somedude81 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Something caught my eye in a thread yesterday that I think is worthy of it's own thread so it won't get up up in the mess. The details you mention -- victimization, strange standards -- are there. But it's not about subjugating women. (And excuse me, somedude, for talking about you in the third person.) I think he has a problem empathizing with women. He doesn't seem to make the connection that his desires and women's desires are actually very similar, and are governed by the same sorts of cultural rules. As a result, he sees women as an alien other, which is frustrating, because he desires something he doesn't understand (and he doesn't understand that desire). It's not inherently hateful. But only somedude can confront somedude's issues.... And that's precisely it. I don't see women as like me. How can I when I've spent so little time around them, and the vast majority of things I "learn" about women are from TV and this forum? verhrzn fallowed that up with a good post of her own. Where do you think that comes from, that idea of men/women being The Other? It seems like we all have that philosophy in varying degrees, and that the people who succeed most often at relationships are those who can set them aside. It makes sense... successful dating depends on empathy, and seeing the person sitting across the table from you as an individual of whom their sex is only a handful of defining characteristics. Do you think that the more a person is rejected, the more he/she begins to see women/men as aliens? Or do you think it's the other way around... that the more alien you think the other sex is, the less successful you are at dating? For me, women have always been 'aliens' and I've had very little exposure to tell me otherwise. That is something that I'd be able to get over if I had a GF that I spent a lot of time with and I was able to investigate her insides. You know, like dissection I ask this because I think I also see men as "the other." I just don't get them. But I remember a time when that wasn't the case.... way back in high school, while still learning the ropes of attraction and crushes, I remember seeing and treating guys as individuals. But this (among other things, I'm sure) caused them to reject me... because I wasn't playing "the gender roles" appropriately. I treated them as individuals, instead of men, and thought of myself as an individual, instead of a woman, and got badly burned. So I started to go in the complete opposite direction... subscribing every individual tick to "he's a guy" and living by the rules of "this is how guys act." In a society that encourages deep-seated gender roles, how do you get away from that idea of men/women as "the other"? I also pretty much do the same thing. I treat women as people not as women. Meaning, almost the same way I treat a guy and of course women don't respond favorably to that.
udolipixie Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I also pretty much do the same thing. I treat women as people not as women. Meaning, almost the same way I treat a guy and of course women don't respond favorably to that. Depending on how you treat guys some women will respond favorably to that. If you treat men with respect then most women will respond favorably to that as most people like to be treated with respect. If by favorably you mean romantic/sexual interest then no it takes far more than respect to get a person's romantic/sexual interest. It takes attraction. If you want women to respond favorably in that sense you have to be attractive to them and build attraction.
Author somedude81 Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 Sorry, I should have been more clear that I meant sexual/romantic interest when I said respond favorably.
Imajerk17 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 (edited) Do you ever take any real action or do you just engage in more and more analysis-paralysis? You will not meet women by writing these types of threads. You need to actually put yourself out there. Edited March 26, 2012 by Imajerk17
Teal Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 The Internet should be banned from teaching people about other people. While of course you can't help reading the words don't take it to heart, especially when you're reading off of a forum for people who are most likely experiencing social/dating troubles to begin with. Accepting that you really have no personal experience and no real clue is ideal (excluding getting real experience, of course). If I took the Internet to heart, I'd have to abandon charitable causes as pointless because of how immensely ****ed the world is - but it's just the Internet, and these are just some of the people who may be at their worst.
jerbear Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I also pretty much do the same thing. I treat women as people not as women. Meaning, almost the same way I treat a guy and of course women don't respond favorably to that. That is your problem, you treat the girl of your dreams like the she is one of guys. You put her in your friend zone not knowing it. If you put them in the friend zone, they put you in their friend zone or loser bucket. At least date for a few months and end up in the ex bucket. Don't be afraid to tell her how you feel, heck ask her out. If she is noncommittal you got your answer. Move on to the next girl, just not her friend who is sitting next to her. :lmao:
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