joystickd Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I saw someone mention about women having the support network. Are there friends that get addicted to the support network? I mean they always have the same experience with men and no matter what advice is given they repeat the same thing. What do you do as a friend to help this person?
Jane2011 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I don't try too hard to help my friends or tell them what to do with their lives. I just listen and try to be supportive of their decisions. Two of my close friends who seemed like they were perpetually having issues found men (one over a year ago, the other exactly a year ago) who are very much in love with them. They're both on path to be engaged to these men; at least that's what I predict. I think people tend to label others as "having issues" in a mean-spirited way, as if to say that if a person has any difficulties for a period of time (like a few years, whatever the time period), he/she is somehow 'broken' or 'not worth being with'. I don't see that happening. People have issues, but they also just miraculously get together with someone who works wonderfully with them, and then it's like...what issues? Oh yeah, a guy I went out on a date with (on a set-up) a year ago was described to me as "perpetually single" and "such a good guy but can never get a woman." Well, I only went on two dates with him and wasn't attracted enough to pursue anything. We were cool with each other, though. He's been my Facebook friend all along. Just two weeks ago, he changed his status to "engaged to Kelly ____." I've seen these lovey-dovey pictures of a perfect couple. People have difficulties, but then they just find someone!
Anela Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I recommend the Lefkoe Method. (10 character limit...)
ThaWholigan Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 I recommend the Lefkoe Method. I didn't even see that one coming this time
Author joystickd Posted March 29, 2012 Author Posted March 29, 2012 I look on here and see the same people talking about the same problems they have with dating. They get a kind word, but it seems they like that instead of actually doing something about it.
FitChick Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 Sometimes you just have to let those friends go. I had a friend who was dating a man, saying she didn't love him but she didn't want to be alone. So of course she married him and for the next dozen years kept complaining that she'd made a mistake not just to me but everyone, including him. She had affairs. I told her to divorce him. "But I don't want to be alone." I was tired of going in circles with her and broke contact. She is still married to him.
ditzchic Posted March 29, 2012 Posted March 29, 2012 You can't "help" anyone that won't help themselves. I have friends that keep making the same mistakes over and over and after a point it gets to where I stop trying. Sure I'll go out and get girly drinks with them and let them bitch their face off so they can get it all out but I stopped offering advice. I don't like the idea of talking to a brick wall. Other times I have just stopped hanging out with them. This happened recently with a friend who has been a mess for years. I tried to help her through the rough patches over the last 5 years but it got to the point where she was becoming a downer and a drain on my life. She has no intentions on trying to change her situation and is making no headway in getting to a place where she can start to formulate a plan. I can't be her crutch anymore so I had to just cut contact with her. When it gets to the point where I feel like I'm being pulled under with her instead of helping her stay afloat, it's the best decision to make.
Recommended Posts