Do women feel scared when men watch them?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Guys "watching" women is not the same as noticing them, checking them out or being attracted to them.

 

Strangers silently "watching" is 100% creepy. It's an intrusion. If you find the same stranger "watching" you frequently, it's on the way into stalking territory.

 

Being uncomfortable about being "watched" or stalked has nothing to do with a woman's ego being inflated or whatever.

 

Duh.

[LuckyLady13]

Females find being glaced at for a tenth of a second by an unattractive guy to be creepy.

 

Especially when they're so angry and aggressive.

[udolipixie]

It's not even a reach, let alone an overreach.

It is.

 

You're bringing up my ethical standards when I haven't made any statement, implication, or suggestion on whether the behavior is OK or not OK.

 

So why is my ethical standards being brought into the discussion when I made no ethical decisions?

 

Probably because you take issue with it and thus the overreaching to find some way to counterattack my ethical standards when I made no mention of them.

 

My reading comprehension is just fine thanks.

If it was then why ask "Why would anyone, who believes as you do, become legitimately uncomfortable in the face of that type of behavior?" in response to "Staring can make some people uncomfortable and feel anxious and under observation for an attack."?

 

Your reading comprehension may be fine but it seems you don't like to apply it when going against whatever issue you seem to take with something.

 

The ethical system you post on this board in justification of rudeness displayed towards people and ridiculously superficial "preferences" is what needs work.

I didn't post my ethical standard on this thread.

 

You brought it up.

 

If you have issue with my ethical standards perhaps it's best suited to discuss these issues when I'm talking about my ethical standards.

 

I posted "Staring can make some people uncomfortable and feel anxious and under observation for an attack."

 

Nothing about ethical standards there.

 

What justification of rudeness displayed towards people?

 

What justification of ridiculously superficial preferences?

 

If by justification of rudeness you mean the thread where I stated a person can approach whoever he wants but others have the option of being, continuing, or leaving the interaction. No one is not obligated to behave as you wish when you approach them if they're not insulting you or refusing to acknowledge your presence.

 

To me a guy approaching a gal and the gal answering one wordily before making an exit isn't rude. She acknowledged his existence and she didn't insult him. The only thing that may be considered rude is the up for interpretation look he stated she gave him and her mumbling.

 

It's perfectly reasonable to feel uncomfortable when stared at, and feeling uncomfortable can indeed stem from someone's rudeness or wrongful, aggressive staring behavior.

 

Lots of things are "wrong" that aren't illegal and don't hurt animals and children.

To you.

 

Different opinions.

[udolipixie]

You're clearly making excuses; whether you're aware of that is not of my concern or interest.

 

How is it making excuses? Exactly what am I excusing?

 

You claim that by dressing up and not looking for male attention they are playing games.

 

I'm stating just because you consider it a game doesn't mean it is to her as she could have plenty of reasons of dressing up but not seeking attention.

[LuckyLady13]

There's only two choices in the real world.

 

1 - Get angry that you can't change the world.

 

2 - Learn how to deal with it.

[Mme. Chaucer]

There's only two choices in the real world.

 

1 - Get angry that you can't change the world.

 

2 - Learn how to deal with it.

 

Don't forget that you also can choose to work towards the changes you want to see.

[Thieves]

Excuses. Females blame good nice guys for the acts of the Kenworth guy, yet they are drawn to real creeps like Kenworth guy. Do I think Kenworth guy is a 42 year old virgin like I am? HELL NO. Female prison guards are sleeping with him.

 

Rob, I'm very sorry for the pain and frustration that you're undoubtedly feeling about your current situation, but this post just illuminates so much confusion about your logic and about you that I do not know where to begin. I honestly hope you things begin to get better for you, because it is definitely not normal nor healthy to make a generalization that women are drawn to 'Kentworth-type' men.

 

Social awkwardness with the opposite sex doesn't always have to involve looks -- and in many cases, I find, it comes down to the mannerisms of the person. It's a certain tangible vibe. A good-looking and social guy can often quickly turn into a 'creep' that a woman feels uneasy around just by a certain way that he acts or talks around women. I've had it happen to me personally, so believe me when I say that it does not just deal with looks, or being a virgin or not. We don't blame nice guys for the bad experiences of other men, we're just trying to say we do have a good reason for being cautious sometimes.

[LuckyLady13]

We don't blame nice guys for the bad experiences of other men, we're just trying to say we do have a good reason for being cautious sometimes.

 

 

Exactly. Women have been given plenty of reasons to be on guard with men. That's what we're stuck with in the real world.

 

But, Rob...if you don't start trying to change yourself in a more positive way and drop the anger and aggression, you'll be a virgin at 75 because you're going to downright scare women away from you.

[LuckyLady13]

You may as well blame me for the actions of every single bad/guy or criminal who has hurt you.

 

They didn't hurt me, Rob. I guess I should've been clear about that. These guys didn't hurt me. They scared me at times but that's it.

 

But being so angry with women is not going to get you close to one. I guarantee you that!

[Febreze]

Exactly. Women have been given plenty of reasons to be on guard with men. That's what we're stuck with in the real world.

 

But, Rob...if you don't start trying to change yourself in a more positive way and drop the anger and aggression, you'll be a virgin at 75 because you're going to downright scare women away from you.

 

I'm with u on this LuckyLady because guys these days are scary and in NYC anythings possible so as a woman, especially attractive, u have to be on guard all day!!

[CC12]

I'm angry that I'm a virgin at 42 and that my longest relationship is three weeks. I'm angry that agressive *******s are ruining any chances I have. I ****ing give up. No females desire me and I don't get how to be social. I've tried by most of my 42 years and it doesn't work. I've asked guys who are successful and most tell me it comes "naturally". WTF?

 

Rob, I'm sorry that you haven't had the best luck with women. I want to wish you the best with that.

 

Please don't be angry at women because aggressive *******s are ruining your chances. If there's anyone to be angry at, it's the *******s who are being inappropriate. After reading all the personal accounts from women in this thread, can you agree that women have good reason to be concerned? It shouldn't be that way, because it's truly an awful thing, isn't it? But that's the reality right now.

 

I think it might serve you well to try to be more sympathetic to this kind of thing and not have such a mindset of "Us vs. Them." It's not like that, really. If you ever get the social aspect down (I'm sure you can) then you'll probably start realizing that women are just people who can be very much like you, not these alien creatures who are out of your league that deserve contempt.

[Necris]

You're absolutely right! This kind of thing shouldn't cause a panic reaction. But I actually don't know a single, solitary woman at all who hasn't experienced a Kenworth Guy type of situation at least once and that's sad. That means there are a whole lot of nutjobs running around ruining things for nice guys. They're scaring women and putting them on edge and on guard. Guys who are nice, good-hearted people that are just shy then have to put up with the totally normal reaction women have to men.

 

I have never once seen or dealt with a woman being anything near as psycho as the Kenworth Guy but plenty of women have dealt with one or a multitude of these guys in their lives.

 

I'm sorry but this is the real world. It's not a pretty place sometimes, especially for women.

 

This Kenworth Guy isn't the only guy I've had a real bad experience with. I could write an entire book on experiences with horrible men. He was the worst though. I really am sorry that they do things like this and ruin it for other people.

 

I know people like the Kenworth guy and worse are everywhere my own mother said she had an experience in college like that but the guy didn't pull a gun and she for some reason got in the car fortunately for her though another dude was in the car and convinced the other guy to let her go. What I don't get is how is Kenworth guy and Charles Manson comparable to a random guy staring at a worker and calling her beautiful? One guy is obviously insane with a malicious agenda in mind the other guy is just terrible at approaching women. I just don't get it.

 

@Rob42

I do find it funny that people can somehow sniff out the guys who have never had a relationship I remember in high school I used to be laughed at for being a virgin despite never telling anyone I was a virgin. As for getting a girl I think some guys just "have it" and other unfortunates don't. Maybe somehow forgetting about getting a relationship will be a good idea. Just imagine not caring at all that you don't have a girlfriend or wife and feeling great at the same time.

[CC12]

One guy is obviously insane with a malicious agenda in mind the other guy is just terrible at approaching women.

 

I think the point was that there's no way to tell which guy has a malicious agenda and which is just terrible at approaching women. For a woman, it's better to be safe than sorry, yeah?

[Necris]

I think the point was that there's no way to tell which guy has a malicious agenda and which is just terrible at approaching women. For a woman, it's better to be safe than sorry, yeah?

 

Still, what I don't get is how is someone putting a gun to your chest and telling you to get in the car so they can rape/kill/sell/whatever you anyway comparable to some random bloke staring at a woman because he doesn't know what to say. I seriously can't seem to make the connection.

 

@Rob42

Also this commerical always reminds me of my theory that some men just "have it" naturally when it comes to attracting women.

[udolipixie]

I know people like the Kenworth guy and worse are everywhere my own mother said she had an experience in college like that but the guy didn't pull a gun and she for some reason got in the car fortunately for her though another dude was in the car and convinced the other guy to let her go. What I don't get is how is Kenworth guy and Charles Manson comparable to a random guy staring at a worker and calling her beautiful? One guy is obviously insane with a malicious agenda in mind the other guy is just terrible at approaching women.

 

Do tell where/when was anyone comparing them to a random guy staring at a worker and calling her beautiful to a Kenworth guy/Charles Manson?

 

I got that some women are cautious because he's a likely bigger/stronger stranger whose intention they don't know are good or bad and past encounters have largely been unpleasant then add in staring which can have some be uncomfortable.

 

Nothing about comparing a Kenworth guy/Charles Manson to a random guy staring at a worker and calling her beautiful.

 

The only comparison to the Kenworth guy/Charles Manson and the random guy was made in that a random guy starts staring at a woman she may not be able to differentiate intentions between psycho or normal.

 

Recall:

A shy, quiet and/or socially awkward guy will stare at a woman that he likes without saying a word, right?

 

A guy like Charles Manson who would murder the same woman will stare her down.

 

You might think it's a crock but look at what women are caught between! Two completely different guys acting the same. How can a woman know who is who? She can't.

[udolipixie]

Still, what I don't get is how is someone putting a gun to your chest and telling you to get in the car so they can rape/kill/sell/whatever you anyway comparable to some random bloke staring at a woman because he doesn't know what to say. I seriously can't seem to make the connection.

Do tell where anyone made such a comparison.

[Necris]

Do tell where anyone made such a comparison.

You're absolutely right! This kind of thing shouldn't cause a panic reaction. But I actually don't know a single, solitary woman at all who hasn't experienced a Kenworth Guy type of situation at least once and that's sad. That means there are a whole lot of nutjobs running around ruining things for nice guys. They're scaring women and putting them on edge and on guard. Guys who are nice, good-hearted people that are just shy then have to put up with the totally normal reaction women have to men.

 

I have never once seen or dealt with a woman being anything near as psycho as the Kenworth Guy but plenty of women have dealt with one or a multitude of these guys in their lives.

 

I'm sorry but this is the real world. It's not a pretty place sometimes, especially for women.

 

This Kenworth Guy isn't the only guy I've had a real bad experience with. I could write an entire book on experiences with horrible men. He was the worst though. I really am sorry that they do things like this and ruin it for other people.

 

Somehow Kenworth Guy ruins it for other guys, what I don't get is how is the guy staring at a girl in the OP anywhere near comparable to possible psychopath.

 

Also this:

A shy, quiet and/or socially awkward guy will stare at a woman that he likes without saying a word, right?

 

A guy like Charles Manson who would murder the same woman will stare her down.

 

You might think it's a crock but look at what women are caught between! Two completely different guys acting the same. How can a woman know who is who? She can't.

 

[CC12]

Somehow Kenworth Guy ruins it for other guys, what I don't get is how is the guy staring at a girl in the OP anywhere near comparable to possible psychopath.

 

Just what are you trying to accomplish here? Are you trying to say that women should be okay with men awkwardly staring at them?

[udolipixie]

Somehow Kenworth Guy ruins it for other guys, what I don't get is how is the guy staring at a girl in the OP anywhere near comparable to possible psychopath.

What "ruins" it for other guys is that:

the world tends to be dangerous

he's a stranger

on average men are bigger/stronger than women

some women may have had more unpleasant encounters than pleasant

some men don't handle rejection well

some men tend to dictate how women should or shouldn't react

some men can't take "No" for an answer

^ thank you Disney ala movies where the guy's persistence pays off

 

Nowhere in what you quoted do I see the user comparing a guy staring at a gal is comparable to the Kenworth guy/Charles Manson.

 

Nor do I see the user a guy staring and calling a worker beautiful is comparable to the Kenworth guy/Charles Manson.

 

I do see the user stating that a woman may not be able to know if the intentions are good or bad when random guy is staring at a woman thanks to past encounters have largely been unpleasant and that he's a stranger.

Edited March 26, 2012 by udolipixie

[Mme. Chaucer]

Somehow Kenworth Guy ruins it for other guys, what I don't get is how is the guy staring at a girl in the OP anywhere near comparable to possible psychopath.

 

Anyone can be a "possible psychopath."

 

The woman in the OP who had the neighbor regularly staring at her from the terrace sounds validly concerned to me.

 

So what if she's an old bag of over 40? Elderly women are raped every day. I mean, REALLY elderly ones.

 

You don't have to be "hot" to be a victim of a crime, or a target of a creepy stalker.

 

We HAVE to pay attention to our instincts in this world, all of us. If we are getting a feeling that something is "not right" about the way another person is behaving, we need to listen to it and take care of ourselves.

Edited March 26, 2012 by Mme. Chaucer

[Mme. Chaucer]

Anyway, this thread is bogus.

 

I know the OP from his posting history. He and other men with negative traits in common with him are just the type to passive-agressively "watch" a woman with the intent to make her feel uncomfortable, trespassed upon and even menaced. Certain guys do this to women all the time. And then try to make as issue about the characters of the women who are uncomfortable, threatened, or angered about it.

 

Just like you, Shaun-Dro.

[Necris]

Just what are you trying to accomplish here? Are you trying to say that women should be okay with men awkwardly staring at them?

 

I just think the fear is misplaced, a random guy staring at a girl maybe uncomfortable yes, but freaking out and thinking the guy is a psychopath is getting silly. Now if the guy is doing something else besides just looking I can see some cause for alarm like stalking, saying inappropriate things, touching, etc.

 

I still don't know why LuckyLady compared Charles Manson to a guy who stares at women, Charles Manson was the exact opposite kind of guy he led a cult you don't lead cults being socially awkward and shy.

[Thieves]

The woman in the OP who had the neighbor regularly staring at her from the terrace sounds validly concerned to me.

 

That was concerning to me when I first read it, as well... Especially with the keyword being "regularly". I suppose it'd be a different story if he only did it every once in a while -- or if she actually talked and communicated with this neighbor, but I didn't get that feeling. Just that he was staring regularly from the terrace.

 

Sometimes you honestly cannot be careful enough in this world. You don't want to be too cautious all the time, but then you hear of many stories where women do let their guards down, or brushed off certain things thinking they were being 'paranoid', and then in the end sometimes it turns out that their instincts were trying to tell them something for a reason. I always remind myself that I never want to be one of those women who too often ignores that gut instinct because of what other men, or people, may think of them.

[udolipixie]

I just think the fear is misplaced, a random guy staring at a girl maybe uncomfortable yes, but freaking out and thinking the guy is a psychopath is getting silly.

Misplaced or not it's probably best suited for people to be wary of stranger's intention towards them as they don't know them.

 

I didn't get the impression of freaking out and thinking the guy is a psychopath but that some gals may not differentiate between the good and bad intentions of a random stranger who is watching them and the staring makes them uncomfortable.

 

Now if the guy is doing something else besides just looking I can see some cause for alarm like stalking, saying inappropriate things, touching, etc.

Ah so you're the type to wait for it to escalate rather than take it into consideration from the first place if you feel something is off?

 

People may have different opinions and see a cause for alarm if a random stranger is watching them. Some may not wait for it to escalation to what you consider inappropriate for them to feel alarmed.

 

I still don't know why LuckyLady compared Charles Manson to a guy who stares at women, Charles Manson was the exact opposite kind of guy he led a cult you don't lead cults being socially awkward and shy.

Where did she do this comparison?

 

Nowhere in what you quoted from LuckyLady do I see the user comparing a guy staring at a gal is comparable to the Kenworth guy/Charles Manson.

 

Nor do I see the user a guy staring and calling a worker beautiful is comparable to the Kenworth guy/Charles Manson.

 

I do see the user stating that a woman may not be able to know if the intentions are good or bad when random guy is staring at a woman thanks to past encounters have largely been unpleasant and that he's a stranger.

 

A shy, quiet and/or socially awkward guy will stare at a woman that he likes without saying a word, right?

 

A guy like Charles Manson who would murder the same woman will stare her down.

 

You might think it's a crock but look at what women are caught between! Two completely different guys acting the same. How can a woman know who is who? She can't.

 

You're absolutely right! This kind of thing shouldn't cause a panic reaction. But I actually don't know a single, solitary woman at all who hasn't experienced a Kenworth Guy type of situation at least once and that's sad. That means there are a whole lot of nutjobs running around ruining things for nice guys. They're scaring women and putting them on edge and on guard. Guys who are nice, good-hearted people that are just shy then have to put up with the totally normal reaction women have to men.

 

I have never once seen or dealt with a woman being anything near as psycho as the Kenworth Guy but plenty of women have dealt with one or a multitude of these guys in their lives.

 

I'm sorry but this is the real world. It's not a pretty place sometimes, especially for women.

 

This Kenworth Guy isn't the only guy I've had a real bad experience with. I could write an entire book on experiences with horrible men. He was the worst though. I really am sorry that they do things like this and ruin it for other people.

[CC12]

I just think the fear is misplaced, a random guy staring at a girl maybe uncomfortable yes,

 

Yes. It is uncomfortable.

 

but freaking out and thinking the guy is a psychopath is getting silly.

 

Very, very few women think that the guy staring at them is a psychopath. That would be silly, yes. But to be cautious of the guy staring at them? Totally understandable.

 

Necris, have you ever had a guy stare at you? If not, put yourself in those shoes. You walk into a store and the male clerk is staring at you from the second you walk in. You're not trying to catch anyone's attention or anything, but this man is eyeing you. What would you think of that? Maybe you'd think he thinks you're going to steal something, or maybe he's totally gay for you, or maybe he's trying to start **** with you. Who knows? How would you react to this man staring at you? Would you like it?