sweetheart5381 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 They walk away from you, cold as hell, treat you like crap, justify their actions with nothing but b_llshi_t lines.. so why do they want to be friends? 2
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 To keep us on the back burner if the new stuff doesn't work out==and it usually doesn't work out;), To alleviate guilt==if they are semi-human, there is some guilt...And most times it's just a cliche, best thing to say when there is nothing left to say. Sometimes they don't really mean, 'let's be friends'; it just means let's end this peacefully. I can't be friends with someone who treated me the way my ex did. What did he plan on doing? Having a casual dinner to reminisce over old times? We could talk and laugh over all the abusive names he called me or how it's my fault he's impotent. LOL. Sure, pal--o-mine, and tell me about how this new girl surpasses me in every way. 4
CopingGal Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 They walk away from you, cold as hell, treat you like crap, justify their actions with nothing but b_llshi_t lines.. so why do they want to be friends? I don't know but my ex tried to force friendship on me to the point that I had to call the police. He didn't love me. He lied and cheated on me so why in the world would he try to force me to be his friend?
Chi townD Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 They also do it to ease their own guilt. If they can get you into the friend zone. They can convince themselves, "Hey look! We're broken up. But, we're still really good friends. I guess the break up was for the best!!" 1
wilsonx Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Actually they do it to ease your pain from the breakup. They are trying to help you out. They end up going NC when the guilt kicks in and can't be friends with you from that point on. 2
betterdeal Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Maybe they like you, but their romantic feelings have changed or waned, and would like to be on good terms with you but just not with you. Seems to me that these days it's rare for people to say "no hard feelings" and leave each other alone. Maybe that's an effect of Facebook and such like insisting we're all friends and intereconnected and what not. Another possibility is they were hurt in some way which led to the break up, and so being just friends is as close as they can get to you right now while remaining comfortable. Or they could just be bored and lonely. There are many possible reasons. What do you want? When someone sounds as hurt and upset as you do, may be you want some space right now. If friendship develops later on, so be it but, for now, I'd suggest you take whatever time and space you need to feel better, to get your life back in order. 2
69ways Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Actually they do it to ease your pain from the breakup. They are trying to help you out. They end up going NC when the guilt kicks in and can't be friends with you from that point on. How nice of them, they must be humans after all or maybe ,I say maybe , it helps them to come back and get a small dosage of us until they are completely over us as I believe the majority of dumpers still got some feelings or some attraction after break up until they get used to their new life. I will go with my explanation on this one..... 2
RobotNano Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Nope, never got that in my last. Blocked from FB. Was a cold-hearted breaked up I have ever encountered in my life time.
69ways Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Nope, never got that in my last. Blocked from FB. Was a cold-hearted breaked up I have ever encountered in my life time. did you a favour actually
RobotNano Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 (edited) did you a favour actually Actually yes. Was told, that I was to dumb for her, converstations were boring...like holy F! Yes, boring while shes watching tv while I am talking. Lmao...Found out later, she was trying to get her Ex-back (husband) from 6 years of separation, and it didn't work. He cheated on her and now he has two kids with the other woman. Shes been trying to get him back. Edited March 26, 2012 by RobotNano
wilsonx Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 (edited) How nice of them, they must be humans after all or maybe ,I say maybe , it helps them to come back and get a small dosage of us until they are completely over us as I believe the majority of dumpers still got some feelings or some attraction after break up until they get used to their new life. I will go with my explanation on this one..... Have you come out of your own selfish mind and thought they aren't completely over you. I have exs I still have feelings for. One that I ended the relationship 7 years ago. In the end, it doesn't matter. You move on, they move on, hopefully both of you live happily ever after in your lives Or you can hold on to this pety resentment for the rest of your life and relive the breakup in your head every single day Edited March 26, 2012 by wilsonx
travelbug1996 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Egotistical, self centered, thoughtless individuals who are only concerned with what they want, need or desire. 1
69ways Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Have you come out of your own selfish mind and thought they aren't completely over you. I have exs I still have feelings for. One that I ended the relationship 7 years ago. In the end, it doesn't matter. You move on, they move on, hopefully both of you live happily ever after in your lives Or you can hold on to this pety resentment for the rest of your life and relive the breakup in your head every single day Wilson Wilson, always trying to be the philosopher the black and white screen.....you will never understand that relationships and break ups are not black and white..... M8 you are the one who has feelings after 7 years not me..... I will try and re-state what I said , maybe you will get this time. Some dumpers might break up with you and still have something inside them for you.The key word here is some So there are times that they feel the need to be in contact with you and as some of these relationships were going on for years, is not easy for them to just let go. They just stay in touch with you and subconsciously use you till they find a better deal or go on with their life...... How do I know?It happened to me... While others do it out of guilt, ego and all the rest people mentioned. M8 you dont have to try and always be right as we both know last time I stated my break you attacked me for not taking a chance for getting back together with her. We both know you where 100% wrong. Just relax man , you dont have to get all personal As I always said:No right or wrong , no black and white. I did not disagree with you but I agree with myself more...sorry not everyone is agreeing with you 2
69ways Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Actually yes. Was told, that I was to dumb for her, converstations were boring...like holy F! Yes, boring while shes watching tv while I am talking. Lmao...Found out later, she was trying to get her Ex-back (husband) from 6 years of separation, and it didn't work. He cheated on her and now he has two kids with the other woman. Shes been trying to get him back. So you would be dragged behind her , so consider yourself really lucky you escaped with minimum damage man 1
69ways Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 How nice of them, they must be humans after all or maybe ,I say maybe , it helps them to come back and get a small dosage of us until they are completely over us as I believe the majority of dumpers still got some feelings or some attraction after break up until they get used to their new life. I will go with my explanation on this one..... Just to add, it sounds pretty f..... up for a dumper to cheat on you (see not carrying about you feelings) and then asking you to be friends (now carrying about your feeling) You explanation wilson is partially correct as the example above contradicts what you say m8. Some dumpers thought might do what you said but is rare...again in my opinion
Author sweetheart5381 Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 Thank you for all the responses. He and I have communicated further. We talked over the phone 2 nights ago, he was shocked that I called him. When I asked him how he was doing, there was silence for a moment then "I'm sorry you caught me off guard." We had not spoken in person for about 5 weeks after a yr and half of regular, nearly daily communication. We discussed the relationship and he expressed the concerns he had and why he needed "space" in the first place. He said that he often felt that I loved him one minute, then hated him the next. He has told me this before but I didn’t really realize how it affected him so he therefore felt ignored. There is a lot of truth to the love/hate behaviour I admit, being in love and feeling vulnerable are very difficult for me and if someone gets too close or appears to be manipulating my emotions I call them on it. I don’t mean to hurt, but evidently I do. We agreed at the end of the phone conversation to get together sometime for drinks and hang out. I didn’t really believe it, thought he was saying it just to be nice. He approached me at work today to my surprise and initiated a conversation (for most of the relationship I did the initiating so it caught me off guard). It was not about work, just a friendly conversation. Felt like old times, before the pain and strain of a “relationship” set in. Still not sure if I am wearing rose-coloured glasses or not, but I feel better today knowing that a good friendship possible. I reached out, he reached out in return – a sign that there is still a positive outcome. [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
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