bikinibeach Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 ....we are to have dinner and spend every evening with his family!! We are talking 2 weeks of white beaches, exclusive resort, best food ever- all covered. I really enjoy spending time with his family but only in small doses, and they know it, as I have to turn them down often. They are much different from my boyfriend and I. They are very cheesy, sappy and childlike. This means we will likely spend every evening playing never ending games of monopoly, "attending" live streams of evening church sermons or watching movies like Shrek. :sick: I am totally uninterested in the offer now! And so is he. If my guy and I could afford it, we would pay for ourselves and go on our own terms BUT This trip will cost more than $10,000 for each of us. Also, if we were going to spend that money on a trip, it would be somewhere of our choosing and NOT with his family! His mom wants an answer and I want to be honest with her but I don't know how to put it without hurting her feelings. I feel like she is being ridiculous. What should I do??????!?!?!
Professor X Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Isn't he super rich? The son of an oil tycoon? If it is him, than do as you are asked, you won't ever get close to not having to worry in your life. Also, they paid for your medical procedure you went through, correct ? Not wanting to go to a luxurious spot cause evening needed to spent with mother in law is just being spoiled tbh. 7
Kamille Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Why not simply contribute to planning some of the activities? Check out local shows (or whatever you like doing that the whole family can join) and suggest the family do the activity as a group. That way you kill two bird with one stone: you show you're part of the family (and capable of thinking for the whole group) and you get to do an activity that you enjoy. Or, alternatively, you can just say no and skip the vacation. Life's really not that hard. 2
Author bikinibeach Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Really? Never thought of it like that. Now I feel highly embarrassed. I never want to seem spoiled! Why offer a gift with rules attached? We are all adults here! Some of which don't want to spend the evening playing patty cake. It just feels very patronizing. And I came to understand that it's my bf's PARENTS, not him, that are rich as hell. They like to dangle money over him and use it control him and get affection from him and now us. They have bought him a very nice house and car, but all are in their name. He does some light paperwork for them and they pay him a fair but not overly impressive wage. They recently cut off his credit cards because they want him to experience the real world or something...? I grew up poor so the dynamics behind all this money and family values is very confusing for me. I honestly can't begin to deal with the anguish of spending every evening with them for 2 weeks. They can also be quite negative and constantly moan about their minor (and likely imagined) health issues, will complain about ANYTHING ie: $100 pking ticket...heard about it for 3 days. I still don't have an answer on how to say no to this offer without hurting her feelings. I actually really like her but don't agree with this dangling money and strings attached etc.
Author bikinibeach Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Why not simply contribute to planning some of the activities? Check out local shows (or whatever you like doing that the whole family can join) and suggest the family do the activity as a group. That way you kill two bird with one stone: you show you're part of the family (and capable of thinking for the whole group) and you get to do an activity that you enjoy. Or, alternatively, you can just say no and skip the vacation. Life's really not that hard. OMG I am acting the same way that I criticize them for! I can't believe I'm complaining! Thanks for the suggestions! THose are great ideas. The problem is that, like I mentioned above, they are VERY introverted, not much social interaction and DO NOT like going out. WE were there with them in Dec/Jan and they were mad that my bf and I didn't want to spend NY 2012 watching movies with them....!!
Professor X Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Really? Never thought of it like that. Now I feel highly embarrassed. I never want to seem spoiled! Why offer a gift with rules attached? We are all adults here! Some of which don't want to spend the evening playing patty cake. It just feels very patronizing. And I came to understand that it's my bf's PARENTS, not him, that are rich as hell. They like to dangle money over him and use it control him and get affection from him and now us. They have bought him a very nice house and car, but all are in their name. He does some light paperwork for them and they pay him a fair but not overly impressive wage. They recently cut off his credit cards because they want him to experience the real world or something...? I grew up poor so the dynamics behind all this money and family values is very confusing for me. I honestly can't begin to deal with the anguish of spending every evening with them for 2 weeks. They can also be quite negative and constantly moan about their minor (and likely imagined) health issues, will complain about ANYTHING ie: $100 pking ticket...heard about it for 3 days. I still don't have an answer on how to say no to this offer without hurting her feelings. I actually really like her but don't agree with this dangling money and strings attached etc. And where do you think all of their money will go when they pass away? To the sea? And really, anguish? That's how you describe a luxurious vacation? Cause you're gonna be forced to spend 2-3 hours a day with his parents out of 24 hours. Ye, not spoiled at all. 6
dasein Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I think the choice is clear, either go under their terms or don't go. I have a hunch they would "let up" on the every dinner and night spent with them out on the actual trip. Also have a hunch that what she is really saying is that "you absolutely won't run off the minute we get there and disappear until it's time for us to leave, or we'd rather you just not go." 2
veggirl Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Is your BF 12? Can't he tell them "wow thanks we would love to go, we'd like to spend some time with you and have some nights to ourself, too" Like seriously, he can't say that? His family sounds really weird, they expec their adult son and his GF to spend every night with them playing boardgames?! 1
missyme04 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 You better do what they say. That's it You dont have a choice. Good luck bikinibeach! you can do it.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Is your BF 12? Can't he tell them "wow thanks we would love to go, we'd like to spend some time with you and have some nights to ourself, too" Like seriously, he can't say that? His family sounds really weird, they expec their adult son and his GF to spend every night with them playing boardgames?! Seriously! If family members can't understand that a couple would like to spend some evenings doing their own thing while on vacation, there's a big problem. If they couldn't understand that, I wouldn't go. It's a great sign that your boyfriend is not interested in the arrangement as they have proposed it. That tells you he's not just doing whatever they want to make them happy, and has some healthy and very necessary separation from them. 1
dasein Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 As someone who was guilty in the past of taking advantage of a parent funded vacation to run off with my GF and not turn up for days at a time (until we were hungry or wanted money), I tend to sympathize more with the parents in this scenario. 4
veggirl Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 As someone who was guilty in the past of taking advantage of a parent funded vacation to run off with my GF and not turn up for days at a time (until we were hungry or wanted money), I tend to sympathize more with the parents in this scenario. Well yes, that would be rude as hell! But it doesn't have to be one extreme or the other. Every other evening would be a fair compromise IMO.
dasein Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I agree, but remember rationalizing "every other evening" as "appear at least every two days for at least ten minutes," kids will be kid after all. I applaud mama's shrewdness in not leaving wiggle room here.
Author bikinibeach Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 As someone who was guilty in the past of taking advantage of a parent funded vacation to run off with my GF and not turn up for days at a time (until we were hungry or wanted money), I tend to sympathize more with the parents in this scenario. lol yeah this is what we did the last time they brought us there (for xmas and new years eve).
Author bikinibeach Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Is your BF 12? Can't he tell them "wow thanks we would love to go, we'd like to spend some time with you and have some nights to ourself, too" Like seriously, he can't say that? His family sounds really weird, they expec their adult son and his GF to spend every night with them playing boardgames?! His family IS INDEED "weird" but I tend to get along well with fellow eccentrics THat's a great quote, I'll have him tell them that. Or I'll tell them a variation of it. I think that's fair. After reading this, I realized, HEY ...I actually do like boardgames! Maybe if we bring a bunch that we like. I just don't like church sermons and movies mass produced for pre-teens. Maybe we can compromise on that. I would just feel really sour "playing by their rules"...like you said, what are we, 14? I am torn. WIll let you guys know what happens!
Author bikinibeach Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 And where do you think all of their money will go when they pass away? To the sea? And really, anguish? That's how you describe a luxurious vacation? Cause you're gonna be forced to spend 2-3 hours a day with his parents out of 24 hours. Ye, not spoiled at all. stop trying to make me feel bad. i'm very grateful for things, generally. since you put it that way, doesn't sound so bad after all. ... AND YES! their money might well go to the sea! they are VERY eccentric and I just found out that they give a million $ to christian bible thingies every year!!!! such a waste!!! thanks for listening loveshackers.....i don't tell these things to my friends. they don't even REALLY know how wealthy this family is... I don't want them to feel bad so I don't really talk to anyone about these things.
dasein Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 lol yeah this is what we did the last time they brought us there (for xmas and new years eve). mmmhmm, thought so, she simply doesn't want a repeat and doesn't want to spell it out bluntly. Go, and i will almost guarantee you that provided you are respectful and don't test them, you will have more than ample time to yourselves. You could even try the reverse and hang around underfoot constantly until they tell you to get the hell out. Contemplate reverse psychology. 2
FitChick Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 it's my bf's PARENTS, not him, that are rich as hell. They like to dangle money over him and use it control him. They have bought him a very nice house and car, but all are in their name. They didn't buy him a house and car. They bought themselves a house and car and allow their son to use them. Why doesn't he man up and go work for someone else, perhaps one of their rich friends who will pay him a decent salary and give him some independence? 1
quankanne Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 They like to dangle money over him and use it control him and get affection from him and now us. on the outset, it sounds like a lovely offer, but when someone makes an offer with those kinds of strings ... beware. While this is a good opportunity to forge a healthier relationship with his folks (we'll spend time with you, but we also look forward to having several nights to ourself), don't be surprised if they try to control the whole vacation, because, really, that's their plan all along. On the bright side, at least they're up front about it!
ja123 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 ...I actually do like boardgames! Maybe if we bring a bunch that we like. Bring CASHFLOW; if they made their own money, then you might learn somethingby playing it with them.
kaylan Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Yeah I dont see the big deal here... an awesome 2 week vacatioon and all you have to do is spend family time together every night? Whats the big deal...and Shrek is a funny movie. Just deal with it OP. You sound spoiled indeed. Id only hope you were hot and great in the sack...other than that I dunno why a guy would deal with you disrespecting his family. Especially his mother....I wouldnt let that slide one bit. 2
Stellar Wench Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 If they are paying $20,000, they have the right to expect you to spend time with them. Not doing so would be incredibly ungrateful. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you want to do what you want to do, pay for your own vacation. 4
soserious1 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 Be proactive, WILLINGLY spend time with them during the day, look for family oriented things that might be fun to do. Perhaps try to schedule dinner early enough so that the family evening can wind down around 8:30pm or so. Beach resort areas will be jumping far later than that so you & the BF can keep the family happy but still go out for fun later in the evening. Maybe if his family gets the sense that they don't have to hunt the two of you down to get to spend some time with you, they'll ease up on the every night deal. 1
Author bikinibeach Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 They didn't buy him a house and car. They bought themselves a house and car and allow their son to use them. Why doesn't he man up and go work for someone else, perhaps one of their rich friends who will pay him a decent salary and give him some independence? I agree. He is aware of this and doesn't try to hide it. His parents' greatest fear is that he will not rely on or be impressed or controlled by their money. He is currently in the midst of launching his own multimillion dollar venture. When he mentioned the net worth of the investor he's working with (a fortune maybe 4 times the size of theirs), his parents turned white as ghosts and the room got very quiet! lol
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