StoneCold Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 To be diagnosed as a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they have to have five or more of the following: 1. Believes they are special or unique and should only associate with others who are special or unique. 2. Envies others and believes others are envious of them. 3. Does not have empathy for others. 4. Is arrogant or haughty in behavior or attitude. 5. Excessive need for admiration. 6. Exploits others. 7. Has grandiose ideas of their own talents or accomplishments (exaggerates their attributes). 8. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, beauty, power, brillance, or ideal love. 9. Has a sense of entitlement. A person has to have at least five of these traits to be diagnosed with NPD. Whats wrong with 1, 7, 8 and 9? Also for number 5....define "excessive"...... because everyone wants to be admired to some degree
KathyM Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 Whats wrong with 1, 7, 8 and 9? Also for number 5....define "excessive"...... because everyone wants to be admired to some degree I take it you're a narcissist if you don't see anything wrong with these things. You don't think a guy being so full of himself that he has to lie and exaggerate his talents and accomplishments is a bad thing? Or a guy who thinks normal people are not good enough for him to associate with is something wrong? I'd call the need for excessive admiration to be not satisfied with the admiration that people are willing to give you, or expecting admiration for everything. I actually know a woman with this disorder. Every time I talk to her on the phone, she's bragging about something, or claiming other women are envious of her or her relationship with her husband, and when I try to get a word in edgewise about anything going on in my life, she shows a total lack of interest and always shifts the conversation back to her, and she frequently compares herself to and identifies with fairy tale figures and fairy tale romances. She constantly fishes for compliments and believes everyone has to follow whatever she wants to do and everyone should fit their lives around her schedule and desires. You don't see anything wrong with that type of thinking? 3
The Blue Knight Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 ava123, I hope it is clear to you that you should not lend him money. As a matter of fact you should tell him to stop contacting you. The relationship is over. Walk away while you can. The narcissist will always try to keep sentimental connections to everyone he can. They feed on that and they feed on making you feel for them. He's an expert at this and he's been doing it for probably most of his life.
StoneCold Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I take it you're a narcissist if you don't see anything wrong with these things. You don't think a guy being so full of himself that he has to lie and exaggerate his talents and accomplishments is a bad thing? Or a guy who thinks normal people are not good enough for him to associate with is something wrong? I'd call the need for excessive admiration to be not satisfied with the admiration that people are willing to give you, or expecting admiration for everything. I actually know a woman with this disorder. Every time I talk to her on the phone, she's bragging about something, or claiming other women are envious of her or her relationship with her husband, and when I try to get a word in edgewise about anything going on in my life, she shows a total lack of interest and always shifts the conversation back to her, and she frequently compares herself to and identifies with fairy tale figures and fairy tale romances. She constantly fishes for compliments and believes everyone has to follow whatever she wants to do and everyone should fit their lives around her schedule and desires. You don't see anything wrong with that type of thinking? The problem I see is with how you interpret that list of yours... you focus on the negative 1) I see nothing wrong with seeing yourself as special or unique. Thats the starting point of actually becoming a special or unique person over time. All the special or unique people I know are going places in life. Whats wrong with this? Further, I'm sure you would agree not to encourage your kid to hang with the "wrong crowd".... for obvious reasons..... why would you think the reciprocal would be any different? Elevate your company and nothing but good can come of it.... This in no way means you are to put down others who see things different; you just choose to interpret it this way. I do not.... 7) Grandiose Ideas..... every creature comfort you take advantage of today is because somebody had a grandiose idea that others reprimanded him/her for...who was wrong then? The world has had many fascinating people that had grandiose ideas that affected others in a positive way.... Think big....nothing wrong with that 8) Preoccupied with success...greatness...whatever: If it never enters your mind ...and stay there...it will never happen. There are many successful, powerful people that started with nothing but these ideas....many would argue its what saved their arse from utter defeat. Are you telling me there is something wrong with this? 9) Sense of entitlement.... you get what you ask for....if you dont make demands of life you'll get nothing in return ...if this makes me a narcisst then I dont want to be anything else
KathyM Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 The problem I see is with how you interpret that list of yours... you focus on the negative 1) I see nothing wrong with seeing yourself as special or unique. Thats the starting point of actually becoming a special or unique person over time. All the special or unique people I know are going places in life. Whats wrong with this? Further, I'm sure you would agree not to encourage your kid to hang with the "wrong crowd".... for obvious reasons..... why would you think the reciprocal would be any different? Elevate your company and nothing but good can come of it.... This in no way means you are to put down others who see things different; you just choose to interpret it this way. I do not.... 7) Grandiose Ideas..... every creature comfort you take advantage of today is because somebody had a grandiose idea that others reprimanded him/her for...who was wrong then? The world has had many fascinating people that had grandiose ideas that affected others in a positive way.... Think big....nothing wrong with that 8) Preoccupied with success...greatness...whatever: If it never enters your mind ...and stay there...it will never happen. There are many successful, powerful people that started with nothing but these ideas....many would argue its what saved their arse from utter defeat. Are you telling me there is something wrong with this? 9) Sense of entitlement.... you get what you ask for....if you dont make demands of life you'll get nothing in return ...if this makes me a narcisst then I dont want to be anything else I think we need to make the distinction between healthy self esteem and healthy ambition, as opposed to a dysfunctional sense of self grandiosity. Normal people are proud of their real and actual accomplishments. People with NPD lie about and exaggerate their accomplishments or their talents and characteristics in order to gain approval and admiration from others. Normal people with healthy self esteem and ambition make efforts to realize their dreams. Dysfunctional people are so obsessed with fantasies about unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love, that they go to abnormal lengths to achieve it--dishonest or illegal means to obtain power and success, or unethical means to achieve it, or obsessive means. People with fantasies about unlimited beauty may go to great lengths, plastic surgery, etc., to achieve an ideal appearance that goes beyond what a normal person would do. It is normal to think you are special and unique in your own way, but to think you are better than everyone else is a dysfunctional way of thinking. That doesn't mean you are not supposed to be selective in who you associate with, but that you don't snub people who are normal people, or treat them badly, because you don't feel they are worthy of your attention. Wanting to receive occasional compliments for something is normal. Wanting others to continually or excessively compliment you is dysfunctional. Expecting others to cater to your whims, or always comply with what you want or how you want to do something is dysfunctional. Taking advantage of others is dysfunctional. Having no empathy for others, but instead being only preoccupied with yourself, is dysfunctional. Being frequently envious of others and thinking they are envious of you is not normal thinking. Arrogance and haughtiness is not healthy. There is a distinction between normal self esteem and normal ambition, as opposed to dysfunctional. And, as you may recall, a person would have to have at least five of the traits I mentioned previously to be considered having NPD. 3
WildHorses Posted April 12, 2012 Posted April 12, 2012 The Narcissistic, Future-Faking, Ass Clown I could write a book about this, so I will make it as short as possible. I had never encountered one of these unhealthy creatures, until my last relationship. He was tall, dark, and handsome. He swept me off of my feet. Of course there were early warning signs, red flags, but I ignored them. I thought maybe it was just me being paranoid. I had just come out of an unhealthy relationship prior. He was extremely attentive, affectionate, and giving. He had showered me with flowers, gifts, vacations, even gave me a car. He soon became smothering, which concerned me and I shared these issues with my mom, her sisters, and some of my close friends. First time we were intimate he said to me, "Can I keep you?" That did turn me off. But, I thought, he just falls hard, I will slow this train down. He gave me a key to his home within the first couple of weeks of dating. I had thought that was strange too. What if I had wanted to ransack his home? We really did not know each other that well yet. Of course, I was not that type of woman. Within 3 weeks he was telling me that he loved me. I did not feel the same. I asked him if he falls hard, to which he replied that he does, and I told him we need to slow things down. But, we all know how things can quickly progress anyway. Especially with a Narcissist. He then pays for us to fly down to Chicago for the weekend. This I felt was happening too fast. Meeting his family so soon. I still proceeded with the relationship anyway. Soon his jealousy came out. He could not handle me being out with my friends/family without him. If I went with my parents on vacation, he would become very upset. Always starting unnecessary arguments. He wanted to text every single day, all day for 1.5 years. It was enjoyable at first, but quickly burned me out. He was speaking marriage very quickly. Wanting me to move into his home with him. I knew to wait, and told him so. He wanted us to start having kids before we were married, rather soon. I also put a stop to that. Telling him that I wanted us to date a couple of years, make sure we are not rushing things. And, that I had wanted to be engaged before moving in with him, married before having children. He was not happy about that. 5 months into the relationship the verbal and physical abuse started. The police were called one time due to him being drunk and chasing me down, he did not want me to leave his home that night. He ripped my shirt. The police told me to not hang out with him, he was not right. I just thought, well, he had a little too much that night, he really does not act like that. I learned that he had depression. 2 occasions he had pulled a loaded gun out while being drunk, home alone. I came to his home one night, to find the gun on the floor with him passed out. He denied that ever happened even when we broke up. He was not from the same city as me, had moved to the cities only a a few years before we started dating. So, I had him meet my friends. They soon disliked him. He was very disrespectful to them. Anytime we had a disagreement throughout this relationship, he would post his frustration about me on Facebook, for all to see. He would complain about me to my friends, even calling my mom to complain about me. He was at this point calling me horrible names such as cunt, whore, you name it. When times were good, they were great. After a year of dating, I finally agreed to go with him to look at rings. We were also looking at houses, note, I never did move in with him. But, when October came, that is when the final blow happened. We went out to a Haunted house with some friends. A girl was there with our group whom I never met, I'm not sure if my ex knew her previous or not, he did have some acquaintances here, but I had only met a couple two times during this whole relationship. I trusted this man, never went through this facebook, phone, emails. He was the one doing that to me. Anyway, the night after the haunted house, he left me for the girl that went with us, the girl I had never met before. After that relationship, I had learned of all of the lies he told. Everything was always my fault. He told me since I could not have him as my #1, he wanted to end the relationship. I was with him all of the time, neglecting my friendships with people I cared about. He did not like my clothes, my hair color. After the break up, I had learned that his brother is a narcissist. His Wife says she has been living in Hell and that I was lucky things ended when they did, and that I did not have a child with him. I did research and learned quickly of who this man was. He put a mask on alright. He knows how to put on a good show. It was all a lie. I was completely devastated after the break up. I went to see a therapist, and had a supporting family, and friends, that helped me through this mess. This situation has made me more aware of flags when dating. I have spent a lot of time reading about NPD, and how it affects people. I feel blessed that I'm out of this relationship. I'm living my life again, and I'm happy. 1
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