Purple7737 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Hi everyone, I'm approaching week 3 of total NC and things are slowly getting better for me. Here is a quick background...dated my boyfriend for 3 years. 4 weeks ago he went 3 days of NC when we talked everyday. On the 4th day I reached out to him seeing if he was okay. I knew in my gut something wasn't right though. He replied back within a couple of hours giving me the generic "I hope you've been well...been busy at work". I sent a quick reply back the next day that did not require a response to test him - I also did not acknowledge his busy excuse. Haven't heard from him since. I was in complete denial for the first 2 weeks. How could someone who have been with someone for so long pull the disappearing act? I thought he respected me enough to at least tell me he wanted to end this. I would constantly check my phone, log into my email, check my spam box. I even considered sending him another email. Then I found this forum which gave me the strength not to reach out to him. This forum helped me realize if he wanted to contact me he would have done so already. This forum helped me realized that no one in the world is that busy. This forum helped me realize that I deserve someone who treats me better so he did me a favor and lastly I did not want to give him the satisfaction of reaching out to him so I didn't. I also pictured sending him a heartfelt email and getting ignored so that gave me motivation to back away from the computer. I'm no longer crying, shocked, angry or disappointed, but my ego is bruised and I do get sad thinking about losing a friend, but obviously he wasn't that much of a friend. Here are some things I have recently done that is helping: I deleted him off my phone and profiles. I deleted all songs in my mp3 player that reminded me of him/us. I setup an email filter just in case he ever emails me that it will immediately go into the trash. I printed some helpful "tough love" quotes off this forum and I have it on my wall. I made a "things I no longer have to put up" list and posted it on my wall. I signed up for various classes after work which helps to keep me active and my mind occupied. I have changed my mindset - trying not to give him anymore of my energy and focus on other things such as cleaning my place from top to bottom. Lastly whenever he cross my mind, I picture a rope - him on one side me on the other and I imagine cutting the middle and he disappear into space. May sound silly but it really helps me. I credit total NC for helping me start the process of moving on. For those of your contemplating breaking NC...DON'T DO IT! I think if he would have stringed me along it would have made things drag on which would have hurt me even further. This situation has not been easy, but I have enough self-respect and dignity and I know things will eventually get better. Thanks for reading, it was very therapeutic typing this all out. 2
leninjapirate Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Wow, well done, that is so fantastic. Thanks so much for sharing! Brilliant stuff!
Author Purple7737 Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 Thank you so much for your kind words! I honestly could not have been this strong without this forum as I don't have many people I can talk to about this. 1
blindesided Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I know exactly where you are coming from - I am so glad I found this forum & to realize I am not alone. It sucks being dumped & it is a total ego-bruiser. I know the next few weeks are going to be hard trying NC & healing - but its comforting knowing I can go somewhere & vent my feelings & people will understand & lend support
Starman8 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Wow, Just wanted to congratulate you! I think you are making all the right moves and I wish I could have handled my own situation as well as you. Until recently when I ran into my ex, it had been 8 months of NC. Like you, my ex ended things with me in a totally ungraceful manner. I was dumped by email, lied to, and replaced within weeks. In my experience I have missed my ex and wanted her back at times, but I have always stood my ground and not caved. It's hard when you loved someone. But someone who truly loves you back would NEVER treat you like that and cast you aside. Anyways, just thought you deserved a pat on the back and wanted to tell you to keep up the good work. I agree that this place is really helpful and it seems like people give really good, thoughtful feedback.
CopingGal Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I wish I had not broke NC. I was doing so good. Then at about the 70th day, it just got too hard and I broke it...but not to get back with him. I will NEVER EVER take him back. I cried for three days straight. I still cry sometimes. It wasn't worth it. My ex does not know what love is. He said he loved me up until the day I left him. I guess I don't undestand what love is, but he does. To him, love is cheating, consistently lying, tricking your partner, runing around behind their back with another woman, ignoring her and more. I guess that is what true love is to him. I guess I must be stupid. I thought love was respect, caring, kindness, strength, and emotional support. But then again, what do I know?
Author Purple7737 Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 (edited) blindesided: I agree. Some days I feel like I'm the only person going through this, but I know I'm not. It was hard for me to admit the ego thing, but I will not let this experience turn me into a b****. Starman8: Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. Thank you for posting a different view too. I guess from a dumper view I can relate with wanting them back at times, but never pursuing it. Thank you for what you said too. I'm trying so hard to move on! I keep telling myself "he doesn't love me, like me or care for me" and it helps to sink in a bit further. CopingGal: I can understand how tempting it could be to want to break NC, but wow 70 days is a long time. I don't think you are stupid at all! Sounds like you deserve a much better and trusting man. That had nothing to do with you my friend. Also I hope I didn't come across as having it all together because I really don't. Just last night I was at a sports store buying some new equipment because I could no longer use the things my ex bought for me. As soon as I started to pay a song that reminds me us came on and my eyes teared up. I got out of there so fast and had a huge crying session in my car. I just kept wondering if he ever thinks of me or wonder what I am up to, but I guess not apparently. Hang in there you guys. Edited March 27, 2012 by Purple7737
blindesided Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I am having a really hard time today for some reason. I am hoping that part of it is due to "that time of month" It is hard to accept that the relationship is gone. That he doesnt want to be with me anymore and is seeing someone else. The overwhelming jealousy of thinking about him with her is driving me insane - I try to immediately think of something else but it creeps back in. I thought I was coming to terms with things - yesterday wasnt so bad & now I feel like I have taken 10 steps back! Its so frustrating that I cant see an end to this pain. I feel like I'm going insane - checking e-mail constantly- hoping to hear from him & being let down when there is nothing - even though logically I know there wont be anything. This is a good place to come and vent but sometimes this even gets overwhelming reading about everyones pain & looking for hope in their situations too.
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