Do women feel scared when men watch them?

[Chubbi]

Some men just leer. They don't stare, they leer at you. If you had a sister who you were walking beside a lot, you would notice the difference between checking someone out and being leered at. As a brother, you would become offended.

[superlady]

No we're not bothered at all. We just love having ugly creepy losers stare at us. Better yet is when those same losers approach us. We love having to constantly deal with creeps.

[Woggle]

I want to ask a question. A few weeks ago a woman was bashing men for not having the balls too approach women and most women agreed with her. Now we have a thread where women are saying men should not approach. Which one is it? Is it any wonder why men are so confused these days?

[Badsingularity]

No we're not bothered at all. We just love having ugly creepy losers stare at us. Better yet is when those same losers approach us. We love having to constantly deal with creeps.

 

 

 

In one post your a man. In another your a woman.

 

Pick a gender and stick to it. Otherwise people may get confused.

[Badsingularity]

I want to ask a question. A few weeks ago a woman was bashing men for not having the balls too approach women and most women agreed with her. Now we have a thread where women are saying men should not approach. Which one is it? Is it any wonder why men are so confused these days?

 

There is a difference between approaching a woman for small talk and stalking or staring/glaring at her with no real intent to approach.

[udolipixie]

I want to ask a question. A few weeks ago a woman was bashing men for not having the balls too approach women and most women agreed with her. Now we have a thread where women are saying men should not approach. Which one is it? Is it any wonder why men are so confused these days?

Which one it is depends on the woman.

 

There are few things that a group agrees or disagrees upon.

 

I think men would only be confused if they don't consider women human beings with different tastes and but a hive mind operating like Rubik's cube who turn into a pocket pussy that doles out sex and relationships when he does this & that. So all that is needed is the right set of operations rather than her being a human being who wants attraction and has preferences.

 

I doubt many women would be so confused if a thread was started by a man talking about how he likes thin women and another thread was started about a guy talking about how he likes thick women.

 

I think this fits best here:

Sometimes I think the problem with the guys on here who like to find *everything women do ridiculous* is that they've been brainwashed to think 1. That their masculinity depends on their capacity to attract women and 2. That women should therefore only exist to validate their egos.

 

They're looking for the rule that would guarantee success with any women, and are disappointed to find their expectation dashed when it turns out that women have lives and preferences too. It isn't going to work out with most women... And that's par for the course.

 

Yet, they're attached to masculinity, so they have to ridicule everything women do. Easier to think *women are ridiculous* then to question the construction of masculinity that dominates them.

 

Message over. You can go back to your regular programs now.

[Necris]

@Udolpixie

 

It seems that you were implying the men had some sort of malicious intent when they were staring at the women.

 

the person staring tends to be significantly bigger and stronger and a member of group with a increasingly hateful, bitter, and resentful attitude towards the female gender.

 

And implying men stare to get an ego boost of some kind.

It seems most men tend to base their ego on if the woman reciprocates his attraction thus many men only see the socialization part and not the options part that include a woman declining. Many seem to have the notion that she must act accordingly to his approach, staring, etc and appreciate it and can only decline in a manner that spares any feelings of rejection.

 

As for man's hatred towards women I have never seen a man in my life who simply hates all women people like that are an extremely tiny bitter minority of men just like all the women out there who hate all men.

[Imajerk17]

If you are going to watch a woman, you need to interact with her. Approach. Even if it is to tell her to roll down her car window so you can talk to her.

 

If you do this, you come across as masculine and confident.

 

If you just keep staring, you come across as creepy and dangerous. Or if you look away when she looks at you, you come across as low-status.

 

It's kind of sad when the best posts (such as this one) get ignored....

 

I gave you guys gold here.

[udolipixie]

It seems that you were implying the men had some sort of malicious intent when they were staring at the women.

 

That's not implying that men have some sort of malicious intent.

 

That's stating that the person staring at the woman is likely to be bigger/stronger and a member of a group where there are members who have malicious attitudes toward women and that number is increasing.

 

Do tell how you equated "the person staring tends to be significantly bigger and stronger and a member of group with a increasingly hateful, bitter, and resentful attitude towards the female gender" to "men have malicious intent when they are staring at women"?

 

I don't see any statements, implications, or suggestions about why the person is staring just that they are likely to be bigger/stronger and a member of a group with an increasingly number who have malicious attitudes towards women.

 

And implying men stare to get an ego boost of some kind.

 

That's not implying men stare to get an ego boost of some kind.

 

That's stating that many men tend to base their ego on if the woman reciprocates his attraction.

 

Do tell how did you equate "men tend to base their ego on if the woman reciprocates his attraction" to "men stare to get an ego boost of some kind"?

 

I don't see any statements, implications, or suggestions about why they stare just that many men seem to base their ego on reciprocation the attraction.

 

As for man's hatred towards women I have never seen a man in my life who simply hates all women people like that are an extremely tiny bitter minority of men just like all the women out there who hate all men.

Different experiences.

 

Though of course many tend to think if a man wants to have sex with a woman it means he can't hate women so...

Edited March 26, 2012 by udolipixie

[LuckyLady13]

There is a huge difference between this creepy staring we're talking about by socially awkward (at best) men who don't have a clue the weird vibe they're giving off.

 

Social guys never just sit or stand there staring like a weird creep. If you're going to just stare at a woman like the lights are not on upstairs in your head, you're not going to get a good reaction. She's going to react to you like you're Charles Manson.

 

I just bumped into a great example of this. There's this guy who works at an auto parts store close to where I live. I hadn't been there in a while so I forgot all about this weird guy. He used to just stare at me when I went in there like the way a tiger stares down prey. They kill prey, not date it. So my natural reaction to this guy the first few times I saw him was fear. I ended up in this auto parts store again the other day after a long while and must have turned white as a sheet when I saw HIM standing behind the counter.

 

If this is his way of flirting? He's a weirdo!

 

When a guy approaches me with a smile on his face and puts his hand out and introduces himself like a normal person? No problem. No creep factor.

[Thieves]

I think men would only be confused if they don't consider women human beings with different tastes and but a hive mind operating like Rubik's cube who turn into a pocket pussy that doles out sex and relationships when he does this & that. So all that is needed is the right set of operations rather than her being a human being who wants attraction and has preferences.

 

Exactly. Thank you for pointing this out, as unfortunately I don't think this particular point gets enough of the 'limelight' on these forums.

 

In any case, and oddly enough, I've always noticed that the guys I ended up falling the hardest for were the ones who treated me as a person who has my own likes/dislikes, rather than just 'another woman' who would react as expected to every seduction attempt simply because I'm part of the female gender and because "women always like this". And I do hear a lot of similar generalizations floating around, such as "Women will like it if you do this or do that." And if some women don't agree or react negatively to it... well, that's another story for another thread.

[Necris]

Which one it is depends on the woman.

 

There are few things that a group agrees or disagrees upon.

 

I think men would only be confused if they don't consider women human beings with different tastes and but a hive mind operating like Rubik's cube who turn into a pocket pussy that doles out sex and relationships when he does this & that. So all that is needed is the right set of operations rather than her being a human being who wants attraction and has preferences.

 

What's wrong with trying to find a formula for attraction?

 

Think of it this way you're a socially awkward guy who wants a relationship with a woman, problem is you do not know every woman you come across intimately enough to know every woman's individual preferences and tastes and you lack any sort of "natural charm" so what do you do? Naturally you conduct research or have some else conduct research for you and find out what works with most women and what does not so you can presumably be more successful than what you were in sparking some sort of attraction in the women you desire.

[LuckyLady13]

What is a normal person? Not me because it's not normal to be a 42 year old virgin.

 

A shy, quiet and/or socially awkward guy will stare at a woman that he likes without saying a word, right?

 

A guy like Charles Manson who would murder the same woman will stare her down.

 

You might think it's a crock but look at what women are caught between! Two completely different guys acting the same. How can a woman know who is who? She can't.

 

If there are very friendly guys who know how to approach women without creeping them out, just open your eyes to what they're doing and learn from it.

 

I'm really trying to be helpful here. I'm too tired to type this right now but I will because I think it will explain even better:

 

When I was about 16, I was living with an abusive parent and ran away one day. I didn't know what else to do at the time. However, when I was walking down the road (a busy road), I was calming down after about a mile or so. I didn't look distraught anymore or scared. Probably just on a mission to get from point A to point B. As I'm walking down this road, there are train tracks on one side and a very large factory on the other so no houses and I hear the distinct sound of a truck pulling over to the side of the road right behind me. I immediately thought "oh, here we go! This is all I need right now".

 

I turn around to just check how close he actually was to me and I see this huge Kenworth with a guy opening the driver door and getting out. I think the usual is about to happen. He's going to offer me a ride, I'm going to refuse and like what always happens, he'll get mad and start calling me names and we'll both go on with our day. Nope!

 

He pulled a gun, pointed it at my chest and said "get in the truck".

 

You know what? I did what I felt was best at the time. I yelled "go ahead and shoot me, you *******!" and kept walking. I put my arms up in the air so he could go ahead and shoot me in the back. I really didn't care! It was better than being touched or raped by this ugly weirdo. I'd rather be dead.

 

He got mad, got in his truck and when he started driving toward me, I knew he might run me down or shoot me or who knows what so all I did was cross the road and start walking down the train tracks because I knew at least he couldn't drive up behind me again. A Kenworth won't make it down train tracks. He called me some names and just kept going.

 

If a guy just stares at me after things like this have happened? Give me a break! I've had a gun pointed at me just for being a 16 year old girl walking down a road. If a guy can't muster up the courage to figure out how to start getting social...I just don't get it. What women deal with is 1,000 times harder than learning how to be social so I doubt you'll get a lot of sympathy if you can't deal with it.

 

The Kenworth creep is the person you need to be annoyed with. It's guys like this who get women so nervous about socially awkward men. I mean, you don't think this Kenworth creep was a social dynamo, right? Some guys deal so horribly with women and believe me, you don't want to give off the same type of vibe those guys do.

[dasein]

Staring can make some people uncomfortable and feel anxious and under observation for an attack.

 

By your own ethical definition, expressed several times here on LS in justification of your own actions, if it isn't illegal, and doesn't hurt animals or children, it's totally OK behavior.

 

So by your own definition, since a staring, even leering man, a man licking his lips and winking in a lascivious way, is doing absolutely nothing wrong, because what he is doing is legal, and doesn't hurt children or animals, it's just fine. Right?

 

Why would anyone, who believes as you do, become legitimately uncomfortable in the face of that type of behavior? If the only categories of social wrong are doing illegal things, or hurting animals or children, where's the harm in a staring man?

[udolipixie]

What's wrong with trying to find a formula for attraction?

Do tell show me where/when I stated there is something wrong with trying to find a formula for attraction?

 

Which one it is depends on the woman.

* That's me stating whether it's no balls that men don't aprpoaching or annoying if men approach depends on the woamn*

 

There are few things that a group agrees or disagrees upon.

* That's me stating there are few things a group is universally accepting of or find unacceptable *

 

I think men would only be confused if they don't consider women human beings with different tastes and but a hive mind operating like Rubik's cube who turn into a pocket pussy that doles out sex and relationships when he does this & that. So all that is needed is the right set of operations rather than her being a human being who wants attraction and has preferences.

* That's me stating I think a guy would only be confused of women saying different things if he doesn't consider women human beings with different tastes but Rubik's cube who all operate in the same way so all that is needed is to do this & that *

 

Think of it this way you're a socially awkward guy who wants a relationship with a woman, problem is you do not know every woman you come across intimately enough to know every woman's individual preferences and tastes and you lack any sort of "natural charm" so what do you do?

Try to find someone who finds you appealing and is attracted to you by being the best you.

 

Which entails improving your improve, improving your personality, and improving your life (finances, activities, hobbies, interests, knowledge, skills, talents, experiences).

 

To me the general formula for attraction is that people want to be with people they find physically/sexually attractive, interesting, fun to be around, and are compatible with to develop intimacy with.

 

As those factors vary it's probably best suit to be the best you in those factors.

[udolipixie]

By your own ethical definition, expressed several times here on LS in justification of your own actions, if it isn't illegal, and doesn't hurt animals or children, it's totally OK behavior.

Do tell where in the following do I state it's not OK behavior?

 

"Staring can make some people uncomfortable and feel anxious and under observation for an attack."

 

I stated that staring can make some people uncomfortable nothing about if it's OK or not OK behavior.

 

Why would anyone, who believes as you do, become legitimately uncomfortable in the face of that type of behavior?

Are open to the idea that people can feel whatever they wish regardless if they find the behavior wrong or right?

 

Reading comprehension: "Staring can make some people uncomfortable and feel anxious and under observation for an attack."

 

Hmm..it doesn't seem I'm talking about my own feelings.

 

Seems I'm talking about people in general and I'm not applying how I would react as being the baseline for everyone's reaction.

 

If the only categories of social wrong are doing illegal things, or hurting animals or children, where's the harm in a staring man?

Do tell where did I state there was harm in a guy staring?

 

I stated what some people may feel in reaction to it.

 

Seems you're overreaching very hard to try to find some counterattack to my ethical standards.

[Shaun-Dro]

No, women try to make themselves attractive because they ARE looking for male attention, but not from every random male. So if they get the attention from a man they find attractive they will respond positively to it. If it's not a man they find attractive who's giving them the attention, then it really hurts the woman's ego. They get angry that the guy who's paying attention to them isn't good looking enough, and they worry about whether they've got what it takes to attract the really good-looking men.

 

I would like to agree with you but I can't, because if you go out and see all these women dressing to the nine and looking fine, she always has her head down when every single male passes her, whether he be attractive or not. Women keep playing games and don't even realize it, which does nothing but continue to hurt the mating ritual.

 

As said before, she's only alert to the men around and welcoming some of his charm when she gets several drinks up in her, which is sad. Seems like all the men who wanna meet a woman who'd consider giving them a shot will have to frequent bars and lounges on a regular, and be sure that she has a glass of martini at her side.

[Feelin Frisky]

It has nothing to do with manners. A hunk man can stare all day if he wants. If I peek over for a second she will not be at ease.

That's very blunt and dismissive, not to mention presumptive and self-undermining. It does have a lot to do with manners. What is your manner of conduct when observing a woman you don't know who is by herself and perhaps appealing? This is not to say that women are all socially and emotionally literate and that none have social phobias and anxieties toward male strangers. I myself make it a point never to appear to "stare" as it is blatantly discourteous. But I do look and try to get as much of a gander as I can if she's a looker. I have a simple policy of giving a smile if I find myself engaged in eye contact and being proactive with a verbal gesture of "hi or hello or hiya" to which she either returns the nicety or diverts her attention in silence. No big deal--no muss no fuss. Stuff stars getting "creepy" and "weird" when one fixes gaze and shows nothing disarming very quickly. This is social adeptness at its base an often can be measured in fractions of a second. I've never been accused of staring or asked what the f am I looking at. I'd say somewhere in the range of 40% of women seem to deploy similar social grace while 55% ignore me. A small percentage will be actually more gregarious and either initiate or seem perfectly comfortable with the routine encounter with yours truly. It always gets better when I'm nearer to being fit and am dressed in nice clothes as opposed to sweats.

[udolipixie]

I would like to agree with you but I can't, because if you go out and see all these women dressing to the nine and looking fine, she always has her head down when every single male passes her, whether he be attractive or not. Women keep playing games and don't even realize it, which does nothing but continue to hurt the mating ritual.

Perhaps because they may not even be playing a game.

 

Just because you consider it a game doesn't mean it is to her. They may be playing a game to you and to them they are just living life.

 

Some gals dress up for themselves as they like looking/feeling attractive and that how they think they can best get that.

 

Some gals dress up for societal expectations.

 

Some gals dress up for their gals.

 

Some gals dress up for their own interest in fashion

[Necris]

A shy, quiet and/or socially awkward guy will stare at a woman that he likes without saying a word, right?

 

A guy like Charles Manson who would murder the same woman will stare her down.

 

You might think it's a crock but look at what women are caught between! Two completely different guys acting the same. How can a woman know who is who? She can't.

 

If there are very friendly guys who know how to approach women without creeping them out, just open your eyes to what they're doing and learn from it.

 

I'm really trying to be helpful here. I'm too tired to type this right now but I will because I think it will explain even better:

 

When I was about 16, I was living with an abusive parent and ran away one day. I didn't know what else to do at the time. However, when I was walking down the road (a busy road), I was calming down after about a mile or so. I didn't look distraught anymore or scared. Probably just on a mission to get from point A to point B. As I'm walking down this road, there are train tracks on one side and a very large factory on the other so no houses and I hear the distinct sound of a truck pulling over to the side of the road right behind me. I immediately thought "oh, here we go! This is all I need right now".

 

I turn around to just check how close he actually was to me and I see this huge Kenworth with a guy opening the driver door and getting out. I think the usual is about to happen. He's going to offer me a ride, I'm going to refuse and like what always happens, he'll get mad and start calling me names and we'll both go on with our day. Nope!

 

He pulled a gun, pointed it at my chest and said "get in the truck".

 

You know what? I did what I felt was best at the time. I yelled "go ahead and shoot me, you *******!" and kept walking. I put my arms up in the air so he could go ahead and shoot me in the back. I really didn't care! It was better than being touched or raped by this ugly weirdo. I'd rather be dead.

 

He got mad, got in his truck and when he started driving toward me, I knew he might run me down or shoot me or who knows what so all I did was cross the road and start walking down the train tracks because I knew at least he couldn't drive up behind me again. A Kenworth won't make it down train tracks. He called me some names and just kept going.

 

If a guy just stares at me after things like this have happened? Give me a break! I've had a gun pointed at me just for being a 16 year old girl walking down a road. If a guy can't muster up the courage to figure out how to start getting social...I just don't get it. What women deal with is 1,000 times harder than learning how to be social so I doubt you'll get a lot of sympathy if you can't deal with it.

 

The Kenworth creep is the person you need to be annoyed with. It's guys like this who get women so nervous about socially awkward men. I mean, you don't think this Kenworth creep was a social dynamo, right? Some guys deal so horribly with women and believe me, you don't want to give off the same type of vibe those guys do.

 

I'm sorry for your experience but, there is a massive difference between staring at somebody and pointing a gun at someone telling them to get in a truck. Who knows the Kenworth creep could of been a highly social person with friends and a family but for fun he just likes to kidnap teenage girls who are running away. Besides alot of killers and rapists aren't actually socially awkward like this killer in this documentary I was watching he was a family man described as a very clean well adjusted man who didn't drive around in a old white van with no windows or a semi-truck but a nice sports car, but for fun he liked to blow the brains out of women with a pistol and rape their corpses. As for Charles Manson you wouldn't believe how many letters this guy gets from women from everywhere, why are some women attracted to guys like that I have no idea.

 

As for guys not being able to attract a girl, attracting someone is extremely difficult I'm not in Rob's situation as he's about twice my age but I have never had a relationship with a woman my entire life. I also know just how difficult it is to attract a woman sure I can speak to women just like how I can speak to guys so I don't just stare at them but creating attraction seems to be near impossible if you aren't one of the lucky guys who just seem to "have it".

 

Now I'm not saying staring at people is totally normal not socially awkward behavior but I think alot of fear is misplaced. A customer staring at a worker and calling her beautiful shouldn't initiate a panic reaction.

[udolipixie]

A customer staring at a worker and calling her beautiful shouldn't initiate a panic reaction.

To you.

 

It may illicit a panic reaction to her if she feels uncomfortable, vulnerable, and past encounters have been largely unpleasant and he's bigger/stronger.

[Star Gazer]

Having a man stare at me is ALWAYS an uncomfortable experience.

[dasein]

Seems you're overreaching very hard to try to find some counterattack to my ethical standards.

 

It's not even a reach, let alone an overreach.

 

My reading comprehension is just fine thanks. The ethical system you post on this board in justification of rudeness displayed towards people and ridiculously superficial "preferences" is what needs work.

 

It's perfectly reasonable to feel uncomfortable when stared at, and feeling uncomfortable can indeed stem from someone's rudeness or wrongful, aggressive staring behavior.

 

Lots of things are "wrong" that aren't illegal and don't hurt animals and children.

[Shaun-Dro]

Perhaps because they may not even be playing a game.

 

Just because you consider it a game doesn't mean it is to her. They may be playing a game to you and to them they are just living life.

 

Some gals dress up for themselves as they like looking/feeling attractive and that how they think they can best get that.

 

Some gals dress up for societal expectations.

 

Some gals dress up for their gals.

 

Some gals dress up for their own interest in fashion

 

You're clearly making excuses; whether you're aware of that is not of my concern or interest.

[LuckyLady13]

A customer staring at a worker and calling her beautiful shouldn't initiate a panic reaction.

 

You're absolutely right! This kind of thing shouldn't cause a panic reaction. But I actually don't know a single, solitary woman at all who hasn't experienced a Kenworth Guy type of situation at least once and that's sad. That means there are a whole lot of nutjobs running around ruining things for nice guys. They're scaring women and putting them on edge and on guard. Guys who are nice, good-hearted people that are just shy then have to put up with the totally normal reaction women have to men.

 

I have never once seen or dealt with a woman being anything near as psycho as the Kenworth Guy but plenty of women have dealt with one or a multitude of these guys in their lives.

 

I'm sorry but this is the real world. It's not a pretty place sometimes, especially for women.

 

This Kenworth Guy isn't the only guy I've had a real bad experience with. I could write an entire book on experiences with horrible men. He was the worst though. I really am sorry that they do things like this and ruin it for other people.