oversensitivemjf Posted June 13, 2004 Posted June 13, 2004 Hi there, I'm new today ,and this is my first post!! I'm just looking for some advcie really, as I think I am going out of my mind!! My Ex (she is 27 I'm 25) and I where together for approx. 7 months, and in that time we spent A LOT of time together. In fact we saw each other almost every day!! I met her at work, so I saw her there too. Anyway, during these 7 months we grew very close indeed, and where in love. We spoke about a future together, and even having our own children (she already had a 7 year old to another guy) Things where going so well, until she started to go quiet on me. I used to ask her what was wrong ,and she used to shrug her shoulders. This went on for about 3 weeks, until she finally said she wanted a break. Basically before she met me, she had been married for 1 year. She came out of the marriage and straight into a relationship with me. She said she needed her own space. I gave her the space she needed,and 2 weeks later she ended it for good. She wanted to stay 'Best friends' Now, alarm bells where rining at this point- How can you be best friends with your ex-lover? Anyway we have tried, but I think I am obsessing over her-I got it into my head that she was seeing another guy from work-I checked the messgs on her mobile, and she had some from this guy, more than friendly!! I dwelled and dwelled on them being together, and even started following her, and checking her house. I felt so wrong, but just had to know!! I made my self feel sick thinking about it, I used to ask her after evey wknd, wether she had met anyone etc.. Anyway, we have been apart 3 months now, and I have met someone else, but the thoughts of her are still there.. I'm not as bad as I was, but I still feel like I want to check up on her ,and find out what is going on!! It's making me feel crazy!! I feel obsessed and don't know what to do!! Anyone else experienced/dealt with this? Thank you
surfgurl Posted June 14, 2004 Posted June 14, 2004 Yikes. You're so candid in with your feelings (which is good). Hmmm. The shrugging her shoulders bit that she did when you asked her what was wrong was a sign of guilt. She didn't want to tell you what was going on because she considers herself a nice person and she anticipated your reaction to be one of anger/depression. The girl didn't really want to hurt you but her actions were trying to make you let go of her without her coming out and saying it herself. She doesn't know how to handle things like a mature adult. As for you checking her voicemail and the like, geez, the legalities surrounding that are not in your favour. That is considered tampering with her private property. The stalking laws are not very supportive of people listening to other's messages. That aside, I know the curiosity is/was killing you to know her whereabouts but you have to ask yourself, what good is knowing her business? The harsh reality is this: She's moved on. She's with another guy. She was unfaithful to you. SHE DIDN'T RESPECT YOU enough to stay faithful to you. She wasn't committed to you. Surely you don't want to be with someone who has taken action against you (in the form of getting with another guy). At the time of the initial encounter between your ex-girlfriend and this other guy, she wasn't thinking of you. If she was, it wasn't in the sense that she spoke up about it and ended things between her and the other guy. No, she let her relationship with the other guy continue, DESPITE the fact that she was in a relationship with you at the time. This is no woman, this is the definition of a SLUT. A cheap and free whore. She's living for herself....not for you, and certainly not for the guy she left you for. There'll be more guys to come in this girl's life. She has to be happy and secure with herself before she will be able to settle down. I'm happy to read that you've somewhat moved on in that you're dating again. I know you have pervasive thoughts of this girl, but I've found that if you just write everything down in a diary as if its your duty, a job of sorts, your feelings for the girl will slowly subside...diminish over time. If you really get to a point where the papers/diary start collecting (meaning you have heaps of papers) and you feel secure that you're getting over this girl, throw them away or burn them. The burning or trashing of them will serve as a severance between you and her. You can let this one go. I'm confident of it.
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