spe91 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Hello everyone, I've got somewhat of a different situation on my hands in my current relationship. It's not all that bad, but I just want advice on how I can control it/make it better. Anyways, my girlfriend and I have been dating for around 2 months now. We're both entering our senior years in college. And our relationship is truly amazing. I can really say I have fallen in love with her and with what I'm feeling now, I can confidently say I've never really been in love until now when I look back at the other couple times I thought I was. In a nutshell, everything is great. However, there's one tiny issue - my girlfriend is a virgin. From the get-go, though, I have told her that there's nothing wrong with that and I have high respect for her decision and self-control. She has told me that she wants to have sex for me, but doesn't know if she's ready yet. To be honest, I think she is just scared for all the normal reasons you are scared before you lose your virginity. These are some of the reasons she's listed: she's afraid once I "get it in", I'll get up and leave, she's worried about getting too close to me and then me finding a better girl, and she's worried it will complicate things. Here's the thing though: never once have I brought up sex or tried to pressure her into doing it. She has always been the one who brings it up. I don't believe in that and am fully content with waiting until she is ready to take that step. But over the past few days she has said some things that make it obvious she really is stressing about it and worrying about the subject a lot. She keeps saying things like, "you've had sex before, eventually you're going to need it. are you sure you won't leave me in a few months if we aren't having sex?" or she's even started crying and said how horrible of a person she is because she teases me (she does) and she wants to have sex, knows I want to have sex, but she can't yet. I've told her multiple times that she means a whole heck of a lot more to me than just physical attraction and a means of pleasure. I've even told her that I'd be perfectly fine waiting until we got married (if it worked out like that in a couple years). That made her really happy and I think worked a little, but she still seems to be worrying about it a lot in the back of my head. How can I get her to just relax and believe the words I'm saying? I really do mean it and really love this girl. To be honest, I want to be with her forever and hope everything works out with whatever paths our lives take after graduation. Any advice? 1
poodle Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Let me start by saying that it's unacceptable for her to tease you if she's not willing to go for it. I really don't understand what goes through the minds of girls who do that. Anyway, I don't think that getting her to relax will solve the problem. You've been dating for 2 months. Guys who only want sex wouldn't wait that long so that alone should be reason enough for her to trust you. Has she given you any indication how long she plans to wait or could this go on forever? The fact that she's scared you'll leave her if you don't have sex in a couple of months and that she was happy when you said you'd be willing to wait until marriage make it seem like that's how long she's planning to make you wait. I wish I could give you proper advice, but it all comes down to how you accept being in a sexless relationship. I don't think there's anything you can do to change her mind. Good luck!
ThaWholigan Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 For what it's worth, I think you are handling this admirably. I'd say the best thing you can do is have a very long talk with her, and try to outline where you are coming from as thoroughly as possible. Try to convey your emotions to her coherently so she can understand and realise that you are genuine. I'm sure it will work out for the both of you, so keep trying to aid her in relaxing about it.
FitChick Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Read the Kama Sutra for ideas on seducing a virgin. Teach her how to pleasure you while keeping herself intact, i.e. "I won't touch you until you ask me or show me how, but you can touch me like this..."
Author spe91 Posted March 25, 2012 Author Posted March 25, 2012 Thank you everyone for your advice, I really do appreciate it! Let me start by saying that it's unacceptable for her to tease you if she's not willing to go for it. I really don't understand what goes through the minds of girls who do that. Poodle, I agree, but perhaps I should have explained it a little more. The teasing has taken place when we have been, err, "in the moment" and I think she has let the moment get to her, tell me she wants to go for it and that she's ready, but then she has proceeded to have a last second meltdown and said she's not ready. While it does suck being teased, it hasn't really bothered me because the last thing I want is to force her to do anything or for her first time to suck because she wasn't thinking clearly or felt pressured. It's not like she's teasing me for her entertainment or anything like that. I know she really does want to do it, but she's just not ready yet. As far as everyone else's advice, thank you again and I will definitely have a good talk with her when the time is right.
Cypress25 Posted March 25, 2012 Posted March 25, 2012 Just keep doing what you've been doing. If she starts stressing about it, reassure her that you're willing to wait, and then change the subject. I think she'll start to relax when you've been together for a few more months and she can see for herself that you stayed true to your word. You sound like a great guy and an amazing boyfriend, and pretty soon she'll realize that you're not about to dump her over sex.
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