Author bikinibeach Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 Yeah I dont see the big deal here... an awesome 2 week vacatioon and all you have to do is spend family time together every night? Whats the big deal...and Shrek is a funny movie. Just deal with it OP. You sound spoiled indeed. Id only hope you were hot and great in the sack...other than that I dunno why a guy would deal with you disrespecting his family. Especially his mother....I wouldnt let that slide one bit. Why are you such a troll???? My parents died when I was a young age, I'm not used to or comfortable in "family" environments. Also they constantly interrupt me and each other and are very overbearing and smothering! I really like his mom though, and she likes me. I like the individuals in his family but when they are all together, it can be too much. And PS YEAH I AM "hot and great in the sack" :cool::cool:
Author bikinibeach Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 Bring CASHFLOW; if they made their own money, then you might learn somethingby playing it with them. NOPE! They inherited the money and have very little idea on how to handle it correctly. This is part of why it's ridiculous for them to try and lord it over anybody or not share more of it with their offspring...which is how THEY got it in the first place! This why they are also so annoying at monopoly!! They just horde money and buy up properties and then refuse to sell or trade anything, even for ridiculously good deals so we are playing for 17 hours straight, game going nowhere. hilarious 1
kassy Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 It sounds like they have paid for other holidays and you have acted like a brat and not spent any time with them and they feel like you acted like a brat. It is a family holiday, they are paying a lot for you two to JOIN THEM! I cannot understand the problem. It seems you have the day to get plenty of alone time but are expected to spend evenings with them. Put on your big girl panties and act like an adult. Spend the time getting to know them and for goodness sakes try to at least look like you are enjoying yourself. Coming from a wealthy family where my parents pay for similar holidays I can relate to the parents and would be quite frankly talking to the lawyers about the family trust right now... We love our family holidays. So what you don't party for the trip, who doesn't love board games and movies. In my experience you don't win where you throw your toys unreasonably against the parents in any family, let alone a wealthy one. In my opinion time to grow up and have a little respect. They want this to be a family bonding trip... If you want to be part of the family then get yourself on the same page. 1
Professor X Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 stop trying to make me feel bad. i'm very grateful for things, generally. since you put it that way, doesn't sound so bad after all. ... AND YES! their money might well go to the sea! they are VERY eccentric and I just found out that they give a million $ to christian bible thingies every year!!!! such a waste!!! thanks for listening loveshackers.....i don't tell these things to my friends. they don't even REALLY know how wealthy this family is... I don't want them to feel bad so I don't really talk to anyone about these things. I ain't trying to make you feel bad, just putting things into perspective. I work everyday, very hard, and I follow every dime that comes out of my pocket, I haven't got spare to spend. So talking about 20k$ vacation paid off by the parents in law and describing it as anguish just sounds silly to me tbh. They gave you 2 the vacation and thus they set the rules, you don't like it? walk away, you do? go. But bottom line is, you have got to follow their lead if you choose to follow. And as for the vacation, I'd go, as I said 2-3 hours out of 24, leaves me with 21-22 hours for myself and my SO. Win. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Y'all don't get it. This isn't about money. It's about control. To buy someone a vacation (or any other gift) and demand they spend time with you in return is ridiculous, and pathetic. If they were healthy-minded, fun-loving people, I'm sure the OP would enjoy spending time with them and do it willingly, for free. But no, they have to pay their son and his girlfriend to spend time with them. It says a lot about them as people. 4
kaylan Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 ^I would see nothing wrong with my parents wanting to spend time with myself and a girlfriend...especially if my girlfriend has been known to avoid spending time with them. I would think we'd owe them some time together.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 ^I would see nothing wrong with my parents wanting to spend time with myself and a girlfriend...especially if my girlfriend has been known to avoid spending time with them. Then how about they use something other than money and manipulation to attract rather than coerce the couple to spend more time with them? You know, things like charm and good times. I would think we'd owe them some time together. No one owes you anything. 1
Ursa Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Y'all don't get it. This isn't about money. It's about control. To buy someone a vacation (or any other gift) and demand they spend time with you in return is ridiculous, and pathetic. If they were healthy-minded, fun-loving people, I'm sure the OP would enjoy spending time with them and do it willingly, for free. But no, they have to pay their son and his girlfriend to spend time with them. It says a lot about them as people. Ruby, I can see this side of the argument...and honestly, this is not a choice I would make, were I the parent in question. It's not the family dynamic I'd want to foster. However, I AM a parent. What I see here are flawed parents who love their son and want to spend more time with him, and a young couple who would rather gripe and rebel about the clumsiness of their gesture, than try to understand the spirit in which the gesture was made. The fact remains that they are being offered 20K worth of 2 weeks of beaches, sightseeing, and romance--and only being asked to recompense with a few hours of their company. Now, I don't know the background here. If it's a dastardly Machiavellian scheme, then by all means walk away from it with head held high...but I must confess that to hear somebody bitch about having to spend a few hours eating gourmet catered food and watching movies or playing board games with the family unit in such a situation reeks of a certain sense of entitlement, seasoned with a hefty pinch of adolescent rebellion, to my sensibility. 7
irin Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 i dont think they're weird or controlling i think they just want a family vacation with their son included, and they invited his girlfriend along you should grateful for the invite! they just spend quality family time! perfectly reasonable. 2
Emilia Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Then how about they use something other than money and manipulation to attract rather than coerce the couple to spend more time with them? You know, things like charm and good times. No one owes you anything. Indeed. This is not how I would choose to spend my time, regardless how luxurious that holiday would be. If your boyfriend is really that good a business man OP then good luck, hope it works out. Would hate him to turn into some zombie controlled by parents. 1
kaylan Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 (edited) Then how about they use something other than money and manipulation to attract rather than coerce the couple to spend more time with them? You know, things like charm and good times. No one owes you anything. Im too lazy to read the link. Anyways, I dont see how its manipulation to want to spend time with your child and his girlfriend. Especially if youre deciding to treat them to something fun. If anything, OP doesnt sound like much of a girlfriend if its such a big deal. I never had a problem hanging with my ex's parents. And Id expect any girl I date in the future, to be able to spend time with my folks once we got serious. You know why I owe my parents quality time? Because they are my parents and I actually care about them. They raised me and took care of me, so is it so hard to spend time with them? Jeez...I didnt know it was ok to behave so ungratefully to ones parents...especially OPs bf whos parents have provided a great life for him. He never had to worry about a thing a day in his life with loaded parents....and loaded parents who actually want to spend time with him. Sounds like decent folsk to me. Ruby, I can see this side of the argument...and honestly, this is not a choice I would make, were I the parent in question. It's not the family dynamic I'd want to foster. However, I AM a parent. What I see here are flawed parents who love their son and want to spend more time with him, and a young couple who would rather gripe and rebel about the clumsiness of their gesture, than try to understand the spirit in which the gesture was made. The fact remains that they are being offered 20K worth of 2 weeks of beaches, sightseeing, and romance--and only being asked to recompense with a few hours of their company. Now, I don't know the background here. If it's a dastardly Machiavellian scheme, then by all means walk away from it with head held high...but I must confess that to hear somebody bitch about having to spend a few hours eating gourmet catered food and watching movies or playing board games with the family unit in such a situation reeks of a certain sense of entitlement, seasoned with a hefty pinch of adolescent rebellion, to my sensibility. This, ad infinitum. I personally think OP and her bf are twisting the situation into something it isnt. I dont think his parents sound controlling at all. And hes a grown man...if he really had a problem with them, hed say so. But lets be real, you know he loves the cash. Im not the family time, lovey dovey type myself...but if my folks asked me to spend time with them, I wouldnt say no. And If I was dating a girl I was serious about I wouldnt avoid her parents either...no matter how cheesy or "flowers and sunshine" they are. Id just want to be supportive of building a family feeling with the girl I see myself ending up with. Edited March 26, 2012 by kaylan 1
kassy Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 When you go on holiday as a family, regardless of who pays, it is normal to spend time together... I just don't see how this is controlling. As for the house and car, he gets free housing and a vehicle. How is this not generous? Why should they give them to him? This is more help than most people get, why not just be appreciative and make the most of it? As for working for the family, similarly with the house and car he can choose not to accept this. If he really wanted he could do his own thing with no strings attached. Anyone who is used to dealing with very wealthy families knows that very little is usually owned by the people themselves. Most is owned by trusts and companies, for tax and also security reasons... Prevents gold diggers getting their hands on the family fortune. As for the way they spend their money... Why is it any concern of yours? If they want to give it all away that's their prerogative. Equally donations to charitable organizations are usually tax deductible. Which is one reason why they may give so much to a qualifying organization. Why is it a waste? Why is it any of your business? If your boyfriend does pull off a multi-million dollar deal that's great! No need to worry about the family money. That's one of the reasons many wealthy parents restrict their children's access to unlimited money, it often inspires them to make their own. Its win win either way. Stop being so damn entitled. They have no obligation to give your boyfriend and certainly not you a penny of their money. That they inherited the money is irrelevant - they haven't lost it all so clearly they have more idea about what they are doing than you give them credit for.
sweetjasmine Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Ruby, I can see this side of the argument...and honestly, this is not a choice I would make, were I the parent in question. It's not the family dynamic I'd want to foster. However, I AM a parent. What I see here are flawed parents who love their son and want to spend more time with him, and a young couple who would rather gripe and rebel about the clumsiness of their gesture, than try to understand the spirit in which the gesture was made. The fact remains that they are being offered 20K worth of 2 weeks of beaches, sightseeing, and romance--and only being asked to recompense with a few hours of their company. Now, I don't know the background here. If it's a dastardly Machiavellian scheme, then by all means walk away from it with head held high...but I must confess that to hear somebody bitch about having to spend a few hours eating gourmet catered food and watching movies or playing board games with the family unit in such a situation reeks of a certain sense of entitlement, seasoned with a hefty pinch of adolescent rebellion, to my sensibility. I think the fact that they've both already gone on a vacation with his parents on their dime during Christmas and New Years and that they ran off on their own during that trip, only coming back when they needed more money, makes it less of a "they're trying to control my every movement" situation. I'm honestly surprised that they'd invite the OP again after that kind of behavior. Quite frankly, it's very rude and on par with holing yourself up in the guest room when someone invites you to stay in their summer home because if they were really giving, they wouldn't mind you using their home as a hotel for your personal break. The parents aren't living cash machines and hoteliers. It's supposed to be a family vacation, and in my eyes, the parents are awkwardly trying to have their son still be there for these trips while making room for the OP. If they don't like it, they can pay for their own vacation and do what they want. 1
xxoo Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Why offer a gift with rules attached? We are all adults here! Some of which don't want to spend the evening playing patty cake. It just feels very patronizing. If you resent feeling patronized, don't go. If you can accept being patronized, and be gracious and enjoy yourself, then go. Because, while you are all chronologically adults, they are the only ones paying. As long as they support your bf, they won't view him as fully adult. As with most "in law" problems, this is largely a partner problem. He is comfortable enough with this dynamic--being supported by his parents, and letting them call the shots. If he wasn't happy, he'd change it. If you can't accept it with grace, it isn't his parents you should be frustrated with.
dasein Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 C'mon folks, thread too long. OP admits they ran off and disappeared on the last vacation, mom doesn't want a repeat, so lays down an overstringent expectation that can't possibly be misinterpreted. OP takes mom at her literal word and worries she and BF will be stuck with the Flanders and Shrek the entire time, which is highly unlikely. Thread issue has nothing to do with control or money at all. 4
Ruby Slippers Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Thread issue has nothing to do with control or money at all. I have to disagree. I was with a guy whose family had money, were demanding of our time, and lorded the money over him to try to get what they wanted. And if you gave them an inch, they took a mile. If we saw them twice a week, they bitched that it wasn't three. If we spent 4 hours at their house for dinner, they asked why we were leaving so soon. Eventually, they started complaining because we didn't invite them when we took a weekend trip for ourselves. I never had a chance to invite them to anything because they were always trying to book us weeks in advance. Now, maybe the people the OP is talking about aren't as demanding. But it's ridiculous to suggest that parents like these don't use money as a tool to attempt to control their children. It happens all the time. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 The OP is a typical, entitled, spoiled Western female. Yuk! :sick: Not even for a second did it occur to her that $10,000 is a lot of money and that maybe, just MAYBE she should feel a little uncomfortable accepting such an expensive gift. Never mind all that...she'd jump at the opportunity without thinking twice if not for having to spend time with her boyfriend's rich but annoying and "childlike" parents. I mean, how dare they want to spend time with their son and his GF? Stupid childlike parents Why can't they just pay for her trip and get out of her f*cking way??:mad:
dasein Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 But it's ridiculous to suggest that parents like these don't use money as a tool to attempt to control their children. It happens all the time. I don't disagree, and my best friend went through that exactly in his first marriage. They bought them a house... right next door... mandatory dinner with the "Clingersons" every night. Bought them all kinds of shiny stuffs. It was a living hell until the inevitable divorce. He got to keep some of the shiny in exchange for not seeking alimony lol. But I just don't see that going on here from OP's posts, it could be sure, but don't see it.
setsenia Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 10,000 vacation and all you have to do is spend dinner with them a few hours a day? Seems like a small price to pay if they aren't a chaotic family with tons of drama. When I graduated high school, my dad was going to pay for me to go to Europe with some friends. My H, boyfriend at the time, was also going to go (and pay for himself) and then all of a sudden my dad didn't want to pay for me because he didn't want my boyfriend to go (even though he was paying for himself 100%) . He was being manipulative. I would only have seen my friends at the tours during the trip and I didn't want to be alone the rest of the time in a foreign country since I was only 18.
setsenia Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 But it's ridiculous to suggest that parents like these don't use money as a tool to attempt to control their children. It happens all the time. This is exactly why I couldn't go to Europe for 2 weeks at 18. My dad wasn't in favor of my boyfriend going (even though he was paying for himself.)
EmpoweredWoman Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 This is exactly why I couldn't go to Europe for 2 weeks at 18. My dad wasn't in favor of my boyfriend going (even though he was paying for himself.) Good for him. Why does your dad have to try and sleep knowing some teenage dirtbag is pounding his daughter in the next room? If you're only 18, atleast have have some respect and don't force that on your parents who probably just wanted to have a wholesome family vacation. Save up your money and go to party with your boyfriend another time. 1
Professor X Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 This is exactly why I couldn't go to Europe for 2 weeks at 18. My dad wasn't in favor of my boyfriend going (even though he was paying for himself.) Well, it is his money, if you think he owes you a thing... think again.
setsenia Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Good for him. Why does your dad have to try and sleep knowing some teenage dirtbag is pounding his daughter in the next room? If you're only 18, atleast have have some respect and don't force that on your parents who probably just wanted to have a wholesome family vacation. Save up your money and go to party with your boyfriend another time. Um, excuse me? This was not a family vacation. And my boyfriend was not a teenager fyi. My friends were going to Europe and my dad offered to pay for my ticket to go also. So my boyfriend happened to plan on going also. So what? My dad wasn't paying for his ticket. The point was that he was offering a gift with strings attached and then saying I chose not to go to Europe later when he knew it wasn't as such.
setsenia Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Well, it is his money, if you think he owes you a thing... think again. Never said he owed me anything. Point being, as with another poster, is an example of using money to control and manipulate your kids. He offered to pay for my ticket to go to Europe with some friends. When he found out my boyfriend was planning to go, he took back his offer. My bf was paying for himself. No skin off his a**.
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