Do women feel scared when men watch them?

[Shaun-Dro]

This is the impression I'm getting nowadays. At work, a female coworker claimed to feel anxious when one guy watched her from his car at the red light. Mind you, they were both in cars. So what? He didn't utter a word.

 

Another coworker stated that a customer entered our workplace and told her she was beautiful and looked at her for a while. She panicked. Oh wow really?

 

Last but not least, an older female colleague of mine in her 40s said that a man watches her from the above terrace of her apartment building almost every day and she's considering notifying security about the issue since it makes her feel so uncomfortable. I just looked at her with a blank face at listening to this drivel.

 

Now ladies, have men these days really struck so much fear in your little hearts that even our eyes are giving you the willies? I truly wonder.

[hotloader]

I find getting "checked out" to be rather flattering, but I'm a guy though. I think that a lot of women think so highly of themselves that they think that every guy they come in contact with wants to immediately have sex with them.

 

Case in point: There was this girl I knew back in my early 20's. She was a couple of years older than me, and she worked at the mall. We knew each other through other people, and every once in a while I'd talk to her if I'd see her while I was shopping or whatever. I thought she was pretty cool. She was into the same stuff I was and everything, but I didn't have any immediate romantic interest in her or anything. I just kinda wanted to get to know her better. Regardless of the fact that she's a female, I just thought she was a cool person.

 

Anyway I asked her if she wanted to go to this bar with me in the city, and she immediately agreed. We went out and had a great time. I drove, and I got so drunk that she had to drive me back. She "wouldn't let" me drive home, even though I'd pretty much sobered up by the time we got back to her place. Long story short we talked for a while, and I wound up dozing off on her couch. She woke me up out of a dead sleep a couple of hours later to tell me that "I just wanted you to know that nothing's gonna happen between us tonight". I just looked at her, perplexed, and was like "Uh, yeah.....I know. I was asleep."

 

It was weird. I never forgot that night.

[Citizen Erased]

Myself, it mainly just annoys me, staring is weird. There is a huge difference between checking someone out and just staring at someone like you are going to eat them.

[tigressA]

Sure, there can be some women who think a little too much of themselves or exaggerate incidents like the ones you described, OP. But for a lot of women, being stared at by men can be uncomfortable and, yes, even scary. On my way to work I've seen guys stop right on the sidewalk and just stare at me as I pass them and I can still feel their eyes on me. That creeps me out! It makes me feel vulnerable and scared, particularly because these guys are significantly bigger than I am. It wouldn't take much for one of them to accost me. I've taken to walking with my eyes down all the time when I'm alone. Even that doesn't put a total stop to it.

 

There's a difference between checking someone out and openly staring at them. You can 'check out' someone in a couple of seconds. Staring makes people uncomfortable.

[Kamille]

I normally wouldn't participate in a thread clearly started by men who are jealous of any kind of attention women get. (Do these guys really need that much validation?). But my friends and I have been discussing this very topic. It's springtime here and this means flirtatious interactions abound in the city. And my friends and I are trying to figure out why getting checked out generally makes us uncomfortable. Here's some of the reasons we've discussed:

1. Some have boyfriends / husbands. Do not want the attention.
   
2. Some are just going about their day and basically do not feel like interacting with a stranger.
   
3. All have had bad experiences in the past (being followed, getting insults hurled at you if you ignore).
   

 

Of the three, the last one is the one that best explains my discomfort. 90% of the time, these interactions don't lead to anything and yes, can be flattering. But then there's that 1 in 10 where, if you're polite, the guy will start following you and if you ignore, the guy will start insulting you. Either way you lose. And this means that whenever someone 'stares' my radar goes on alert for 'potential discomfort ahead'.

[Shaun-Dro]

Sure, there can be some women who think a little too much of themselves or exaggerate incidents like the ones you described, OP. But for a lot of women, being stared at by men can be uncomfortable and, yes, even scary. On my way to work I've seen guys stop right on the sidewalk and just stare at me as I pass them and I can still feel their eyes on me. That creeps me out! It makes me feel vulnerable and scared, particularly because these guys are significantly bigger than I am. It wouldn't take much for one of them to accost me. I've taken to walking with my eyes down all the time when I'm alone. Even that doesn't put a total stop to it.

 

There's a difference between checking someone out and openly staring at them. You can 'check out' someone in a couple of seconds. Staring makes people uncomfortable.

 

What's the difference? Don't a man need to stare at you a little bit for it to be considered checking you out? You make it seem like it's apples and oranges when it really isn't.

 

How much should a man check you out for it to feel "comfortable" to you and not feel like an intrusion?

[tigressA]

What's the difference? Don't a man need to stare at you a little bit for it to be considered checking you out? You make it seem like it's apples and oranges when it really isn't.

 

How much should a man check you out for it to feel "comfortable" to you and not feel like an intrusion?

 

Re-read my post, please. I said explicitly in there that you can check someone out in a couple of seconds. And stopping right on the freaking sidewalk and openly staring at someone as you wait for them to pass you is not considered checking them out. It's considered lingering and leering, which serves to make the person being stared at very uncomfortable.

 

Check the difference between these two incidents:

 

1. Guy coming toward me on the sidewalk. Looks at me, waves and says "Good morning, lovely lady." Apple.

 

2. Guy hearing me walking some steps behind him, I'm reading a book. Guy stops right where he is, stares at me and says, "Hey, get your nose out of that book!" I am momentarily startled out of my reverie, but then ignore him. Guy says again, "Get your nose out of that book!" I continue to ignore him. I don't hear steps behind me again until I'm nearly halfway down the block. Orange.

 

Get it now?

[Feelsgoodman]

I find that it often has to do with immaturity and lack of basic social skills on the part of the women. On countless occasions, I've had women checking me out when I was distracted or busy doing something. If I noticed it and returned their gaze, they'd quickly look away as if they were scared or embarrassed. I mean, WTF? Are you really that weird/insecure that you are afraid of eye contact with a stranger?

[FitChick]

I'm surprised more women don't get attacked. Most are not paying attention to their surroundings.

[FitChick]

On countless occasions, I've had women checking me out when I was distracted or busy doing something. Are you really that weird/insecure that you are afraid of eye contact with a stranger?

 

Women are not as likely to physically attack a man.

[ThaWholigan]

I'm surprised more women don't get attacked. Most are not paying attention to their surroundings.

I'm not surprised. We're not all animals thankfully

 

I think a lot of women generally are a little fearful that men could potentially be dangerous to them. Some may have genuinely had scary experiences. It's not alien, I know girls who have experienced a lot.

[Shaun-Dro]

I find that it often has to do with immaturity and lack of basic social skills on the part of the women. On countless occasions, I've had women checking me out when I was distracted or busy doing something. If I noticed it and returned their gaze, they'd quickly look away as if they were scared or embarrassed. I mean, WTF? Are you really that weird/insecure that you are afraid of eye contact with a stranger?

 

You raise a good point. It seems that women fear eye contact with men for a minute or two unless she already knows him. And god help her when a man watches her with a smile and wants to say hello, she will keep her eyes straight on the white wall until he passes.

[Kamille]

You raise a good point. It seems that women fear eye contact with men for a minute or two unless she already knows him. And god help her when a man watches her with a smile and wants to say hello, she will keep her eyes straight on the white wall until he passes.

 

You're missing out on all the variables. To the 1 in 10 interaction that end up badly, there is the 1 in 10 where you actually interact with the guy. These are highly dependent on a variety of variables.

• Being single
  
• Having the time to chat (not being on your way to, say, work)
  
• Being in the mood
  
• Finding the guy attractive (he has a style you like / his pheromones work magic on you)
  

 

Once all these requirements are met, a serendipitous interaction can be had. Those are incredibly flattering, and they do happen. (Again 1 in 10).

 

Sometimes I think the problem with the guys on here who like to find *everything women do ridiculous* is that they've been brainwashed to think 1. That their masculinity depends on their capacity to attract women and 2. That women should therefore only exist to validate their egos.

 

They're looking for the rule that would guarantee success with any women, and are disappointed to find their expectation dashed when it turns out that women have lives and preferences too. It isn't going to work out with most women... And that's par for the course.

 

Yet, they're attached to masculinity, so they have to ridicule everything women do. Easier to think *women are ridiculous* then to question the construction of masculinity that dominates them.

 

Message over. You can go back to your regular programs now.

[tigressA]

You're missing out on all the variables. To the 1 in 10 interaction that end up badly, there is the 1 in 10 where you actually interact with the guy. These are highly dependent on a variety of variables.

• Being single
  
• Having the time to chat (not being on your way to, say, work)
  
• Being in the mood
  
• Finding the guy attractive (he has a style you like / his pheromones work magic on you)
  

 

Once all these requirements are met, a serendipitous interaction can be had. Those are incredibly flattering, and they do happen. (Again 1 in 10).

 

Sometimes I think the problem with the guys on here who like to find *everything women do ridiculous* is that they've been brainwashed to think 1. That their masculinity depends on their capacity to attract women and 2. That women should therefore only exist to validate their egos.

 

They're looking for the rule that would guarantee success with any women, and are disappointed to find their expectation dashed when it turns out that women have lives and preferences too. It isn't going to work out with most women... And that's par for the course.

 

Yet, they're attached to masculinity, so they have to ridicule everything women do. Easier to think *women are ridiculous* then to question the construction of masculinity that dominates them.

 

Message over. You can go back to your regular programs now.

 

*slow clap*

 

And here is where I make my exit from this thread that I never should've posted in, given the OP's history.

[Feelsgoodman]

Women are not as likely to physically attack a man.

When was the last time you were physically attacked by a man?

[Feelin Frisky]

Many dudes have no manners or rearing. It's a gentleman's duty to put a woman at ease. That is done, by at least nodding hello when there seems to be just a fixed gaze. I've always taken it to heart that it's impolite to stair or gawk. Someone who just stairs is socially illiterate.

[Necris]

I think it all depends on the attractiveness level of the man if he is someone the woman would like to sleep with she will be flattered if its someone she wouldn't be caught dead with she will be uneasy.

 

I don't even have to stare at a woman to get this reaction, I remember just perfectly minding my own business walking down the street trying to get somewhere and I happen to notice a woman in front of me apparently walking to a similar location but as I kept walking I noticed she kept becoming more uneasy and fearful acting and I'm not even doing anything but simply walking. Or women may tighten their grip on their purses if we are in the elevator together. Women can be quite silly at times or maybe I'm just naturally creepy or something.

 

The only time I've been creeped out by a stare was once when I was walking home waiting to cross the street for some reason this dude started staring into my eyes and only 2 feet away from my face so I'm like "The **** is this guy's problem" he stopped staring at me and I walked across the street.

[anne1707]

I'm not surprised. We're not all animals thankfully

 

I think a lot of women generally are a little fearful that men could potentially be dangerous to them. Some may have genuinely had scary experiences. It's not alien, I know girls who have experienced a lot.

 

Exactly

 

I can think of one time where a man followed me on a busy, city street in daylight calling out at me. I walked tall, eyes forward and at a quick pace aiming for the nearby library just with the intention of asking for help with this creep (passers by just ignored what was happening).

 

Another time, I had some idiot drive by and make some comment to me. I responded in a joking manner at the time but he would then not leave me alone. I ignored him as I found this scary. Next thing is he gets out the car, grabs hold of me and tries to kiss me. Needless to say, my knee moved swiftly upwards into his groin and stopped him in his tracks. I was 16, scared and very upset by this experience. Again there were other people around who I found out later had noticed that I was "in trouble" but had not done anything to help.

 

Women learn to be wary because of events like these. OK, it may make us seem rude to someone who is not a real threat but surely that is better than not recognising the real threat when it is there. Also I think most decent men would acknowledge that women are going to feel vulnerable in some situations and will try to avoid making them feel that way.

[udolipixie]

This is the impression I'm getting nowadays. At work, a female coworker claimed to feel anxious when one guy watched her from his car at the red light. Mind you, they were both in cars. So what? He didn't utter a word.

 

Another coworker stated that a customer entered our workplace and told her she was beautiful and looked at her for a while. She panicked. Oh wow really?

 

Last but not least, an older female colleague of mine in her 40s said that a man watches her from the above terrace of her apartment building almost every day and she's considering notifying security about the issue since it makes her feel so uncomfortable. I just looked at her with a blank face at listening to this drivel.

 

Now ladies, have men these days really struck so much fear in your little hearts that even our eyes are giving you the willies? I truly wonder.

Staring can make some people uncomfortable and feel anxious and under observation for an attack.

 

Some people don't like attention and would just rather get on their day so they can feel fear, anxious, or discomfort at attention t hey gather.

 

Also consider in that the woman/man scenario that the person staring tends to be significantly bigger and stronger and a member of group with a increasingly hateful, bitter, and resentful attitude towards the female gender.

 

Add in that many gals tend to have more unpleasant encounters with random men than pleasant ones. There's the insults at disinterest or dismissal of his attention, following, physical violence, sexual harassment, unwanted touching.

 

In most encounters it seems men tend to demand and feel entitled to attention. Most women seem to get that if they go out in public they'll get attention, be approached, etc and consider it social interaction that they have the option of being, continuing, or ending. It seems most men tend to base their ego on if the woman reciprocates his attraction thus many men only see the socialization part and not the options part that include a woman declining. Many seem to have the notion that she must act accordingly to his approach, staring, etc and appreciate it and can only decline in a manner that spares any feelings of rejection.

[Jane2011]

When I was 15, my best friend and I used to walk through this park to get home from school. These older guys who hung around the park used to stare at us and shout remarks at us all the time. My friend used to actually throw rocks at them and shout at them to shut up (and other things). She didn't throw the rocks with the intent to hit them (we were too far away from them for that to happen; the rock throwing was purely symbolic). I didn't think much of the guys, but she was highly annoyed by them. I thought it was funny.

 

We both wore big glasses that covered our whole faces, had long thick bangs that covered even more of our faces, and dressed as frumpily as humanly possible. We thought they were mocking us by their behavior, but were also just annoyed.

 

At any rate, back to the OP, yes, women do get tired of men staring and looking all the time.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I like what udolipixie had to say. Sometimes, when a woman is uncomfortable with a man staring at her, it's due to her lack of confidence. I have had mixed reactions from men based on my looks. Some are attracted and into me and I know others weren't. So when a man stares at me, I am not always certain its because he thinks I am cute and just like what he sees. I don't assume that it is either. Ususally I assume it's because of the opposite. Also, while MOST men will NOT harm a woman, there are men that will. And since they don't carry signs around that say, "Hey, I'm a douchebag woman hater and I sometimes rape/abuse/hit/stalk...women." Everyday you hear terrible stories about regular women having something horrible done to them by regular guys. (And yes, I know the opposite happens but we are talking about women and their reation to men at the moment.) But you can not tell from looks alone what a guy is about. If he is staring at you to the point where you make eye contact with him and all he does is stare, he actually is not very socially aware himself. Which is why a woman can feel creeped out. A normal guy will look and might glance away and look back. But it won't be a dead on stare. And some guys do that dead on stare and sometimes it's scarey. And it's scarey because it's outside the bounds of what any of us (man or woman) would usually consider socially acceptable.

[Thieves]

I think a lot of the time, many men are just being nice and giving a compliment. But until you've been a woman and have known what it's like to have small groups of men shout obscene/rude things at you and get hostile for not reciprocating their interest -- knowing all the while that you are alone and that they're better equipped to overpower you -- you will not truly understand why sometimes men take the 'staring' thing too far and it makes women uncomfortable.

 

Sounds paranoid, but it's how it is. If they seem harmless, I usually smile and say thank you. But if I instantly feel edgy around them and ignore them, that can easily turn into an uncomfortable situation... even to the point where once one man followed me, called me a bitch and told me I "better answer him when he talks to me". And this was in front of the safety of my house. It's those ones who spoil it for many good guys out there.

[Necris]

Staring can make some people uncomfortable and feel anxious and under observation for an attack.

 

Some people don't like attention and would just rather get on their day so they can feel fear, anxious, or discomfort at attention t hey gather.

 

Also consider in that the woman/man scenario that the person staring tends to be significantly bigger and stronger and a member of group with a increasingly hateful, bitter, and resentful attitude towards the female gender.

 

Add in that many gals tend to have more unpleasant encounters with random men than pleasant ones. There's the insults at disinterest or dismissal of his attention, following, physical violence, sexual harassment, unwanted touching.

 

In most encounters it seems men tend to demand and feel entitled to attention. Most women seem to get that if they go out in public they'll get attention, be approached, etc and consider it social interaction that they have the option of being, continuing, or ending. It seems most men tend to base their ego on if the woman reciprocates his attraction thus many men only see the socialization part and not the options part that include a woman declining. Many seem to have the notion that she must act accordingly to his approach, staring, etc and appreciate it and can only decline in a manner that spares any feelings of rejection.

 

You act like the men the OP described were going to attack the women. Really come on now, "Another coworker stated that a customer entered our workplace and told her she was beautiful and looked at her for a while. She panicked." What did this guy do that looks like an attack in any way? Now if the men the OP described were following/stalking the women and making nasty remarks that is different but complimenting a woman and staring shouldn't be signs of an attack going to happen. What I think happened is that these men were probably not very attractive so the women felt uncomfortable.

 

Also really udolipixie, really.

a member of group with a increasingly hateful, bitter, and resentful attitude towards the female gender.

 

And this

In most encounters it seems men tend to demand and feel entitled to attention. Most women seem to get that if they go out in public they'll get attention, be approached, etc and consider it social interaction that they have the option of being, continuing, or ending. It seems most men tend to base their ego on if the woman reciprocates his attraction thus many men only see the socialization part and not the options part that include a woman declining. Many seem to have the notion that she must act accordingly to his approach, staring, etc and appreciate it and can only decline in a manner that spares any feelings of rejection.

really don't you think you are vastly overreacting and making wild assumptions here. A woman is in her car waiting for the light and a man is next to her in his car waiting for the same light he looks at the woman (I'm guessing he thinks she is pretty) and she notices and freaks out was the man trying to get an ego boost like you say, was he prepping for an attack, did he get angry or upset at the woman? If we switch the genders and the man freaks out wouldn't that seem silly?

[udolipixie]

You act like the men the OP described were going to attack the women.

Nowhere did I state men were going to attack women.

 

I stated some people are uncomfortable being stared at, some don't like the attention, the whole he's bigger/stronger, and many women have had more unpleasant than pleasant scenarios.

 

Really come on now, "Another coworker stated that a customer entered our workplace and told her she was beautiful and looked at her for a while. She panicked." What did this guy do that looks like an attack in any way?

Do tell where did I state, imply, or suggest the coworker being told she's beautiful looks like an attack?

 

Now if the men the OP described were following/stalking the women and making nasty remarks that is different but complimenting a woman and staring shouldn't be signs of an attack going to happen. What I think happened is that these men were probably not very attractive so the women felt uncomfortable.

The OP asked if women feel scared when men watch them.

 

I answered that some may be uncomfortable and explained why.

 

Also really udolipixie, really.

That's the truth in my country, America.

 

There's plenty of hate from both genders.

 

Plenty of male created and contributed sites, blogs, forums, and chat rooms

about their hatred toward women.

 

Plenty of male created and contributed sites, blogs, forums, and chatrooms about their hatred toward American women.

 

Plenty of bitterness, resentment, and hatred directed towards women on this board from men.

 

And this

There have been plenty of threads and posts by men about how women think too highly of themselves, are stuck up, bitches, and etc simply for not behaving in the manner he wanted her to. Rather than because she was rude or said something insulting.

 

A guy approaching a gal and her responding to him answering one wordily before leaving as she doesn't want to continue the conversation warrants such insulting responses.

 

It seems quite often that unless a gal responds the way a guy wants her to aka no feelings of rejection she's a stuck up bitch who puts herself on a pedestal.

 

 

really don't you think you are vastly overreacting and making wild assumptions here.

Try looking around this board and see how quickly men are to say stuck up and bitch for a guy simply not getting the response he wanted in an approach rather than because she insulted him or didn't acknowledge his presence.

 

 

A woman is in her car waiting for the light and a man is next to her in his car waiting for the same light he looks at the woman (I'm guessing he thinks she is pretty) and she notices and freaks out was the man trying to get an ego boost like you say, was he prepping for an attack, did he get angry or upset at the woman? If we switch the genders and the man freaks out wouldn't that seem silly?

Show me where I stated in that scenario the man was trying to get an ego boost or prepping for an attack?

 

If you try some reading comprehension wouldn't this passage seem silly.

Edited March 26, 2012 by udolipixie

[Imajerk17]

If you are going to watch a woman, you need to interact with her. Approach. Even if it is to tell her to roll down her car window so you can talk to her.

 

If you do this, you come across as masculine and confident.

 

If you just keep staring, you come across as creepy and dangerous. Or if you look away when she looks at you, you come across as low-status.