FmyL Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 (edited) My girl and i have been together for 3.5 years. I was snooping through her texts a week ago. I found a few texts to/from a dude talking about a 1 night stand they had about a year ago.. My girl messaged him saying one of her friends found out because he was talking openly about it, and she was real pissed because she never wanted any one to know. I confronted her about it and she totally denied it, saying her friend was using her phone to talk to some guy because hers was broken, but i didn't buy that at all. Finally she came clean when I asked her friend who is in a comitted relationship and she denied it of course, so i know that my girl was lying and she told me the truth when her lie fell apart. I'm 26 years old, I was getting ready to propose to this gal, now i wonder if we can even keep the relationship going.i don't like that she lied one bit, but if it was only a 1 nite stand i might try to work things out. i am concerned she may have slept with other men too, i have no proof but a month ago a guy at my gym told me that he knew "that girl" gets around, he was looking at my girl. When I told him "that's my girlfriend" he turned it around and said "oh she looks like the same girl but she's not, nevermind, sorry for the confusion." i live in a pretty small town so im not sure there are too many other women who look like my girl, it made me very suspicious. ive been checking up on her txts ever since. I need to find out if she's been sleeping around or if this was just a 1 time thing, which i might be able to get over eventually, I had plenty of those when i was single. My question is this: is it wrong to tell her that I tested positive for an STD (like chlamydia) and then ask her if there were any other men? I would tell her that i really need to know since i have been faithful to her and she said she got tested a few days after the 1 night stand and did not have any STDs so the only possible explanation is she slept with another/other guy(s). After she gave me her answer i would tell her i went back for a re-test and it came back negative and that there was a mix-up in the lab, which can happen, believe me, i know a really stupid guy who does those tests at the planned parenthood. Is this idea totally stupid? do you think it could work to bring the truth out of her? is it wrong? -> i think it is, but i can't figure out any other way to get the info out of her since cheaters only tell you the bare minimum. Anyone have any ideas what else i could do to find the truth? i already talked to her friends and looked thru her emails, she deletes almost all of them so there's no record. her friends would lie to protect her, so not much luck there. thnks for the advice! BTW: i did get tested and i dont actually have any STDs Edited March 26, 2012 by FmyL
TaraMaiden Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Two wrongs certainly do NOT make a right, and while i see your reasoning, your best bet is to simply tell her that you're feeling extremely angry right now, because a complete stranger confided in you at the gym that - "that girl gets around" - and that he was referring to her. You need her to be completely honest with you, because you do not deal in lies, and for a complete stranger to give you that information - without knowing you were connected - is suspicious to say the least. So she can either tell you now - or you will find out another time. And she had better believe that you will. But if she loves you, she will give you the respect you deserve. Tell her at this point that you were tempted to try to catch her out by subterfuge - but you respect her too much to lie to her. So she should give you the same respect. And if you find out from someone else, that will tell you everything you need to know about what she really feels for you. Trust is the worst attribute in a relationship, to have to repair. It's like a precious porcelain plate; beautiful and of great value. but the moment it chips or cracks - it's never ever as good as it was, even if you repair it, and the value plummets..... Ask yourself how much effort you are willing to put into restoring that trust - and if it will have been worth it.... 2
salparadise Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Yes, it is a stupid idea and definitely not the way to go about this. TaraMaiden stated it very well. What you discovered on her phone, the lies she told to try and cover it up, the fact that she only came clean after you had talked to the other girl, and the comment made by the guy at the gym are indications that should not be taken lightly. You need some clarity but being disingenuous in the way you go about getting it is not right. If it were me, I'd probably go back to the guy at the gym and ask him, man to man, to tell you what he knows. He may choose to not tell you anything, in which case you'll still have to figure it out for yourself, but if you approach him the right way you might find out exactly what he meant with his initial comment.
Chi townD Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Yes, the STD ruse is dumb. However, she's given no reason to trust her. I would go into PI mode especially since things have come to light. SHe's talking to people right now. Are you two living together?
gibson Posted March 30, 2012 Posted March 30, 2012 Yes, the STD ruse is dumb. However, she's given no reason to trust her. I would go into PI mode especially since things have come to light. SHe's talking to people right now. Are you two living together? WTF!?!?! Hire a PI to snoop on someone you are DATING?!?!?!?! If you THINK your Ex is cheating on you... There is no trust. If there is no trust, you have no relationship.
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