright arrogance, as men we can tell If the guys an idiot but she'll read something entirely different...we're on the right side of the fence to see it.

 

At this point I think you're doing ok though, she's still interested and responsive to you and is willing to talk to you, the other plus is she's shy so she's going to be intimidated by aggressive guys, plus she doesn't sound like a wild child of course either.

 

So I think you've definitely got a decent shot but you need to be more assertive with this girl, not much because she's shy (thankfully for you) but try and talk to this girl more often, try and meet up with her at some point in the near future...it doesn't have to be extravagant, just ask If she'd like to go grab a drink or pastry or whatever at some local little coffee shop or some crap like that...you need to at some point make a move whether you like it or not If you want to succeed.

 

But show that you're interested, give her some compliments, be a little flirtatious...make sure you show up on the radar as an interest instead of just a friend....you'll get kicked in the friendzone If you pussy foot around for a while and just try and get to know her at the speed of a snail.

 

In my opinion you need to ask her out and make a move, however I'm not sure you're going to do that. You need to stop over-thinking it analyzing every move (women are turned off by this in general), you need to make decisions and stick to them, not thoughts. If it fails it fails, but you make a move, whether she likes you or not has likely already been decided, It's just you dabbling around until you get the nerve to ask her out and find out.

 

And because I know this is what you want...

 

1.) Should I be worried, freaked out?

Not freaked out, not worried...ever.

2.) Do girls like when men say Hi to them first?

Yes, they like confident guys or guys who act confident

3.) Do girls like when men ask them questions? How frequently?

Yes, but not 21 questions here, just general conversation..keep it short and save some for being in person

4.) What should I do next?

Make an assertive move (to go out, or her number)

5.) IMPORTANT! Did she find it unnecessary to reply if she really did have to go? Is this common with women?

It is common If they are busy or have to go, I wouldn't put much weight on this at this time.

6.) I'm going to ask her out some day, but I don't have her number and school has ended for the both of us, so how the hell am I going to ask her out face to face? I know asking her out on facebook is stupid, but that's the only resource I got.

[dasein]

Move away from social media, texting, etc., and to the phone ASAP. Ask her out to do something specific (never "hang out") on that phone call. Do not chat. If she says yes, take her out and be fun, light and flirty. Do not talk about serious feelings, or "liking" or anything like that, but rather be light, funny and moderately physically forward. When the time is right, kiss her.

 

Do not start up with texting, calling to chat or FBing afterwards, but wait a few days and call and ask her out again, not chatting during. Don't make a "deal" of limiting contact, or be rude, but keep all non face to face contact very short. Rinse repeat asking out, being flirty, light, physically forward in a respectful way. After several (at least 5+) dates, if you are relatively sure she is worth your continued time, start to listen for signals from her that she wants to date exclusively. Never ask a girl to be your GF, wait until they bring it up and open the door, then suggest "let's just see each other." If she agrees, -then- and only then is it a good idea to start texting, calling to chat, etc.

 

Keep your dating behavior simple and direct without much contact between dates, never settle on one option before you are sure she is 1) worth your time and 2) as interested and preferably more interested than you are. You are showing signs of interpreting "noise" as interest, we have all made that mistake many times, it is hard to unlearn. The only signs of interest you should count on are 1) is she saying yes enthusiastically when you ask her out? and 2) is she receptive to your escalating physical advances or does she initiate physical contact? Discount everything else she does or says.

 

I wish someone had been around to tell me the above years ago. Good luck.

[Henri]

Hahah thanks guys/girls! If I ask for her number, wouldn't it be obvious to her that I'm interested?

Yeah, I'm saving some questions for later. I'll try avoiding the same mistake I made with this redhead once... yup we became friends. And she wasn't my kind.

[RiverRunning]

And what's wrong with signifying that you're interested? I know it's frightening, but you will have to start showing your cards bit by bit sooner or later.

 

I think maybe after class one day, if you run into her, you should say, "So, Jillian, do you have to get to class or work? No? How about we go get some coffee/go get lunch?" If she has something planned, ask her if she's open for lunch or something later in the week. You could then ask for her phone number or hand her yours so you can figure out when you're open in the coming week.

 

And it is VERY important that you make some first moves. I've dated two guys and I had to make most of the first moves (well, I take it back: first boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend. Second boyfriend...umm...? He asked me out to lunch first? Beyond that, I initiated everything). The end result? Very clear they weren't all that into me but took me because I was there.

 

I think that a guy who makes the first moves as much as he can shows that he's interested, confident and serious. I do very much believe, from my experiences, that guys should be the ones to ask a girl out, to land the first kiss, and to say the "L" word. Most women still play by those rules too, so you could be killing valuable time if you don't make the move.

 

You'll be ok, Henri.

[Henri]

Yeah. But the thing is, SCHOOL HAS ENDED FOR BOTH OF US. There's no public interactions between us anymore. So asking her out in school is NOT AN OPTION.

[dasein]

I do very much believe, from my experiences, that guys should be the ones to ask a girl out, to land the first kiss, and to say the "L" word.

 

I very much believe, based on my experience dating many women over the years, that getting her number, planning dates, calling, asking out, and being respectfully physically forward, up to and including initiating sex are usually the guy's job.

 

However, I also believe, that in this day and age, the man doing everything including the above, asking for exclusivity and using the "L" word first, leaves very little room for the woman to be proactive and do her part in moving the relationship forward. The result is often a spoiled woman who expects the man to "do for" her in all those respects (and likely everything else), when IMO balance in respective effort should be encouraged from the very start.

 

I also believe that men should not use the "L" word until after either the 50th orgasm he has given her or when he is getting on his knees to propose, whichever comes first. Start tossing the "L" word around earlier than that, even in response to her using it, and you are headed for problems.

[Henri]

Move away from social media, texting, etc., and to the phone ASAP. Ask her out to do something specific (never "hang out") on that phone call. Do not chat. If she says yes, take her out and be fun, light and flirty. Do not talk about serious feelings, or "liking" or anything like that, but rather be light, funny and moderately physically forward. When the time is right, kiss her.

 

You mean kiss her on the first date? 0.o

Yeah, tomorrow I'm going to ask for her number and after that I'm going to call her and ask if she has a busy schedule and if she'd like to grab a cup of coffee with me.

And since you seem to be an expert Tell me something, I know she's had a crush on me all the way through upper secondary school, So when I said Hi to her do you think she freaked out? Got over excited? I have two older sisters and they told me that girls over-analyze everything especially when their crush talks to them.

If things don't work out, would it be alright if I asked out one of her friends she always hangs out with?

Edited March 26, 2012 by Henri

[Henri]

Bump. Anyone got some info on my last post? So, do I ask for her number directly? Like, hey can I ask you something? Would you mind giving me your number etc?

[Henri]

Aaa ****.... Damn, I asked for her number today... and she said that she really can't because she really has this thing going on with someone else, so i guess she's dating someone else, but isn't in a relationship because she's still "single".

Help me guys, I feel so ****ing embarrassed and stupid :|

[dasein]

No no, don't feel bad! You know now not to waste any more time and to seek out other options. Feel good about yourself because in your willingness to get it out there, you are taking the first step in success with women, may feel embarrassing now a little, but I guarantee after you do this several more times, it will be just like saying "Hi."

[Ninjainpajamas]

This is a good thing, now she has you on the radar. Most women like to focus their time on one person at at time, but now you found out and and don't have to worry about wondering all this time, now you can move on and seek someone else out...there's nothing to be embarrassed and be ashamed of, she probably does still like you but she's seeing someone else.

 

Just let it go, don't make a big deal about it, you did the right thing and made the right move, that's not a bad rejection at all. In fact don't be surprised If things don't work out with this other guy she starts talking to you.

 

Either way though, don't worry about it, look at the whole process you eliminated by finding out...no more over-analyzing, and dwelling and thinking about, keep this up, you're on the right track.

 

Don't let this jab at your confidence, because you made the confident decision not the passive one and just because it didn't pay off this time doesn't mean it won't in the future.

[Henri]

Haha I played it fine. I was like "Oh, sorry! I didn't know :)" and she was like "No, it's fine :D" and I ended it saying "Whew ok, that's good :)"

But, I don't actually feel bad, I understand that she's in a relationship with someone else, let's see if it works out for her, maybe it will maybe it won't. Although, I couldn't resist the "signs" she was giving me, I mean WTF!?

There's this hot redhead coming back from her cruise tomorrow, that I've asked out before, but she's way too shy to confront me. Should I ask again, or just let her go?

Jesus, maybe I'll take a break from girls for sometime, nothing seems to ****ing work. It's probably my infamous "wrong place wrong time" luck....

What would you suggest? Why didn't she tell me earlier, why was she checking me out? I hope she doesn't come crying back later though.

[dasein]

You are doing great, keep seeking out other options and doing exactly what you did with this one. You are way ahead of the game.

[Henri]

Lol, thanks. Can't thank you enough. I'm not even sure she's dating someone else... next time she should focus on one man at a time, but can't blame her. I really need to find someone else outside of the "school circle".

[TheSingleGuy]

Wow, there is some EXCELLENT advice in this thread. The analogy to dogs sniffing around, that is good stuff. I never realized that if a girl has a crush on me today and finds me attractive today, she won't at some point in the future...unless I make a move. There is a small window of opportunity.

 

Good stuff.

 

This thread is excellent.

 

Henri, as for this girl, she has a boyfriend, but she's been giving you all these buying signs. She's an obvious attention whore. If you were her boyfriend would you like the idea of her chatting with other men for 30 minutes at a time? And causing those men to think she was interested, so much so, that they were finding the confidence to ask for her number? Be careful what you wish for.

[Henri]

Yup! Sounds ****ed up. That's why I want to find a genuinely honest girl, and i'm not sure that's possible before going to college, In college people are mature enough and they have the same interests in studies.

She didn't say that she has a boyfriend nor that she's dating someone else, she just said that "actually there's someone else right now and so on....". That's exactly what she said. I dont want a girl like that. And if she was hitting on me and talking to me for 30 minutes, lord have mercy on how long the other relationship is going to last.

If she does give me her number some day (i wont be asking for it anymore), do you think I should still get to know her? I mean I didn't act like an ass when she said that giving her number is not a good idea. Do you think I took things too fast?

[Emilia]

If she does give me her number some day (i wont be asking for it anymore), do you think I should still get to know her? I mean I didn't act like an ass when she said that giving her number is not a good idea. Do you think I took things too fast?

 

Each woman is different, what works with one, won't work with the other. Some girls are shy and get taken aback, others like aggressive guys. Being a little more pushy does tend to work better though in my opinion, ninjapijama's first post in this thread was absolutely spot on.

[Emilia]

Women don't just come out and say "oh hey I'm super interested in you...will you ask me out so you don't have to worry about being rejected?" Instead they give you "hints" that you're supposed to get...yet If you're acting all insecure and lack the confidence then you're going to over-think it and pussy foot around waiting for that one big sign to say she's really interested. But by the time you figure that all out in your brain it's going to be too late, so you need to react, she's giving you chances/opportunities but you're just not taking the hint.

 

(All women ignore the below, this is man talk here!)

 

Now you're only 18 so this is ok to doubt yourself and be apprehensive about it, especially without much experience. But there is a window of time that you have to "make a move" with women, because they will move on to the next guy...women develop crushes like dogs sniff trees. They'll stuff their noses into the tree/plant/grass for a few minutes, they might even take a piss on it...but then they're off and going to the next tree/plant/shred of grass 5ft down the sidewalk doing the same exact thing. So If you don't want to get pissed on (unless you're into that sorta thing), you've got to make a move within that window/period of time that she's interested in you or she's just going to wag her little tale and frolic to the next thing...does that make sense?

 

Depending on how interested she's in you and how far the next tree/plant/grass is down the road then in this time you're taking a chance, a chance that she just doesn't lose her interest, which most will because the confident guy who's really just an incompetent douche bag is going to come in all strong and appear confident will sweep her up while you play spy/detective trying to unravel the case of whether she's interested in you or not. Just so you know as well, most women cannot differentiate between confidence and downright arrogance, as men we can tell If the guys an idiot but she'll read something entirely different...we're on the right side of the fence to see it.

 

At this point I think you're doing ok though, she's still interested and responsive to you and is willing to talk to you, the other plus is she's shy so she's going to be intimidated by aggressive guys, plus she doesn't sound like a wild child of course either.

 

So I think you've definitely got a decent shot but you need to be more assertive with this girl, not much because she's shy (thankfully for you) but try and talk to this girl more often, try and meet up with her at some point in the near future...it doesn't have to be extravagant, just ask If she'd like to go grab a drink or pastry or whatever at some local little coffee shop or some crap like that...you need to at some point make a move whether you like it or not If you want to succeed.

 

But show that you're interested, give her some compliments, be a little flirtatious...make sure you show up on the radar as an interest instead of just a friend....you'll get kicked in the friendzone If you pussy foot around for a while and just try and get to know her at the speed of a snail.

 

In my opinion you need to ask her out and make a move, however I'm not sure you're going to do that. You need to stop over-thinking it analyzing every move (women are turned off by this in general), you need to make decisions and stick to them, not thoughts. If it fails it fails, but you make a move, whether she likes you or not has likely already been decided, It's just you dabbling around until you get the nerve to ask her out and find out.

 

And because I know this is what you want...

 

1.) Should I be worried, freaked out?

Not freaked out, not worried...ever.

2.) Do girls like when men say Hi to them first?

Yes, they like confident guys or guys who act confident

3.) Do girls like when men ask them questions? How frequently?

Yes, but not 21 questions here, just general conversation..keep it short and save some for being in person

4.) What should I do next?

Make an assertive move (to go out, or her number)

5.) IMPORTANT! Did she find it unnecessary to reply if she really did have to go? Is this common with women?

It is common If they are busy or have to go, I wouldn't put much weight on this at this time.

6.) I'm going to ask her out some day, but I don't have her number and school has ended for the both of us, so how the hell am I going to ask her out face to face? I know asking her out on facebook is stupid, but that's the only resource I got.

 

This should be pinned for future reference