jorgie4 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Hi guys…I’m really struggling at the moment with my self confidence and would appreciate some advice. I don’t really feel like I’m capable of having a relationship and lately this has had a huge impact upon how I feel about myself. I’m 27, slim, attractive, independent, ambitious, and just about to graduate and embark on a new career. I do think I have a lot to offer, but emotionally, I haven’t got a clue how to be in a relationship, or how to develop ‘dating’ into something more. Over the past year or so, this has really made me feel inferior to other people. I’ve always been a confident person, but somewhere along the way I seem to have lost myself a little. I’ve never had a long term relationship - my most serious was five months long. I’ve also had a few others that weren’t serious. I get asked out quite a lot, so I wouldn’t really say I struggle to meet guys, but I would like to meet more, because I’m not sure who I’m compatible with? The bottom line for me at the moment is that I just don’t feel happy about myself, and I know I need to fix this before I can really get into a relationship with anyone. I’m just not sure how! I am close to my mum and friends, and they all mean a lot to me, so I am at least capable of that kind of relationship. I’m thinking relationship counselling might be the best option, so I’m sure I will pursue that over the coming months. But for now, some advice and wise words would be great. Thanks everyone
KathyM Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Counseling is definately a good idea to help you get over the roadblocks that are keeping you from being and doing what you want for yourself, but in the meantime, I think the best way to meet people is through shared interests. Figure out what you are passionate about or would like to try, and find some groups that engage in that activity and join them. You will automatically have something in common and something to talk about with people who are also engaging in that activity. So spend some time to figure out what interests you would enjoy pursuing, and then do a search of clubs, organizations or meet up groups that focus on that activity or interest.
Author jorgie4 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Thanks for your reply Kathy. I agree about the counselling...I thought I could get past this on my own, but I don't think I can. I don't really have trouble actually meeting men (apart from the fact I think all the decent ones are probably married by now, lol)...my problem is developing things into a relationship. I just can't seem to do it. I don't think I express myself very well emotionally...although I do verbally.
westrock Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 It seems you are afraid to enter into a relationship. What does a relationship mean to you and what do you think is expected of you? Do you consider yourself a perfectionist? (apart from the fact I think all the decent ones are probably married by now, lol) Do you think that's true? When you think like this you send a dangerous message to your subconscious along these lines: If all the decent ones are married, then that must mean that all the remaining ones are no good for me. Hearing this, your subconscious, wanting to protect you, will do whatever it has to do to keep you from entering into any relationship. Instead, better to think more empowering thoughts.
Author jorgie4 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 I'm not afraid....it's more that I just don't seem able! I'm not sure if I think that's true...I guess it's just hard to meet someone who I feel compatible with. I usually try to have an open mind, but it can be disheartening at 27 when I have still not had a serious relationship. I do, however, enjoy aspects of being single and am certainly not afraid of being alone. But it would be nice to have someone to share things with, for a change.
goldengirl11 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I'm not afraid....it's more that I just don't seem able! I'm not sure if I think that's true...I guess it's just hard to meet someone who I feel compatible with. I usually try to have an open mind, but it can be disheartening at 27 when I have still not had a serious relationship. I do, however, enjoy aspects of being single and am certainly not afraid of being alone. But it would be nice to have someone to share things with, for a change. Sorry that this isn't advice, but you sound rather like me and I'm 33!
wowme20100 Posted March 27, 2012 Posted March 27, 2012 you're lucky then you haven't truely wasted your time. Wait until you meet him. It could be tomorrow or twenty years from now but don't waste your time on people
Author jorgie4 Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Hi goldengirl...thanks for your reply. So have you never had a successful serious relationship? And have you never considered counselling? It's really interesting to hear from someone in a similar situation, as my friends are all settled and getting married...
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