A Two Year Battle

[AshleighL]

Hi, my name is Ashleigh and I am new to this website. I found it when I googled ways to get over an abusive relationsip because for two years I have been struggling with this, but I have never reached peace.

I am sixteen and when I was fourteen years old I was verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abused within an eight month relationship that was actually my first relationship. I have only been in one relationship since then and I am still currently in the relationship. I've been dating this boy for a year and seven months, but no matter how hard I try I am always focusing on Thomas (my abuser). I just told my mom about what he did a little over three months ago. She doesn't really care. At all. She yells at me every time I bring it up and says I need to get over it already. One thing everyone needs to understand is this: I HAVE BEEN TRYING SO. HARD. I have been doing everything I can to get myself informed, to stay away from Thomas, to try to get closure, etc... I have been fighting depression and anxiety ALL ON MY OWN for TWO YEARS. I do NOT want to hear that I just need to "get over it already". What do you think I am trying to do?

I digress.

I am a huge writer though.

I wrote a short story about what happend to me to try to vent all of it.

I will post that on here once I can access the file. (It's on a different computer.)

Anyways, to anyone who will just listen or care: thank you. I really appreciate it, and I am glad I have found a place where I can talk to other people who have been through things like me.

[travelbug1996]

You are 16 and shouldn't be worried about any boy let alone an abusive one. I would suggest you find an adult that you trust to help you. Also contact the domestic abuse hotline so that they can put some resources in place for you. Leave this boy alone or you will regret it since abuse have residual/lingering effects for years to come.

 

Please don't answer another call from him and avoid places where you know he'll be.

[oldguy]

You are 16 and shouldn't be worried about any boy let alone an abusive one. I would suggest you find an adult that you trust to help you. Also contact the domestic abuse hotline so that they can put some resources in place for you. Leave this boy alone or you will regret it since abuse have residual/lingering effects for years to come.

 

Please don't answer another call from him and avoid places where you know he'll be.

 

This is very good advise & I would encourage you to call the domestic abuse hotline as well. They can offer help & guidance.

 

How old is Thomas now btw?

[AshleighL]

Thomas is seventeen now. He was fifteen when we were together, and I would avoid him if I could but it is hard to when he is in three of my classes plus my choir group that spends A LOT of extra time together PLUS I sit right by him.

[AshleighL]

But then again, even if I could avoid him and even though that would be nice, I still have really strong feelings for him despite knowing how WRONG he is for me.

[freestyle]

Do some research on traumatic bonding.

 

What you're going through, as far as still focusing on your abuser, even though you have someone new---is actually very common.

 

(no, it's not healthy---but it's nothing to be ashamed of.There are psychological reasons an abused person continues to focus on the abuse)

 

I'm telling you this, because I don't want to see you going into a spiral of self-blame & shame. (another common side effect of an abusive relationship)

 

When you start to look deeply at yourself, and understand why you're still having that reaction---it will start to have less power over you. You'll also be better equipped to maintain healthy boundaries in future relationships, both romantic, and platonic.

[casanovadude81]

Don't feel guilty for having strong feelings for your abuser. You just need to protect yourself. If your parents aren't helping you through this find an adult you trust at school who will. If posting your short story here helps you feel free, you have nothing to feel bad about.