LOVEBACK Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I really could use some advice from females on this I dated a girl for about 8 months. When first started dating, she was still going through a separation from her ex husband. She was going through a rough time. She got into a car accident, had no job, broke etc. Everything was great at first. Then I screwed up. She went though my phone and saw I was texting other girls. TOTALLY MY FAULT I ADMIT IT!!!! The night of Feb 13th, We agreed to try and work on the relationship. Feb 14th Valentines day comes around and everything was going great....or so I thought. 2 weeks later, I called her and she broke up with me. Now she is showing no remorse. She is acting like I am the "bad" guy. Deleted me on Facebook. I asked her once, in the 8 months we dated was I good boyfriend, her response was in the last 2 weeks, I was a good boyfriend. Which took me by suprise because all I did for her (the accident, no job ect.) she never took that into consideration. The other thing is 26, (I am 33) she has a 1 year old, after the child was born, she decided she separated and is divorce from her ex husband. All to pursue her passion of photography by going to school full time and getting a degree in the field. She quit a 9-5 job as medical receptionist. She also moved back into her parents house and living in her parent's living room couch with her son (he has a crib he sleeps in.) She got a part time job now on weekends while she goes to school during the week. Now she acts pretty much like I don't exist. Like she is so much better off without me. Like I meant NOTHING TO HER! She says that I was just "a bad drug" Again, no remorse. Being older, with the way she is heading I can see her struggling and hitting rock bottom. She has another year of school to go (that is not cheap and loans), has a one year old. I am so confused on how a woman can act like that towards someone with no reflection of the good I did for her. In my opinion she has regressed. She hangs out with younger people that have no kids. I think she is letting those people influence her. I guess the problem is I still care and love her and I don't want to see her hit rock bottom. I know there is not much I can do since she has taken the NC rule to the extreme. Are my chances of getting her back lost (I know some of you reading this might say, why would you want that back?) Is there anything I could do except move on? What is going on in her head?
marqueemoon4 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 First problem was getting involved with a newly separated woman with a kid. Major baggage and I really have to question why anyone would involve themselves in that. I would guess you're the "saver" type.. I was as well. Then you breach her trust by txting with other women. My advice would be to walk away.. its not your kid and she needs alot of time to figure things out. You don't have much invested, so cut your losses and let her go. This won't end well imho.
Author LOVEBACK Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Looking back psychologically I know it's not worth it to invest in it again. It's just the emotional part of it that sucks. I do believe it is an age/maturity issue. I am a "saver." I just wish she wasn't treating me like the enemy now.
marqueemoon4 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Looking back psychologically I know it's not worth it to invest in it again. It's just the emotional part of it that sucks. I do believe it is an age/maturity issue. I am a "saver." I just wish she wasn't treating me like the enemy now. Theres a term used on these boards alot-- Captain Fix A Ho. Don't be that guy. I was for 8yrs and it ended in disaster. If she wants to be alone, with someone else, back with her ex or wants to self destruct there is nothing you can do about it. It hurts, but its just how it is.
Author LOVEBACK Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Yeah I got ya. I feel bad for that damn kid. She lives in this world where she is going be this world famous photographer and that is going to support her kid that sucks. I know there is nothing I can do, but wait for the crash. By then I probably wont want to be with her. She is one of those girls......nice car, but no one in the drivers seat and not a good engine under the hood if you get what I am saying.
leoc1973 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Well the first question is what were you texting to these other girls? was it just random stuff? were they friends? Or were you trying to hook up? It sounds to me like she tried to get over it on valentines day but just knows that she can't trust you. 1
Author LOVEBACK Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 It was flirting. It all my fault the first time we broke up. What I don't get is why is she treating me like I am the bad guy now. I thought we were going ok. Yes maybe she couldn't get over it. It just doesn't add up. She broke up with me the second go round cause she was uncertain. Does that mean she has to be a complete @(#*$ towards me? My friends that also know her think that someone was in her ear.
leoc1973 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 OK I am not saying this in any way to be an ass hole to you I know you are hurting and it sucks but you are the bad guy. you were in a commited relationship and flirting with other girls. On top of it she probably is/was very fragile about her breakup before you. She probably has all kinds of trust issues and was looking to you as something stable in her life. Someone that took care of her and helped her in her time of need. To her you were probably her savior in some senses and she probably felt blessed to have you. If she is going through your phone then she has trust issues and you proved them right in her mind. I think that she isn't going to be albe to get over it. I think you should move on from this one. Of course she has people in her ear. And since your relationship wasn't very long and right after a divorce she didn't form any kind of serious bond to you. Best of luck tho we all make mistakes just learn from them and put a lock on your phone next time. LOL just kidding just don't flirt while you have a girlfriend next time. I understand tho we all like attention even if we have no intentions on acting on them.
Author LOVEBACK Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 I guess the fact she led me on the second go round that hurts, when she really was unsure to begin with. The relationship moved really fast. I could accept the fact that the break up happened if she was being respectful of my feelings. Even if I was the bad guy. I know trust is the number ONE thing in a relationship. It is what it is. I guess I need closure and she is not giving me that is what sucks.
marqueemoon4 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I guess the fact she led me on the second go round that hurts, when she really was unsure to begin with. The relationship moved really fast. I could accept the fact that the break up happened if she was being respectful of my feelings. Even if I was the bad guy. I know trust is the number ONE thing in a relationship. It is what it is. I guess I need closure and she is not giving me that is what sucks. 8mos dude. I get that you care and thats admirable, but do your best to let it go and give her space. I know you want to push for answers but there's a good chance you won't get them. You have an opportunity to NOT make things worse. She already doesn't trust you, don't look desperate and pathetic. I write this because I made huge mistakes and just kept making things worse the last few yrs. Its destroyed everything. I thought fighting for my family was the right thing to do. It wasn't.
jennisfora Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 i think i read somewhere that someone else can't give you closure, only you can do that for yourself. I am having trouble with closure too, so I talked to a counsellor. it helped alot, just hearing a voice of reason walk me through the landmine of my brain and tell me it would be okay. she told me that perhaps i got hung up on labels, which was interesting, and i hadnt thought of that before. if i was happy how things were, why did i pressure him for more? don't know, and it doesn't help me now since i cant talk to him, but she seemed to feel that for future reference it may help me. live in the moment, take things as they come, be grateful for what you have. don't demand more, be happy with what you have. accept the way things are, and strive to busy yourself. she suggested that i find a support group. i am going to look into it. either way, ive got to attempt to give myself closure. if you try to reach out to the other person right now you will create more distance. basically, you can't convince them, you have to let them go, and hope they figure things out. but you can't dwell on them or live in the past or you will miss what life has to offer. Good luck! *hugs*
Recommended Posts