Evony Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Guys. Me and my girlfriend split up a few months ago and I just can't get her out of my head. We had been together for 3 years and were each others first love. Our relationship had major ups and downs and she came onto depressive periods at times. At first everything was great for 6 months and then she stopped seeing(went over a month without seeing me) me although we kept contact by text and I tried my hardest to get her to talk to me about things, eventually she seemed to improve and everything was great again. She went into another depressive period again and i continued to stand by her and try to help her as much as I could and again things got better for a short while. The last year of our relationship was the toughest though and I felt as if she was putting in very minimal effort into our relationship and things would continue to get worse (I felt as if i was giving all the effort). I would see her for 4 hours a week at the most at times and that would be just going to her house to sit and watch a film, it was really hard to get her to tell me what was wrong with her or get her to come out places. She would never give me a proper kiss or hug and would hardly let me get near her. She hadn't said she loved me in nearly a year and would sometimes made no effort to keep conversation going on the phone. I tried everything i could to get her out and keep her smiling and make her happy but I felt as if she just never cared which was hard because I loved her so much! Eventually I suggested that we should go on a break for a bit which she a greed to. We told each other we loved each other and it was only for a little while. A month later she met up with me a decided we shouldn't be together, say she didn't want to hold me back etc. It was really hard. I kept in contact with her after and we text each other, I kept asking her if she wanted to do something at the weekends and every time she would enthusiastically say yes but that she was busy and that she would let me know when she was free ... she never did and i had to ask her again. Now she doesn't even text me. Her last text to me said she was nervous about meeting up with me and that's why she kept putting meeting up off. I responded saying I had no idea she was feeling that way and that she should talk to me about it. I loved her and would have given anything in the world for her but our last year together built up so much frustration and loneliness for me that I felt we needed the break to understand the importance of our relationship. Should I continue to text this girl or leave it be? I don't want her to be feeling down at all and want to help her through her hard times. I the last year she would say she was neglecting me and that she didn't deserve me. I only wanted to be with her though and still do. Any advice on what to do? Thanks.
rAFC Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I know how you feel, having dated and lost a woman with depression myself. Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do to help her. The only person who can help her is herself (and a therapist/psychiatrist). As difficult as it is, the best thing you can do is to move on. She will probably go through periods like this for the rest of her life. Think of how difficult it has been on you while you are just dating; Now imagine if you were married to her with a couple of kids. I know how much you want to help her, I have been in your position myself, but really you need to look out for yourself now. Keep moving forward and you will find a woman capable of reciprocating your love and your level of interest.
Author Evony Posted March 26, 2012 Author Posted March 26, 2012 Thanks for your reply rAFC! Your reply is spot on and will drive me on to get through the pain of not being with her. Its just hard to accept that she continues to cut me off after I feel I gave so much effort into our relationship. I feel as if I will always miss her as I loved her more than anything, it's hard to see where I could find someone to love as much as I loved her. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
CaliBabe Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I think you have to leave her be. She needs to work her issues out on her own. Once she is healthy emotionally, you can consider trying again. Anything sooner, would result in an unhealthy relationship.
Thatguyintx Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Yep, and it was very painful while it lasted. Look up the term "emotionally unavailable". I told someone the other day I felt lonelier in that relationship than anytime I have been single. UGH!
Author Evony Posted March 27, 2012 Author Posted March 27, 2012 Thanks for the advice guys. My last text to her a month ago pretty much said I was willing to chat to her about the whole nervous feeling she has about meeting up with me again so that we could get her comfortable with the possibility. She has yet to text back so I feel as if i've left it open to her and the situation is if she wants to text me then she can but until then I need to keep trying to move on. However, the smallest things remind me of her and bring back some great memories which are pretty hard to deal with and make me just want to talk to her face to face again. I felt so comfortable around her.
Kaotic Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 I know how you feel and I think all of us had moments in which we just wanted to help our ex (not with depression necessarily but anything, since it was a partnership) and the best thing that you can do is not contact her and let her work out her problems. I relate to you, but from a different perspective. I really liked helping my ex with things because we were a great team and we had complementing strengths and weaknesses and sometimes I wonder why he'd ever want to Let go of such a great balance and I think about all these things that I wanna do for him and his business and have that awesome team work back...it gets hard, especially when you still love them and care about them. But it will get better with time. I keep telling everyone that time is the best thing. Because with time whatever needs to happen will happen. I think you will find peace when you come to accept that. There are only two options really...with time you will either move on and find love elsewhere, or with time she will resolve her issues and if it's meant to be you guys might renew things. Regardless though, just remember that "this too shall pass" and these hard moments are temporary.
Author Evony Posted March 28, 2012 Author Posted March 28, 2012 Thanks for your response Kaotic! It's definitely really tough. I just need to accept that time will heal things and be prepared for the times when memories do randomly pop into my head. Sometimes you feel as if where ever you go something reminds you of her or when someone says something it remind you of her. I think i need to try a focus on as may other hobbies as possible. Maybe someday she will get in contact. Until then carry on.
Author Evony Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Back again guys I still can't get this girl out of my head at all! I miss her so much! It's now been nearly 2 months since my last text to her and I've been trying everything to move on to no avail. I've met her brother a few times on the train home who told me he has been asking her to text me as I still have a few DVDs I borrowed from him. He said she keeps saying that she will need to text me but the text I am waiting on from her never comes. I feel as if I need to text her again to speak to her about things but its like she has no interest in me at all. I feel as if I need closure as we never talked about our break up well enough. I feel that if I don't get in contact with her I will loose her forever and she will never speak to me again. I originally suggested the break in the relationship to which she agreed to and then she decided to break up with me a month later. I thought we would get back together stronger following the year of no effort or love and affection from her. It's now 8 months since we split! , Does anyone have any advice? Should I text again? Write her a letter telling her how I'm feeling?
Zabs Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Evony, I wouldn't suggest another txt as she will only see this as pressure. You have let her know on more than one occasion a) How you feel about her, b) that you are concened for her and her feelings and c) that you would like to talk. If you can't let this be, a letter would suffice. The letter should not be begging/pleading for a meet or going over how much you love her. She knows this. The issue lies with her, not with you. What you CAN put in the letter is what you ARE doing in life..friendly sort-of, no pressure words and that it would be nice to link up sometime. Wish her well and stamp it..send it..and that's that. The only down side to this is what your expectations are likely to be on the back of doing so. You may be expecting an outpouring of emotion from her. What will you do if it doesn't come..consider your options carefully. Good luck Much love, Zabs xx
Author Evony Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Thanks for your reply zabs. I agree I can't send another text, however I love this girl so much that I don't want to let her fitter away, therefore I feel as if I need to send a letter. I will need to take some time to think of the contents of this. I just feel as if myself suggesting the break made her feel as if she didn't think we should be together anymore, I feel as if its my fault that we lost each other despite her making the decision to call it off. Has anyone else been in a similar situation to this? Where they feel as if they don't make contact they will lose someone forever? Anyone been in this situation and sent a another text or letter?
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