Do women feel scared when men watch them?

[Shaun-Dro]

You know, women are actually stalked and raped by men in this world, and it's happened to lots of the women who are reading this thread and / or to others they know. This is not a bash at men. It's just a fact.

 

One good way of avoiding this is to PAY ATTENTION to behavior that seems odd or threatening to you, and to take it seriously.

 

Plenty of guys who do or appear to "watch" women certainly have no predatory intent, but I'm sure that a great percentage of men who do have a predatory intent "watch" the women they are targeting before acting.

 

A man who's planning on attacking a woman will watch her without ever being spotted by her. A man making it obvious to the woman of his desire that he's watching her won't try to hide that claim, therefore an attack won't be imminent. Learn the difference.

[Dust]

I do sympathize with women who have been raped/attacked or other wise scared by men. The thing is I have to be who I am. Every advantage in the world awaits me for being an agressive man and staying true to my nature. Literaly no down sides from my end of the equation. Also I know I'm not out to be rude or scare/hurt women so I can do so with absolute impunity. In fact the only guys these rants directed at men hurt are the guys who were so nervouse they wern't likely to look at or approach a women anyways. The attackers and guys who are just agressive won't care that you're trying to reach out to men and say "don't watch us, don't approach us." I mean I understand venting to women, but a lot of times these things seem directed at men.

 

Let me tell a story I've told here before. I was leaving a bar with my friend and it was late at night. The streets were kind of empty and ahead of us I saw to very pretty girls stumbling down the street. I go to approach them and my friend is like "don't." I guess he didn't like the idea of approaching two girls in a dark street at night. I agreed with him in my head that it could be scary but I had no bad intentions I just wanted to get to know them posibly get a date what ever. So I did go up from behind "Hi guys" and they turn around happy to see me. Turns out the girls friend had sprained her ankle and they were about half a mile to the parking garage with their car. I carried the girl with the hurt ankle to their car.

 

Let me tell another story that is relevant also told before. I live in an apartment complex that has a front door security system to get into the building. People have to scan a card to get in. Now it was night and a girl was going in ahead of me. I could have waited like a robot for her to scan and close the door then scan myself... but I tried to catch the door and just go in with out scanning. This girl swings around like a maniac and slams the door shut on me escentialy locking me out. So about half a second or two later I've scanned my card and I'm comming in behind her. She turns to me and is like "Just being safe!" Which I understand she's a scared person. Thing is it pissed me off, really the safe thing to do would have been to run to her apartment because just cause I got in the building doesn't all of a sudden make me safe... plus just imagine if I had done the same thing to her. She probably would have fallen down the stairs and I'd be in jail. So I said "no you're just being and *******." This girl practicly broke down in tears haha and I didn't care. Seriosly I understand women are scared every guy is a rapist criminal I'm just not going to put up with being treated that way.

 

In the end women like guys who are confident. If I start being scared of making girls scared I just become another loser. Thats no fun either. I like watching peopl in general and of course women. I will approach women if I feel like it. For the most part I'm charming so I don't scare to many women. If I do scare a girl I just find it funny.

 

In the end guys get attacked and hurt by other men more then women do. I've had stories far worse then many of the ones told here happen to me. We're talking about guys fighting me, pulling weopons on me, jumping into my car when I press the click click thing. I know the truth though, being scared and being safe are two very different things.

[udolipixie]

Reasons like this is why men can never buy the "we're all equal" claptrap that's been slung around so much since the feminist movement.

The feminist movement was equal in regards to be considered human beings and worthy of equal treatment and rights.

 

Quite unsure how someone being frightened or feeling vulnerable being watched makes it hard to believe in the "we're all equal" bit.

 

As most likely guy who is smaller and unable to defend himself may feel frightened or vulnerable in a certain situation.

 

I do get it that women want to be treated equally under certain instances, but they know they're not on the same page as men, or ever will be, just saying.

Just as some men aren't on the same page as other men, some men aren't on the same page as other women, some women aren't on the same page as other women.

 

A man who's planning on attacking a woman will watch her without ever being spotted by her.

Not always.

 

Seen and heard plenty of cases where the gal knew the guy was watching her but ignored it or didn't say anything because she didn't want to hurt his feelings, start a fuss, or call him out.

 

A man making it obvious to the woman of his desire that he's watching her won't try to hide that claim, therefore an attack won't be imminent. Learn the difference.

Perhaps it'd be best suited to learn that people tend to differ in actions and not all people act the same way in certain situations.

[NYC-BigKat]

It's clear from reading the posts on this forum that ALMOST ALL men on here don't understand women. So they just argue and whine. At least their genes will likely die out. Sorry guys, not everyone gets to reproduce.

 

When you stare at a woman (leering at her) with an intent look on your face and don't say anything, you come across as threatening. She has no idea why you are looking at her like that. What are you going to do?

 

And she has reason to feel that way. Maybe you're a "beta male" who is extremely frustrated with women and you're going to take your anger out on her. Maybe you're the Kenworth guy. Anyway, she is wondering if she is in physical danger, or at the very least, if she is going to get into a physical confrontation that she'd really rather avoid.

 

It's legal for you to point your eyes in whatever direction you like. But it's just as legal for a woman to not like that.

 

I can relate personally. I was once in an elevator with a guy with what seemed like a really creepy gay dude. (I'm thinking he was gay because of the way he was leering at me. I have nothing against anyone's sexual orientation, only against creeps.) The guy was taller than I was by about 8" and outweighed me by a lot. My "fight or flight" responses were triggered, but as I couldn't "flight" it was now "fight". I was thinking the whole time how I could take him. I mean, I'd rather not fight, but if I had to...

 

You need to show a woman, among other things, that you are socially savvy and friendly. And the way you do that is by starting an interaction with her.

 

What you'r saying sounds pretty good to me sure do but this doesnt help when girls always look for reasons to avoid giving u the guy a chance to ask her out or w/e. I'm always socially interacting but then the same girl always look for ways to excuse herself after a few minutes no matter how nice I am & I'm totally harmless haven't had a fight since jhs .

[NYC-BigKat]

All my life I've had men shout stuff at me on the streets. It is very unpleasant.

And I've also been attacked a couple of times. Not raped, but attacked.

Once as I was on my way to school, getting out of the subway and this guy tries to grab me. I pushed him and he threw his orange juice all over me, for being so "inconsiderate" to his feelings.

 

Another time, I was walking home, at night and there was a guy behind me. As I reached my door, he walked past, but as I entered the building, he entered behind me and pinned me against the wall. I kicked, bit and screamed an he left.

 

So yeah... I don't like guys staring at me. I get REALLY nervous if I'm walking alone and I sense someone behind me, on an empty street. I don't respond well to being approached randomly, even if at a social event or a bar.

 

And I honestly don't care that most guys who stare/shout remarks/approach wouldn't attack me. The fact that it HAS happened makes me NOT trust anyone, until proven otherwise.

 

So yeah.. go on in thinking that women are just full of themselves. I can almost guarantee that women who react negatively to your staring have had at least one bad experience with staring men.

 

What does a nice man like me gotta do to get a chance to make u trust? I really need to know 'cause girls wont trust a guy no matter what unless he got intro'd by a frnd of the fam & not every guy has that privilege.

[udolipixie]

She probably would have fallen down the stairs and I'd be in jail.

Where do you live?

 

So I said "no you're just being and *******." This girl practicly broke down in tears haha and I didn't care. Seriosly I understand women are scared every guy is a rapist criminal I'm just not going to put up with being treated that way.

Seems you only understand if you don't feel hurt by it or that she's scared of you. Sort of like it's okay if you're scared just don't be scared of me I'm not like that otherwise I'll insult you and laugh when you cry about it. You're a stranger she doesn't know your intentions so as long as she doesn't insult you no issue to me then again I'm the type to think respect and trust is earned so...

 

If I do scare a girl I just find it funny.

That understanding of women being scared seems to be quite serious.

 

Sort of like a gal I know who states she understand it's hard for guys to approach a gal but continues to make fun, insult, and degrade guys she finds unworthy that approach her and laugh at said "losers".

 

In the end guys get attacked and hurt by other men more then women do. I've had stories far worse then many of the ones told here happen to me. We're talking about guys fighting me, pulling weopons on me, jumping into my car when I press the click click thing. I know the truth though, being scared and being safe are two very different things.

Yes but that doesn't negate that women get and can be attacked and hurt by other men.

 

What it means to me is that it's probably best suited for more men should be proactive in their defenses and learn self-defense.

[Shaun-Dro]

The feminist movement was equal in regards to be considered human beings and worthy of equal treatment and rights.

 

Quite unsure how someone being frightened or feeling vulnerable being watched makes it hard to believe in the "we're all equal" bit.

 

As most likely guy who is smaller and unable to defend himself may feel frightened or vulnerable in a certain situation.

 

 

Just as some men aren't on the same page as other men, some men aren't on the same page as other women, some women aren't on the same page as other women.

 

 

Not always.

 

Seen and heard plenty of cases where the gal knew the guy was watching her but ignored it or didn't say anything because she didn't want to hurt his feelings, start a fuss, or call him out.

 

 

Perhaps it'd be best suited to learn that people tend to differ in actions and not all people act the same way in certain situations.

 

Your responses are more in the case of extreme circumstances.

[ASG]

What does a nice man like me gotta do to get a chance to make u trust? I really need to know 'cause girls wont trust a guy no matter what unless he got intro'd by a frnd of the fam & not every guy has that privilege.

 

It's hard to say. I'm not unapproachable. But I don't react well to guys coming up to me and going "hi, I'm X, what's your name?" or "Hi, I think you're really pretty" or something like that. In those cases I just smile politely, say thanks and go back to my business (whatever it may be).

 

But I've had guys start up a conversation about something that's on TV, or that Im reading... And that doesn't feel as awkward.

But to be honest, for me, I usually feel safer if the guy is a friend of a friend, or something like that.

 

I know that is an illusion of safety. The friend of a friend may still be an axe murderer, but at least it's someone that someone else knows!

[udolipixie]

Your responses are more in the case of extreme circumstances.

How is it an extreme case?

"Just as some men aren't on the same page as other men, some men aren't on the same page as other women, some women aren't on the same page as other women."

 

Do you think all or most guys are of the same strength/size/defense skill set? That stating some guys aren't on the page as other men and etc is an extreme circumstance.

 

How is it an extreme case?

"A man who's planning on attacking a woman will watch her without ever being spotted by her. A man making it obvious to the woman of his desire that he's watching her won't try to hide that claim, therefore an attack won't be imminent. Learn the difference."

"Not always."

 

Do you know the behaviors of men who plan attacks on women or have research/statistics/studies to state that's the definitive statement men who plan attacks aren't spotted and men who don't attack are spotted and not always is an extreme circumstance?

[udolipixie]

What does a nice man like me gotta do to get a chance to make u trust?

Depends on the gal.

 

For some people trust is earned and not given to any stranger automatically or easily especially one who is likely bigger/stronger than you.

 

Most likely it's following social norms, realizing you're a stranger to her, noting personal boundaries, and recognizing that just as you can approach her she has the option to be in, continue, or leave the interaction.

 

I really need to know 'cause girls wont trust a guy no matter what unless he got intro'd by a frnd of the fam & not every guy has that privilege.

Perhaps that's because he's know by someone she knows making him less of a threat and in the circle she's in.

[Shaun-Dro]

Depends on the gal.

 

For some people trust is earned and not given to any stranger automatically or easily especially one who is likely bigger/stronger than you.

 

Most likely it's following social norms, realizing you're a stranger to her, noting personal boundaries, and recognizing that just as you can approach her she has the option to be in, continue, or leave the interaction.

 

 

Perhaps that's because he's know by someone she knows making him less of a threat and in the circle she's in.

 

This appears to be the more inclined option that women are taking today, unless, as I said previously, she's in a club with a couple drinks, then you, as the man, has about as good a chance as any to make an impression.

[udolipixie]

This appears to be the more inclined option that women are taking today, unless, as I said previously, she's in a club with a couple drinks, then you, as the man, has about as good a chance as any to make an impression.

By your experiences.

 

Different experiences.

 

In my experiences most people have thought trust is earned and don't automatically or easily trust strangers.

[Woggle]

Excuse me, but you might be on the wrong thread. This thread is NOT about men approaching women or not approaching women, or about what women think about men who approach them or don't.

 

It's about whether women feel "scared" when men "watch" them.

 

And also about belittling women if they do feel scared when men "watch" them - and then turning this "fear" into some kind of proof that the women in question have inflated egos.

 

I'm pretty sure that even a person who is extremely invested in finding crap about women where none exists will have to acknowledge that silently "watching" a woman is not related to approaching a woman. And that "watching" a person is not the same as checking out or noticing one.

 

Come on.

 

It is related because in that other thread women were asking why men don't have the balls to approach women and in this thread many women are getting mad at men approaching. Which one is it? Why all these conflicting messages?

[Anela]

The subject line sounds a little creepy. I don't like anyone to be watching me.

[LexiB]

It's clear from reading the posts on this forum that ALMOST ALL men on here don't understand women. So they just argue and whine. At least their genes will likely die out. Sorry guys, not everyone gets to reproduce.

 

When you stare at a woman (leering at her) with an intent look on your face and don't say anything, you come across as threatening. She has no idea why you are looking at her like that. What are you going to do?

 

And she has reason to feel that way. Maybe you're a "beta male" who is extremely frustrated with women and you're going to take your anger out on her. Maybe you're the Kenworth guy. Anyway, she is wondering if she is in physical danger, or at the very least, if she is going to get into a physical confrontation that she'd really rather avoid.

 

It's legal for you to point your eyes in whatever direction you like. But it's just as legal for a woman to not like that.

 

I can relate personally. I was once in an elevator with a guy with what seemed like a really creepy gay dude. (I'm thinking he was gay because of the way he was leering at me. I have nothing against anyone's sexual orientation, only against creeps.) The guy was taller than I was by about 8" and outweighed me by a lot. My "fight or flight" responses were triggered, but as I couldn't "flight" it was now "fight". I was thinking the whole time how I could take him. I mean, I'd rather not fight, but if I had to...

 

You need to show a woman, among other things, that you are socially savvy and friendly. And the way you do that is by starting an interaction with her.

 

 

This. This. This. This. I can't believe how many men in this thread either can't or simply don't want to grasp this concept. The bolded happens to me at least once a day in the city. It's disgusting and downright creepy.

[udolipixie]

It is related because in that other thread women were asking why men don't have the balls to approach women and in this thread many women are getting mad at men approaching. Which one is it? Why all these conflicting messages?

 

Where are the quotes from these many women getting mad at men approaching?

 

Where are the quotes from the same women who called men not having balls for not approaching in the other thread & are mad at men for approaching in this thread as you claimed?

 

I see many women getting upset at certain men dictating how women should feel when being watched.

 

I see many women expressing confusion at certain men not understanding that when a random guy is watching them they likely won't be able to differentiate his intentions as good or bad due that they don't know him and most likely have past encounters that

 

I see many women getting mad at certain men for stating women are just thinking too high of themselves, have inflated egos, or being silly when they are being cautious or scared of random men watching them.

 

Which one is it? Why all these conflicting messages?

As I stated before.

 

Which one it is depends on the gal.

 

There are conflicting messages because women are human beings with different tastes.

 

Recall:

There are few things that a group agrees or disagrees upon.

 

I think men would only be confused if they don't consider women human beings with different tastes and but a hive mind operating like Rubik's cube who turn into a pocket pussy that doles out sex and relationships when he does this & that. So all that is needed is the right set of operations rather than her being a human being who wants attraction and has preferences.

 

I doubt many women would be so confused if a thread was started by a man talking about how he likes thin women and another thread was started about a guy talking about how he likes thick women.

[Woggle]

Here is the thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/316062-conclusion-men-really-strange

 

It just seems that men can't win. If we approach a woman we are creeps who are invading her space but if we don't then something is wrong with us as well.

[Feelin Frisky]

Or, it would be nice too if, when a man sees that a woman they had talked to or watched before is with another man, just to come over and introduce themselves, say hi, i live in this area... and just chit-chat. That's totally different than just watching or making comments and calling a woman "Sweetheart" in the street, you know? And yes, nodding hello is always nice. I don't mind that at all. What bothers me is comments and being called endearing names by strangers (with the exception of friendly Southern servers lol) and just being watched by men I don't know.

 

I wouldn't accost a woman with the term "sweetheart". That is uncouth.

[LexiB]

Here is the thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/316062-conclusion-men-really-strange

 

It just seems that men can't win. If we approach a woman we are creeps who are invading her space but if we don't then something is wrong with us as well.

 

This thread isn't about "approaching" though; it's about men who STARE. Not merely checking out (which honestly only takes a few seconds to do...a few minutes it the woman's back is turned), staring. That's where the creep factor comes in.

 

Granted, it can also come in depending on how you approach and how persistent you are in the approach (following her down the street, not taking no for an answer, etc), but that's another thread.

[udolipixie]

Here is the thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/316062-conclusion-men-really-strange

 

It just seems that men can't win. If we approach a woman we are creeps who are invading her space but if we don't then something is wrong with us as well.

 

It seems men can't win with everyone that includes men and women as you can't please everyone.

[ditzchic]

Here is the thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/316062-conclusion-men-really-strange

 

It just seems that men can't win. If we approach a woman we are creeps who are invading her space but if we don't then something is wrong with us as well.

 

You aren't a creep if you approach a woman. You are a creep if you keep persisting to a point that makes her uncomfortable.

 

Different people have different comfort zones. What works on one girl isn't going to work on others. That's the beauty of trial and error. I don't really understand why it's such a problem. You don't want to date a woman that is put of by you anyway, do you?

 

An added aside.. just the title of this thread creeps me out a little bit... who says "watching" instead of looking at or checking out or something to that effect? THAT is creepy.

[ASG]

I wouldn't accost a woman with the term "sweetheart". That is uncouth.

 

Exactly... sweetheart, for me, implies previous knowledge. When someone tries to call me out like that, it doesn't register as nice, it registers as creepy.

not a fan of women I don't know calling me honey of sweetie either, so it's not just a "man" thing.

 

As for the approach/don't approach thing... I prefer men to NOT approach me. Most of the people I've dated, I met through other people and conversation flowed from there. Being randomly approached usually kicks my defenses to high gear.

[serial muse]

It is related because in that other thread women were asking why men don't have the balls to approach women and in this thread many women are getting mad at men approaching. Which one is it? Why all these conflicting messages?

 

Woggle, there is also a thread out there where a guy is patiently explaining to women how "5-10% of the heterosexual population are GENUINE nice guys who go out of their way out of kindness and not sexual desires". That is a quote.

 

Shall I hold YOU accountable for that point of view, since you are also a man? Should I assume that you also think only 5-10% of men are nice? Or am I getting mixed messages from the two of you that I should be annoyed about??

 

Or perhaps I could I be reasonable and think that that's him, and you're you, and not everyone thinks the same way, even if they're the same gender.

 

These are Different People posting these things. Different Human Beings. Not "A" Woman.

 

Look, different people will respond to different things. Different people want different things. Different men, different women.

 

This is not rocket science, and there's no manual.

 

Is it creepy or upsetting when someone stares, lingeringly and intensely, at you? Yes, probably. Always? Maybe not. I can't speak for everyone and every situation.

 

But in this thread, people are saying, please don't stare, it can be uncomfortable, if you are interested then APPROACH and say something, or look away. And anyway, if you read carefully, you'll notice that in general people on this thread are saying approaching = GOOD; weird staring without approaching = BAD. So it's pretty consistent anyway.

 

Is that so complicated, really? Why argue just to argue? This is not anti-men, the OP posted a non-question which was really a rant against women doing something he thinks is silly, and women responded to explain why it isn't, necessarily, and now you're leaping to the defense of people who were never attacked in the first place, suggesting that women here are giving mixed messages about something they never even said.

Edited March 26, 2012 by serial muse

[Woggle]

Woggle, there is also a thread out there where a guy is patiently explaining to women how "5-10% of the heterosexual population are GENUINE nice guys who go out of their way out of kindness and not sexual desires". That is a quote.

 

Shall I hold YOU accountable for that point of view, since you are also a man? Should I assume that you also think only 5-10% of men are nice? Or am I getting mixed messages from the two of you that I should be annoyed about?? Or should I be reasonable and think that that's him, and you're you, and not everyone thinks the same way, even if they're the same gender???

 

These are Different People posting these things. Different Human Beings. Not A Woman.

 

Look, different people will respond to different things. Different people want different things. Different men, different women.

 

This is not rocket science, and there's no manual.

 

Is it creepy or upsetting when someone stares, lingeringly and intensely, at you? Yes, probably. Always? Maybe not. I can't speak for everyone and every situation.

 

But in this thread, people are saying, please don't stare, it can be uncomfortable, if you are interested then APPROACH and say something, or look away. Is that so complicated, really? Why argue just to argue? This is not anti-men, the OP posted a non-question which was really a rant against women doing something he thinks is silly, and women responded to explain why it isn't, necessarily, and he discounted that and now you're leaping to the defense of people who were never attacked in the first place, suggesting that women here are giving mixed messages about something they never said.

 

STOP.

 

I am just trying to figure things out. It seems that in one thread the general consensus was one thing and in this it is completely different plus there are some women in this thread who agreed that men don't have the balls to approach now turning around and saying a man should not approach. Can you understand how a man would look at these two threads and come away just confused?

[serial muse]

I am just trying to figure things out. It seems that in one thread the general consensus was one thing and in this it is completely different plus there are some women in this thread who agreed that men don't have the balls to approach now turning around and saying a man should not approach. Can you understand how a man would look at these two threads and come away just confused?

 

That is not what they said. Please reread. I tried to clarify in my edits, again - people are saying DO approach, DON"T just stare, it's uncomfortable.

 

Edited to add: And I still think it's really unreasonable to be annoyed with different female people for not all saying the same thing. Different male people don't all say the same thing, after all.

 

This argument I simply do not buy.